How do they work?

Note - the primary key got reordered updating the database schema. Oops.

Let's make some more news so the bemused people looking at this later and going, 'what the, why is this on the server?' may perhaps become even more confused. Or perhaps not.
Squid, anyone?

Seriously, though, insert general announcement that this is all at its end here. Run for your lives! Eeeeek!
What, you don't believe me? Don't consider this a matter to be taken seriously? Here it is, though. It's in the news. You must believe it. You must!

So... yeah. Sticking everything in a database? Not so easy as it looks... oh well. Guess that just means this thing will be that much messier. Nothing wrong with that, right? I mean, messes are... well... mess-like.

Whatever.

I hereby quit caring. Huzzah.