All comments for Megan 'The Angler' Proverbs

A small piece of the history, pulled from Elfwood on 26 Sept 2006... for context, go back in time ten years and imagine a community of lunatics. They write, they draw, and they communicate in comments. Amidst these a war breaks out; though the war took place on many other pages too, these are the comments from the Angler's library, where it all began, in essentially their original form.

Date
Name
Comment
Jan 27 2001
Wow. You got some good stuff here. I really enjoyed Kilmore's Gold. Your poetry talents are amazing. I also loved the prologue. Your writing skills are good as well. Stop by my story page sometime. I have a shadow in my story as well...::grins::
Jan 29 2001
Megan... I truly enjoyed each one of your pieces... especially the prologue. I'm going to your gallery right after this to look at your art, methinks. I'd love for ya to inform me of any updates y'make... large or small!... and y'best make 'em soon. -beams happily.-
Feb 17 2001
Hi Megan :) Yay! Another aussie, and a very talented one too :) I often wander around Elfwood searching for new talent, and I finally found it tonight! I have been deeply inspired by your breathtaking poetry. I cannot wait to read more...I will be back for sure, to read your story and more poetry! More! :p

Wow. Thank you, I am truly honoured! More poetry? Shades, I'd better get writing then!
Apr 14 2001
I don't really know what to say, your poetry is reeeaaaaallllyyy good. Keep posting more!

No worries!
Nov 23 2001
Elfwood writer:
Catherine 'Cath' Pemble
WOW! its late an i know I gotta coment or ill kick myself later! WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWWWW! your an amazing wrter! write more!
Dec 7 2001
Elfwood writer:
Candice S. Hansen
Very talented. Of course what do you expect from a Tasmanian. LOL, where in Tassie do you live. It would be funny if it was near me.

Yeah, that would sure be a major coincidence! I live on the North-West coast. Am I warm?

Dec 19 2001
Elfwood writer:
Catherine 'Cate' Pemble
WOW! U have such a talent! WHat did yoyu get someone elses share as well?! :-) na i really think you are fantastic at writing. *yawns and llooks at the clock* oh its late gotta go slezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Dec 20 2001
Elfwood writer:
Candice S. Hansen
I was born in the North West Coast and lived there for 11 years but I moved to Launceston.

I hope you have more here soon. I like reading your novel, or what there is of it so far.

Launceston? Hey, that's pretty close. I'm from Burnie! Thanks for reading my novel. I'm glad you like it.

Mar 23 2003
Elfwood artist:
Sarah 'Lizabuffy' Hogan
I really enjoyed Ferrian's Winter. You have a real way with descriptions and the flow was excellent, I found it infinitely readable and look forward to more.
May 17 2003
Do you know how much i love Ferrian's Winter?
Well the answer is loads!! I read the updates but i wanted to say congrats on the Mod's Choice you got. I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but i will, i promise. Your work is great, you are very talented :)
I'll be back soon.

 1 Comment From The Writer: LOL. I kind of guessed! You didn't read my Mod's Choice? *sniff* I'm heartbroken.... no, seriously, *grins* you've left so many wonderful comments that I honestly wouldn't mind if you never read anything of mine ever again (although I hope you will, of course! :) You could not believe how happy I am that you like FW so much. It makes writing so much more worthwhile to know that there are people out there who get as much pleasure from reading it as I get from writing it!

May 18 2003
Elfwood artist:
Whitney J. Darlaston-Jones
yeah Australia... i'm aussie too...your stories are amazing...i've read all of them i couldn't stop myself they were too good - keep writting

 1 Comment From The Writer: You do realise if my ego gets any bigger, it's going to be a hazard to the International Space Station....

May 20 2003
Anonymous
You're a very talented writer. I've read Ferrian's Winter through Chapter 6, and I'm planning on reading the rest right now. I do hope you consider of publishing this once it's finished, as it is original and *very* good. Keep it up. I'm making a gallery here in Wyvern's soon, myself, and I could only hope people like my writing a fraction as much as we like your's. :)
May 24 2003
lord kell
Aussie, aussie, aussie, oy, oy, oy
good story keep writing
May 29 2003
Time stealer!!
Now i have finished the whole of your library, i might just be able to read someone else's! LOL!
However, you may be a time stealer, but it was most definitely not wasted.
Your poetry is gorgeous and your stories are fabulous. I want more!! Go on, i'd even pay for more, lol! *Ego collapses from the shock that the moths would be allowed out of the wallet!* ("However they've only settled in there because there isn't actually any money in it, hence i never use it!")
I heavily applaud your talent. Tis truly wonderful!

Comment From The Writer: *stares in astonishment at flood of comments in her inbox* Holy Crud! Not only did I get you away from FW, I got you to read EVERYTHING! LOL!

You'd PAY me for more? LOL! Well, I can't argue with that!

Jun 13 2003
Elfwood writer:
Ashley N. Hanna
I love you're writing. I've been reading Ferrian's Winter, but I plan on reading everything here. I love your style.

Comment From The Writer: Oh no, I've got another one hooked, have I? LOL! Thanks so much :)

Jun 27 2003
Oh...Wow!
I've just been to your website and read the latest FW, yeh i know i took my time, but i have been incredibly busy lately.
Anyway...WOW! Chapter 12, that was just wow, i can't believe how good that chapter was. The best so far definitely. Obviously i'm not going to say why here, if people want to know they can read it! I'll wait until it comes up on here to tell you why i loved it.
FW just keeps on getting better!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Eh heh heh! That chapter shocked yer socks off, didn't it ;) Don't worry, take as much time as you like. I've been pretty busy myself - when I'm not at TAFE or doing homework, every spare inch of time is spent reading the new Harry Potter book (oooooooh!) So all writing projects are on hold until I finish it!

Jun 29 2003
LMAO!
I got that from Amazon at 9am last saturday...i'd finished it by 10pm that saturday lol! And i didn't spend the whole day reading, honest! I just spent most of the day...
But now i want book 6! And i am so not happy!! My favourite Character!! *Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrumbles*
You'll see what i mean *sigh*
And it didn't shock me socks off, i wasn't wearing any...but it did have a static effect on my hair! I can't believe you did that!! But i guess all will be revealed eventually! (i would say soon, but i can't count on that lol)
Rambling now...*wanders away*

 22 Comment From The Writer: You read Order of the Phoenix in ONE DAY???? Are you kidding me???? It's been what, more than a week and I'm still only halfway through!!! I bet I'm the only person on the planet who hasn't finished it yet aren't I? Curse it! LOL!

Jul 23 2003
You know you should have got Mod's Choice for chapter 12! If i was a mod i definitely would have picked it, but *sigh* no accounting for taste i suppose.

And yes i did read 'order of the Phoenix' in one day lol, but don't worry i bet you finished it before my mum did, she reads so slow! I had to read Lord of the Rings to her, it would have taken her forever else.

I want more FW! I want it now! And also the conclusion to 'the Name on the Tower' wouldn't go amiss either. You have no one to blame but yourself, it wasn't my fault you wrote these wonderful works and stuck them up here so i could pester you. See all your own fault ^_^

Comment From The Writer: Damn right I should have got Mod's Choice for Chapter 12! You hear that, Mods? :) Seriously though; maybe I'm just starting to get cocky with all this praise, but... I WAS kind of expecting a MC for Chapter 12. I mean, I got one for Chapter 4, which I didn't even think was particularly special - but I consider 12 as one of my best. Oh well. Like you said, it depends on the mods' taste I guess...

Order of the Phoenix: NOT HAPPY J.K!!! That was my favourite character too!!! *glares*

FW and NOTT: I'm TRYING!! I just haven't had time to write creatively lately, what with all these assignments my teachers keep throwing at me; and now my brother just got Zelda: the Wind Waker, and the temptation to eat up all my spare time with that is just too great; and I really want to read the rest of your Grim story too...

I'll get around to writing more as soon as I get some decent spare time, I promise you. Your nagging always spurs me into action, lol, so keep doing it :)

Jul 24 2003
Your nagging always spurs me into action, lol, so keep doing it :)<<<< You might regret saying that!!

And yes i am disappointed about chapter 12, not cocky, it was genuinely well worth it...hmm, oh well :( i'll give you a star, no one will see it of course, but you'll know it's there lol. And i guess that's all that matters ;)

Comment From The Writer: LOL! Yeah, you're probably right!
Awwww, thank you! Chapter 12 can be my 'unofficial' Mod's Choice :)

Aug 13 2003
I deems this an adequate amount of time since last update...i want more!
Why do i not have more yet?!
nagnagnagnagnagnag pesterpesterpesterpeseterpester nagnagnagnag <'cause it's easier to type ^_^
More!

Comment From The Writer: Uh-oh... I had a feeling you were going to start nagging... Ummmmmmm? *tries to think of another excuse and gives up*
All I can say is that I just haven't been in a writing mood lately (and I need to be enthusiastic to write this next FW scene - you want it to be good, don't you? :) ) Look, you'll get it eventually, I promise. I just need to get my flow back.

Sep 6 2003
Elfwood writer:
Amy 'Little Red' Chen
You're a very talented writer, I applaud you for receiving these Mod's Choices. Your stories and poems are beautifully written. Dang, I just finished three of your pieces and I have already had a sudden, inevitable urge to read the entire library. G2g!

 1 Comment From The Writer: LOL! My writing has a strange habit of doing that to people... no idea why... hey, wait a minute - 'Little Red'? You're not a Shannara fan, by any chance? If so... you ROCK! :D

Sep 7 2003
I didn't start reading yet, but I have the feeling that I will spend some time around here for a while, I'm someone that wants to read all the stories of a good writer, and I didn't finish Rebecca's library yet, although that almost endless list of bookmarks isn't relaxing either. And not to think about all those days that I don't check mod's choices, to make matters worse not all good writers get a mod's choice, so all in all it's quite hopeless for me.

Comment From The Writer: Tell me about it. I have about a million stories saved in my 'To Read' folder *sigh*. If you miss mod's choices, there's a page (accessed from the main Ewood page) where you can see about a weeks worth of them. I've found some truly, truly AMAZING writers through Mod's Choices. It pays to read 'em!

How's this for an idea - as well as MC's, why don't we have 'People's Choice' awards - where WE get to vote for OUR favourite works?

Thanks for visiting, by the way - even if you haven't read anything yet, I really appreciate it!

Sep 8 2003
Elfwood writer:
Bethany X. Lewis
All right, so I admit, I've only read part 1 of "The Name on the Tower", but I *WILL* get around to reading them all eventually. In other words, I'll probably finish the rest tomorrow. You're a fantastic writer, and I gotta admit... I'm hooked too, LOLZ. Keep on writing!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Maybe I should take up angling, lol! *lame joke, never mind*
You have an 'X' for a middle initial! How cool is that? :)

Sep 8 2003
Hullo been back and been reading, whilst i've been able, evil phoneline is killing the net else i would have been over much earlier *nods*
Anyway nice to see you have another well deserved star...although if it was where it was supposed to be, you wouldn't have that other one...ah well you got another one, well deserved it was too.
Rabbit, rabbit...*sigh*
More soon please ^_^

Comment From The Writer: Will do my best :)

Sep 10 2003
Elfwood writer:
Bethany X. Lewis
Angling!! Ahahahaha...hah.... ^_^;;; never mind. heheh... my middle name is Xian, it's Chinese. It was something else, but my adopted mom shortened it or something. But yeah, anyways, you're from Tasmania, Australia! That's cool! What's it like, huh?

Comment From The Writer: Ha ha... I'm glad someone found that funny *rolls eyes* Xian... ooooh nice!

What's it like here? At the moment... cold. I hate winter. *sniff* You'd think it'd give me inspiration or something, lol :) Something that DOES give me inspiration though, is the scenery around here. Absolutely GORGEOUS. Tassie is a really lovely place to live, even if it is a bit chillier than the rest of Australia. I was born here and have lived here all my life. Only been to the mainland like 3 times in my entire life! (Never been overseas. *sniff*)

Sep 11 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian TR Lewis
Yay, you finished NOTT! Love the ending, congrats on getting feathers for both of them. Anywho, I updated again, or at least I will have in a day or so, considering how fast the library mods have been working recently. :)

Comment From The Writer: Thanks! I'm glad I finally finished it too, lol!

Sep 14 2003
Elfwood writer:
Bethany X. Lewis
I add my thanks for the credit on your nickname! I feel so special....

*grins happily and leaves cookies on your doorstep* Assuming you have a doorstep. If not, then.... through your window! Assuming you have a window. If not, then..... that's a bad thing and you should get one! *nods her head decisively*

..... I'll be leaving now....

 13 Comment From The Writer: *opens door and sees cookies on doorstep* ooooooh coooookies! :)

Sep 14 2003
Elfwood writer:
Bethany X. Lewis
*looks at her above comment* *looks down at note at bottom: HTML won't work* *glares hard at above comment* *turns her back and ignores comment* *comment pleads* *gives in and accepts the comment for what it is* *curses HTML for not working* *curses herself for not reading stupid note at bottom* *leaves, still cursing*

 7 Comment From The Writer: Hey, look! The html fixed itself up when I commented!

Sep 15 2003
Elfwood writer:
Bethany X. Lewis
*blesses cursed html for 'fixing itself'*
*curses blessed cursed html for 'fixing itself', rendering her above comment pointless*
*curses herself for being so stupid again*
*curses just for the heck of it*
*curses some more...*
*curses..*
*curses...*

*gets tired of cursing so much*
*should really go to bed*
*hasn't gone to bed yet because she's not done commenting*
*is nearly falling asleep*
*wants to go to bed and is *almost* done commenting*
*is still commenting for no apparent reason*
*is being repetitive which is a bad thing*
*is still being repetitive which is still a bad thing*
*falls asleep*
*wakes up*
*finishes commenting*
*says sorry*
*says goodbye and goodnight*
(*curses*)

Comment From The Writer: LOL! You're mad :)

Sep 15 2003
*clocks name*
ROTF!!
*much chuckling is heard*
Very nice...very nice indeed...
Hmm...i was once accused of a similar thing...but as it was i seem to have a fetish for hooking people, i don't think i'll be changing my name just yet.
*grins* Great name!
I'll be back soon for update...

 12 Comment From The Writer: Another FW update looms... just letting you know :) I've been working on it every day, trying to get as much finished as possible before I have to go back to school. *sigh*

Sep 16 2003
Elfwood writer:
Ashley N. Hanna
Rofl Bethany! Hilarious... :p Must read now... Yes I shall.
*reads laboriously*
~Ash
Sep 16 2003
Elfwood writer:
Ashley N. Hanna
One more thing, Megan... I have a favor to beg of you. I would appreciate it sooooo much if you could pretty pretty please send me an email with some basic HTML codes that you used for your bio cause you have the coolest bio around and HTML is not my friend (Honestly, I know -no- HTML). And my bio wont even space properly. *cries* Don't look at it, its embarassing! *grovel* Pleeeeease, I'll love you forever and buy all of your books when you get published... ;)
~Ashley

 1 Comment From The Writer: LOL! Watch out, I might hold you to that! ;) I have the coolest bio around? Do I? LOL! I thought it was a bit boring, to be honest! Becca and Bethany have way more interesting bios than mine, trust me :) Hey, no probs about the html, I'll be sending you an email shortly.

Sep 17 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian TR Lewis
Yay! New ballad! Though I don't know if anything's going to be better than Archersbane...I don't think I've mentioned how much I like that one. :) Anywho, I've got a new short story up. :D

 1 Comment From The Writer: You don't think I can do better than Archersbane? I'll take that as a challenge :)

Sep 18 2003
Elfwood writer:
Bethany X. Lewis
Ahahaha! You think my bio is interesting? I'll take that as a compliment, thank you very much. And I'm not mad. Trust me, I'm simply insane, and I'll also take that as a compliment. I've been working on it for years... *thinks casually of all the years wasted attempting to be mad...*

*poke* Updates! *poke poke* New story! *poke* See if the descriptions are any better, hahaha! *poke poke* I have a pattern going, lolz! *poke* I still haven't read all your stories... *poke poke* Notice how it's one poke then two pokes afterwards... *poke* heehee! *poke poke* Anyhow. *poke* I'll have to read that Archersbane one... *poke poke* I honestly haven't read it yet. *poke* But I'll stop poking you... soon.. *poke poke* See ya later! (*poke*)

Comment From The Writer: *pokes Bethany back* Quit *poke* poking! *poke poke* I'll be there in a second, but Darian asked first! :)
What do you mean you haven't read Archersbane??? Go *poke* and read it *poke poke* NOW!! *poke*

Sep 30 2003
Elfwood writer:
Bethany X. 'Pancake' Lewis
*poke poke* MORE UPDATES!! *poke poke poke* Yayzers! *poke poke* Second chapter of Quest for the Atrium is up. *poke poke poke* Notice that I have a new pattern today! *poke poke* It's now two pokes, then three pokes afterwards! *poke poke poke* Next time I update, I'll upgrade it to three pokes, then four pokes after... *poke poke* Then after that, four and five, etc. etc. etc.... *poke poke poke* Haha. This is fun. *poke poke* Don't mind me. *poke poke poke* Now to go and terrorize other people's pages... mwahahahaha... *poke poke*

*POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!!!*

Comment From The Writer: Arrhggghhhhhhh, not the poking again!! *runs away whimpering*

Oct 2 2003
Here!

 1 Comment From The Writer: You're back!!! At last!! YAAAY!!

Oct 2 2003
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Thank you for your extensive commenting. I'll try to return that favor... in the distant, distant future... maybe.

 1 Comment From The Writer: No, thank YOU for writing such awe-inspiring stories :) I've been meaning to get back to your library (honest, I have!!) I promised I'd read your entire collection and I WILL if it kills me, lol :)

Oct 8 2003
Elfwood writer:
Bethany X. 'Pancake' Lewis
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *poke poke poke* The Harassing Poker of Ultimate Doom has returned!! *poke poke poke poke* Well.... you should know the drill by now. *poke poke poke* UPDATES of course!! *poke poke poke poke* But not more Quest... nope it's a new one called 'The Dragonites', and I need to know if it makes sense or not!! *poke poke poke* So... I'm appealing to you. *poke poke poke poke* I'll even stop poking you!! *crosses fingers behind her back* Maybe.

Comment From The Writer: *peers around doorway at the computer at the end of the hall, wondering if it's safe to go back yet*
You're EVIL!!

Oct 17 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Hihi! I put up another story. *poke* Don't worry, I don't poke that much. *looks at above comment* Scary thought, isn't it?

Comment From The Writer: Yes. Very scary.

Oct 20 2003
Elfwood writer:
Bethany X. 'Pancake' Lewis
Haha. I'm scary, am I? What an interesting concept that is. *jabs with a fork* You know what? I'm hungry. *grins* And if you think jabbing is bad, just be grateful I didn't stab. And be grateful I'm not poking.

*pokepokepokepoke*

Oops. Spoke too soon. *pokepokepokepokepoke*

Anyways. (*pokepokepokepoke*) I revised the Druids, chapters 1 and 2. I'm hoping it is much much much much much much better. Hoping. Desperately. In other words, would you please come and see if it's any better? *pokepokepokepokepoke*

Please.

*jabs for good measure*

Comment From The Writer: OOOOW! *scowls* Now look here, that's uncalled for! There's no need to resort to sharp metal implements! The poking was bad enough!

But you did say please, so I suppose I forgive you. I suppose. *sniffs indignantly*

*mutters under breath: Now, what did I do with that Suspiciously-Stained Knife...?*

Oct 29 2003
Elfwood writer:
Ashley N. Hanna
Lol! Bethany! Megan! You're both goobers! Yay, UPDATES! *scampers off to read*

 14 Comment From The Writer: *points at Pancake* She started it!!!

Oct 30 2003
Elfwood writer:
Bethany X. 'Pancake' Lewis
Hmmmmm? What was that? *innocent puppy dog look* What did you say about me?

*drops innocent act and glares*

*stabs at Megan with a random giggle stick* (MWAHAHA!)

As a punishment..... IT shall fall upon you!!!



[insert loud 'SPLAT' here]


*pokes happily at squirming puddle of Megan*

*is enjoying herself immensely*

*uses spatula to spread you out on site*

*your splattered self almost seems to read 'Updates!', but changes and now reads "This is a random comment from Me, and No Updates"

*is still enjoying herself immensely*

*pokes*
*considers*
*makes half-hearted attempt to scoop you into bucket to throw at Ashley*
*gives up*

*mops you up with a squeegee*

Comment From The Writer: ......

............

.................

........................

*sound of door creaking open breaks the silence*
*Requar walks in; stares at bucket for a long moment*
*sighs*
*sticks Sword of Healing in bucket*
*there is a brief, pale blue flash of light and Megan is regenerated*
*Requar clears his throat and quickly retreats back to FW at the look on Megan's face*

......


............

I forgave you for the poking. I forgave you for the forks.

*eyes narrow dangerously*

But THIS





MEANS





WAR.

Oct 31 2003
Elfwood writer:
Bethany X. 'Pancake' Lewis
Um. Just before the war starts, could you tell me how you do so many spaces? 'Cause.... ya know, multiple

tags don't work......

*sighs*

Hate to resort to this, but.... seems I have no other choice......

*takes out fork*

*jabs Megan forcefully with non-pointy end*

*Megan falls into Pit of Extreme Darkness*

...



....



.....



......



.......



........



.........


..........




...................................





...............................................






*SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT*

*winces*

*descends down into Pit with grappling hook(borrowed from Arven of course!)*

*scoops up squirming puddle of Megan in a bucket again*

*pats bucket lovingly telling you that she really does care*

*puts bucket in the dishwasher*

 12 Comment From The Writer: Ah, but multiple break tags do....

RIGHT. You're gonna pay for that....!


*rewinds time*

*strides into the SOMS*

*snatches Sword of Lightning out of the hands of the Enchanter*

*strides out, ignoring the shocked looks on the faces of Arzath, Requar and the 200 other sorcerers assembled in the hall*

*fast-forwards to present day*

*points Sword of Lightning at you*

*loud sizzle as a blinding flash of purple lightning shoots forth and slams into you, hurling you in a great crackling, glowing stream across Elfwood until you finally collide with a random tree*

*strolls casually over to your horribly charred, smoking corpse*

*smirks*

*chops what's left of your body into little tiny pieces*

*hums pleasantly as she puts pieces in a blender with some chopped banana and makes a smoothie*

*hands smoothie to a random passer-by*

Oct 31 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*grabs smoothie* *sniff* Ahh, the smell of charred flesh.... *feeds smoothie to Twit*

 1 Comment From The Writer: AHAHAHAHA! I have an ally!!

Oct 31 2003
Elfwood writer:
Bethany X. 'Pancake' Lewis
*loud 'POOF', and Kariscus appears*
*groans in a hopeless manner, shakes his head, and reconstructs Bethany*
*is regurgitated onto floor*

*orders Twit to bite of Darian's head*

*takes a deep breath*



Where should I start? Oh yeah....




BANANAS??????????? WHY BANANAS????????




I





HATE




BANANAS!!!!!!!!!!



And..... I.... I wasn't that evil. I just.... you know, cleaned you up a bit. *looks around innocently* What, the dishwashing soap's not poison!!! Or is it?
*glares*
I DID jab you with the NON-POINTY end of the fork!!!!!! You should be grateful!!!!


*glares*


*grabs Megan and stuffs her in a trombone*

*blows the loudest blow she can*

*Megan goes flying out, hits brick wall on other side of page*


*strolls over to your still form casually*

*snickers*

*peels your paper-thin figure off wall*

*smiles happily and tacks it up on her own wall*

*pokes you with safety pins* (Ironic, eh? **SAFETY** pins?)

*arms herself with forks*

*feeds you to Twit*

*smirks quietly*

*retreats back to own page*

(Worse fates are sure to come. I just fail to think of any right now......)

TO BE CONTINUED..............

Comment From The Writer: *twit regurgitates Megan - no like taste*

*Megan staggers to her feet and picks up Sword again*

*tries to aim, but is laughing too hard*

*collapses to the ground in hysterics*

*is unable to recover for some time*







*is still laughing*

Nov 2 2003
Elfwood writer:
Bethany X. 'Pancake' Lewis
*retaliates from Attack of Bananas with volley of pumpkins*

*laughs maniacally as pumpkins are smashed all over your page*


*grabs paint can and paints your page neon orange and green striped*

*hides your paint thinner*

*covers page with typos*






*steps back in contentment as typo army surrounds you*

*laughs hysterically*

NONE ESCAPE MY TYPO ARMY!!!!!! YOU SHALL GO INSANE!!!!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

*launches grammar errors at you*


*giggles madly*


*retreats back into shadows, fork glinting*

Comment From The Writer:

*shrieks*



NOT TYPOS!!!



NOT GRAMMAR ERRORS!!!



NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

*cries*

*bashes Bethany into floor with tennis racket until she is nothing but a gooey pulp*

*gets a paint roller and paints over neon orange and green with Bethany-goo*

*gives a glare that could turn lava into ice-cubes*

*frantically gathers up typos and pumpkin pieces*

*pelts them at Typo Army*

*glares again*

*stalks off to sharpen fish-hooks...*

Nov 3 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Muahahahaha......*pokes Twit's prone form* Stupid cat...don't worry, it's not dead, just in a shadowbind. Ehehehe....whaaat? I'm a shadowmage here on the woods....probably the first anyone's heard about it, but I am....Why's everyone staring? *cloaks self in shadow and hides in the basement* *pokes head out* *is bombarded by apples* *quickly runs back to own page, leaving a trail of smoke that reads: .......I'll be back.......*

Comment From The Writer: *looks disappointed* It's not dead? Damn. What a shame.

Nov 3 2003
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Er?



*converts into her fifth personality, Vee-Duh the Evil Smelling Fifht Personality*












BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
*pokes you with Door Knob of Doom*

p0ke p0ke p0ke p0ke p0ke p0ke p0ke p0ke

*pokes you with Pencil of Disdain*

p0ke p0ke p0ke p0ke p0ke p0ke p0ke p0ke

*slips on a banana peel and falls into Pit of Extreme Darkness*

..


...


....


......


.....


.



....



.



.
....


...


.....
...




......



.
.

....



.
......



......



.....

*SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAT!*

Christopher: *malicious grin* Well, I wonder where that banana peel came from...

8 Comment From The Writer: You poked me.

*brandishes freshly sharpened fishhooks menacingly*

*pauses*

*watches Vida disappear into Pit*











Handy thing, that Pit of Extreme Darkness. :)

Nov 4 2003
*storms onto page in a rage*

YOU KILLED ME, DAMNIT!!!



*all chatter on page ceases*

*Bethany glances around slowly*

*notices Megan's plus everyone else's curious glances and skeptical stares*

I... uh..... reincarnated myself? Well, that's not the point.



*glares at above comment*

HOW DARE YOU USE MY PIT OF EXTREME DARKNESS AS A TRAP FOR UNKNOWING VISITORS!!!!!!!!!

(hey, actually, that's a pretty good idea....)

(THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!)

(get a hold of yourself, geez....)

(NO.)

*brandishes freshly sharpened and shiny fork*

(eheheheh... like the nickname?)

*leaps on Megan and stabs her numerous times leaving pool of blood on page*

*hyperventilates*

*pantpantpant*

*pantpantpant*

*pantpantpant*

*pantpant*

*pant*


Once upon a time there was an Angler.
She was meticulously murdered by the Malicious, Malevolent, and Somewhat Evil Fork Master Who Maliciously, Malevolently, and Oh So Evilly Throws Flying Objects At Certain Elfwoodians.

*leaps high in the air and pelts you with numerous flying objects*

*frying pan bounces off your head followed by a spare fork*

*Megan is pummeled by numerous kinds of cookies*

YES!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
EAT!!! EAT!!!! EAT THE HYDROGENATED OILY COOKIES THAT WILL LIQUIFY YOUR INSIDES!!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

The End.

 1 Comment From The Writer: I do believe I made her mad...

Well, you deserved it! That Typo Attack was CRUEL! CRUEL AND UNFORGIVABLE!

Nov 4 2003
(Oh yeah, did I forget to add something?)

Along with a new nickname.... (AHAHAHA, no more Fruitsy! *sniggers uncontrollably* *glares*).... I also have updates. Finally.....

*gives Megan penetrating stare*

You will come. YOU WILL COOOOOOOOOOME!!!

*forces you to come to page with Admirable Psychic Powers*

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Comment From The Writer: I laugh at your nickname. I scoff at your Admirable Psychic Powers.

*SCOFF!*

........

...........

...................

*goes off to Bethany's page anyway...*

Nov 7 2003
*twitches*


*offers cookies*



























Truce?

Comment From The Writer: *stares at cookies for a long moment*

*stares at Bethany for a long moment*

*stares at cookies for an even longer moment*













This better not be a trick...













*sighs*



Oh, all right. *accepts cookies gratefully*

Truce!

Nov 7 2003
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Death: *scratches his skull with his scythe* Something's not quite good around here.... Er... Oh, right. *revives Vida*





Me: Bwahahahaha! I-didn't-poke-you. It-was-Vee-Duh,-my-evil-personality. I'd-never-poke-you.
*offers you a cookie to show how much I like you*

*assures you that the cookie isn't poisonuous*

*leaves, flying a banner TERRY PRATCHETT RULES!!!!*

 2 Comment From The Writer: Er... okay... *takes cookie with a somewhat bewildered expression on her face*

My, a lot of people are giving me cookies today, aren't they? *munches happily*

Wooohooo! *gets out own Pratchett sign and jiggles it enthusiastically* Yay for Pratchett!!

Nov 8 2003
Truce for now.



*grins enthusiastically, and is even in a good enough mood to give you back your paint thinner(which she stole a while ago, but didn't know if you noticed)*



*paints your whole page dark pink and purple*


*paints likkle smilies all over it*


*paints big sign that says: "I Don't Think I've Ever Read Any Terry Pratchett"*


*paints dragons and "Merry Christmas" on roof and floor*



(Please. Just DON'T ASK where I got the combination of dragons and Christmas!! Honestly, I don't know!!)


(Please. Just DON'T ASK why I put that there if I don't want you asking.)


(Please. Just DON'T ASK why I'm putting this here either. I'm clueless.)






Ah yes.



So.


Truce.


For now.


*repeats herself just for good measure and to remind herself*


For.

Now.

Comment From The Writer: Heeeey... I forgot about that paint thinner!

Dark pink and purple!! YAAAY! I've always wanted my bedroom dark pink... *looks wistful*

You've never read any Pratchett?? *drops cookie she was eating in horror* You have to! I demand you go and read one of the Discworld books, NOW! (My favourite being 'The Last Continent' 'cause it's about Australia, ehehe. And completely hilarious, of course).

Ah yes. Truce. Ahem. Yes.

For now.

Nov 8 2003
I'm going to post random comments ALL OVER your page, ok?


Good.

Comment From The Writer: As long as they don't involve...(dare I say it) forks *ahem* that's fine with me!

Nov 9 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Ello again. I updated. Hehehe. Me and my new stories. Hehehe. I should really get to work on Against All Else some more. Hehehe. Ok. I'm done rambling now. Bye. :D

 12 Comment From The Writer: Yeah, you should! C'mon, I wanna read some more of that! New story, eh? I'll be right there.

Nov 10 2003
Hello.

Comment From The Writer: Hello, I'll have a large pepperoni pizza, thick crust, to pick up for Megan Proverbs. Thanks. Hello? Hello? Damn. Must have dialed the wrong number.

Nov 11 2003
Did you want Italian Garlic, or Jalapeno Pepper sauce with that?

Comment From The Writer: Italian Garlic, please.

Nov 14 2003
Very good, ma'am. Your pizza will be delivered at 4:53 AM January 12/04. Thank you for ordering from Frok's Best Pizza In The World Parlour, and have a nice, bouncy, and oh so frolicky day.

 8 Comment From The Writer: *curses* That's the last time I order from THAT place...

Nov 17 2003
Elfwood writer:
Crystal Flinn
Hello. Would you like to come visit me? There's a present for you if you do. It's........Chapter two! I sure hope you can come!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Wooohooo! You bet I'd like to come!!! *drops everything and rushes off to Crystal's page, determined to get there before Bethany*

Nov 18 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
You asked for it, now it's here! Yep, new chapter of Against All Else. :D

 1 Comment From The Writer: Man, you updated fast! Now, what's the bet your sister got there first?

Nov 18 2003
I terrorize you because I can.

*scatters pumpkin seeds all over*

 8 Comment From The Writer: I am dangerously close to changing my mind about that truce, you know.

Nov 20 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*aims Holy Hand-Grenade of Antioch at pumpkin seeds*
*pulls pin and throws*

...

..

.

*large explosion*

Ehehe, no more seeds. Whoops....*looks around at devastation* Guess I should have used a smaller grenade....

 22 Comment From The Writer: *walks in and immediately dives for cover*







*emerges coughing and waving smoke away from her face*

I appreciate you *cough* getting rid of those horrible *cough* pumpkin seeds, but DID YOU HAVE TO BLOW MY PLACE TO SMITHEREENS?? Just look... you've gone and ruined my lovely pink-and-purple-smiley-dragon-christmas-covered walls! You can jolly well go and clean all this mess up now, thank you!

Nov 21 2003
*belts out typo song loud and clear*

DARIAN MADE A TYPO, DARIAN MADE A TYPO!!!!

*jabs typo with fork*

It's DEVASTATION, not 'devestation'.

I AM SO SMART!
I AM SO SMART!
SMRT!
SMRT!
(have you ever watched the simpsons?)

Comment From The Writer: Typo? *looks innocent* What typo would that be? Honestly, I think you must be imagining things...

Yes, I have watched the Simpsons, but I must have missed that episode. o_O And I lay the blame for all this *gestures at ruined page* entirely on YOU. *picks up a half-charred thesaurus and flings it at Bethany, knocking her into her own Pit of Extreme Darkness*

Nov 21 2003
Elfwood writer:
Jamie Herrington Gorton
*leafs through shelf, drools on keyboard in awe*

I'd make a hollow threat about bookmarking your site but I did a while ago. You seriously rock on a usually unprecidented scale. *envy*

 1 Comment From The Writer: Did you? I can't remember... Have I visited your page? I can't remember that either! Oh well, I'll be sure to come around as soon as I can. :) Thank you so much!

Nov 22 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
I guess that's what I get for using a weapon from Monty Python. Ehehehe......

......

....

...

..

.

Yeah, it's a Python grenade. I didn't steal it, I swear. It just showed up in my mailbox one day.

*Peanut pops in*

Peanut: *sniff sniff* Mrrow?

Peanut doesn't like pumpkins....

Yes, I realize this entire comment had no point except for procrastination....*sigh*. *gets to work vaporizing rubble with shadowstaff, muttering under breath about 'faulty mail orders'*

Comment From The Writer: You mean it wasn't supposed to blow my place to smithereens? *eyes you suspiciously* Then what...? No, no, don't answer that. If it's a Python weapon, I really don't want to know.

Nov 22 2003
*clambers unsteadily out of Pit, clothes torn and dirty, blood smearing cheek*

*smiles innocently, and wobbles dangerously close to Pit edge*

Wh-wh-what P-P-Pit? I d-don't s-see any Pit. Y-you m-must b-be im-magining th-things.

And w-why is th-this m-m-my f-fault? It w-was D-Darian wh-who b-blew the p-place t-to s-smithereens. It w-was h-his f-fault. I-I'm th-the innocent one.

*collapses twitching on the floor and falls asleep*

*Twit stalks in*

Twit:: MRRRRRRRRRRRRRROW!!

*scares Peanut off page, and purrs in satisfaction*

*Beth wakes up*

Heheheh... T-Twit d-doesn't l-like P-Peanut. B-but of course, T-Twit d-doesn't l-like D-Darian either.

*grins vaguely, waves, and falls unconscious among debris*

Comment From The Writer: Innocent? Hahaha, pull the other one, it plays Waltzing Matilda. You terrorized me with pumpkin seeds, and I refuse to feel sorry for you. *nudges your unconcious form none too softly with her boot* And get up, you're making the place look untidy. *looks around* Untidi-er.

Nov 23 2003
*refuses to get up and latches onto a piece of junk for safety*

*eyes Megan's boot shiftily*

*POKE*

*STAB*

*JAB*

JUST KIDDING!!! Okay, okay, I take it back. *holds up hands defensively, but soon goes back to hugging debris* I'm sorry.

But I have updates, and I couldn't resist. Quest chapter 4, Dragonites chapter 2, AND That Which Was Hidden chapter 2 are all up... in the shortest time I've ever had a ticket go through(2 hrs!! The excitement!).

*nudges boot with her foot*

You get that away from me!

Comment From The Writer: *boot taps menacingly* You are testing my patience...

*tapping stops abruptly at mention of updates*

*looks at the homework assignment she HAD intended to work on today*

Bah, it can wait. *tosses homework on the floor and rushes off to Bethany's page*

Nov 25 2003
*glances down at poor, dejected homework lying on the floor*

*wags finger at Megan's retreating back*

Shame on you! Rejecting your poor, helpless homework like that....
No, okay, I'm just kidding... homework is neither poor, nor dejected, nor helpless. Hmph.

But guess what????








YOU WERE THE 100TH COMMENTER ON MY PAGE!!!

*cheers*

*applause*

*pink and purple fireworks go off*

*streamers go flying off in every possible direction*

*showers Megan's page in multicoloured balloons*

HURRAY!!!

Well, now we gotta do something special, yesyesyes. Hmmm.... I will think on it.

Comment From The Writer: That's right. Homework is EVIL, and ought to be illegal. YAY! 100th commenter! Whoooo! WhatdoIget, huh? WhatdoIget?

Nov 29 2003
*yells furiously in a vengeful tone:

DECK THE HALLS WITH BOWS AND STRANGLERS,
FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA!
'TIS THE DAY TO KILL THE ANGLER,
FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA!
PUMPKINS SQUISHING EVERYWHERE,
MWAHAHA, HAHAHA, HA HA HA!
WATCH YOUR FOOT THERE'S GREEN PAINT THERE,
HAHAHAHA, HA HA HA HA!*

*yanks numerous dagger-like forks out of belt and whips at you, pinning you to wall*

Hmm.... now that you're out of the way..... *considers*

*pulls out paint roller and proceeds to paint your entire page a VERY MERRY GLITTERY NEON GREEN!!*

*places HUGE rotting pumpkins in corners, and scatters pumpkin seeds all over floor*

*scrutinizes page with practiced eye* Perhaps a bit more orange would be nice?

*flourishes Zalrega's ugly orange couch, and sticks in the middle of the floor*

And just for the heck of it.... *sniggers uncontrollably*

*nails HUGE picture of a medical needle to wall opposite of you*

REVENGE IS MINE!!!
HAVE A NICE HOLIDAY!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!

 8 Comment From The Writer: *rips stupid forks out of herself and hurls them as hard as she can at Bethany's retreating back*

*staggers off, dripping blood, to find Requar's Sword*







*returns, fully healed and VERY, VERY ANGRY*

*rips stupid picture of horrible medical needle off the wall and burns it*

*shreds Zalrega's stupid ugly orange couch*

*starts to roll pumpkins towards the Pit of Extreme Darkness, then has a better idea*

*rolls pumpkins towards Bethany's page instead....*

Nov 30 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Ehehehehehehe........*summons a random gnome*

*gnome starts eating pumpkins*

........

*smacks gnome*

*directs gnome towards Twit*

 1 Comment From The Writer: *cackles with insane laughter*

Dec 1 2003
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
*zooms in, carrying a handful of papers*

All the stories have been dejected
Fa la la la la la la la la!
And the typos have been corrected
Fa la la la la la la la la!

*throws the papers into the air and watches them fall*

*throws a water balloon filled with YELLOW paint at your chest*

*the baloon smashes, leaving you yellow like a canary*

A N I M A L H A T E R!!!!!!!

*zooms off, leaving a note "thanks for the typo spotting. p.s. this will be war*

Comment From The Writer: I am NOT an animal hater!! *looks hurt* I didn't HURT Twit and Silven, I just... *struggles to keep a straight face* gave them a bit of a makeover, that's all!

*takes Sword of Lightning out of the closet where she stashed it*

*blasts you in the back with it as you leave*

*blasts papers on floor to cinders*

*goes off to have a shower*

Dec 2 2003
*zooms by and skids to stop by your page*

Tut tut. *surveys paper and Vida bits with distaste*

Now look what you did to the beautiful glittery neon green paint. I'll have to compensate. *splashes paint all over floor to cover the yellow bits*

*scoops Vida bits into bucket and zooms off, cackling merrily*

(Ah, ah... what you get for being both 100th page and 50th main page commenter is a surprise... mwahahahaha...)

Comment From The Writer: *comes back*

*glares at paint all over floor, walls, and er... pretty much everything*

*drags a random goblin out of Arzath's keep, shoves a scrubbing brush into its hands and orders it to get to work*

*starts ransacking fridge and pantry*

*places ammunition in a cardboard box and strides out, leaving a trail of bright green footprints through the Woods...*

Dec 2 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Ehehehehe.....hmm.....*wonders what happened to gnome* *doesn't particularly care* ... *summons a random pigeon* *overfeeds pigeon and sends it flying over Bethany's head* Ehehehehehehe...........

 1 Comment From The Writer: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Dec 5 2003
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Am I alive... or am I dead...?


Death: Er? Stop looking at me! Why do **I** always have to do your bidding???


*GLARE*


Death: *tut tut* Whatever... *swishes scythe*


I LIIIIIIIIVE!!!! *thunder* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Er... have a cookie! *offers you a cookie*

And trust me... I do not fall so low to poison your food.




















Well, sometimes I do. *evil grin*

Comment From The Writer: *takes cookie reluctantly and peers at it suspiciously*

*takes an experimental nibble*

*face suddenly goes very pale and cookie drops from her hand*

*clutches at her throat in panic, choking*

*sways unsteadily*

*collapses*



*Requar rushes in, unsheathing his sword in a fluid motion*

*drops to Megan's side and tries to heal her, but...*





*Requar looks up at Vida in horror and grief*

Y-you... you've killed her!!

Dec 6 2003
*grins happily*

LINKAGE!!!

OH, I WUV you!! Thankies! *huggles Megan's corpse*

*pauses and steps away from Megan* Wait a minute... there's something wrong with this....

*rewinds time*

Let's try this again.



*approaches Angler's page stealthily, cloaked and hooded in black*

*twirls forks expertly, checking sharpness*

*prepares to attack, but pauses when spots Megan lying pale and lifeless on floor*

*wanders over and pokes body experimentally with fork*

Hm. Stone dead.

*Angler's hand suddenly reaches up and grasps Beth around neck*

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!! SHE LIVES!!! THE SPIRIT OF THE ANGLER LIVES!!!

*wrenches self out of Megan's death-hold, and scampers away, whimpering*

*turns at edge of Megan's page, and points shaking finger at zombie-like form*

Oh, you'll pay for that. Just wait... you'll pay....

*throws pumpkin powder in the air, and disappears in puff of orange smoke*

Comment From The Writer: *The Angler glares at Death as he approaches her in the shadowy plane between worlds*

*Death raises his scythe, but Megan snatches it off him and hacks his own skull off with it*

Hmmph. I can't die yet, I'm in the middle of a war!

*restores herself to the living world...*








*wakes just in time to scare the living daylights out of Bethany*

*rises dramatically, while an impressive peal of thunder rattles the windows*

*eyes blaze with a fiery crimson light*

*watches Beth disappear*









*bursts into hysterical laughter*

Dec 8 2003
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Guess what!

*drumroll*

*is on the verge of saying something very ironical and intelligent*

If you killed Death - that means he can't take anyone's soul - which means no one can die - which means----


YOU DIDN'T KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ohohoho I am so smart and witty...


*breaks all your fishhooks and throws them into Bloody Deep Ditch*

*zooms away, laughing horridly*

Comment From The Writer: *climbs carefully down into Ditch to retrieve fishhooks*

*notes with satisfaction that they are still quite shiny and intact*

 12 Titanium, you know. It's quite difficult to break. Almost impossible, in fact.

Dec 8 2003
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
One last thing - Merry X-Mas!

*gives you a huge, life-size mechanical Santa who sings X-Mas carrols while swaying his fat hips. You can't turn the Santa off, or dispose of him. You can't destroy it either. Instead, you must go insane by hearing "Silent Night", "We Wish You A Merry Christmas", "Twelve Days Of Christmas", "Rudolpf, the Red-Nosed Reindeer", and "Jingle Bells" over and over and over and over again*

Have a merry little X-Mas!

Comment From The Writer: *stares speechlessly at singing Santa*

*desperately tries to find an 'off' switch*

*failing that, starts bashing him with one of her fishhooks, but it simply bounces off with a mocking, metallic sound*

*looks horrified*

*attempts to push Santa towards the Pit, but he will not budge*

*picks up Sword of Lightning and blasts him*

*the infuriating sound of carols continues merrily through the smoke*

*tosses Sword aside and gets out a chainsaw*

*sparks fly everywhere, and the chain eventually snaps*

*the Santa continues to sing and dance stupidly, without so much as a scratch or dent*

*Megan finally sighs in resignation*

Oh well. If you can't beat 'em...

*stretches out on remains of Zalrega's couch and sings along happily to 'Twelve Days of Christmas'*

Dec 10 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*sneaks onto page in the dead of night* *steals stupid santa* *leaves for Vida's page*

Comment From The Writer: *continues to sing 'Jingle Bells' in a kind of trance, oblivious to the fact that the Santa is now gone*

Dec 11 2003
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
E By Grim! Look at all that space...first off i come on the page and it's,
"My Eyes! My Eyes! I can't see...it's all gone green and red...oh no! Have mercy!"
Then it's all...
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH i have a link! Thankies!!
Then i'm like...
Whoa! Space...too much space!
*chuckles* anyway! I'm back for a bit, so i thought i'd pop by, plus i'm on the touting trail!
I have New Grim! Aspects of Death!! Back by popular demand. I'm only here because i've basically forgotten who i'm supposed to be telling, and who i've emailed...i think you finished it...i can't remember. Oh i'm so confused *holds head*
Anywho...i'll be back soon to read your sci-fi!
I want more FW!! NOW!!
*pokepokepesterpester*

1 Comment From The Writer: BECCA!! So you haven't forgotten poor Angler then, haha! *grins happily* NEW GRIM!! ALL RIIIGGGGHHHTT!!

FW... hmmm, yes, it's been a long time since the last update, hasn't it? The Ghost of Homework Past has been haunting me for the past few weeks, but it's gone now. *sigh of relief* So I'll get to work on it very soon. After Grim. Heheh.

Oh, and, er... *glances at above Death comment* No offense to Reao, heh. 'Twas a different Death, of course. I would never hack Reao's gorgeous head off :)

Dec 11 2003
*sneaks up behind oblivious singing Angler*

Oh yessssss.... we Lewises are sneaky, yes we are. Too bad HE'S on the other side.

Anyway, I decided to come and pay you a nice little christmas visit, since I haven't for a little while. And.... I have a present for you! Yesyes! Present! That's right!

*passes Megan huge load of Terry Pratchett and Tolkien books*

*Megan is so overwhelmed and weighted down by books that she and the books all fall to the floor in a huge pile, and Megan is knocked unconscious*

*snickers lightly behind her hand*

AHA!!

*darts in, steals Angler's fishhooks, and speeds off to secret underground laboratory*




*once in lab, flourishes numerous machines with a grin*

I've done my homework, yes I have. Apparently, titanium melts at 1941 or 1668*C. So. We will have to try and get to that heat.

*places fishhooks inside machine and turns up the heat*

Melt. *starts chanting* Melt! Melt! Melt! Melt!

*turns heat up about halfway*

Not hot enough. Hmph.

*turns heat 3/4 of the way up*

NOT HOT ENOUGH. MELT, DAMNIT!!

*slams heat on all the way, accidentally jarring and wedging heat controls where they are*








Oh.









Damn.

Comment From The Writer: *sits up dazedly amidst avalanche of books*

*picks up nearest one to hand*

Hey, cool! I needed a new copy of Lord of the Rings...

*starts flicking happily through books*

WAIT. What am I doing?!

*tosses books aside and gets up, looking around furiously*

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!! Where are my fishhooks??

*hunts for fishhooks amongst the pile of books, but is unable to find them*

*starts to panic*

MY LOVELY, NEW, TITANIUM FISHHOOKS! WHERE ARE THEY??!!

*notices open door*

FORK MASTER!!!!!

*strides angrily towards the door*

*is suddenly knocked to the floor by an enormous explosion*

*lifts her head tentatively after the noise and shaking have finally died away, and blinks in astonishment*

What the...?!

*gets up and walks outside, only to be confronted by a huge, glowing red crater*

*waits until the heat subsides and climbs down into hole with the aid of a rope*

*bottom of hole contains what appears to be the ruins of a laboratory, filled with melted, twisted chunks of machinery*

*prises somewhat blackened, but still intact, fishhooks from the remains of a machine*

*strolls over to slightly bubbling puddle of melted Bethany, polishing hooks with a handkerchief*

*grins down at puddle in amusement*

My, my. What a mess you've created. Get a bit hot for you, did it? Hmmmmm?

But NOT HOT ENOUGH, methinks!

*laughs brightly*

*scoops melted Bethany into a bucket and climbs out of hole*

*adds several jars of wasabi and a handful of chillies to bucket*

*stirs thoroughly, singing 'Feel it hot, hot, hot'*

*carries bucket off to Vida's page*

Dec 12 2003
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
*hopps from Darian's page, massageing her buttocks and trying to hide the enormous hole on her jeans*

I have but one question. Is my page a junkyard?

No. Does it look like one?

(yes)

Who said that?!

(bwahahahahaha!)

*confiscates Vee-Duh's cockroaches*

Please don't leave remains of people on my page.

Oh, and, you forgot something.

*dumps a wagonload of bananna peels, cockroaches, boogers, gleaming fishhooks, small insects and various debris on your head*

Cheerio.

*runs off*

Comment From The Writer: I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd quit.

Dec 13 2003
*mutters miserably, being still in puddle-form*

Oh yeah, just leave me here, why not? I can ooze home by myself. Thanks. Yeah, that's right, thanks a lot. Thanks....

*puddly eyes transfer to pile of debris on floor*

Oh Megan, didn't you know? Vida's quit the war. That means you can't dump me on her page anymore. Haha. So there.

*mutters*



I'll just ooze home now, shall I? Yes, that's a good idea. *sighs*

I need a bath.

Comment From The Writer: No, I didn't know until now. *mutters something unintelligable*

*pats puddle of Bethany and looks around for something to wipe her hand on* Oh, I'll find somewhere else to dump you, never fear. *grins*

Dec 15 2003
*oozes in, leaving trail of slime across the page*

The story I wrote for you is up... it's a dragon story! Don't you feel special? I'm not going to tell you anything about it though, so go and read!
Oh yeah, and new chapter of Dragonites as well.

I actually didn't come to terrorize you this time. Lucky you. *glares down at her puddly body* Not that I could at the moment. But your time will come... yes it will....

 1 Comment From The Writer: Awwwwww... you wrote me a story! About dragons! I'm so honoured! *starts to hug puddle and then thinks better of it*

Well, now. It'd be cruel of me to leave you here to ooze all the way back home again...

*takes out vaccuum cleaner and vaccuums up puddle of Bethany*

*reverses the suction and sprays you back onto your own page*

Dec 15 2003
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Aaaw... you've been so sad cuz I quit the war... well, that's not right, me making u miserable, is it now?

Nope, it isn't.

So - haha! - the Countess shall commence in battle once again!

*flies large Cookie banner*

*throws a laugh bomb in the middle of room. Tears come into your ewyes, and you start laughing so hard you head explodes and you die*

Mwah. Cheery mood, isn't it?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

I am a nice person, innit?

*runs*

Comment From The Writer: *explosion reverses and head reconstitutes back into one piece* (I killed Death, remember? Hah HAAAH!)

*takes a deep breath...*

Why... you... UNGRATEFUL...!!!! After I went 'round and apologised nicely and gave you chocolates and everything!!!

*curses for some time* I KNEW I should have poisoned them!!!

OOOOOHHHHH!!! NOW I'M MAD!!!!

*whips out fishhooks and gives chase*

Dec 18 2003
a terry brooks fan i see, eh? Good. He has sparked ideas eh? I shall read your material. You should write pirate stories. Every1 here should write more pirate stories. Off to do some reading.

Comment From The Writer: I LOVE Terry Brooks. He's been a huge source of inspiration for me. I've read all of his books (with the exception of Hook and Star Wars). His airships are the coolest things EVER.

LOL! I take it you like pirates then? Well, who doesn't? A pirate story... actually, that's not a bad idea. I shall consider it. Thanks for commenting!

Dec 20 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Alrighty, I'm bored, I want to write, and I have no clue which one of my stories to work on. SO....I'm gonna poll you ppl...hehe...what do you want? More Against All Else, more Darkstar, or a new short story? *copies comment to use as a form letter* :p hehe.

Comment From The Writer: I vote for Darkstar!

Dec 22 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Hmm, you would appear to be the only one who voted...therefore, Darkstar it is. :D

 1 Comment From The Writer: Whoohoo!

Dec 23 2003
The Angler
*rushes in*

*sticks proximity paint-bombs to the doorframe*

*scatters thumbtacks and marbles around*

*kicks over Zalrega's couch and leaps behind it*

*snatches up Sword of Lightning and peers over top of couch, pointing sword at the door*

Muahahahaha, I dare anyone to come in here now!
Dec 25 2003
*climbs in through the window and stares curiously at Megan, the Sword, and the numerous other objects around, all pointing at the door*

*mutters* That's funny. I wonder if she's trying to tell me something....


Oh well. I came to give you another Christmas present, as it IS Christmas Eve!



*throws a smoke bomb and a laugh bomb in the middle of the page*


Merry Christmas!


*scampers out before she starts laughing AND choking at the same time(not a good combo)*

Comment From The Writer: *whirls in surprise*

What...?!

*starts laughing, choking and cursing all at the same time*

I (hahaha) can't believe I (coughcoughsplutter) forgot the (cursescoughHAHAcurses) window (HAHAHAHAchokecurses)!!!

Dec 25 2003
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! *leaves large pile of ice mints outside the front door* Err...don't blast those. :p

Comment From The Writer: ICE (HAHAHA) MINTS!!

*runs towards the door*

*completely forgets about marbles and thumbtacks*

*laughter turns into a loud wail of pain*

OWOWOWOWOWOWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!





*whimpers*

*starts to pull herself up by the doorframe and then freezes*





Oh no.





The paint b--

[insert large, colourful, splattering explosion here]

Dec 30 2003
*watches Megan tidying page from window*

Mwahaha. You're going to regret locking me in the fridge. *shivers* Don't ever remind me of that horrible experience again.



*pulls out tranquility dart gun and hits Megan in the back*

*Megan instantly drops to the ground, asleep for at least a few hours*



Now. *looks around at squeaky clean page, and proceeds to ravage*

*knocks down all the bookcases, and throws books all over the floor*

*digs into pantry and fridge(uggh...brrr...) and dumps food on top of the books, staining open pages and ripping covers*

*upturns furniture*

*ruins carpet with oil stains and holes*

*sends regrouped Typo Army after Angler's stories*

*splashes black paint all over walls, floors, pile of Megan's stuff, and Megan*





*looks around proudly at her work*

And as a finishing touch.... *pastes large picture of a shiny silver fork on the wall opposite Megan*

My trademark. *grins widely and exits through the now harmless door, leaving behind a note: When are more FW chapters coming????*

Comment From The Writer: *wakes up and stares in horror at the mess*

*throws fishhooks angrily at Typo Army*

*glares at picture of fork on the wall*

*sighs heavily and gets to work cleaning. AGAIN*

I never want to see paint again for the rest of my life...



FW... eh, I'm working on it, I promise. I'm just having a few problems with the plot at the moment, which I need to work out. I'll try and get chapter 19 out in the next week.

Dec 30 2003
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
*flies to the room on the back of a huge, red dragon the size of one of the Twins*

Aaah, lovely atmosphere here... so quiet and tranquil... *evil smile*

*dragon opens mouth and breathes fire*

*the entire room is torched and burned down to the ground*

heh heh heh...

*you stand in the middle of everything, completely defenseless*

Weeeell... *juggles a dozen of water balloons filled with yellow, pink, shocking red and shocking green paint in her hands*

*bombs you with balloons*

Ooops... I can't juggle, you know. Guess I dropped them.

*duct-tapes you to a rocket and watches with glee as it flies towards space*

*the rocket crashes with Jupiter's surface*

[insert large explosion here]

That's for the poison ivy.

Happy New Year!

*flies off on her dragon*

Comment From The Writer: *a somewhat scorched (again... grrr!) Angler staggers to her feet in the middle of a huge smoking crater on the surface of Jupiter (does Jupiter have a surface? Oh well...)*

*pulls out a mobile phone which, against all common sense, survived the explosion*

*sends a hurried SMS back to Earth*

*waits impatiently while trying not to choke on the toxic gases*







(Some time later...)

*a flash of silver appears through the swirling atmosphere and an enormous, metallic dragon the size of the other Twin Tower lands beside Megan*

I call this the Mega Merc. It's a supremely intelligent, almost indestructible robot, constructed in a secret laboratory from the blueprints of the Mercury II, although greatly enhanced in size, as you can see. Furthermore...

*nods at the Merc*

*several hatches flip open and an array of devastating-looking guns whirr and snap into place*

...the Mega Merc is equipped with its own impressive collection of pain-enducing artillery.

*climbs aboard Mega Merc*

You BURNT my PAGE! That's just EVIL, that is! Well, so be it. You wanna play with dragons...

Prepare to get BURNED!!!

*dragon swoops towards Earth with a mighty roar, fire billowing from its jaws*

Jan 1 2004
Elfwood writer:
Chelsea Castonguay
Ahhh!! *runs to stories with shield over head*

1 Comment From The Writer: Heheheheh. Don't worry, Merc's had his revenge. Now there's just one problem... where the HECK am I going to put a giant robot dragon the size of a Twin Tower??? Oh well. At least he doesn't need feeding. Of course, that doesn't mean he doesn't LIKE feeding... muahahaha.

Just don't make any sudden movements, and you'll be fine 12

Jan 7 2004
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
Hey did you have a good christmas and new year?

Thankies ever so much for the link to 19 and 20!!

Wow, that chase with Cimmeran and the Murons...oooh suspenseful! Majorly suspenseful...and good old Sirranor he's a dark horse ain't he. You definitely like to build the mystery up around him *grins*
Ferrian better hurry up if he wants to find Requar alive...although you wouldn't kill him...would you? *nervous laugh*
You better not!

Clever conclusion to the battle of the Murons, i'll be back to leave a proper comment in the appropriate place when the queue returns and it's up here.

Fantastic as always. This tale just gets better! You know i can almost cope with the debilitating wait between chapters ^_~

 1 Comment From The Writer: Yes, I had a lovely Christmas and new year. Thanks! No problem! I'm so glad you like them! I think those two chapters are the most fun I've had since the tunnel scene, heheheh. Sirannor's like a Macgyver with a sword, he can find a way out of any situation, lol! You're just dying (no pun intended) to find out if I kill Requar, aren't you? *grins*

Eh, yeah, sorry about that long wait. That was mean :)

Jan 7 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
*a soft smell of burning metal crawls to your ever-smelling nostrils. You wonder what the smell is, so you turn around. You see your metallic dragon melting away, a huge, red dragon the size of a Twin Tower sitting on your dragon's remains and grinning at you. You gasp...*

*a soft smell of cinnamon comes to your ever-smelling nostrils. A heap of ashes is blown at your feet*

*a wizard appears and puffs at this heap of ashes. The wizard disappears with the visual equvivalent of a pop*

*the ashes rise and form a tall figure - me*

Why hello, Megan.

*I climb on my dragon's back and shoot you an evil look*

Heh heh heh. It's so nice, being back here again. I bring a present with me.

*dragon sucks in breath....*

:: silence ::

*dragon breathes a huge fire mushroom and burns you to the ground. There is nothing left of you but a heap of ashes*

Heh heh heh. *picks up the ashes and throws them into Bloody Deep Ditch*

*covers the Ditch with barb wire, leaves and a lot of land mines. Puts dragon to watch over ditch*

There. Now no one can get in. Or out.

Have a happy new year.

Comment From The Writer's Ashes: *a mysterious gust of wind blows the ashes of Megan out of Ditch, past barbed wire and into the face of your red dragon, causing it to sneeze uncontrollably*

Meanwhile...



[insert ominous music here]



*the puddle of melted Mega Merc slowly re-forms back into the shape of a dragon*

*Mega Merc clunks over to the still sneezing red dragon*

*watches in amusement for a while, then fires a stun grenade, causing red dragon to fall onto the land mines and barbed wire*

[insert series of huge explosions, sharp flying debris and pieces of red dragon here]

Jan 9 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*walks onto page* Gah! *dodges flying pieces of dragon* Anywho...just came by to tell you I've completed my rewrite of Against All Else. First chapter is MUCH better now...I hope. Hehe. Danged merge...oh well, it'll be up once tickets are available again, or I could email it if you want. :D

 1 Comment From The Writer's Ashes: That's okay, I'll wait 'til the merge is over. Of course it will be much better, because you've been taking my advice, haven't you. HAVEN'T YOU. By the way... *pile of dust attempts to poke you, but only succeeds in scattering herself further* What happened to Darkstar?

Jan 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
I'm getting there..............................slowly. Hehe.

Comment From The Writer: Speaking of things moving slowly.... *scowls at Elfy management* MERGE???

Jan 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
*stares at exploding dragon*

*tears come down face*

MY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are so cruel! I'm gonna do something really, really horrible to you!

*picks up writer's ashes and throws them into a smelly green acid*

*watches with glee as ashes burn to nothingless*

Nobody messes with my dragon.

Comment From The Writer's Disembodied Voice: I'm going to get you for that...

Jan 25 2004
Artie, the Grief-Stricken Hippie
Wh... why do you have to fight? War is so not nice... sob... sniffle...

Comment From The Writer: Awwww... but tormenting Beth and Vida is so much fun!





Oh.... oh ALL RIGHT! *hands Artie a tissue* Stop sniffling! I can't have people crying all over my page, now. *sigh* I... suppose it's about time I made peace with them....

*glances in the direction of Beth's page*







I'll... uh, do it later...

Jan 26 2004
The Angler
As it is Australia Day, I shall commemorate the occasion with a song:

"Once a jolly Angler camped in a sunlit wood
Under the shade of a really big tree
And she sang as she sat and polished all her fishhooks bright
You'll come a-waltzing, my fishhooks, with me!

Waltzing, my fishhooks, waltzing, my fishhooks
You'll come a-waltzing, my fishhooks, with me!
And she sang as she sat and polished all her fishhooks bright
You'll come a-waltzing, my fishhooks, with me!

Down came a feather, glinting in a shaft of sun
Up jumped the Angler and grabbed it with glee
And she sang as she pinned that feather to her precious scroll
You'll come a-waltzing, my mod's choice, with me!

Waltzing, my mod's choice, waltzing, my mod's choice
You'll come a-waltzing, my mod's choice, with me!
And she sang as she pinned that feather to her precious scroll
You'll come a-waltzing, my mod's choice, with me!

Up rode the Moderator, mounted on his thoroughbred
Down came the wood-elves: one, two, three
'Where's that jolly feather, you just stuck onto your scroll?
You'll come a-waltzing, my feather, with me!'

Waltzing, my feather, waltzing my feather
You'll come a-waltzing, my feather, with me!
And he sang as the archers slowly drew their arrows back
You'll come a-waltzing, my feather, with me!

Up jumped the Angler, and ran away into the woods
'You'll never catch me alive!' said she
And her cry may be heard as you pass by the Angler's page:
'Arrrggghhhh!!! You'll come a-waltzing, Pit of Darkness, with meeeee...!!!' "


(And what's this? I appear to be the 100TH MAIN PAGE COMMENTER!! YAY! I guess this means I get to write myself a story! YAY!)
Jan 27 2004
Elfwood writer:
Alexander E. Brittan
*slips into room, unnoticed*
*slips a letter in Megan's pocket*
*slips out of room, unnoticed*
*Megan slips letter out of her pocket and reads silently*

I'm gathering a group of writers to try and make a collaborative fantasy novel. FUN!!
For more info, go here: http://www.angelfire.com/anime5/tanaka/the_fantasy_novel_of_our_time.html
BYE BYE!!

*Megan slips letter back into pocket and slips away into the distance*

 12 Comment From The Writer: *wanders back in and gives you a thumbs up* Well, I'm in, as you already know...

*looks around at new color scheme* Hmmm... interesting... but what happened to my scroll?! *sob*

Feb 4 2004
What the bloody.... *waves vaguely*

Oye there, your replies are in PINK!!! Light, pale, horrifying pastel pink! I think I might die from the very shock.

*staggers backwards, but as Megan reaches towards her to deal the inevitable deathblow, reaches up and stabs her fiercely with huge golden fork*

*twists the trident cruelly, leaving great bloody gouge in Megan's middle, then steps back to watch as Megan falls lifeless to the floor*

*laughs maniacally, and carts corpse off to be burned in smelly green acid pools*

(Do you like the new layout?)

 14 Comment From The Writer: Would you prefer THIS pink instead? *cackles*



........



8 Comment From The Writer's (Once Again) Disembodied Voice: *groans* Not the acid again!!! I retract my previous comment about making peace. You are SOOOOO going to die...



(New layout: haven't made up my mind yet, but it's growing on me. :) I think I liked the papery texture of the old Wyvern's better, though.... now it kind of feels more like a dungeon than a wood... And I still miss my scroll!! *cries* Bring back the scroll!!

Oh yeah, did you notice that everyone elses main page counter got reset EXCEPT for mine? Wahahaha! I laugh at you all!)

Feb 5 2004
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
*looks up at last comment*
*pokepoke*
*cackle*
Mine didn't get reset either...well they did, but now it's back again...muhahahahaha!!

Well i was here basically to tell you i've updated!! YAY!! And that i tried to email you, but it bounced *grr*

And also i expect updates *holds out hand*
C'mon you know you want to do it...go on! And more than what i've already read would be nice *puppy eyes*

I've got a broken foot, c'mon more i says!
[okay slight exaggeration, but i am pretty sure it shouldn't be that bruised and swollen...busted toe *sniffles*]
Now feel sorry for me and in your pity give me more FW.

*grins*

That'll be all ;)

Comment From The Writer: You tried to email me and it bounced? *frowns* Why did it do that? I only have one email address... If you used the email form on this page it's probably an elfy bug....

19-20 are in the queue AS I TYPE, but no new ones... YET! I'm about three-quarters through 21, and 22 still has a few plot problems that need working on *scrunches up face in annoyance* I probably should've worked on them while elfy was down, but I didn't, 'cause I'm a lazy slacko. But I feel sorry for you, and in my pity will go and work on FW as soon as I've finished writing this reply. ;)

Feb 5 2004
ExCUSE me, but my counter didn't reset either!!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

I have 99 comments there... if you're quick, you can be 100th main page commenter as well, to add to your 50th main page, and 100th commenter titles already. *grins*

 12 Comment From The Writer: Noooo... I didn't mean the comment counter, I meant the little page hit counter at the very bottom of the page. See, mine says '3200', and yours, the last time I was there, said '67'! Ah-HA!

Feb 6 2004
Ohhhhh, that. Well, pfft. No matter. I shall... catch up!

14 Comment From The Writer: *snickers quietly to herself* Sure you will, sure you will...

Feb 6 2004
*pokes his head through the window at Megan's last comment* Er, just for the record, your visitor counter says 'since January 1st'. Beth's says 'since February 2nd'. *disappears before she can throw acid or something at him*

Comment From The Writer: Actually, mine says 'since January 2001', and Beth's says 'since February 2nd' -- meaning Feb 2nd THIS YEAR, which is when the counter was reset.

I would throw something at you, but I don't seem to be very corporeal at the moment. *glares furiously at Beth*

Feb 6 2004
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
You know i spoke too soon...as soon as i left that comment i went and checked and it had reset *grr* was over 10,000 i was all happyful with shear numbers...and now...gone *sniff*
*shrugs* ah well!
I've just hit a major milestone on main page comments...just 94 more and there will be one major party going on on my page!!
Everyone will be invited!! *grins*
Go on *nudgenudge* help the cause!
I have one week before my birthday...so i need to get 94 before then...*begins to plan*

And yes! My pity-me-routine had a sort of desired effect...i shall keep hobbling round your page until newness arrives...
*reao pops past and points out healed foot*
Shut up Reaper!
*bundles him into a convenient cupboard*
You didn't hear that...*hobbles*

Oh woe is me!

 1 Comment From The Writer: LOL! I'd be careful hobbling around this page if I were you... who knows WHAT could be lying around...

One week to your birthday, eh?

*pauses for a long moment*

*starts muttering under her breath and drumming her fingers on the desk*

I... MIGHT just be able to... if I work REALLY hard...

Feb 7 2004
*walks in, hands in his pockets and a tune on his lips, obviously unfettered by the fact that he could float out, disembodied. He glares at you, as if delivering a silent message before walking off, shaking his head and muttering something under his breath*

--silent message--> Hurry up with the FW updates, will ya?

Comment From The Writer: *glares back at you* You stole my 200th comment from Beth's page! *sob* *sniff*

You like FW too? *brightens slightly* That's almost enough to make me forgive you....

*goes back to glaring* But not quite.

*gestures to a goblin, who rummages in cupboard and produces a small vial of black powder*

*the goblin tosses the Heavy Powder onto you, causing you to become so solid and heavy that you fall to the ground, unable to move*

*goblin sprinkles just a pinch on Megan, causing her to become corporeal once more*

*walks over to your paralysed form*

Heh heh. Not so light anymore, hmmmm?

*drags you with a great amount of straining and panting over to the Pit of Extreme Darkness, and pushes you in*

*scribbles a note and tosses it in after you: 'More FW coming in the next week!!'*

Feb 8 2004
*'s immobile body floats up above the Pit of Darkness before a faint 'crack' is heard and he blinks, his wings flapping in a slow rhythm.*

More FW next week? It's enough to keep me alive!

*He smirks at Megan, and glides almost effortlessly over the pit and through the door, slapping what seems to be a piece of paper on her border/wall/whatever's keeping pests out of her page.*

*Megan looks at the piece of paper and it blows up, sending bits and pieces of her border/wall/whatever's keeping pests out of her page flying. On the floor, where her border/wall/whatever's keeping pests out of her page was, a picture of an airborne Gryffe - one of his many trademark signs.*

 8 Comment From The Writer: Clearly, it's NOT keeping pests out of my page...

Feb 9 2004
*flies in, to all seeming to be a golden brown, tan, white, black and silver blur. He crashes into Megan, murmurs a hurried apology before drifting over to FW and descending, his fingers grabbing a copy of the latest before he grins gleefully and flies higher, just to keep out of her reach. He seems to lie down on an invisible levitating couch, fingers tracing the letters as he reads*

 16 Comment From The Writer: *glances anxiously at her comment counter* If YOU end up getting 300th comment, I'll...I'll... I don't know, but it won't be nice!

Feb 10 2004
How far am I from 300th commenter?

Comment From The Writer: 298th!!! HURRY!!! GET IT BEFORE LIGHTFOOT DOES!!!

Feb 10 2004
*bursts out laughing*

If I get 300th comment. Which is highly unlikely, as its rather rare for a 'newcomer' to your group of friends to get two 'th comment's in a row, isn't it?Would be cool, though..

*walks around, checking for updates before flying off*

 17 Comment From The Writer: 299!!! Oh no, oh no...

Feb 11 2004
It is MINE!!!



MINE I tell you!

 1 Comment From The Writer: I'M SAVED!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA.... *ahem* Yes. Well, congratulations: you just got 300th site commenter!

Feb 11 2004
*shrugs and gestures to Beth*

There you go. I was going to make another comment right after my previous one, just to ensure that I get 300th commenter, but I thought, 'Next she'll throw a spear at me instead of a fishook.' :P

Comment From The Writer: Spears? *pauses* Now that's an idea....

Feb 12 2004
*growls*
Don't you dare. I was nice enough to let 300th commenter title go.

*grins, eyes flashing menacingly*
Maybe...just maybe I could get 400th commenter. As a payback for that fishook.

Comment From The Writer: .... or perhaps a harpoon....

Feb 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
Alexander E. Brittan
[this doesn't include you - mostly - because we're working on the fantasy novel remember? got three members already :)]
Dear friend,
I regret to inform you that due to my stories, The Cross, The Spirit Wars and my latest fantasy novel which is unnamed, I will be desolate on Wyvern's for maybe a year, even more! I will upload the crude chapters of the cross, though I tell you now, the chapters you read are the beginnings of BOOK TWO from the three books that make up the cross. BOOK ONE is about Ersanc, the peasant boy who stole the cross in the fist place. I finished book two and three, then decided to make the prologue in book two a story but that's beside the point. What I'm really here for is to say goodbye, and offer you my deepest apologies. I wrote you guys a poem:

Even though so much is wrong with the world,
I will not say that hope is lost,
Nor that the sun will fade and the moon will die,
Though the leaves may fall,
And spring be no more,
I will not say the day is done,
Nor will I bow to winter's icy claw.

Hope that the Cross and other assorted things don't engage me for too long. By next year, my library should be filled. So next year I'm going upload stacks of chapters from my novels until I can't upload anymore!!
--Alexander E. Brittan. :) (good luck with your writings!!)

Comment From The Writer: Three members? Excellent! I was going to come 'round and ask you about that... Nice poem, by the way :)

Feb 13 2004
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

WhatdoIget, huh? WhatdoIget, whatdoIget, whatdoIget??

 12 Comment From The Writer: Weeeellll.... since you wrote me a story, I think it's only fair that I write one for you... (I still owe Darian one too. Damn. Where is my inspiration when I need it???)

Now this is getting REALLY weird.... YOUR comment has wbr tags in it too!!!

Feb 13 2004
*throws up his hands in defeat*

Plot all you want. I'm still going to be here for revenge if you set a gryffe on me or something.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Lol! Okay, okay, no more plotting! I'll just be satisfied with getting 1st comment on your page, and leave it at that. ;)

Feb 14 2004
*surveys her suspiciously, fingering the tip of his dagger*

Deal.

*looks around, hope suddenly alight in his eyes*

Any FW?

Comment From The Writer: Nope. Still in the queue. *sighs* At least I got it in before they stopped accepting tickets...

*eyes your dagger*

*goes off to polish fishhooks. Just in case...*

Feb 15 2004
*doesn't have the dagger anymore. It's with Beth.*
Hey, hey, truce?
*holds out his hand*
Where are you in the queue? I'm still at 2000-something.
*sighs in disappointment*

Comment From The Writer: *takes hand cautiously* Okay. Truce. But don't annoy me, or I may change my mind.... ;)

I'm in position 2193. A marginal improvement from position 2300-something, which I was in yesterday :)

Feb 15 2004
*appears on Dy'gun, pulling the rein ever so slightly to bring himself and Dy'gun to a halt*
Here's a little announcement. Elfwoodians on my MSN list, might, and will, if they ask for it, receive my updates earlier than Elfwoodians who are not, as transferring files over MSN is faster than the ticket queue.
*gestures towards the gigantic pile of tickets*
Thank you for listening.
*eases Dy'gun into a trot and disappears from the page*

 2 Comment From The Writer: I don't think I've ever used MSN... What is it, and how do I get it?

By the way... sorry I haven't got around to commenting on any of your works yet (though I have read them!) My internet connection doesn't like me at the moment :(

Feb 15 2004
Anonymous
Comment from the Cookie Whose Computer Is F***** Up So She Can't Login While Commenting:

*crawls out of a pile of books*

Duuh... what happened...? Is it a cease fire? A truce? Peace? What happened?

Will someone please explain...? I gotta study German, aufwiedersehen.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Vida!!! You're back!!! *coughs hurriedly* I mean, damn, not you again! I've made a truce with Lightfoot, but Fork Master is another matter.... *glances at Beth's page, eyes narrowing*

Feb 16 2004
S'alright, and to MSN is..eh..an instant messenger. I have no idea what it stands for. I used to, though. If you want ter' get it...http://messenger.msn.com/

Comment From The Writer: Thanks! I'll be sure to check out that link.

Feb 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
*chuckles*
MSN stands for Microsoft Network and tis very useful for talking to peeps.

So how goes the queue...i'm glad i haven't got anything waiting at moment.

*sits and decides to wait*

Although i haven't actually commented yet have i? *ahem* Sorry...i will but i'm supposed to be writing now and am just distracting myself for a few minutes...i will be back soon though...especially with new chapter!

*decides to make things out of the ether*

Here...*hands you a fluffy-cloud-sheep-type-thing*

Meeeh! *fluffy-cloud-sheep-type-thing sprouts wings and proceeds to fly around your hut...banging into everything*

I never said it'd be good...*runs from the destruction*

 22 Comment From The Writer: *ducks as fluffy-cloud-sheep-type-thing glides over her head and collides with a shelf, knocking various dragon ornaments to the floor*

*groans* Oh no... not you, too! What is it with people destroying my page???

*reaches up and grabs fluffy-cloud-sheep-type-thing before it can do any more damage* Hmmmm.... this could actually be useful....

Feb 17 2004
I am an obstacle in your path to absolute and ultimate power. AHA! AHAHAHA!

I feel so special.

*takes a bow and runs*

 8 Comment From The Writer: *sends fluffy-cloud-sheep-type-thing after Beth*

*fluffy-cloud-sheep-type-thing collides with Beth, knocking her to the ground*

*strolls over and grins down at her arch-nemesis*

*picks up a spear, twirls it, and stabs Beth in the back*

Revenge. Is mine.

Feb 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
It was intended to destroy your page...it just has that effect...

*pulls down a cumulo-nimbus cloud* (look when you write a story about living about the clouds, you'll know all the names too!)

*sits down*

Now this should be even more useful than the fluffy-cloud-type-sheep thing...

*hmms to self in Rolf Harris can-you-tell-what-it-is-yet type way*

Taa dah!

*holds out hand*

*standing on it, looking major mean is the black-storm-ram-of-doom...chewing on what appears to be a lightening bolt*

Now B-Srod (black-storm-ram-of-doom) be good for Megan, and protect the page.

MEEEEEHHH! *Rumble of thunder*

;) there what with him and dizzy the fluffy-cloud-sheep-type-thing you shall *hopefully* protect the page from too much damage...or even release them into the fork master wilds...to wreak havoc there instead ;)

 1 Comment From The Writer: *gasps* Oh Becca... I LOVE HIM!!! HE'S AWESOME!!!

*hugs Becca* *hugs li'l B-Srod* *leaps back as she gets zapped*

HAHAHAHAHA!! Fantastic!!!

Feb 17 2004
Fluffy-Cloud-Sheep-Type-Thing
She meant was *NOT* supposed to destroy your page, meeeeh.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Oh. Thank goodness for that, you had me worried for a second... heheh.

Feb 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Doing okay? How's war? Who's winning?

By the way... have you seen a movie "Walker"? Just occurred to me. That's maybe the most absurd action/western movie I've ever seen.

 1 Comment From The Writer: I'm doing remarkably well, actually: I just got a Black Storm Ram of Doom from Becca, another Mod's Choice, AND I ran Fork Master through with a spear! Now, if only my computer would work properly, life'd be grand! (Oh... and I'M winning, of course! Muahahaha ;) )

Walker? Hmmm... I don't think I have... Is it any good for laugh value, or is it just plain bad?

Feb 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Alice B. Hyde
YOU GOT MOD'S CHOICE!!!!! (yes, you do know me. ^_^) CONGRAAAAAAAAATULATIONS!!!!!! :D :D

1 Comment From The Writer: Do I??? Okay... I'll take your word for it! Yes, another Mod's Choice!! Whoohoo!!!

Feb 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
*pets B-Srod whilst wearing golden gloves*

(i think it's a really bad conductor *is dredging up ancient chemistry...so is most likely wrong*)

Cute ain't he *grins*

Oh i know why i was here...CONGRATS ON ANOTHER MOD'S CHOICE!!!!

Is that four now? Or more? Eep you're catching up with me...but then i cheat because i update more than the rest of you :p

*watches fluffy-cloud-sheep-type-thing fly straight into B-Srod*
*winces at miny explosion*
*watches as a now frazzled-cloud-sheep-type-thing emerges*

Nice to see he is useful for somethings ;) *ducks frazzle*

 1 Comment From The Writer: Thank you! Yes, that's the fourth! Whoooo!! *watches B-Srod wandering around electrocuting things happily*

Feb 20 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Bad? It's amazing! It's... absurd comedy, bloodthirsty action and neobarbarism, all in one. It's honestly the best western I've ever seen (the best of all three of them). No, really, it's good. It's not your ordinary western. It's... Walker. All your base are belong to us.

Comment From The Writer: Really? Cool! I'll have a look for it the next time I'm at the video store...

Feb 21 2004
*ducks as B-Srod zooms past, nearly knocking his head off*
Nice..eh..thing.
*walks around for a minute before slumping onto a couch, a thoughtful look on his face*

Comment From The Writer: It's not a THING, it's a Black Storm Ram of DOOM. *looks around her page in some surprise* I was away for three whole days, and my page is still intact!! Whoohoo!!

*notices the various overturned objects and scorch marks on the walls caused by an overenthusiastic B-Srod*

Eh... reasonably intact.

Feb 22 2004
*the ghost of the Fork Master storms in*

*points furiously at the Angler*

KUSH!!!

*walks out*

 14 Comment From The Writer: Yes, I agree. Spears are quite effective, aren't they? I should use them more often...

Feb 22 2004
*stares at the ghost of the Fork Master, bewildered and unfettered by the over-active B-Srod*
Kush?Right.

 12 Comment From The Writer: *chucks her suitcase on the bed and wanders over to the couch, sitting down beside Lightfoot*

Do you think I've finally driven her insane, or should I try harder?

Feb 22 2004
Elfwood writer:
Adrian H. Wood
Hiya, just thought i'd drop by and let u know i linked you up to my page because i really enjoyed your stories! Ferian's winter especially is amazing - there's so much imagination and originality behind it!
Anyways, was just hoping the link is cool with you? Drop a line some time!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Yeah, sure it's cool with me! I am honoured, thank you! I'll repay the favour with a visit as soon as I can!

Feb 23 2004
WOOT! The Extranet is back! Yay! *dances happily as well as ghosts can*

Wait.

Why am I on YOUR page? Yeah, that's right. Your page doesn't deserve my ghostly presence.

*watches B-Srod go through her insubstantial stomach* Fascinating. *leaves*

 8 Comment From The Writer: .........

Feb 23 2004
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
PLEASE NOT THAT THE SPECIAL IS NOW UP AND AVAILABLE FOR READING. PLEASE TRY TO FIND IT ON THIS WRITER'S PAGE UNDER THE NAME "I KNOW THAT I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING". THANK YOU!

z o o o o o o m ! ! !

 1 Comment From The Writer: WHOOHOOOO!!!

Feb 25 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
I guess I never really thanked you for the beautiful link you gave me... thanks. I didn't realise you liked my work that much. Maybe I shall try and take Ferrian's Winter up again.

Haha! That's the cheesiest maybe today! Let's see how far I can get during the three hours that remain!

Waru!

 1 Comment From The Writer: My fault for not coming 'round and telling you so! But I meant what I said. Your work really is fantastic.

Feb 28 2004
Hippie-Artie (the Grief-Stricken)
C'mon, guys... peace! Do you even know what started this ungodly war?
Feb 28 2004
OF COURSE we do!! It was.... Ashley N. Hanna! She called us both goobers, then Megan said I started it. So I shoved her into my lovely Pit of Extreme Darkness and mopped up her remains with a squeegee and stuck them in a bucket!

SEE?!?! It was all HER fault!

*gives the Angler a burning glare*

And now, thanks to HER, I'm a freaking GHOST!
I'M INSUBSTANTIAL, DAMMIT!!

Comment From The Writer: MY fault??? *points accusingly at Fork Master* YOU poked ME with FORKS!! And you put me in the DISHWASHER!! That was inexcusable, that was! *pauses* Where is Ashley, anyway? I haven't heard from her since.... well, since she called us both goobers, actually. I wonder if she realises the destruction she's caused? :)

What's the matter? You don't like being a ghost? *sniggers* Awwww.... well, we can't have you suffering an unhappy afterlife, now can we? *grins slyly*

*walks over to the bookshelf and pulls out a large, black, leather-bound book with a gold title: 'Exorcism For Beginners'*

*turns to the first page and begins to read....*

Mar 1 2004
You spelled 'Exorcism' wrong, by the way.

*smirks and sidles away...*

(...to check the dictionary in case she's wrong as well)

Comment From The Writer: *looks up from her reading and glares at you darkly*

*puts down book and grabs a dictionary, flicking to the appropriate page*

*prolonged pause*

*carefully picks out 's' with fishhook and replaces it with a 'c'*

*gives you another, extremely dark look and resumes reading*

Mar 2 2004
Cookie *glares at computer*
*should be writing homework, but isn't, should be studying Latin, but isn't, should be writing essay for literature class to be handed in on Thursday, but ISN'T -> who wants to read the Bible anyway?*

You spelled exorcism wrong? How can you spell exorcism wrong?! It's such an easy word even I can't do it...

*stares at map* You live in Australia? Gosh, never noticed that before... ooh, I feel a song coming up!

*bell chime*
*strong guitair accords*
*music starts playing*

(A one... a two... a one two three!)

When the summer sun is shining
On Australia's happy land,
Round countless fires and strange attires
In many sullen bands
Of blond Australians watching,
The lunch go up in flames,
By the smoke and the smell you can plainly tell
That it's barbie time again!

(all together now, here comes the chorus!)
When the steaks are burning fiercly,
When the smoke gets in yer eyes,
When the snags all taste like fried toothpaste
And yer mouth is full of flies,
It's a national institution,
It's Australian through and through
So come on mates, and grab yer plates
Let's have a barbecue!

The Scotts eat lots of haggis,
The French eat snails and frongs
The Greeks go crackers over their moussakas,
And the Chinese love hot dogs.
The Welshmen love to have a leek,
The Irish like their stew,
But you just can't beat the half-cooked meat
At an Aussie barbecue!

When the... etc.

There's flies stuck to the margarine,
The bread has gone rock hard,
The kids are fighting, and the mossies are biting,
Who forgot the Aeroguard?
There's bullants in the esky and the beer is running out,
And what you saw in Mum's coleslaw,
You just don't think about

(everybody now!)
When the... etc.

And when the barbie's over,
And your homeward way you went
With a queasy tummy on the family dunny,
Many lonely hours you've spent.
You might find yourself reflecting
Like many often do,
Come rain or shine
That's the bloody last time
That you'll have a bar-b-q

(the last time, c'mon!)
When the steaks are burning fiercly,
When the smoke gets in yer eyes,
When the snags all taste like fried toothpaste
And yer mouth is full of flies,
It's a national institution,
It's Australian through and through
So come on mates, and grab yer plates
Let's have a barbecue!

.... eheheheh.... 'tis better w/ the music

 1 Comment From The Writer: LMAO!! Brilliant! That should be our national anthem, lol! (It goes to the tune of 'When Irish Eyes Are Smiling,' right?) Heheheh, isn't Australia great? ;D

Mar 3 2004
Cookie Who Despiseth Her Computern
It does. And, actually, from what I've heard, you Aussies got to choose your anthemn, and one of three avaiblabe for the picking was this song!!! =)

 1 Comment From The Writer: If only!!! Lol!! Yes, we did get to vote for our anthem, but - unfortunately - this wasn't one of the final choices. There were four songs to choose from in the final national poll: 'Advance Australia Fair', 'Waltzing Matilda', 'God Save the Queen', and 'Song of Australia'. Personally, I think 'Waltzing Matilda' is hands down the best out of those. Too bad I hadn't been born yet! *sigh* Now we're stuck with 'Our home is girt by sea'....

Mar 4 2004
Oh, and you know how I was planning on writing out the war into a story? Well, I finally got around to starting it, and I was wondering what colour hair you have. Or if I should maybe choose a random colour.
Sorry, you don't get to choose your name, heheh. I already decided.

(Yes, Vida, you're in it too. ^_^)

Heehee! This is fun!

Comment From The Writer: I don't know whether to feel excitement or trepidation.... Should be fun though. :) My hair? At the moment, it's just above shoulder-length, copper with blond streaks. :)

Mar 6 2004
Guess what???

I UPDATED!! WOOT!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Updates!! YAY!!

Mar 8 2004
I feel like ranting.


RANT!!

 12 Comment From The Writer: I feel like a banana. Want one? *offers you a banana, grinning*

Mar 8 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
I pasted a couple poems to me formerscroll, yusyus. And somehow two people I'd never seen before managed to comment before anyone I know. Hehehe. :d

 1 Comment From The Writer: Poems!! YAY!!

Mar 10 2004
Elfwood writer:
Alice B. Hyde
I GOT MY BRACES OFF!!!

wh00t!

 1 Comment From The Writer: *cheers* Feels great, doesn't it? I had braces a few years ago. Ugh. Never. Again. But you wait until you get into your twenties and your wisdom teeth start coming through... Just hope that you don't have to have surgery to get them out, like I do. I'm trying not to freak out about it, 'cause I've never been into hospital before. For anything. Ever. And I REALLY, REALLY don't like hospitals. I'm dreading the 25th of March...

Mar 11 2004
*stares at offered banana almost remorsefully.... almost*

I can't eat food, remember? *jabs a finger into her insubstantial arm*

*looks at above comment and starts laughing hysterically. REALLY hard*

HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Megan has to go to the HOSPITAL!!! Oh, oh, and she HATES medical stuff! Remember that picture of the needle? The one I stuck up on your wall, that you cruelly tore down and burned?

This is HILARIOUS!!

*floats off, still chuckling*

 8 Comment From The Writer: OH SHUT UP!!! It's NOT funny, all right?! This is serious! And yes, I DO remember that needle, and I remember thinking at the time what an eerie coincidence it was...

I'm going to find a way to bring you back to life so I can kill you again. In a REALLY gruesome way.

Mar 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
So, which creature or character did you like best in Spirited Away? I would almost side with Haku, especially when he's a dragon, if there weren't the bearded man with many arms. You don't watch a lot of Miyazaki movies do you? Me, I can barely remember seeing Porco Rosso when I was still small enough to fit under my Batman cape - now it barely covers my shoulders. Oh dear.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Oh, definitely Haku! Yes, he was gorgeous. And those little black things that carried the coal! I loved them....

No, I don't unfortunately. I really like Japanese anime, although I'll admit that I don't know very much about it. I haven't seen many, because they're hard to get where I live. Occasionally one will be shown on SBS (an independant TV channel which plays mostly foreign stuff), but not often. I have seen Porco Rosso, although it was a while ago.

Mar 14 2004
*saunters in with her hands in her pockets*

I decided to reincarnate myself as an early birthday present. The fact that my birthday isn't until September is completely irrelevant.

*chucks a bomb and disappears in a cloud of puffy pumpkin smoke*

 8 Comment From The Writer: *picks herself up from the rubble, dazed and coughing* So, you've *cough* reincarnated yourself. Prepare to *coughcough* die again!!

Mar 17 2004
*wanders... er, floats in, looking with interest at your bio*

Interesting... for some reason, it reminds me of my own. Hmm. *smiles speculatively*

I was just wandering... I mean, floating by, and wondering what happened to all the stars that were dangling about that list. There WERE four of them... what happened?

 22 Comment From The Writer: Eh? Wha...? What do you mean, 'what happened to them'?? *starts to panic*

*rushes over to her list and grabs it*

*sighs in relief*

*glares at you* Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something??

Mar 17 2004
Hmmm... gibbly... they're back now. *is confuzzled*

Comment From The Writer: *peers at you curiously* Are you sure you're feeling all right? You haven't been eating bananas again, have you? Oh, wait... you can't eat food, can you! HAAAA HAHAHA!

Mar 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Heh. Don't worry, I don't know that much about anime either. I just like to talk about things I'm oblivious of.

Hm. Other than that, I'm thinking of becoming a moderator. Do you think I've got the looks for the job?

 1 Comment From The Writer: *considers* You could brush your hair, for a start. And sit up straight. And look Intimidating. And get some blood red eye-contacts with skulls over the irises. And some flowy, imperial robes. And a Staff of Judgement. Oh, and a pet crocodile to sit on your lap and eat rejected tickets and spit them back at their owners. Um. I didn't say that. *goes to hide behind her couch in case any real mods were listening*

No, seriously, I think you'd make a great mod!

Mar 18 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
*wanders in aimlessly* Hmm...

I have come here before. Yes, I have. I recognise the fishhooks.

But have I commented? I do not know. Crazy mind wont let crazy memory remember.

You have sooooo many stories!!! *is overwhelmed* I want to read all!!! But not enough time...hmm...yes...tomorrow....

Well, I'll have to settle with only one or two for now. Shopping trip awaits. You are officially on my list of people with stories I must read. *nods very seriously* I will be back!!!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Thank you! Heh, yeah, I know my list is rather long... most of what isn't Ferrian's Winter is poetry, and a couple of other shorter stories. Thanks so much for putting me on your list!

Mar 24 2004
What kind of coffin do you want?

 8 Comment From The Writer: *points a furious finger at you, trying to speak but no words seem to be coming out*

You... you...!!! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!! Now we're BOTH ghosts!!!!

Mar 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Thanks for the tips... I've got to practice my evilmanslaughter still, though. I doubt they'd let me into Modding business if I can only say "uh, haha" instead of a proper "BUHHAHAHAHAHAAA!"

hah! hah! hah! (a laughing frank, as depicted by Yaruk Khan in The Shadow of the Vulture)

 1 Comment From The Writer: Oh, yes! The evil laugh! Can't be a Mod without a seriously evil laugh...

Mar 26 2004
*smirks* Isn't it great?

 8 Comment From The Writer: *glares* No, it isn't!!! I'm NEVER eating ANYTHING from your page AGAIN!!!

Mar 26 2004
HA HAAA!

That's 'cause you'll never be ABLE to!! AHAHAHAHAHA!

 8 Comment From The Writer: You're going to pay for this!!

Apr 2 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Look what I found! *holds up a soul shaped vaguely like a Cookie* My newest aquisition. And so very useful... *wraps soul into shadowstaff and revives Megan* So nice, isn't it, to be revived by the soul of your enemy? So wonderfully ironic...

 1 Comment From The Writer: *pokes herself, astonished and thrilled to find that she is completely solid*

I'm alive!! I'm ALIVE!! I'M ALIVE!! I'M ALIVE!! YEEEEEHOOOOOOO!!! THE ANGLER LIVES!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Apr 2 2004
Soulless Cookie
Wazza, wazza, wazza! He stole my soul! What am I gonna do? What are you going to do about it? I am soulless! AAARGH!!!!!

*sees B-Srod*

Oooh, what a nice, fluffy sheep... *patts ram* *ram bees with affection*

Nice, truly nice animal... *drool*

*takes out a huge spear, thrusts it in B-Srod's heart, shaves its fleece off and makes a lovely cardigan*

*sticks the B-Srod on a thingy and roasts it on the fire*

*eats* Mmm... mutton... *burp*

Is it true that Australia rides on the back of a sheep? Well, certainly not this sheep! (ahahaha!!!!)

 16 Comment From The Writer: *jubilation is cut short as she stares at Cookie in absolute disbelief and horror*

B-SROD!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

*wails at the top of her lungs*

Y-you... you ATE him!!! You ate my poor, beautiful li'l Storm Ram of Doom!!!!

I'm going to think of something horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, evilly, EVIL to do to you!!!

*sobs* *cries* *wails again*

*sniff* Don't be ridiculous! How would it breathe underwater? And where would it put Tasmania?

Apr 4 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
Australia on the back of a sheep? You must have mighty big sheep down there, then!

 12 Comment From The Writer: Oh, yeah, everything's big down here. Want proof? Go here! *grins*

Apr 4 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
Oh, yes, the illustration of your poem. I really want to do it soon, but I can't seem to find a good reference picture for the unicorn. I have troubles with drawing equines. Just does not work. I will try, though. I will try.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Hey, no problem! Take your time!

Apr 7 2004
*toddles in wearing ghostly earplugs, pushing her loud-music-playing LaZ Boy*

*shoves it into the middle of the floor*

*waves, and toddles out*

*as Megan goes to inspect LaZ Boy, a ghostly bomb appears... (da da da DUMMMM)*

Comment From The Writer: AAAAAAARRRRRGGGH!!! *clamps her hands tightly over her ears, her curses drowned out by the blaring music*

*hurries over to the LaZ Boy to try and find some way of turning it off....*

*groans*

Ohhhhhhhh noooooo, not agai-- *BLAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!!!!*

Apr 8 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
Question- Would you prefer it in pen or coloured pencils? I can't decide. I could colour it with my new prismacolours, with my new knowledge of blending and how to properly get darks without using black and making it yucky. But pen would be cool too. I have the unicorn, mermaid, fairies, and almost all of the centaur done! But it's on bigger paper then I can scan in at once, and I don't have an editing program yet, so even when I finish, it won't be up for a bit. Maybe it'll be up in bits, but not full.

So that's my news for today!! Enjoy!

Comment From The Writer's Ghost: Eh? What? You'll have to speak up, I can't hear anything except this awful ringing noise....

Pen or coloured pencils? Oooooh, both sound cool! Hmmmm.... okay, coloured pencils then! :)

Apr 8 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
And Happy Easter to you too! One more day of school, then a 4 day weekend!!! PARTYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 1 Comment From The Writer: And chocolate.... lots 'n lots of choooocolaaaaate....

Oh yeah.... if anyone cares to know, there's a comment title coming up....

Apr 9 2004
*appears*
Hello.
*grins*
Haven't been on your page much..
*points to list of stories*
Where. Is. Ferrian's. WINTER?!!
*smiles unnervingly once more before walking away*

Comment From The Writer's Ghost: *hides behind her couch, clutching her ghost spear protectively* Y-y-y-you c-c-cut o-off m-m-my h-h-head... *whimpers*

F-F-F-Ferrian's W-W-W-Winter??? *shrinks lower behind her couch*

U-u-u-u-ummmm...???

*grabs a ghostly pen and paper and starts scribbling desperately* I'm w-working on it r-r-right now!!!

*gives you an unconvincing smile*

*pauses*

B-but... I'm working on M-M-Mercury III as well, so it'll still be a... a little while y-yet....

Apr 10 2004
I have returned....

*The whisper creeps out of the shadows and envelopes the room in icy darkness*

*A chill creeps up the Angler's back as she realizes she is not alone. Something... somebody is out there...*

*But who could it be? She sees nothing, only senses the being's approach*

*Suddenly, a cry escapes her lips as she feels an ice-cold aura slowly surrounding her, choking her. She is paralyzed with fear, unable to move a muscle.*

I will get you for this..... just you wait....

....and somebody had better reincarnate me this time.... OR ELSE!

You have not defeated me yet...

 22 Comment From The Writer's Ghost: *gulps*

Apr 10 2004
....Do you mind fixing that first '/i' tag?. Thank you.

Don't worry, I'm leaving. *icy presence fades, and Angler is left alone on her page*

Comment From The Writer's Ghost: *shivering, the Angler edges closer to the fireplace, clutching her ghost spear tightly to her chest and staring anxiously into the shadows flickering around her hut*

Apr 11 2004
*grins*
Hey, Fork Master. Angler's scared of me.
*laughs softly, fingering his dagger absently*

 8 Comment From The Writer: Stay away from me!!

Apr 12 2004
*an ominous chuckle echoes out of the shadows*

 8 Comment From The Writer: .... and that goes for you, too!!

Apr 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*chucks a large glass jar of jam at Jake's head*

 1 Comment From The Writer: *laughs*

Apr 13 2004
*catches the jar, moving back to gain balance before throwing it back*
Basketball. :P
*grins at Emberice*
You should try tormenting her. Its fun.

 8 Comment From The Writer: Tormenting the Angler is not fun.

*a thought occurs*

*pulls out a ghostly watch on a chain, and waves it slowly in front of your face*

You do not enjoy tormenting the Angler. Tormenting the Angler is NOT fun. You do not enjoy tormenting the Angler....

Apr 13 2004
Cookie Goddess
*scary, omnious thunder roll*

*lightning lights up the sky*

*a shower of acid rain falls down and melts all your furniture*

*the clouds part, and a familiar face, full of anger, wearing a halo of some kind peers down at you*

*sneer* Hello, Megan... I wish to thank you for killing me utterly, for without you I couldn't have achieved what I am now. And what am I now, you ask? I have upgraded to a higher level of existance.

Oh yes.

I am a GODDESS.

And there's nothing you can do about it, mate. *sneer*

*Death appears and swishes his scythe*

*you scream, and watch as my soul returns to its rightful owner*

Aaah... that's better. But, I fear that now you have no body, and no soul, what are you?

Nothing?

Precisely.

Happy Easter... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

*clouds come together again, and a terrible storm, a monsun terrorises your domain*

 22 Comment From Er... Nothing?? This.... is bad....

You will regret this.

You WILL regret this.

Apr 13 2004
Cookie Goddess
*clouds part, followed by scary lightning*

Would you mind fixing that HTML? Thank you very much. I'll leave, don't you worry. I'll just stick around for a while and see how scared are you.

*shadows at the corners of the hut move and change into a dragon*

*cold sweat runs down your forehead*

Ahaha. Be afraid.

Comment From Nothing: I thought I didn't have a forehead?

*nothingness gestures at the shadow dragon* (Don't ask me how nothingness can gesture. It just did, alright?)

Emberice, shadows are your forte, aren't they?

Apr 14 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*dodges jar, watching it smash on the ground* Tormenting her? I threw that jar at you in the first place because I'm her ALLY. Have you not read the bio?

Anywho, Megan, your poem is up. :D

Comment From Nothing: *stares dismally at the jam splattered all over the floor, completely ignoring the puddles of acid and the fact that her hut has been reduced to a pile of splintered sticks*

Jam is so hard to clean up....


This is comment #390 overall, if anyone was wondering. :)

Apr 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Oh yes indeed...shadow magic is so fun. :p Strangely enough though, that particular one WASN'T me........ ..... .....
I shall be leaving now. Shadow critters can get nasty.

 16 Comment From The Writer: Wait... WAIT!! Don't leave this thing here with me!! I MEANT, could you get rid of it!! *looks at the dragon* Oh... never mind, I just had an idea...

*the nothingness of the Angler devours the shadow dragon, stealing its soul*

*reincarnates herself with much lightning and thunder and scary music, etc, etc....*

Apr 15 2004
*scratches... head? in puzzlement*

I'm so confused. So... if I'm nothing...

...and you're nothing...

...how EXACTLY are we supposed to be fighting this war?

With NOTHING????

Comment From The Writer: .........



*lets out a long sigh*

I'm going to REGRET this, I just know I am.... But you're right. There cannot be a war with NOTHING....

*rummages in her cupboard for the Sword of Healing, and glances around thoughtfully*

Hmmm, I need a soul.... *eyes fall upon the smashed jar of jam*

*shrugs* It'll do...

*places the Sword over the killed jam and gathers its soul*

*stabs the Sword into the disembodied Fork Master*

*Fork Master is reincarnated with much lightning and thunder and scary music, etc, etc...*

My price for this is the war story. Now that you are alive, you have no more excuses. Finish it. Now.

And you'd BETTER be grateful. *sniff*

Apr 16 2004
*stares at Megan in disbelief*

*wiggles her fingers in front of her face*


Y-you.... you.... *eyes narrow*





.... YOU GAVE ME A JAM SOUL??!!?!?!?????

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!

You reincarnated ME with the soul of a jar of JAM...

I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!!

*snatches up fork and storms away*


(in other words... Thank you SO much, I'm really really grateful to have my body back. Mwa ha ha...)

 14 Comment From The Writer: *is laughing incredibly hard*

Apr 17 2004
*stands by silently in the shadows, waiting patiently for the reincarnations to stop*
You still owe us Ferrian's Winter.
*points out, a smirk crossing his face*

 10 Comment From The Writer: I know, I know, it's coming, I promise! Nearly finished!! I would've had it done by now, but I got on a really good roll with Merc III... I'll DEFINITELY submit the ticket for 22 this week, probably in the next two or three days.

May 2 2004
Elfwood writer:
Alex Cupo
Wow u got a huge amount of stories 8-O *amazed*
well i just finished reading a few of your poems, which i found quite amazing... I wish we had these 2 study at school, back when we had to learn poems...

 1 Comment From The Writer: Awww, thank you, that's an awesome thing to say.

May 2 2004
*you hear the sound of rushing wind*
Next second...
*you find yourself on the floor, choking on a particularly large feather*
*beams at Megan*
Chapter 22? My internet was just repaired, elfwood's back up and chapter 22's out?Best day ever.
*disappears to go read chapter 22*

 21 Comment From The Writer: *coughcough*

May 2 2004
*crosses fingers*
Hopefully..this is comment number 400...

Comment From The Writer: *mutters* It was bound to happen eventually...

Yes, this is comment #400. Congratulations. *grins* You can have a story if you want, but you'll have to wait a long time for it. A loooong time. I still have Beth's to write yet, and I haven't even start--*coughcough* Uh, IhavetobegoingIhavechapter23tofinish...

*runs*

May 5 2004
Storm Cloud Creator!!
*wanders in whistling*
*opens bag*
*reveals cumulo nimbus clouds inside*
The funny thing about storm rams is that they technically can't be eaten...they are after all just clouds.
*whirls hands about*
*lightning flashes*
*Thunder crashes*
They can also be made real quick.
*presents a black ball of CN clouds*
*pulls out the legs*
*adds a head*
*snags some cirrus for wings*
*Plugs him into the mains for recharging*
Taadaah!
Black Storm Ram of Doom part 2! or B-Srod2 or B-Srod reloaded, whichever you wanna use ;)

*snags some more cirrus*
*while waiting for chapter twenty three messes about a bit*
Taadaah!
*opens hand where a little wispy dragon is sitting, blowing cloud rings*
This is Ditz, she's a little spacey, after all she is made from high clouds. She can't be eaten, because basically she'll just disintegrate - so she shall live forever...well ish you can destroy her but i'm not telling you how because this lot'll do it straight away.
She's not evil - just dim and has a habit of distructing things with solar power - by accident...
well that's our excuse ;)
*hands over new cloud creations*
Be nice to them this time...and if they find sticky ends let me know...

 1 Comment From The Writer: 1111 I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!!!!!11111

*takes her new pets and goes off to cry again -- with happiness this time*

May 7 2004
*stares at new pets and goes deathly pale*

(Deathly pale... get it? Ahahaha! Ha ha... ha... okay, okay, not funny.)

*runs*

Comment From The Writer: *rolls eyes* And I thought my jokes were lame *cough*

May 7 2004
*pops back in*

Oh yeah...


YOU.


STOLE.


MY.


MUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


HTML please and thank you. Grrrr.... DON'T YOU DARE MAKE IT ANY SMALLER!!!!

 4 Comment From The Writer: *sniggers evilly*

*holds up a cage with a little silvery blue dragon inside*

*pokes dragon with her spear*

No wonder I've been getting so much work done, with TWO muses to help me!

MUAHAHAHA!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

YOUR MUSE IS MINE!!!!!!

May 10 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*sigh* Much as I want more FW and Merc III, there is the war story to think about....maybe you should give it back.........NAH! FW is much more important. Write! Write!! *ahem* *is waiting not-so-patiently*

Comment From The Writer: *frowns at her Terrible Muse Cage of Doom* Hmmm, it doesn't seem to be working quite as well as it was a few days ago.... Maybe I killed it?

*suddenly clutches the cage in panic*

No!! NO!!! It can't die!!! If Beth's muse dies, I'll NEVER get the war story!!!!

*starts shaking the cage vigorously* LIVE!!! LIVE, YOU CURSED THING!!!!!

*in the background, Megan's own muse -- a little angel with rainbow-coloured wings -- quickly hides a vial labelled 'Poison' behind her back and tries to look nonchalant*

May 12 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
*sneeks into Megan's little part of the woods, and does so VERY sneakily!*

*peers around great big tree*

*spies Megan's muse (with all this fighting for Beth's muse going on, Megan seems to have forgotten to protect her own. So while Beth's is locked up in a cage in the tallest branch of the tallest tree, Megan's is clear out in the open)*

*creeps up slowly, then pounces*

*She blindfolds and gags the muse, presently in the form of a purple flying monkey, ties the wings down, tucks the muse under her arm like a football, and sneakily sneeks away again, unnoticed. The Angler does not seem to be home at the present time.*

*returns stealthily to where she came from*

*cackles* Muahahaha...the muse is in MY possesion now! I shall hide it better than anything has been hid before! Muahahhahaha....!"

Comment From The Writer: *sits down at her computer to write chapter 24*

*stares at the screen for long minutes, her mind as blank as the page*

*looks around in desperation, but cannot find inspiration anywhere*

My muse... Where is my muse???!!

MY MUSE IS GONE!!!!!

May 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*sneaks off following Kelly* *shadowbinds her and takes back Megan's angel* *uses rest of poison to concoct an antidote* *strolls back to Megan's page* There you go. A muse and an antidote, just so we know we'll get the war story EVENTUALLY. Oh right....*puts up small shadow shield around Megan's muse* There, ideas can come out, but hands can't get in. :p And don't touch it, or it'll shock you.

Comment From The Writer: *watches Darian return her muse with great relief* Thank you!!! That was almost a disaster!!

*eyes narrow in Kelly's direction* She tried to steal my muse. My precious, precious MUSE!!! She will pay for that, precious. Yes, yes, she will pay....

May 12 2004
*storms in, riding a fire chariot*

You dare, you dare TOUCH my sock drawer, you dare INSULT me, you, moreover, dare to BIND ME into my own drawer! Well, here's what I have to say about that, ma'am:

I SHALL SMITE THEE WITH RIGHTEOUS ANGER, MEGAN.

hmtl please and thank you.

*sees B-Srod revisited* I say... nifty things, aren't they? Very useful, eh? Ahahaha... *zapps the ram*

*it is now a harmless, defenceless cirrus that goes up into the sky*

Wee, what a cute ickle dwagon-poo... *cuddles dragon, and it purrs* She seems to like me, no? *feeds dragon with fire and ushers it at you*

*the dragon torches you and evaporates*

Now, I'm not sure if your pets are gone for good, but for some time. And that's enough for me, because I have actually grown to like this war thing. Hee. Cheerio.

*rides away to Beth's page*

Comment From The Writer's Ghost: *WAILS* VEEEE-DAAAAHHH!!! I just got B-Srod BAAAACK!!! And now I'm a ghost AGAAAAAIIIN!!!!

*yells every insult that hasn't been invented yet after you until she runs out of non-breath*

May 12 2004
*trails back*

Oh. Wait a moment. Wait a teensy-weensy, eenie-weenie second.

My muse said she was going to a beauty-spa in Tunisia to get rid of her thinking wrinkles. But she has been gone for a month now. And she DOESN'T HAVE WRINKLES. What did you do to her?

*ahem* Muse is in shape of a fat black python with white stripes on her belly. Haven't seen her, have you? *peers into Terrible Muse Cage of Doom* 'Cause if she's in there, you're in bigger trouble than I thought.

 4 Comment From The Writer: I tortured her with an iron.

*sniggers*

May 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
John Ross Gunningham
hehe... I like a good war, but I mean really! You people attacking muses when its really the people you want. Also, there should really be a marshal to police this sort of thing. I'm, thinking Robo-cop, only bigger and faster. Always thought rob-cop was too slow.... 8p

 12 Comment From The Writer: A marshal? *considers* I think it might last about five minutes....

May 13 2004
Elfwood writer:
Alex Cupo
*looks around*

where's chapter 23?? 8)

 12 Comment From The Writer: It's coming, just give me a few more days....

May 13 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
Now Darian, see what you're doing now? You're meddling with time! I DID get back to my page safely, with no shadowbinds or taking back of the muse. But you must've turned back time to do that, without my knowledge!! Boy am I confused! Timebending is complicated stuff. So, Megan is in control of both muses again? Hmm...*concocts evil plan*

Comment From The Writer: I am? Oh yeah, I am, aren't I! Sweet! And Vida's as well. HAHAHA now I have THREE MUSES!!!

May 13 2004
>=) Not for long!!!!

You see, Ms. Ghost of the Angler, ghostliness comes with a certain... *cough* INSUBSTANTIAL price.

So I'll just be taking my muse... thank you.

*picks up poor, poisoned muse and trundles out the door*

Guess I'd better update sometime then, eh?

 8 Comment From The Writer's Ghost: *glares at you in silence for a long moment*







Fine.

Fine, take it then. It wasn't working for me anymore anyway, it was half dead. *sniffs indignantly* Besides, I still have Cookie's... *eyes her Terrible Muse Cage of Doom and puts a Ghost Curse on it, so that if anyone dares touch it again they will DIE.

HA!! Let's see her get her precious python back now!!

(And yes, YOU HAD BETTER UPDATE SOON!!!)

May 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
It's not timebending, it's common courtesy. You do something, your opponent responds. 14

Comment From The Writer: Yes, indeed. And it would seem that this Angler has a lot of responding to do... *glares at everyone except Darian. Oh, and John. And Alex. And Becca*

May 15 2004
Cookie!
*enters room nonchalantly, and casually walks to Terrible Muse Cage of Doom*

I don't think I'll need my muse again. You can keep her. People don't read my stories as it is, so I needn't write more, dontcher know.

May the Force be with you.

*evaporates*

Comment From The Writer: *shrugs* Fine with me. The more muses the better, I say. And what do you mean, no-one reads your stories?? I read your stories! AND I happen to like them! What, don't I count??? Well, gee, thanks, I'm sure. 10

May 15 2004
Cookie!
*popps back*

Reincarnation is NOT a flavour. No it isn't. No I won't listen to excuses nor pathetic imaginary truths. Check the dictionary, and you will see it is NOT a flavour.

But death's a flavour, though.

*stuffs your mouth with death-flavoured cake*

*you die*

There. See? Never joke a joker, bake a baker, god a god or whatever a whatever. Have a happy second/third/n afterlife. Whee.

 8 Comment From The Writer's Ghost: ......

And so is vengeance. It's best served cold, as I recall.

May 16 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
So, how's death suiting you?*grins*

Comment From The Writer's Ghost: 10

May 18 2004
Hmm... you're dead again.

HA HA HAAAA!!!

 8 Comment From The Writer's Ghost: That's right, Fork Master. Laugh while you still can....

*pauses*

*keeps pausing*

*pauses even more*

*eventually, a small, slightly strangled whine can be heard as Megan glances at her comment counter*

Comment #200

May 20 2004
YEAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

WHOOOOHOOOO!!! It seems like such a long time since I got a comment title. YAY!!!!!!! ^_^

Comment From The Writer: Yeah, yeah. Good for you. 14

May 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
First off... here *dumps a huge sack of clouds by your feet*
This way should B-Srod or any of the others meet a less than savoury end, you can restore them. They will regenerate, but they might lose a little of the float power - but not now!!
Secondly - Muses...
Right closest thing i have to a muse (apart from just my usual characters - hey you can draw Reao ^_^) Umm... is Shaiel, my starry eyed one - he has a habit of changing his looks, but when he's being himself he has white hair, blue eyes (which look like stars - his name means star) umm... oh yeh he has wings, lol almost forgot, but they're magpie wings, and he often has a few of them about, usually on his shoulders. Likes wearing cloaks, but that's pretty much it. Umm *thinks* i think the best description of him in is my story "Orion's Kiss"
Anyway, hope that helps ;) good luck if you want to draw him, he won't let me *sulks*
*throws a fluffy creation towards you*
*creation unrolls*
*bright lightning bolts crackle across the black spikes*
*cute face peers at you, before sinking wicked incisors into a low flying fork sailing by*
Oh yeh, this is the lightning hedgehog, a new breed i'm working on... might look cute and fluffy, but she ain't. Oh she's missing something - *digs hand in bag*
*pulls out more cirrus*
*fashions some wings*
*attaches them*
*fuzz* OUCH!! - watch out, the little blighter can be vicious... *goes to defuse hand*
*spikey ball floats around, crackling with intent*

 7 Comment From The Writer: Awwwwesooooome!! She's even better than B-Srod!! Heeeeee! Hmm, now I just have to work out how to regenerate MYSELF....

*reads your description, then takes out her list and scribbles: 'magpie-winged guy'* Got it.

Thanks for that! The reason I ask is that I wanted to update my art gallery *correction* Kelly wanted me to update my art gallery 14, so I'm collecting descriptions of people's muses to put together in one big picture. I can't guarantee that it will turn out any good (or even get posted, if I decide that it's too awful to exist), but I will try.

May 25 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
They never fed me enough mutton to keep up with the comments anyway...

Guess what? With luck, I'm back on-line tomorrow. Right now, I'm not on-line. Not really. This is my stand-in writing... honestly. His name is Panu too! Can you imagine?

Comment From The Writer: What, the comments on my page? Well, let's see...

I stole Fork Master's muse and locked it in my Terrible Muse Cage of Doom, where my own muse (a rainbow-winged angel) poisoned it. Cookie fed me death cake right after I so cleverly reincarnated myself with reincarnation cake (which IS a flavour, so there), so now I'm dead, but not for long, 'cause I have a cunning plan. Um. Where was I? Oh yeah. Since I'm dead, I was helpless to prevent Fork Master taking back her muse. Then Kelly tried to steal MY muse, but Darian shadowbound her and meddled with time and took it back. So now I have no muses except my own and a fat black python, which I thought was Cookie's muse but apparantly it's just a random snake. All clear now?

So. *takes out her notepad again* What does your muse look like?

May 25 2004
Whoa. You drawing Jake's muse? Does that mean you gonna draw the rest of your captivated muses as well?

:: silence ::

That's not my muse. It's just a random snake, you know. Ahahaha!!! Fooled ya! =)

My muse is, aaah... pretty. Male. Weird. Elf. Funny. Aaaand... Irish? Eh. Hair dark as Guiness, eyes green as the Emerald Isle. Wussa! AND I won't let you have him. Nononono, I won't. No. Geroff.

*buzzes away, cacking maniacally*

Comment From The Writer: Yes, except that I don't actually have any captivated muses, apart from that python, and of course my own.

Awww, I was looking forward to drawing a black python. Oh well. Maybe I'll draw it anyway, since it's still in my cage.

MUSE LIST SO FAR:

- Rainbow-winged angel
- Silver-blue dragon
- Random black python who belongs to nobody
- Bright purple badger
- Shadowdragon
- Magpie-winged guy
- Weird male Irish elf

May 26 2004
Cookie! again!
Magpie-winged guy? Some people...

*looks at own muse*
*muse grins sheepishly*

(he stinks)
(really?)
(metaphorically)
(oh)
(let's replace him!)
(oh, ya ya ya ya!!!)

*sideline people make a complex ritual and replace random Irish guy museness with python intellect*

Black Python: *hiss*

Oh, me... You evil, evil, skitzo part-of-my-personality people!!!

(ahaha)
(well, we got rid of that stuck up guy fer ye, didn't we?)
(yessa yessa yessa)

Hmpf. I'm just gonna stick around for a while: Beth was daydreaming something about exo--

(SHUT UP!!!!!!!)

Oh, right. Er. Something about exosceletons. Yes. I'm just gonna sit here, peacefully, and watch over my muse, so that she doesn't slither away, no? Er. Thank you.

Comment From The Writer: *stares at you* Would you make up your mind?? Is it a black snake or an Irish elf? Or both? Or a combination of a black snake and an Irish elf??

May 28 2004
Cookie
Black snake with vertical fat white stripes on belly. So sorry. Was having skitzophrenia attack at the moment, so didn't know what was saying.

(she's just kidding, you know)
(she's not a skitzo)
(she's just trying to be amusing)
(smarties!!)

Comment From The Writer: Black snake, okay. Um... can it still have emerald eyes? It could be an Irish snake!! Hahaha!! (Yeah, I know how ironic that is, that's the point. 12 )

May 28 2004
Cookie's Hired Exorcist
*skulks into room*

*draws huge pentagram around you*

*flourishes a book of spell from pocket*

*hem, hem* Begone, Foul Fiend!

*there is a sound poof*

*everything turns white*

*you look around, hoping to see the inside of your fishing hut, but all you see is -- whiteness. And more whiteness. And some more whiteness. There is no horizon, nothing in the entire world but whiteness which doesn't seem to begin or end.*

Ahm. Well, I sent you to Nothingness. I'm happy to say that you can't get out. Ever. Er... Because there's no exit, see, and no entrance. Except that which I opened.

*closes entrance, wipes pentagram from floor and burns the book of spells, scattering the ashes in the wind*

Just to be sure. Those two girls who hired me are sure paranoid, ahem.

*glances at Terrible Muse Cage of Doom*

Aaaw, what a cute purple badger... *nears cage, touches bars and gets blown to a million, zillion, trillion pieces which melt a hole in your floor*

 22 Comment From The Writer: *blinks and looks around herself in disbelief*

Nothing but whiteness.

*cups her hands to her mouth and calls: Hello?*

*silence*

Somebody??

*silence*

ANYBODY????

*silence*

*she begins to whimper*

Wait... this place looks rather suspiciously familiar...

*peers around carefully, and eventually discovers what she is searching for -- a couch. A very ugly, orange, squishy couch*

*walks to the couch and sighs in despair, sitting down and putting her chin in her hands*

I thought so.

Damn.

May 29 2004
Zalrega: Who the heck are you? Where did you come from? Why are you sitting on my couch?

Comment From The Writer: *looks up, and gasps* ANOTHER LIVING PERSON!!! You'll help me, won't you? Won't you?! You have to help me!! I'm the Angler, and, and I was sent here by a couple of INSANE PEOPLE!!! Please, you have to get me out of here!! I'll, I'll do anything! I'll give you anything! Uh... *fishes desperately in her pockets, looking for something to trade for a way out, but finds only some crumbled shortbread, a few thumbtacks and a cockroach*

*wails* I don't wanna stay in here forever!!!!!

May 31 2004
Elfwood writer:
Alex Cupo
Hey!

I just wanted to say that your stories are incredible... You should be a pro writer...

Hey i also wanted to let u know that i added 4 more stories to my small collection... Also my computer had some problems and i had to format it and lost everything in the process so it might take some time for me to get back to writing (i don't even have microsoft word anymore - lol)
well come check out what i posted when u got some time ;)

i'll still be around at eflwood, so i'll drop by and see what other stories u post

Comment From B-Srod: Mrrreh. The Angler is most humbled and grateful, and mrrrregrets that she cannot be here in person to thank you. 2

Comment from Izzy: Vour zztoriezz! Ye godzz, you update fazzt! Ve vill read zzzzem on behalf of zze Angler azz zzzoon azz ve 'ave time! No Microzzzovt Vord? Zzzzat'z bad...

Comment From B-Srod: Mreh. Updates could be awhile if Megan doesn't get out of Xenzati...

Comment From Izzy: Yezz. Her updatezz are zzlow at zze bezzt of timezz, zzo you'll 'ave to be patient. 12

May 31 2004
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
*looks up at disparaging comment about magpie-winged guy*
*is very much not impressed*
*hugs starry eyed suprise to herself*
Hmm... *grabs bag of clouds*
Here, i have something new that will eat Cookies *hands wizz about*
*a white swan appears out of the white nothingness*
Now listen carefully, you have to be careful with this one, she's a bit special. Look here *lifts one wing*
*swan looks a little ruffled*
This is one of Min'eth's chosen swans and here beneath the wings are golden feathers. Take one of these and write your wish upon your arm - the quills are sharp so you'll probably cut yourself, but just rub the feather over the wound at the end and it'll heal. Basically this'll bring you back to life, and away from nothingness.
::Warning!!:: Each feather will only work once! If you use an already used feather it will result in the opposite of your wish (and could end up in death! eep!! again)
Don't go using them for ridiculous things because you'll run out, she does not have an endless supply and the more you pluck feathers the more likely she is to peck you, hard!
Also beware all ye trespassers (and disparagers of Shaiel *grr*) she can be fiercely territorial and when she gets up enough speed can easily break and arm with those wings.
When her feathers have run out (there's usually around twelve) she'll fly away, back to her mistress - Overworld goddess of winds if you were interested, daughter of the goddess of storms. If you try to trap her she'll fade away and you will face the wrath of the gods - so beware - this present is treacherous, however it might just bring you back to this world and life.

Good luck!!

Comment From The Writer: *turns in surprise as a swan appears out of nothingness* *looks from Zalrega to the swan and back again*

*grins* See ya, Zalgy!

*plucks a gold feather, and hesitates with the quill poised over her arm*
Stab myself in the arm with a gold feather. Er. Right... *swallows* Well... it's not as though I haven't seen my own blood before.... *takes a deep breath and writes:*

I... *OWW!!* w...i...s...h... I... w...a...s... b...a...c...k... i...n... m...y... h...u...t

*at once, the whiteness vanishes and Megan is once again standing in her hut, along with the white swan*

WHOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!

*quickly swipes the feather over her arm*

*plucks another feather and thinks for a moment*

I... w...i...s...h... I... w...a...s...
I...M...M...O...R...T...A...L...!...!...!...!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

*plucks another feather* *the swan is starting to become agitated*

I... w...i...s...h... F...o...r...k... M...a...s...t...e...r... w...a...s... d... *runs out of room and tries to write the word 'dead' over the knuckle of one finger, but ends up with an illegible mess*

*winces and stares at her bleeding hand* Errr...? I don't know what I just did to her... Oh well, as long as it's something bad, I don't care.

*starts writing further up her arm this time*

I... w...i...s...h... C...o...o...k...i...e... w...a...s... *considers* *smirks evilly to herself*
...t...r...a...p...p...e...d... i...n... X...e...n...z...a...t...i

Jun 1 2004
Min'eth - Keeper of Swans
You only have eight left - use wise young angler.

And you know that whole writing in your own blood is supposed to be a deterrent - *watches megan pass out from blood loss*

Mortals! *rolls eyes and leaves*

Comment From The Writer: *lies unconscious on the floor amidst a scattering of used golden feathers*

*the swan takes the opportunity to peck her on the foot*

Jun 2 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
*whimpers* Angler? Alive? Immortal? With wishes?!



Uhoh *runs for cover*


Cookie, what did you do to my badger?!!!! He came staggering back to my page (thank goodness, the Angler was NOT supposed to take him- just observe and draw- and I was getting worried!) flashing neon orange and green, spouting magpie wings! WHAT DID YOU DO?!

 4 Comment From The Writer: *sits up and tries to focus on Kelly* Y-yeah... G-great, i-isn't it? Heh heheheh.

Jun 5 2004
Y-you.... YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You made me.... I'M A... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!


*runs out of room sobbing*

*returns with feather*

*tickles herself under nose*

*sneezes*

*turns into an orange and white cat with purple wings*

*GLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE*

Mrrow, meow!! (Translation: HTML please and thank you)

*GLAREGLAREGLARE*

 4 Comment From The Writer: HAHAHAHA....!!! Awwww, what a cute hahaha widdle HAhaha puddy tat!! HAAAAA HAHAHA!!!!!!

Jun 5 2004
Cookie
What badger? I didn't do nothing to no badger...!

*POOF*

Er... what... happened....?

*whiteness*

Uh-oh.

*more whiteness*

Oh my.

*and some more whiteness*

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaargh! Trapped with my own evil plots!!! I hate you, Megan!!!!!!!

*floats in nothingness looking v. agitated*

How can I EVER get back to ANYWHERE????

..... :: silence ::

Sideline people? ...... Sideline people?! .... SIDELINE PEOPLE?????!

Bugger. They're gone too.

*makes random movement with hand and POOF! there's a purple beanbag. Sits on purple beanbag, waiting for the Fork Master to rescue her*

 4 Comment From The Writer: *sniggers so hard she almost chokes on her chocolate chip toffee bar, which she has decided is even better than shortbread*

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! No-one's going to save you now!!!!! Heeee heeee!!!! *does a Zalrega-ish dance*

Jun 6 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
Would that mean I'm a sideline person? Hmm well sorry, but I don't think us sideline people can do much...the whole point of sideline people is to sit and watch. And occasionally cheer. But not to get involved in the game. Which is, in this case, not a game, more a war. Besides, I really don't know how to get into Xenzati. Its from one of Beth's stories, right? She might know.*nods wisely*

Comment From The Writer: *pats little ginger cat on the head* I have decided to name her...

FROK!!!!!!

*bursts into uncontrollable laughter*

Jun 7 2004
*hair stands on end, and tail twitches viciously*

MRRRROW!!! MEOW!!!

*sneezes, and turns back into the Fork Master*

WHY, YOU [insert list of curses]!!!!!!!!

I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, MEGAN!!!! A GINGER CAT!?!?!?!? I don't care if you're immortal!! You'll pay for this one!

*storms out*

(See, I told you those chocolate chip toffee bars were good. Got any holes in your brain yet? Muahaha...)

 4 Comment From The Writer: Heheheheh....

My brain probably looks like swiss cheese by now. But they're so goooood.... *takes another toffee bar and munches happily*

Jun 7 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*smirks* How fitting. Well done on that illegible scribble Megan.

 12 Comment From The Writer: My pleasure. At least, it would have been, if it hadn't hurt so much. *whimpers slightly and rubs her hand in memory of the pain*

Jun 7 2004
Cookie
*squeal*

You people are so evil. Noo, Kelly, sideline people - my sideline people - are of my own making. Of my own skitzophrenical brain, that is.

Skitzophrenical Brain: Mwahahahahaha!!!!!

:: silence ::

Chocolate chip toffee bar... mmm... wanna!! You all are evil. Including Bethany, who is MAKING UP HER MIND on rescuing me. Oh, and, who agreed to help you in the first place, m'dear? One world. Two letters. Begins with an M. Ends with an E.

M
E
.

*cough* Anyway.

*nibbles at beanbag, trying to chew out to the stuffing - no one actually checked what was in that thing. Maybe it's candy! Yuuum!*

Oh, and. I've got another story in the queue. If you would like to know. Since I'm stuck here. At least some pen and paper would be kind?


... Mercy?

Comment From The Writer: Mmmmm, toffee bars.... You should ask Beth to give you the recipe. They're YUMMY!! 1

Yay! At least SOMEONE around here still updates! *glares around at... practically everyone... but EXTRA hard at a certain Fork Master*

Jun 9 2004
Cookie
Oooh! Only put story in ticket queue yesterday, and today it's published! Yii! Now have got 12 stories!

You know, I quite like it here in Xenzeti... peaceful.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Oooh! Another 'Night In The Lives Of...'!! Yay!!

Jun 10 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Is 24 in the queue yet? You said it was almost done......

 22 Comment From The Writer: ... er?? Did I?? Ummmm... *glances at 24* Er. No, it's not finished yet. Sorry!

Jun 12 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
*glare*


*GLARE*



*BIG HUGE GREAT GIANT GGGGLLLLLLAAAAAAARRRRREEEE*

 4 Comment From The Writer: *smirks* How's two-dimensional life suiting you?

Jun 12 2004
*coughiDOupdatesometimescough*

I WILL be updating soon. I SWEAR!! I finally finished Blood Red Blades for good, now all I have to do is finish off that Dragonites chapter, and we're good! XD (Who knows how long that will take...)

Xenzati, peaceful? Kinda quiet, ain't it? *shrugs* Well, okay. If you like it that much, I can get Zalrega to make you stay there forever. ^_^;;

*sneezes*

Comment From The Writer: Cookie in Xenzati forever? Sounds good to me.

Jun 14 2004
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
Brief question for you - What's your favourite story of yours up here? (not FW i need something short ;)

 2 Comment From The Writer: Well in that case... I think I would have to say The Name on the Tower. I'm quite fond of Mercury Eye, as well.

Jun 16 2004
I finally updated!!! *dances for joy, then runs*

 14 Comment From The Writer: It's about time!!!

Jun 16 2004
*runs back in, stabs Megan's immortal toe with a fork, and scurries off, laughing madly*

Comment From The Writer: AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!! *clutches poor foot*

Jun 16 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
*grumbles* I don't think Jake knows I'm 2D now. Or that I'm that piece of paper he told you to throw out. *glare* That crumpling hurt.

Comment From The Writer: *rubs her toe* So did that fork. *GLARE*

How did you get out of that garbage can??

Jun 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Have I missed something crucial during my absence? Like, has the war ended, or has someone started a new one? Myself, I've been reading some great Polish literature lately. In it, a woman eats poisonous mushrooms. It even has recipes for cooking poisonous mushrooms. I've yet to try them out...

Comment From The Writer: Haha, no, the war definitely hasn't ended... but now I'm IMMORTAL (muahaha), thanks to Becca's gift of a wishing-swan. And I turned Beth into a ginger cat whenever she sneezes, and Kelly into a 2D picture because she stole another comment title. And I sent Cookie to Xenzati, but apparantly she got out somehow. *sigh*

Ooooh, where can I get a copy of that book?

Jun 16 2004
*walks in on Kelly and Megan talking and a surprised half-chuckle half-snort escapes*
That was YOU?
*keeps a straight face, walks out and bursts out laughing before regaining composure and walking back in*

 4 Comment From The Writer: Heheheheheh....

Jun 20 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Dom dzienny, dom nocny. Olga Tokarczuk. No idea what that is in English, though.

Oh, and is Xenzati like this kind of place where there's only this one huge white plain, and then there are these, like, giant trees or something, and things grow from them that look like Barbababa, and that they have blue leaves, or yellow, and that in the horizon there's this huge grid, and this giant moon rises in lieu of sun, and the moon is... lavender?

What else can you do, now that you're immortal? Besides not die?

Comment From The Writer: Ummmmm... I don't know... laugh mockingly at people?

Jun 21 2004
She can feeeeeel paaaiiinnn! *stabs a fork into Megan's other toe and runs away cackling*

Xenzati belongs to Zalrega, my char from Quest for the Atrium. Just in case you had forgotten. ^_^;; It's white and empty. Except for that ugly orange couch that I once gave to Jake...

Comment From The Writer: AAA-AAAA-AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Not the other one!!!!! *tries to run after Beth and stumbles to the floor in pain*

Owwwwwwwwww.... *whimper* Now I can't walk!! CURSE YOU!!!

Jun 24 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
*glares at Jake* Yes, it was me. Luckily the garbage can got knocked over by a cat (coincidence?) and a stray breeze blew me away. Thats the answer to your question, Megan. And by the way, have you decided if I get to have breaks from the two dimensional world yet? Or, *snicker* have you just been too busy..ah...stabbed in the feet by Beth? (nice work, Beth!)

Comment From The Writer: *sits down on the couch, carefully props her newly band-aided feet on the coffee-table, and picks up a plate of toffee bars*

*takes some time selecting one, before finally answering:*

I'm still thinking about it.

Jun 25 2004
Well, it wasn't ME. I don't LIKE knocking over garbage cans... even when I am in cat mode. *angel eyes*

By the way, Kelly... congrats on 600th!!! *smiles sweetly at Megan and runs away laughing*

 22 Comment From The Writer: *chokes on a toffee bar*

WHAT??!!

WHAT??????!!!!!!!

Jun 25 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
*hides*

8 Comment From The Writer: *leaps to her feet, forgetting that they're injured, and immediately falls over again*

RIGHT. MATCHES. WHERE ARE THEY?

Jun 25 2004
Prize for whomever gets 666th comment!!!

*helps Megan to her feet and immediately trips her again and giggles*

Comment From The Writer: *takes a fishhook from her belt and stabs it into YOUR foot. HARD*

*a manic, dangerous light fills her eyes* #666 is MINE!!!

Jun 29 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
Umm...yeah....600th comment...nothing...not worth mentioning...but that 666th comment...thats a big deal...you should go for it...ah...yeah...*nervous laugh*

Comment From The Writer: #666 IS MINE!!!!

Jun 30 2004
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIE!!!!!!! *clutches injured foot*

Dammit, that HURTS!! *grumbles loudly and hops out the door, shooting Megan a dark look on the way*

Comment From The Writer: *sniggers* *uses a golden feather to heal her own two feet*

Jul 1 2004
*brings forth her sun bird, Iggy, and torches Megan's feet*

*they are now exactly the way they were before... in pain.*

Iggy is great. ^___^ Bex gave him to me. I call him Ignigena, or Iggy for short. He won't burn you that much, but he CAN reverse your swan-wishes. It's on my page somewhere, in case you missed that bit.

*smirks, and hugs Iggy*
*gets torched*

Comment From The Writer: *SCREAM*

*grabs cushions from the couch and frantically bats out the flames*

*finds herself once again on the floor, in pain*

I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THAT!!!

Yes, I knew about your sun bird. *GLAAAAAAAAARE*

Jul 7 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
*looks at above comments*
Hmm...something is going on here that I missed, but whatever it is it is highly amusing.
*fades into the crowd of spectators and watches the comment list grow*
*sips on a coke*
You're all so amusing, so very amusing...
I will be back, never fear.

THE CAPS LOCK MONSTER: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SHE FEARS, IDIOT.

(to The Muse) Will you ever give me some good comment characters?

The Muse: *sipping on a latte* I'll think about it. Try again later.

Anyway...I look forward to reading your work. Though if I ever have to choose sides, I think I prefer that of the Fork Master, your nemisis. But we will see. I am, as of yet, neutral.

Comment From The Writer: Just a continuation of the never-ending comment war... *sigh* Yes, being stabbed in both big toes, torched with sun birds and burnt with my own matches is no doubt highly amusing. Unless, of course, you happen to be ME. *glare* They will pay. They will ALL pay....

*eyes narrow* Very well. But if you choose Fork Master's side, I will have to torture you. *fingers a fishhook meaningfully*

Oh and, um, thank you for visiting. 2

Jul 8 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
Go ahead and torture me. The Fork Master has linked me in her bio, so has my eternal gratitude.

Mr. Fuzzikins: You're so easily won over. I'd bet you'd switch sides in an instant.

Um... Mr. Fuzzikins is the only comment character the muse would give me besides CAPS and herself. So yeah... ignore him. He's sullen cause no one loves him.

Anyway, I guess this makes you my enemy. *prepares herself for the torture*

Whatever. No torture can compare to the three little kids I'm babysitting today for six hours.

Comment From The Writer: *drops her face into her hands* I really NEEDED another enemy... *sighs deeply* Why isn't anyone ever on MY side?

Jul 8 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly M. Fretwell
*appears in full, 3D form, with a gigantic grin on her face* Hello! *waves sarcastically, smirks, then turns on her heel and walks away*

Comment From The Writer: 8

*as you turn to leave, you find the doorway blocked by an evil-looking Storm Ram and an equally evil-looking Lightning Hedgehog*

Comment From Izzy: *grins sadistically* Vhere do you zink YOU'RE goink?

*Megan watches with amusement as Kelly is electrocuted*

Jul 10 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
Ah, sorry. The Fork Master found me first. Anyone who gives me comments and linkage wins me over like a puppy dog and a dog treat. ^_^ But I'm not very fierce (for now) I'm just insane (yesh I am). Besides... you ARE immortal. It's not like it's hard for you.

But there's always the chance I could be persuaded to go to the dark side... but it is just you, so it's something to ponder. But Beth has, for now, my total loyalty. ^_^ And she won my contest. Twice. So things are weighted towards her... for now. *ominous thunder sounds*

Comment From The Writer: True. Not being able to die is a distinct advantage... but those cursed forks still HURT...

You could be persuaded?? *eyes glimmer with sinister hope* Yessss.... come to the dark side, Luke *ahem* Hanna.

Jul 11 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*shadowbinds Hanna* Stay here for a while and enjoy some electrocution. *calls over Izzy and B-SRoD* *smirk* And in further contests of yours, put a note saying people can't use google. *hinthint*

Comment From The Writer: Izzy and B-Srod leave Kelly twitching on the floor and float over to their next victim...

Jul 11 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
The next contest is going to be so hard that even google won't help them. [insert evil laugh here]

And you think you can electrocute me? *smiles* I've put my finger in the light socket so many times that it's but a slightly unpleasant feeling. Go ahead and try, brother of Beth. I look forward to it.

B-Srod: ZAP!!

Izzy: ZAP!!

B-Srod: ZAP!!

Izzy: ZAP!!

B-Srod: ZAP!! ZAP!!!!

Izzy: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAPPPP!!!!

B-Srod: ZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAP... zap... z-z-z... a... p...

Comment From The Writer: Dammit. Why did Bex have to give Beth that sun bird? I could really use a wish right now...

Jul 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
500th comment, thou sayeth? I had no idea. And my main page has only got to its 100th comment...

*spots B-Srod* Wow, you got another one! Hello, sheep!

*patts him, and B-Srod licks hand*

*grins maliciously and takes garden scissors out of pocket*

*shaves B-Srod*

Ahaha ... Hahaha ... Bwahahahahaha!

*scampers off, but plants a couple of land mines at the entrance before leaving*

B-Srod: *whimpers and hides under the coffee-table*

Izzy: *snickers*

Comment From The Writer: *glares furiously at Vida* That was CRUEL!! It happens to be the middle of winter here, you know!

Jul 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
*popps head behind door frame, carefully avoiding the motion-triggering mines*

How close to the 500th comment, actually?

 14 Comment From The Writer: Reaaaaaaaaalllly close....

Jul 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Archie, the Little Turkish Salesman:
Hello, beautiful girl. Vere are you from? Vant to buy from my shop? I have veapons of mass destruction: land mines, undervater mines, shotguns, darts! I have subtle, ladylike veapons: poison, daggers, choking corsets, and rings filled vith poison of your choice, at a special discount - ten for 5 dollar, only for you! I've also got - as a special offer - titanium fishhooks, built to undergo various circumstances, for example molten lava, acid, fire, and anything else. You like? You buy, yes?

Comment From The Writer: *a dreamy look crosses her face* Veapons of mass destruction...

I'll take them all.

Jul 12 2004
We don't want the 500th comment, we want Ferrian's Winter updates, right?

Right!

Comment From The Writer: You don't want a free story/poem/*cringeartcringe* request or other prize of your choice, as well as the honour of being the 500th comment winner?

*shrugs* Suit yourself... 12

FW... ah, I have no excuses this time except laziness. That, and I'm in 'drawing phase' at the moment. Just let me finish (or at least draw until I get sick of it) the muse picture and get this other short story out of my head, and I'll see what I can do.

*glances at comment counter, eyebrow raised*

Ooooooooooooh.... I'd tell you how close you are, but since you don't WANT it.... *smirks*

Jul 13 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
So tell me... how close? This close *puts hands right next to each other* or this close *flings arms wide open... now, she doesn't want a hug from you*?

Cause you know, there's a big difference. *nods head*

Comment From The Writer: How close?

THIS close:





CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU ARE THE 500TH COMMENT WINNER!!! 11111111111

*doesn't have any confetti, so throws a handful of thumbtacks instead*

I had a disturbing feeling it was going to be you... *sigh* Oh well. So, what is your request?

Jul 13 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
*no, not now. So many typos... they make no sense.

Waitaminute... don't tell me Ano Mynous was the 500th? O.o Cause if he/she was...

That would be so sad.

Then again, you were probably lying, knowing you Ms. Darth Angler. *snicker*

What does that make me... Yodanna? Or Hanna Skywalker? Unless that postion is taken by Beth... and who else is there?

Comment From The Writer: No, you definitely got the prize.... And I don't lie! *looks indignant* I never lie! I might be devious occasionally, but I don't LIE.

You would be Hanna Solo, of course. 1

Jul 13 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
Aha! Yayy! *does the happy dance* I had a feeling it would be me, too. And whadya know? I was right.
Let me sleep on the request. I'm too tired to think of anyting right now... heh heh. Expect it to be odd and insane, though. And I'll give you lots of breathing room with it, so you can be creative. ; )

 12 Comment From The Writer: Odd and insane. Okay. Cool.

Jul 13 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt S. Bunton
You people are truly %*@#ed up. But...then again. One could beg to differ. Oh well...I suppose I'm one of you now....goddamnit...Well be sure to visit my gallery when it opens..in roughly...a week or less.
Regards Bunto!

 9 Comment From The Writer: *blinks* Uh... thanks for visiting?

Jul 13 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
*looks up*

That's Tim's "friend" Bunto. He's been lurking around my art gallery recently. O.O I claim no association with him.

*cough cough* My request... is must have something involving flying rams (bighorn sheep... whatever) in it. *nods head* Cause rams are my favorite animals (got a stuffed one by my computer) and adding wings to them is fun.

It could be purple too, or something like that... yeah... you get the picture. The rest of the story is up to you. just make sure it's got that flying purple (or whatever color you want) ram in it somewhere.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Flying purple ram!!

B-Srod: *looks happy*

Okay, I'll see what I can do. You'll probably have to wait awhile for it, though. My muse works slowly.

Jul 13 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
Oh yeah...it should be a short story. Don't want you to strain yourself thinking I want an epic (or horror of all horrors, a poem) or something like that. 1 chapter, beginning to end, not to long unless you really want it to be. 'Kay? S'all good.

 12 Comment From The Writer: No worries.

Jul 14 2004
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Fork Master' Lewis
*blinks in shock and amazement*

I... missed the whole thing????

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES!!!!!!!!!!! *sob*

 12 Comment From The Writer: Yep. Sorry!

Jul 14 2004
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Fork Master' Lewis
GUESS WHO JUST SNAGGED 500TH MAIN PAGE COMMENT ON MY PAGE?????

HA HAAAA!!!

You shouldn't have left, you might've had a chance against her m4D h4X0r commenting skillz!

Comment From The Writer: Indeed, she did.

Jul 14 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
Hey! Beth, I wanted to tell her!

Oh well. I got #500 and yo-ooou didn't! Hahahahaha...

 12 Comment From The Writer: I no longer care. I got #666 and YOU didn't.

Jul 14 2004
So... what do you want?

...

My name is too long. I'm shortening it to the Solo part, I think. The rest can be explained in the bio... unless you know how to shorten it down?

Comment From The Writer: Ummm... I'll think about it...

You could shorten it to 'Keeper of Cute', although I think it would be nicer if you just left it as 'Solo'.

Jul 14 2004
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Fork Master' Lewis
Okay. I hate to tell you this, but my little brother and his friend want to see how I kill people. So. A demonstration might be necessary! *angelic eyes*

*snatches throwing forks out of belt and flings them into Megan's unprotected back*

*stalks over to where Megan is lying in pain, and stabs her multiple times with her lightsaber-fork*

Yes, I know you're not dead. But STILL! I dunno. They just don't get it. *sigh*

*wipes her bloodied fork clean with a towel, and wanders away*

 21 Comment From The Writer: *bleeds on the floor* *gives a slight whimper of pain*

Jul 14 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim Schein
Oi, I didn't know you were an Aussie too!
*Shakes hand formally, not at all perturbed by numerous hooks*
Great bio! And Ferian's Winter sounds great, just the description is enough to make me print out. Here I go...
But I'll leave some good comments on them when I return.
And um, well...
*shuffles feet*
I'd like to join your team! Death to the KAGS, and all that! No offense to Hanna and Beth, but I definitely think you're in the right. Plus the fact you're lying on the ground with forks impaled into your back. Um, maybe I should call a doctor...

 22 Comment From The Writer: *sits bolt upright: pain, blood and forks instantly forgotten, and stares at you with huge eyes*

Did... d-did you just say... you want to join me? Y-you WANT to join ME???

REALLY?????

*is not usually one for hugging complete strangers, but...*

*squeals with joy, leaps up and gives you a BIG hug* YOU RULE!!!!!!!!!! DEATH TO KAGS!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

And you're AUSTRALIAN!!!!! This is so COOL!!!!

*grins* Oh and, uh, don't worry about all this--*gestures at the blood and stab wounds* I'm immortal. And I have a Sword of Healing, so no worries, eh?

Jul 14 2004
Hanna Solo
*glares at Tim* She's immortal. She don't need no doctor. And she is TEH evil.

Though she still gets her request, her link on my bio, and much praise for FW. =P. Stupid evil writer with those fishooks...

 1 Comment From The Writer: Heeeeeheheheheheh!!!! *is still ecstatic over the fact that she has a new ally*

Jul 14 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Of course she's evil, why else would I be on her side? Then again, Frok is pretty evil too. Oh well, let it never be said that being evil is a bad thing.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Evil is FUN!!! You need a Star Wars nickname, Dazza. So does Tim. Hmmmm.... Who else was on the Dark Side?

Jul 14 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
*glares* Ow. That HURT! But now that you got 666th comment, you can stop being evil to me. *nods* Hmm...seems like I've missed quite a bit HERE too...

 12 Comment From The Writer: Yes. You missed a LOT. *smirks*

Stop being evil to you? But you're a KAGS member. And I'm Darth Angler. KKKKKKEEER-SSSSSSSSHHHH!!!!!

Jul 14 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
oh, and MUSE PICTURE?!!!

Comment From The Writer: It's coming!!! Actually, it's coming along quite well... I've got sketches of them all except Beth's dragon and Vida's python. It's mainly Beth's that I'm stuck on. I'm not that great at drawing ultra cute things... o_O

Jul 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
~_^ Now ye have three. And may the next be? (dear Lord that was horrible)

I have the feeling that more new people are going to show up and fall prey to your evilness. Though... *eyes her cute and fluffy things* I have quite a bit of evilness too. [insert evil laugh here] But Beth is certain of my loyalty. ^_^ If only cause I can't keep switching sides. (but it's so much fun!) and also cause she found me first ('tis true, 'tis true!)

Did I hear you say that you can't draw cute things? *cocks eyebrow* I may be able to help you with that... heh heh heh...

Comment From The Writer: Yep, I can't draw cute things. *sigh* They just end up looking stupid. I could use any help I can get, to be honest...

Jul 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
*raises eyebrows* The Angler? Asking for help? My, my, what a surprise. Well... *calls off Baisley, who was ripping you to pieces on Beth's page* I suppose I could help. ~_^

Advice: (in writing. I can show you drawings later) Round eyes, big ol' watery light reflections. Tiiiiiny little wings, a big, cute belly. Smooth, round lines. You want the body and eyes big, and mostly everything else small. Give 'em tiny little spikes and maybe a cute little tooth. *imagines it* I can see the cuteness in my head. 3\/UL cuteness.

If you need soem more help, I can show you visually what I mean.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Heheheh, thanks! That helps. Some drawings would be nice, if you wouldn't mind... 22 Geez, listen to me! I'm s'posed to be Darth Angler... *clears throat* SHOW ME CUTE DRAGON PICTURES, MORTAL, OR DIE!! KKKEEERRR-SSSSSSHHHHH!!!!

Jul 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim Schein
Hmm, a nickname, eh?
How about Tim Maul? That sounds good. I mean evil, evil, hehehe...
Oi, Hanna Solo can't be evil! Then she would most likely make Chewbacca into a fur coat. Actually, that's not a bad idea. Although the fleas would be annoying ;)
Our ranks are swelling, Evil Emperess Darth Angler. And I think I could persuade Matt to join as well. He loves evil, plus he's Aussie too.

 12 Comment From The Writer: Tim Maul, great! Ah, yes, your friend Matt... Er. He might be a little TOO evil. I don't know if I want to offend people to death...

Jul 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Fork Master' Lewis
HEY... what is this??? You can't go around calling me GOOD!!

...besides. I STARTED the war, and I was always the evil one who kept attacking the innocent Angler with pumpkin seeds and forks. PLUS I have Vida on my side. Obi Wan Cookie, who is actually SUPER EVIL.

I don't wanna be the good side. THE DARK SIDE IS WHERE I LIVE!!!!

...it's just a different Dark Side than the one where you are...

SO THERE!!! Neither of us are good. There is no light...

 12 Comment From The Writer: Yes, true. You were evil before I was... Both sides are dark, then. WE ARE ALL EVIL!!

Jul 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
I think it's true- both sides are evil. ^_^

[insert evil laugh here]

I just love those evil laughs.

 4 Comment From The Writer: *evil laugh*

Jul 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Before I forget, you have to make your request at my page. *sweatdrop* I should write all these requests down. So many... so little time before school starts...

Comment From The Writer: Okay, sure. BTW, what happened to the dragon piccies??? I NEED cute dragon piccies!!!!!!

Jul 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim Schein
hey, Hanna's been sweating everywhere lately. Texas humidity must be getting to her, huh?
Ok, so I have the name, but now methinks I need a bakery product.
How about ginger biscuits. They're yummy. And the taste is so bitter that you could disguise poison in them quite easily...hehehe.

Comment From The Writer: Hanna's from Texas?? Wow, I never knew that...

1 Yeah, ginger bikkies would be good. Or possibly doughnuts. Everyone likes doughnuts. OR... JAM DOUGHNUTS!! Now THERE'S an evil food, if ever there was one. They look so innocent and yummy, but as soon as you bite into them... great pain ensues as your tongue is burnt off by boiling jam. I suspect that whoever makes them adds some sort of secret ingredient that causes the jam inside to rise to an excessive temperature, REGARDLESS of the outside temperature of the doughnut. Evil, I tell you.

Jul 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
*watches Megan milkshake mess up the nice floor* Eeeewww, gross. I'd better clean that up.

*takes mop and mops up puddle* *rings mop out into bucket* *walks away, ignoring screams of anger coming from the bucket* That'll teach you to try to kill my beanies. *sits down and begins sewing Ears back together* At least I had my stuffed animal resurrection kit ready.

 8 Comment From The Writer: *gurgles* I'll get you!

Jul 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
John Ross Gunningham
haha... hiya, long time no hear from! Then again.. I've been kinda scarace too I suppose. haha, at anyrate, your character is in the next chapter of flintlock mages and that chapter is uploaded... I apologize it was hastily put together and I lost the first draft that I think was much better. ANYWAY, the moon light maiden is now an actor in my play ;) Cya.

 1 Comment From The Writer: ALL RIIIIIIGGGGHHHHT!!!! *tries to run off to John's page, then remembers she is in a bucket*

*attempts to slosh over the edge, but fails*

Jul 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Rather than bother with actually drawing something, (effort? What's that?) I'll give you websites of cute dragons that you can use. *nods head* None of them are as good as something I can draw (of course) but they will still help.

http://www.slickreality.com/solitaryrose/images/sd_dragon.jpg

http://www.peachtails.com/crafts/cutestickers.jpg

http://www.adventuresinceramics.com/img/a44023fy.jpg

http://www.artecy.com/lcutedragon.jpg (cross stitch??? O.o)

http://home.sol.se/maja/minabilder/otherstuff/dragonsad.jpg (awwww, how cute! It's sad)

Those were all the ones I found that were cute, draconish, and still in proportion. They should help you some. ~_^ If not, I'll draw something for ya'.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Awesome! Thanks!

Jul 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Fork Master' Lewis
*picks up neglected bucket, and makes her way to the kitchen sink*

*adds some green dish soap and water and swishes bucket around until it is filled with bubblies*

*smiles sweetly into bucket and pours the whole mess down the drain...*

Oh. Just for clarification, are you guys talking about my cute widdle dragon muse?

 22 Comment From The Writer: NOOOOOO!!! NONONONONONOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOT THE DISHWASHING SOAP AGAIN!!! AAAAAARRR--*gurglegurglegurgle...*

HOWEVER...

The Angler REFUSES to be poured down the drain, and so, using all the power of the Force, propels herself back out of the sink and into Beth's face*

Yes, we're talking about your cute widdle big-eyed dragon muse. Curse its cursed little soul...

Jul 17 2004
You have a serious attitude problem.

You got #666, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!??? Uuugh... I could just... ah, wait, I have a better idea!

*zapps you and turns you into a bottle of Fairy*

*humms softly, and pours the bottle into a bucket full of water*

*waits for huge bubbles to form, and empties contents of bucket into soap bubble machine*

*turns on soap bubble machine and watches little bubbles of Megan float around the room and pop*

Pop! Pop! Pop! Hahaha! Oh, by the way, did anyone step on those landmines?

Comment From B-Srod: *floats through the doorway, glancing down at the landmines*

Nope.

*lowers his head and butts Vida hard, causing her to fall onto the mines*

*watches with great amusement as the huge explosion scatters Vida bits all over the hut*

Jul 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
*reaches over and pops a Megan bubble*

That's so entertaining. *scoops up some Megan fluid, then puts it in a jar* *takes bubble wand and begins blowing Megan bubbles, all the way back to her own page*

Yep, I'm from Texas. Though you can't tell by that fuzzy dot... I could be in ten states from the size of it.

 8 Comment From The Writer: *a Megan bubble pops angrily in Hanna's face, getting stinging bubble fluid in her eye and causing her to drop the jar*

*the puddle of fluid reforms ominously into the shape of the Angler*

*the Angler calmly selects a fishhook from her belt and twirls it* Time for some fishhook action, methinks...

*fishhook blurs, and a moment later, Hanna falls to the ground in pieces*

*gathers up bits of Hanna and bits of Vida and carries them into a back room, where she drops them cheerfully into a cauldron of bubbling poison*

Jul 18 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Comment from the Now Dead Hanna: *grumble grumble* But you're immortal! And I'm not! So what am I going to do?

It's actually quite cool in this bubbling cauldron when compared with the extreme heat we've had recently. Wednesday was the hottest day of the year, 'til Thursday broke that record... the Friday broke THAT record... stupid heat.

*gets stirred by a giant spoon and is mixed in with bits of Cookie*

 4 Comment From The Writer: Heheheh... *stirs the pot*

Extreme heat?? Oh man... wanna swap? I'll go to Texas and you can come to Tasmania... It's FREEEEEZING!!!! I can't even sit at my computer for too long, because my hands literally go numb... It's horrible. I want summer. *whimpers*

Jul 18 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
So you mean you want 98 degrees F? (no idea what Fahrenheit to Celsius is... but that's HOT!) Not to mention humidity that makes it in the 100s.

And do you want rain that comes and stay around for weeks at a time? Followed by humidity so bad that you step out the door and the water in the air makes sweat for you? Do you want that, huh? HUH?

*huff* I'll trade you, yes I will.

*is stirred*

 16 Comment From The Writer: On seeeecond thought.... *cough* I think I'll just be quite happy here as an icicle...

Jul 18 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim Schein
Oh yes, I see now. Your dot points clearly to Tasmania.
Wow it's cold here, so Tassie...
Do you live near Hobart or Launceston? Silly me, there's probably a million places in Tasmania besides those two cities. Like...
Port Arthur!
Or...
The southern parts! Near the wilderness!
And I think Beth pops in here to caue mischief far too regularly. I shall see Amanda about updating one of her Gnome Traps to capture enemy commenters. Then we can take her light saber fork, and she'll be powerless, hehehe...

 12 Comment From The Writer: Lol, stupid dot. I could be in Melbourne, for all anyone knows. I live on the north-west coast, about half an hour from Devonport (which is where the ferries come in). It's very pretty, lots of green rolling hills and all that...

Honestly. There's more to Tassie than Port Arthur and trees, like... er... *thinks for awhile* I fail to think of anything right now, but I'm sure there's something...

Jul 18 2004
*bits of Cookie with help of The Force (not the footbal team!) merge into a whole Cookie*

Bwahaha! Evil shall never prevail!

*zapps Angler into a bottle of rose-scented air-freshner and takes it to Skywalker's page*

Sssh! You didn't see this! *evil grin*

Comment From The Writer: 8

Jul 18 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
*while Cookie is remaking herself, she melts completely and melds with the poison* *the pot cools, and with the help of the Force and Cookie, she is reformed... but now the poison is a part of her*

*eyes new body* Well, this is interesting. Muahahaha... I have a new body now, complete with superpowers! Well, okay, maybe not superpowers... but you get the idea. ~_^

 8 Comment From The Writer: Curse it...

Jul 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim Schein
Yes, you could be in Melbourne, god forbid(shudders) ;)
Sydney is much better. But we get no snow; I'd imagine it's cold enough to snow down near Devonport, hmm?
The KAGS are infinetly evil and cunning, that they are. We needs a plan, Angler m'dear. I think we should take one of them out. But who?
Wait a minute...
*glances around suspiciously*
We're being listened into! Ok, let's talk in inaudible whispers.
muttermuttermutter...

Comment From The Writer: Lol. I've never been to Sydney. :( I've never been anywhere, except Melbourne and once to Canberra, and that was on a family trip about 10 years ago. I got to see Parliament House. *rolls eyes* Oooh, yay.

*whispers* One of them?? I think we should take 'em ALL out...

Jul 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim Schein
Ok, it appears you were stolen before, so I went to the fork master's library and retrieved you in can form. Now I'll just spray this around here, and you'll be good as new!
Oh and do you think we should tell Hanna about that bottle of cat pee that accidently got labelled poison? Nah it's probably not important, I mean it's not as if anyone would go and FUSE with it, would they? ;)

 1 Comment From The Writer: *nearly chokes from laughing so hard*

Jul 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Hey! The Darth Angler! Wow! I'm a big fan of yours! Hey, can you show me the breath thing? And the destiny thing? You know, "it is your destiny, young Skywalker", khoosh, wheeze.

Comment From The Writer: It is your Destiny, young Skywalker. KKKKEEEERRR-SSSSHHHHH!

Hey, want a free t-shirt and a glow in the dark plush hook?

Jul 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
*chokes* Ewww, you guys are so nasty. *unfuses* *reforms as herself... and only herself* I'm not ever coming back here again. =P

Wait... why are you looking so happy about that? Fine then, I'm coming back! So ha!

*pets Baisley* We'll get them some day, my precious. Yesh, we will.

Baisley: Bah. (which translates to: Shut up, you stupid human, before I poke your eyes out with my horns.)

*mutters* I'm going to take a bath...

 4 Comment From The Writer: *sniggers uncontrollably*

Jul 19 2004
Heheh...thats funny. I thought i was truly reading a story! You must be good! Now i hafta read the rest of you ACTUAL stories! :D

 12 Comment From The Writer: Lol, do you mean the comments or the bio story? You should definitely read the stories, yes. You'll find much better writing there, although slightly less amusing, I have to say.

Jul 20 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim Schein
Yay, the Bee Gees rock!
So do The Jets, Daniel Mereweather, Cold Chisel, Silverchair, and The Dissociatives. Delta Goodrem is a bit girly, but she still rocks cuz she can play the piano and she's hot.
You've never been to Sydney? That's unbelievable! But then, I've never been to Tasmania.
All of them, yes mistress, but first we have to target them one by one. And then, when the fork master is outnumbered, WE shall kill HER good! Ahahaha!

 1 Comment From The Writer: 'Ah ha ha ha, we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive...' *cough* Sorry, couldn't resist...

You like the Bee Gees too? YAY!!! 1 Mmmm, yes, they are all good bands. Lol, at least Delta can actually SING, unlike certain other girly soap stars (ack!).

Yeah, I know... I'm an Aussie and I've never even been to our most famous city. Sad, isn't it? *sigh* Oh well. I like Tassie, despite the cold, and the boredom, and the lack of employment opportunites, and the woodchip companies making our beautiful ancient forests into cardboard boxes, and the fact that we still don't have an AFL team...

Hmmm... *drums her fingers slowly* Yes, you are right, we should take them out one by one.... I think we should start with Kellidala. She is formulating some kind of insidious plot to torture me...

Jul 20 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Wow! Glowing plush hook! I, I, I, I'm going to swoon...

Hey, that breath part was pretty good. I was thinking about joining the Dark Side as the Stormtrooper Who Never Hit Anything, and I must say, you Dark Side guys are pretty convincing...

...but then again, the Moderately Cooked Side has THE OLD Obi-Wan! AAAAAAAAAAAAA

I'm torn between two irresistible desires.

 1 Comment From The Writer: YES!! JOIN THE DARK SIDE!! We have those, uh, big walking machine things, AT-AT's or whatever they were called! Now how cool is that?

Jul 21 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim Schein
Great idea, Kellidala it is. Now all we need is a few more allies to really execute our will.
It's all falling into plan!*first evil laugh of the day*
Yes, join us Panu! And you already have a nickname, excellent! If you join the KAGS, then you'll have to - get ready for this - be loving and merciful! Ack! I would rather listen to Beck Cartwright sing, or "The Saddle Club Song" stuck on repeat!
Actually, that might not be a bad torture idea. *second evil laugh*
And I've just about convinced Lee-Ann, the magical butt, to join us as well. She's a fellow Aussie, and I'm sure if you were to speak to her it would help to persuade her mind... I think there's a link on Hanna Solo's page.

Comment From The Writer: "The Saddle Club Song"! AAAAAAARRRRGGHHH!!! THE HORROR! THE HORROR! Yes, that would be an EXCELLENT torture idea! Muahahahaha!!

Ooooooooooh, another recruit! EXCELLENT! I will go and pay her a visit, yes...

Jul 21 2004
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
Right! *settles down and takes a really deep breath* Let's try this again shall we...

*storm of weeping*
I just wrote you a huge comment all about me and the dark side and created you a new pet and everything... and it's... it's ... GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*is now not happy*
*ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!!*
Get off you little bugger!
Here... I just created him for you using my new super mix of stratus and cumulonimbus, but he's a moody beggar... beware his very short temper.
Oh sorry, he's a miniature storm unicorn... at the moment he's about the size of a football. But if you leave him standing in water (if you can get him to stay still for long enough) he'll grow - make one helluva mighty steed, except for that temper!
*BuuuuuuuuuuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!*
*SLAP!*
Do it again and i'll throw water over your head and fuse you!
His horn is packed with lightning volts, and they hurt *tries to flatten fuzzed up hair* Please take him away before I'm forced to try Unicorn meat *glares*
*Buuuzzz!*
*grrrrrrrrrrr*
Oh the other thing was I want a Darth Angler action figure! But I can't join the dark side full time *evil characters sigh in frustration* I prefer to be impartial and give benevolent gifts... or in this case - glances uni's way - seriously malevolent ones.
It's certainly busy in here... how are the other Cloud pets?
*wonders off to find somewhere to discharge *BUZZ!* *
I hate my own creations...

[grr it tried to do it again! Lucky i saved this comment this time *sulks*]

 1 Comment From The Writer: Another cloud pet!!!! YAAAAAY!! Oh, and B-Srod and Izzy are still alive and well, never fear! Heheheh.

I don't give away my uber-cool Darth Angler action figures to just ANYONE, you know! BUT, you gave me another pet, so... Very well. You may have one, and I will accept you as a part-time Dark Side member. Do you want to be Chewbecca or Becca Fett? 12

Jul 21 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
[peevish pining noise made by still slightly pink werewolf entering with small triangle] Who he? Why he do that? Are you going to help me get my gong back? Why don't action figures burn when you set fire to them? Hair does. Rice cakes do. Aerosol does. Muffins do[eventually]. White spirit does[hence the name]. Nnnnnnn. [continues attempts to set fire to solid plastic]

Comment From The Writer: B-Srod and Izzy watch a slightly pink werewolf with a small triangle enter.

B-Srod: Mrrreh, what's that? Is it dangerous?

Izzy: It lookzz zzuzzpiciouzzz... Do you zzink verevolves burn vhen you z-z-z-zap zzzem?

B-Srod: Mrreheheh. Wanna find out?

Izzy: Yezz, let'zz!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAPPPP!!!

Jul 22 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim Schein
Hey, we could use a werewolf on the dark side *grins*. How's about we let her join?
Hmm, if you are going to be Chewbecca, you have to promise not to be nice to your "friend, Hanna Solo. Really what does she do but keep you prisoner on the Mellineum Falcon, as nothing but a slave. The only reason the intergalatial branch of the RSPCA hasn't hauled her ass in is because Wookies can't talk.

 1 Comment From The Writer: LOL! Hey, yeah, a werewolf WOULD be handy to have around...

Jul 22 2004
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Forkwalker' Lewis
Hey, if she's Chewbecca, she's on our side! BWAHAHA!!!

*cheers madly, and wanders off*

 14 Comment From The Writer: I KNOW, I did consider that... but, it just sounded so cool. And I thought she could be, like, an evil Chewie, or a half-evil Chewie, or... something. Yeah, so that's not technically accurate to the movies, but YOU tried to get a Stormtrooper to shoot Darth Angler! *glares*

Jul 22 2004
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
LOL! I was gonna say Chewie's a goodie... If i'm becca fett i get to be a bounty hunter - which means I am neither good nor bad - i assassinate for money MUhahahahahahahahaha!!

YAY!! A Darth Angler action figure!

Oh I know what I was asking... Anymore Ferrian and co anywhere along the way?

 1 Comment From The Writer: Exactly, that's why I suggested it! Heheheh. Becca Fett it is then!

Ferrian and co are coming... sometime. I dunno. When I can find a way to stop procrastinating...

Jul 22 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
No, they singe. And it makes them ANGRY. [NNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyeh]
Take a lesson from what happened to Forkwalker and don't make me use the squeaky telephone, buddy.

Comment From The Writer: Alright, alright. Sorry. I admit, I just wanted to use the word 'verevolves'...

Hey, wanna join the Dark Side?

Jul 22 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
*grins evilly, and says in a voice full of scorn* A Darth Angler action figure? Like, seriously, how LAME can you get?! I mean, come on, who would actually BUY that stuff? Like, omg, some people...*smirks*

Oh, and I think its time for me to reveal our new attack-

...wait for it...


Ni!
Ni!
NI!
NNIIIIII!!!!

*Kellidala cackles evilly as the Darth Angler covers her ears, and slowly collapses at her feet in pain*

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAhaha*cough*...haha...ha..

Comment From The Writer: HEY! Action figures are COOL! *takes out one of her Darth Angler action figures and presses a little button on its back, making it throw tiny, yet nevertheless extremely sharp fishhooks at Kellidala*

Darn! Ran out of ammunition... *suddenly clamps her hands over her ears* AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!! HELP!!! I'M BEING NI'D!!!

Jul 23 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
*narrows eyes* That IT, it's war! 'Tis officially official now! *summons evil minions* *minions of cuteness come prancing in*

Les Minions: NI!!! ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni *gasps for breath* NIIIIIIII!!!!!

Ha! Take that, evil Angler!

Comment From The Writer: AAAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Jul 23 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
Nnnnnnniiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comment From The Writer: *tries to clamp her hands tighter over her ears*

Jul 23 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim Schein
Wello, we could have used extra time, but what the hell,
CHARGE!!!!!!!!!
*notices he's the only one in the library*
Ahh, drown that horrible noise out!
Mistress, what happened to you?
*slips a pair of earmuffs over the Angler's ears, then does the same*
It's not working! There's too many stuffed toys, all chanting at the same time...
I know!
*reaches into "box of the damned"*
Ok, DVD set of the complete series of "Rosanne", Fran Drescher's unreleased singing albumn, Plans for a house built by straw...
Here we go!
*places CD into player, turns volume up on high*
"HELLO WORLD, THIS IS ME, LIFE SHOULD BE, FUN FOR EVERYONE!"
Well, thank god that song was useful for something.
*watches with relief as the toys come apart at the stitches, due to the horrible sound coming from the large speakers*
Ok, we repelled the first attack, but this isn't the end, I'm certain. Meanwhile, I think you should activate the Fishing Hut's defenses. I know you're immortal, but I'm very worried about ending up like my star wars counterpart
*clutches stomach nervously*
I think we should get Emberice.

 1 Comment From The Writer: *breathes a sigh of relief as the 'ni-ing' finally stops* Thank you! Yes! The Fishing Hut's defenses! *gets up and walks over to a stuffed fish mounted on the wall*

*presses the fish, and it swivels around to reveal a hidden control panel*

Aha! Now we're in business! Muahaha! *presses a red button on the control panel*

Nothing happens.

*mashes the button frantically* NOOOOO! The defenses aren't working!!

Jul 23 2004
I wanna Darth Angler action figure... aaah, so tempting...

*drools*

(no! *slaps obi wan* snap out of it, man!)
(whut 'e saay?)
(shut up, hamish!)

But I wanna action figure!

((**slap**))

OUCH! OK, OK, I fight temptations... *clenches teeth*

 14 Comment From The Writer: My action figures are only for Dark Side members and people who are nice to me! So NYUH!!

*pauses for a long moment, and then smirks*

Hey, uh, Vida? GUESS WHAT??? No really, GUESS!! Heeeeheheheheh!!! *looks pointedly at her comment counter, grinning...* 1

Jul 23 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
[a wolf slightly larger than a shetland pony crashes in, already faintly pink and definitely crazed, still clad in what looks like a Klangon ammo belt. The mad crimson eyes sweep the scene. It leaps and siezes upon V-rod and a beanie animal at the same time, oblivious to the stinging static and the frantic cries of the Gang Who Say Ni. Beans and wisps of cloud scatter until one of the captured creatures stops moving, when, like a dog bored with a toy it lets both drop. There is no recognition nor 'higher intelligence' in the stare it gives the huddled combattants. A purely animal snarl grates out. It leaps for the humans and the Sith. Everyone scatters, the Angler ducks and ten stone of angry muscle hits the window of the hut. A shrapnel-burst of glass and it is gone, leaving only smears of its blood, singed fur and a mangled beanie toy. V-rod twitches near the floor. No-one speaks until

 22 Comment From The Writer: *straightens, her eyes wide* I go away for ONE DAY...

Jul 23 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Grr... *takes out kit* *opens it up* *presses button* *needles fly out, thread themselves, and sew the beanies back up*

You didn't think I would leave them without a way to put them back together? Looks like it's time for a spell... *beanies become actual flesh and blood, instead of stuff animals* Sure, it'll wear off at midnight... but still...


Living Stuffed Animals: ni ni ni ni ni *gasp for air* ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ... *sound drowns out anything else*

Oh yeah. *smashes CD player*

Comment From The Writer: ... and look what happens!! GRRRR!! *switches on the radio and turns it up to full volume in an attempt to drown out the wretched 'ni's again...

Jul 23 2004
*walks in*

What's that horrible noise?

(which noise? that ni ni ni?)

Yes! That noise! Uuurgh! It's driving me crazy!

But wait, that's a good thing... Oooh... *cackles evily*

Meeegaaan?

(mwahaha)

Oh, Meeegaaan?

(hahaha)

Ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni *wheezes for breath* ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni !!!!!!!!!!!

NIII!!!!!!!!!

*chokes a live cute fuzzy plush animal to death just for the fun of it*

Ni ni ni ni ni ni ....

 10 Comment From The Writer: AAAAARRRGGHH!! Dammit!!!

Jul 23 2004
Hanna Solo
Ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni...

Comment From The Writer: *flicks on her lightsabre and starts hacking desperately at the fuzzy animals...*

Jul 23 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*twirls shadowstaff* *everything becomes very dark all of a sudden* *snickers* Ehehe, instant midnight. *watches beanies return to normal pathetic form* And now for these so-called knights of ni... IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT!!!

 1 Comment From The Writer: *cheers* WHOOOOOHOOOO!!! YEAH!! Go Emberice!!!

Jul 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Forkwalker' Lewis
AHH!!! NOOOO!!! That WORD!! It means utter disaster for all who say NI! *covers ears and cowers*

Time for drastic measures! *consults her Monty Python and the Holy Grail handbook* Ok. Ready!

One...
Two...
FIVE!!!

(Three, sir!)

THREE!!!!!

*HAAAALELUJAH!!*

*watches as Holy Hand Grenade blows Emberice into tiny bits*

*cackles and sneaks off, muttering 'ni' under her breath*

 22 Comment From The Writer: NOOOOOOOOO!!! *hurriedly gathers up the bits of Emberice* You shall not die, my loyal ally!!

*places the Sword of Healing on the pile of bits and watches as Emberice melts back together*

Jul 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
*covers ears* No! Not THAT word!

My beanies! *glares at Emberice* I hates him, yesh I does...

(I like him)

Traitor! You're a traitor for living inside my mind! *glares* If I lose my mind, you all die. *indicates other people type things in there* So HA!

CAPS LOCK MONSTER: I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!!

Well =P. *takes out whip* *begins severely punishing Caps and parentheses* I'll have them trained yet...


*narrows eyes* Operation ni may not have worked, but there are other operations that will, I tell you. You will die... good. *walks out, pieces of beanie cloth and plastic beans in her arms*

Come, Baisley. *Baisley the indestructable who loves night and can hear...that word...without dying, follows*

 13 Comment From The Writer: You're afraid of the word 'it'?? *shrugs* *yells at the top of her voice:*

IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT!!!!

Jul 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Oh yeah.

*takes out Gack Hack Foo that Obi Wan gave her* Here. *smirks, hands them to confused Angler* They're crossbreeds of various animals. Ain't they cute?

You're thirsty, you say? *hands Angler a glass of orange juice* *spills it* Oops. And it's all over the Gack Hack Foo, too. Obi Wan warned me not to spill that on them...

*leaves the room, while Angler tries to fight the breeding, horribly smelling, bad tempered Gack Hack Foo once they have been given orange juice*

 22 Comment From The Writer: What?? What the heck is Gack Hack Foo?? *hacks at the things with her lightsabre*

Jul 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
*watches Gack Hack Foo eat said lightsaber* *smiles*

It's your worst nightmare.

 22 Comment From The Writer: *stares in disbelief as the Gack Hack Foo eat her lightsabre*

Eeep.

Jul 24 2004
*watches as Gack Hack Foo go rampant on Angler's page, gnawing at people's limbs with their razor-sharp teeth*

Adorable, innit?

... wait... I got a comment title? NO WAY!! Whoopie Goldberg! *evil grin* So, that means I can, like, ask for a story? Which comment number was it, by the way?

 12 Comment From The Writer: Yep, you got my 300th main page title, which means you are indeed entitled to a request story. Lucky you, eh?

Jul 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
BOOoooossssssshhhhhhhhhh!!!
[vibrations of gong cause Gack Hack Foo to keel over, ears bleeding. Angler goes cross-eyed] Uh, sorry. That didn't help anything much, did it? [shuffles off]

21 Comment From The Writer: *Angler clamps her hands over her ears as the fishing hut trembles and dust filters down from the ceiling*

Ugh... On th-the c-c-contrary, a-a-anything th-that h-hurts the G-Gack Hack F-Foo is a h-help...

Jul 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Cecily is certainly proving useful, isn't she?
*smirks at Hanna Solo, who FAILED to convert pink lycanthorpe*
I think I can convince Bunto to join the dark side. You should come see his newly built gallery as well. Bear with me as I try to make a link:
Bunto and his, er, interesting drawings
I hope that worked. If not, could you fix it for me, and tell me what I did wrong? I really have to understand this HTML stuff...

Comment From The Writer: You ALMOST got it right! You just missed the = sign after the 'a href'. But no probs, I fixed it up for you.

Jul 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
*the Gack Hack Foo get up, since they are now deaf they can no longer hear the gong* I dunno why anyone would want to join you guys, you're so stupid. *is failing to think of a good unsult*

*sets loose the thousand of Gack Hack Foo, who- now deaf- attack Cecily and her gong, eat all the lightsabres, and bite off all of Angler's limbs*

Aren't they adorable?

 21 Comment From The Writer: *lies limbless on the floor in a rapidly expanding pool of blood* Y-yeah, th-they're j-just d-darling... *faints*

Jul 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Oh yeah. And you're a wheezing old geezer. =P.

 8 Comment From Izzy: *takes the Sword of Lightning from its wrought-iron stand, floats up behind Hanna and slices her head off*

Jul 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Forkwalker' Lewis
And Tim is dead. By the way.

Comment From The Writer: *is still unconscious on the floor, but she knows that Tim is dead, yes*

Jul 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
Werewolf annoyed at having deaf Gack Hack Foo set upon her. Very annoyed. Angry. [Falls to knees] No no no not again PLEASE! Argh! No...[Back arches like a scalded cat. Limbs twist as she tries to stop the change, sobbing with effort and gasping for breath through a ribcage trying to change shape.]Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggaaaaaaaarrrr[The tortured scream trails off into a long, rolling growl]A huge pale wolf stands among the clawing Gack Hack Foo, flanks heaving. Ignoring the Angler only because she is no longer moving the thing sets about the tiny creatures. A single snap of its massive jaws cuts two entirely in half. Blood splatters the walls until they run purple. It doesn't care about the injuries inflicted upon it. There is nothing in this beast but rage, and the killing instinct that will not stop until the anger leaves. The humans and the Sith back off, hoping that they'll be able to reach the door before it finishes shaking the life out of the last partially dismembered reptilian thing that a few seconds before had been beating up a nervous teenage girl over-enthusiastically happy to get her beloved gong back. It shakes the last couple of Gack Hack Foo to nastily dripping rags and advances upon the last moving objects in the room, paws the size of a woman's fist slipping in oddly-patterned entrails and the floor's coating of blood, recognising neither friend nor enemy, wanting only to kill...

 16 Comment From Izzy: *retreats to the safety of the ceiling, watching the werewolf and staring at the blood and various body parts scattered all over the hut*

Zzere izz goink to be vun hell ov a cleaning bill...

Jul 25 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
I'm dead?
Well that would explain why I could float through walls this morning.
Dammit, I can't be dead, I have school tommorrow! Oh wait...
It's alright, maybe i could get used to being a ghost.
*light shines from above*
Aw, I have to go to heaven? But I tried to be evil, I really did!
*Angel flies down and extends arm*

No, you'll never take me dead!

*Snatches a hook off table and impales it thorugh the angel's hand, then floats off speedily to haunt forkwalker*

Angel: Sonofa...
*speaks into walkie talkie*
"We got a situation down here. Someone running from eternal judgement. Male, with red skin, black stripes, and horns. Looking very pale. Send your best men down here to take care of it, over."
*rips hook out of hand, and tosses it to the floor carelessly, then smiles cruelly*
No one escapes the pearly gates!

Comment From The Writer: *the sound of the Angel's voice stirs the Angler into consciousness, and she lifts her head*

*her eyes are fierce* NO-ONE... takes... m-my... allies... away...

Jul 25 2004
miscellanious bubs? *nods* yes! mangled stems!

and how be you? I be good! darth butt *many raising of eyebrows* in-ter-es-ting...

J'aime manger whiteboard marker! YUM!

*chomps walls* pretty!

Comment From The Writer: *blinks, trying to focus bleary eyes on Lee-Ann* I... b-be... not... so... g-good....Y-y-you... haven't... seen... m-my... l-limbs... around, by... any... ch-chance...?

Jul 25 2004
insanity has no logic, neither does school

why? I shall ask.

Becuase! And we shall leave it at that *grins*

Comment From The Writer: ....ugh....

*begins to wish she was still unconscious*

*concentrates hard, trying to faint again, but fails*

*sighs*

Jul 25 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
Huge wolf snaps vaugely at Tim and is frustrated to find fangs pass straight through. Angelic being's noise on walkie-talkie irritates the animal. Ears back it leaps upon the bird-dude in the dress and despite his struggles tears his throat out. It then tries to kill the walkie-talkie, [**Bob?BOb? What the Heaven's going on down there?**]and having chewed that for a bit slinks out of the hut, hacking foam.

Comment From The Writer: *forgotten by everyone, the tiny Storm Unicorn, who has been watching the violent battle with great interest from beneath the coffee-table, now finds itself standing in a pool of various peoples/creatures' blood. It recalls the words of it's creator:*

"... leave it standing in water and it will grow..." *it wonders, with growing horror, what would happen if it were to stand in blood instead...*

*it doesn't wonder for long*

*it begins to grow...*

Jul 25 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
*Hears sounds of mauling, and peers into fishing hut eagerly*
Yay, you killed him! But there might be more...I gotta hide, at least until Emberice ressurects me!

Comment From The Writer: ... my head hurts... does anyone have any aspirin...?

Jul 25 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
*lays out her hand, grinning as the mimes groan* I kinda like being a ghost, actually. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to take the money I won from playing poker with Cecily's mimes, and I'm buying myslef a nice invisible dress.

...


That sounded soooo wrong.

The werewolf threw up the Gack Hack Foo in my wastebasket. Here. *dumps a mess of green bits and pieces onto the Angler's page* I think you'll enjoy this.

*the Angler is unable to clean well, as she has no limbs* Your lightsaber is in there, and your limbs, since the GHF ate them, then the werewolf ate the GHF... so maybe you can reattach them.

*smiles* You're the oldest, Angler, you geezer. *lightsaber passes through her body, since she's a ghost*

*smiles at the mess, then floats out*

Comment From The Writer: *ignoring Hanna, the Angler tries to sort out her limbs from the mess*

Jul 25 2004
*half a dozen mimes come into the fishing hut and start dancing weirdly to horrible flute music*

Er... We-ell... I am freaked out. All that is missing now is a clown. *shudders*

*opens the door, and a thousand or so Gack Hack Foo hop into the room*

*spills 12 gallons of orange juice over the Gack Hack Foo, and they become evil reptilian mutants and start ransacking the place once more*

They're new and improved. And gongs can't hurt them.

Think Gizmo and Gremlins ... multiplied by 100000.

Brought to you by Archie the Little Turkish Salesman Inc. and Obi Wan's Mutant Workshop.

Comment From The Writer: *oblivious to the horrible flute music and fresh wave of GHF, she picks up an arm and tries to stick it back into place*

*stares at the arm, which doesn't seem to look right* Wait... I don't think this one's mine... *tosses it into the horde of hungry GHF*

Jul 25 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
Mimes quietly, peacefully convince Gack Hack Foo that the invisible walls are real. Three faintly smiling mimes silently 'push'at the 'sides' of their 'box' until the GHF are compressed into a wriggling cube, allowing the mimes to place a white throw over them and set about redecorating the Angler's hut. In white. The various bits of Angler they sculpt into an invisible ostritch-shaped thing, which they proceed to pen in with invisible walls, smiling faintly and Frenchly the while. This done the mimes, now more in number as silent street performers have a weird magnetisim, settle down to staring at walls to Musak and drinking tobasco on ice and standing still and other mime things.

Comment From The Writer: *the hut quivers*

*a mass of glowing, blood-red storm clouds seethes in the centre of the room, emitting bolts of lightning...*

THOOOOOR AAAANGRRRRYYYY!!

THOOOOR NOOO LIIIKE GAAAACK HAAAACK FOOOO!!


*an enormous red unicorn with a six-foot-long silver horn and glowing red eyes stands in the middle of the room, glaring ferociously*

*Thor brings one of his massive hooves down on the cube of compressed Gack Hack Foo, turning them into Gack Hack Goo and leaving quite a large crater in the floor*

*the mimes go even paler, drop their invisible cards and drinks, and flee*

*the spell is broken, and the bits of Darth Angler drop to the floor, where they reatttach themselves to her body*

*Darth Angler stands up, whole once more, brushing blood and slime half-heartedly off her sleeve. She surveys the disgusting mess all over her hut, and her eyes narrow*

Thor?

YEEEEEESSS MIIISSSSTRESSSS?

Go and kill Obi Wan Cookie.

YEEEEEESSS MIIISSSSTRESSSS.

*with a thundering neigh, the gigantic unicorn charges off, demolishing a large part of the wall in the process*

Jul 26 2004
*Fingers the shortbread, as if expecting it to flinch.* Hehehe! Man, this is definately one of my favorite corners of the woods. I feel as if i should break into some elaborate song about Elfwood, but the last time I tried to pull something like that I was dragged out of the scene by a cop and a paramedic who insisted that I spend a night at the hospital just so they can make sure I dont suffer from delusions. So, for the sake of avoiding the re-living of my boss' retirement party all over again, I won't. But anyways, i make frequent visits here, just to catch up with Ferrian's Winter and any new poems/stories you may have cooked up! Great job with this little treasure trove hidden cleverly in the wood. Keep it up!
~Panda Smasher

 1 Comment From The Writer: Thank you very much!

Jul 26 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
[mimes creep back in. Some come out from under the fridge. The rod cupboard rattles. The Angler opens the door and finds herself meeting the blank, faintly smiling stares of another two. She shuts the door.]

 16 Comment From The Writer: *shivers*

Jul 26 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
Hmm. Well, at least if you mime cleaning up they'll probably copy you. I'm working on a mime-repellant. But if you're in a gloating mood I think your rival got on the wrong side of them by torching some...

 13 Comment From The Writer: *smirks* Oh dear, did she? Tsk, tsk. Oh, I don't mind the mimes... Well, alright, they ARE a bit creepy. But they didn't try to hurt me, and they wall my enemies up in invisible boxes. As long as they don't make me into an ostrich again, I could live with them.

Jul 27 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
*arrives from Beth's page dragging unconcious mimes, splattered with rotten eggs* 'Ere. Enjoyb. *watches with happiness as Darth Angler and evil comrades start laughing at the noseplug and how it makes her voice sound, suddenly stop with surprise, and then faint from the stench* KAGS? *laughs as the rest of the KAGS swoop down and attack the evil side with varying degrees of violence* Too bad, Darth Angler. You tried. Just not hard enough. *cackles evilly*

Comment From The Writer: *up near the ceiling, Izzy mimes spraying a can of air freshener*

*the mimes copy her, and the stench quickly fades away*

*Darth Angler picks herself up from the floor, and smiles pleasantly at Kellidala* I tried? Hahaha, I'm just getting started! You're just lucky that Thor is out killing Cookie at the moment. *smirks* *pretends to throw a fishhook at Kelly*

*to Kelly's horror, the mimes all copy her*

*Darth Angler watches in amusement as Kelly falls to the floor, stuck with invisible fishhooks*

Jul 27 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Ahem, Kellidala, It would appear that Solo is on vacation, and Forkwalker and Cookie had an unfortunate accident today in Beth's pit of darkness. Shame that, but it looks like you're all alone.
*draws lightsaber, and eagerly advances towards the angled member of KAGS*

 4 Comment From The Writer: Muahahaha!!

Jul 27 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
[mimes copy the movement, staring blank-eyed, smiling stares]

Comment From The Writer: *stands back to watch*

Jul 27 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*spins staff, creating a whirling vortex of dark energies* *a little puffball pops out, and transforms into a small white rabbit* *mimes copy the action* *Vorpal Bunny tears Kelly's throat out, as do the other invisible ones* There we go...*places Vorpal Bunny near the door* Hehehe... any KAGS members that try to come in here are going to have the same thing happen.... *glances at gaping hole in the other wall* Well, maybe not.

But still, if they get anywhere near it....Oh, and don't antagonize it, or it'll do the same to you. It's currently against the KAGS because it hates Gack Hack Foo/Goo, but it's kinda.... not very loyal. Still, as long as you leave it alone, it'll stay on our side. 1 And it's only weakness is the Holy Hand Grenade, but Beth already used that one.

Muahahahahaha......

 1 Comment From The Writer: YAY!! Vorpal Bunny!! Awwwww, isn't he cuuuute.... *goes to pat the bunny, then leaps backwards hastily as it springs at her*

Eh. I think I'll just leave it alone there by the door... *edges away until she has the couch between herself and the bunny*

Jul 28 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
*lies writhing on the floor, prickled with fishooks* Damn. Was it the gloating that did me in? *carefully pries the hooks out of her skin, and picks herself up off the ground* *sees a bundle of white snarling fun flying at her throat* RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! *there's no backup to follow her orders* Shoot. *dies*

*the ghost of Kellidala rises out of her mauled body, oblivious to the rabid rabbit's new attempts at taking her ghostly throat out* I was wondering when it would be my turn to experience death...*shrugs* Oh well, at least I can't be harmed now...I think...*eyes dart around frantically*

Hmmm...I can't touch live things...*ponders* but...I CAN still talk...and haunt! I shall now proceed to haunt you in the worst possible way, and resort back to the original attack...*nods happily* Ready? Steady? GO!

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnni! Ni ni ni ni ni!!! *Hanna's Les Minions, who did NOT accompany her on her holiday, appear as a result of the call of the ni, and join in the attack* *a whole chorus of high, squeaky, but oddly creepy voices "ni" at Darth Angler and the revived Tim Maul* NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!

Comment From The Writer: *groans* *clamps her hands over her ears* Not again....

Jul 28 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
*raises double ended lightsaber and swings it through Kellidala's ghost*
Uh oh.
*notices horrible ni noise, and runs off grumbling, deciding to check on the fork master's page*
You'd better not follow me, you ghostial types you.
*grumblegrumblegrumblegrumble*

 17 Comment From The Writer: WAIT!! Where are you going??? Don't leave me here alone with ni-ing critters and ghosts!!

Jul 28 2004
*drags self to page, clutching painfully at bleeding stomach*

Urgh... I hate you so bad.

I wanna story... I wanna space opera! Yes! Bwahaha! Think Star Trek, Futurama, and similar. Funny, with a neurotic short captain, a sexy doctor, aaaand... I dunno. A hillarious space opera. You can do it, right?

 14 Comment From The Writer: Hmmm... well, it will be a challenge, but I'll try. I'm not used to writing humourous stories, I usually leave that to people who are actually good at it, like, well... *cough* you. But I'll see what I can do. 12

*the Vorpal Bunny leaps at Vida and gnaws her arm off*

Jul 28 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
[mimes create invisible wall between themselves, the ghost and the rabbit. This done they stand still, smiling and staring and never saying anything at all.]

Comment From The Writer: ....

Jul 28 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
*walks through the mimes' wall* Really, being dead has it's advantages...

Comment From The Writer: 8

Jul 28 2004
I know, doesn't it? AND, we can FLY. Haha. Well, float. Whatever.

*floats up towards Megan's neatly organized stories*

*accompanied by a cold, howling wind, Beth swoops down on the loose pieces of parchment, blowing them all over the room*

*cackles with glee and does it again and again, until all Megan's story pages have been mixed up and scattered to distant places*

 22 Comment From The Writer: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *frantically tries to clutch at the papers flying all over the room* MY PRECIOUS STORIES!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PAGES OF FW THERE ARE??? *glares furiously*

Jul 29 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Beth!! Are you purposely TRYING to delay FW?

Comment From The Writer: *sobs* I'll NEVER find my half-finished chapter 24 and half-finished Merc III in this mess! IT'S HOPELESS!! FW WILL BE DELAYED FOREVER...!!!

Jul 29 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
[mimes in good mood mime perfect books. Pages order themselves out of sheer embarrasment] There you go. Now you only have to get the books off the mimes. Somehow. Er... in the words of the great master: "patient you must be."

Comment From The Writer: *looks at the eerie, smiling faces of the mimes, holding her stories*

Er... this could be tricky...

Oh, I almost forgot! You are the winner of the 600th overall comment title!! 1

Gah, I guess this means ANOTHER request... 21

Jul 29 2004
Elfwood writer:
Emily Day Proctor
*gasps*!! So... many... Mod's... Choices!!! NO FAIR!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Sorry! I didn't MEAN to get so many... People just seem to like my stories! Lol, welcome to my hut! Feel free to look around, and don't mind the mimes and dismembered limbs and ghosts and savage rabbits and whatnot. There's a war going on at the moment...

Jul 30 2004
It don't need to be funny, on the other hand. It can have an ironic/sarcastic character, but it needn't be funny.

Oh, and about that...

*by using Frookie regrows arm, grabs Wossname Rabbit by its throat and breaks it*

Comment From The Writer: It doesn't have to be funny? *breathes a sigh of relief* Oh, that's good.

*smirks as Vida kills the bunny* You know, I was expecting you to do that. Because now, you see, I have the GHOST of a Vorpal Bunny. *cackles*

Jul 30 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt 'Bunto' Bunton
You need New Recruits don't you?
Tell me...what advantages might..uhh..what advantages will I receive...(I cant make that sound smarter can I?) Oh well...whatever it is just give it to me and im yours...well your groups..whatever just call me evil.

Comment From The Writer: Well, you'll get a link in my bio, and get to kill/torture the KAGS in humourous ways...

Jul 30 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Yes, Matt has finally come to his senses. Do let him join, Megan, he's ever so sadistic and evil. Plus, he killed Hanna Solo again. Hehehe, now all of the KAGS but Simi are ghosts...I think it's time I paid a visit to Miss Chewie Muffin...

Comment From The Writer: Did he? Heheheh...

Jul 30 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt 'Bunto' Bunton
Tim is right. I join. Being evil is ever so much fun. Being a good one who showers muffins and destroys evil...isnt fun. Lemme in.

Comment From The Writer: Well... Alright, sure, why not. Allies are allies... Welcome to the Dark Side!

Jul 30 2004
toast
Ya tim got me to join too so how about it i can change into a dragon at any time thats good and i like to eat the undead

 1 Comment From The Writer: Ooooooh, excellent! You're in! *shakes your hand formally* Welcome to the Dark Side!

Jul 30 2004
Ah... excuse me??? *folds her ghostly arms and sniffs disdainfully*

You callin' us the GOOD side again? When will you people learn... THERE IS NO GOOD SIDE!!! Just two evil sides. Bwahaha!! We are the Moderately Burnt Side of Frookie.

Besides, how can you call a group who is dedicated to assassinating part of the Elfyland GOOD????

*storms away, ranting loudly*

 4 Comment From The Writer: *the Ghost of the Vorpal Bunny leaps at Beth's unprotected back...*

Aug 1 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
["Bill" and "Ted" wander in, grin maniacally until other mimes become freaked out and hide in the Angler's cupboards and head off in the direction of Cookie's page]

Comment From The Writer: *raises an eyebrow curiously*

Aug 2 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
*dumps water on Baisley* *baisley grows in size until he is a giant ram the size of an elephant*

I will get you. *kills Baisley...temporarily*

Baisley the Ghost: *attacks Ghost of the Vorpal Bunny before it can get Beth's back* *rips bunny to pieces*

Good ghosty. Now back to the world of the living. *presses giant button on wall, and Baisley returns to his normal, living, one half foot tall self*

Baisley: Bahh... *smacks lips* (Translation: That was some good ghost bunny.)

Oh- Bunto didn't succeed in killing me. He just stuck a knife in my back or something. It itches some, but that's all. I took it out and killed him good. He's a ghost now.

Comment From The Writer: *Baisley immediately suffers from an extremely bad case of indigestion*

Aug 2 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
*Baisely runs into the hut, fleeing from his murderous mistress who plans to eat him(I wonder who told him that?)*

*Tim Maul lies in wait, then pounces suddenly on unsuspecting ram*

*various sounds of mauling*

It won't be long, Megan, I've just got to get this spit going. Do you want your mutton medium, rare, or well done?

And it appears the dark side is growing *grins*
Why, do we possible have more numbers now?
KAGS:
Chewie Muffin
Hanna Solo
Kellidala
Cookie Obi Wan
Forkwalker

Dark Side:
The Angler
Emberice
Tim Maul
Bunto The Hut
Toast(we really need to think up a nickname for her!)

Wow, it's even sided. Now how will the KAGS win if they can't fight dirty?

 1 Comment From The Writer: Hahaha! Extra well done, please. Positively charcoal. Yes, indeed, now the playing field is much more even. Hmmm... I can't think of any suitable Star Wars nicknames at the moment... unless she wants to be Darth Toast. Or maybe she could be Burnt Toast... 12

Aug 2 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Go ahead and take that Baisley- I was ready for a new model anyway.

Introducing- Baisley Version 2.0! Now equipped with a maul-proof hide. Beware; eating him may result in sudden sickness and/or fatality, not to mention a ram charging out of your stomach and then reassembling himself.

He's also impervious to nursery rhymes. And he is now equipped with torpedoes, and rocket launchers. Go ahead and try to kill or scare this one; it will be amusing. I'll enjoy the look in your eyes when I make a new model.

Baisley: I agree with her; try to eat me. I'll enjoy eating my way out from inside your stomach.

(Baisley 2.0, now with complete English Dictionary! No translator required.)

Sheep to English Translator: Aw, man!

Comment From The Writer: *leans against her spear and smirks at the ram* My, my, torpedoes and rocket launchers. How impressive.

*raps Baisley 2.0 on the top of the head with the butt of her spear, and watches him topple over with the weight of all that equipment*

*sidesteps a couple of rockets and pulls something out of her pocket, which looks like a chocolate koala*

*tosses the chocolate koala at Baisley. It explodes on impact and covers the ram in a sticky, gooey caramel that jams his weapons and sticks him fast to the floor*

Exploding Caramello Koala, new from Angler Inc. That caramel is the stickiest stuff ever invented. Once stuck to something, it cannot be destroyed or removed. Not even by Frookie, magic or Big Kev's cleaning products. Try to remove it, or destroy it, and it will simply stick harder. He could TRY to eat it off... if he wants to fuse his jaws together permanently, that is.

*smiles cheerfully* Pretty neat, huh?

Aug 2 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Guess who snagged 200th overall comment on Cookie's page? Come on, you know you wanna.

That same person has the most amount of comment titles from Cookie. Bwahahahaha... I am the master!

^_^

*does the 'in your face' dance*

 14 Comment From The Writer: *does the 'I Just Stuck Your Ram Permanently To My Floor With An Exploding Chocolate Koala' dance*

Besides, I can't keep track of comment titles on EVERYONE'S pages. So, good for you.

Aug 3 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
*Big Kev walks in, sees massive mess*

Big Kev: I'm excited!

*Takes out one of his many chemical cleaning agents that all suspiciously are made from the same ingredients, and begins to scrub*

*Unfortunately Baisley 2.0 begins to feel the effects of the powerful base and begins to have his hide melted off*

*river of melted hide flows towards dancing Hanna, forming a pool about her feet*

*melted hide soon dries, leaving Hanna's feet glued to the ground*

Big Kev: Aha, another challenge!

*turns to clean the mess at Hanna's feet, but his gut accidentally knocks a shelf, on which happens to rest another exploding caramello koala*

*you can guess where this is heading*

Oh my god, there's so much to clean here, that Big Kev had a heart attack. Hmm, I guess he got too excited.

*takes a normal Caramello Koala from the fridge*

Mmm, these are really good Hanna!

 1 Comment From The Writer: *is... laughing... so... hard... she... can... barely... sit... up... straight...*

Aug 3 2004
*coughcough*

Am not a ghost. *smacks Maul with Hello Kitty umbrella - it hurts both his head AND his pride, haha*

I am perfectly solid, thank you. Pfft. You people... wishful thinking.

Comment From The Writer: *recovers with an effort from the previous comment* So you're still solid, eh? *grins* Are you sure? *stabs Cookie with her spear, watching the blood pour out* Oh yes, so you are. Well, we can't have that, can we, hmmm? *takes another chocolate from her pocket-- this one a Peppermint Freddo*

*throws the Freddo at Cookie, which explodes, covering her with acid-like sticky peppermint*

*watches as Cookie melts through the floorboards, through the earth's crust and deep into the mantle, whereupon she is engulfed in molten lava and burnt into nothing*

Aug 4 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
*Rolls eyes* Guys, I am the Queen of Cleaning. You do not know gross until you've cleaned out a miniature refrigerator that has cat hair in it and hasn't been cleaned for more than two and a half years.

Don't ask. Just... don't ask. We'll say that my brother is nasty, and leave it at that.

*reaches over with rags and cleans fake Baisley flesh from her feet in an OC fashion*

That wasn't the real Baisley, you know.

*smirks* What, so you both fell for my decoys? You thought that was an actual threat? Get real. Baisley is with me, sitting by my computer, licking his fur... he's weird. And by the way, Megan, he's only one foot tall. You should've known that Baisley 2.0 was a decoy when you saw how big it was. He'll never fall for your tricks.

Baisley: Bah bahh, bahh bah. (Translation: For once, I agree with the imbecile.)

You can tell me that you killed Baisley... but I can show you photographic proof that he's still alive. I even have a picture of him in the mountains of Colorado, in the snow. You think I jest. There is no jesting here.

BTW... after I do a few things, Megan, your request is next. Expect it in two or three more tickets.

*Baisley has an iron stomach, and soon enough the ghost bunny is safely deposited in the ram litter box*

Comment From The Writer: Decoys? Sure, sure, we all believe you, Hanna. *shakes her head in mock-pity, and turns to Tim* I think she's in denial, poor dear. Maybe she needs therapy?

*turns back to Hanna and smirks* Oh, and by the way... you're still covered with caramello, and NO AMOUNT of cleaning will get rid of it. *gestures at the body of Big Kev on the floor* Even HE couldn't get rid of it. *gives you a 'I rest my case' look*

But, since I'm feeling generous today, and since it would be rather tiresome having you stuck to my floor for all eternity, I will release you. Unfortunately, the only way to do that is to kill you. So-- *throws a Peppermint Freddo at Hanna, and watches as she melts through the floorboards, through the earth's crust, into molten lava and is burnt to nothing*

*shouts down the hole: AND BAISLEY IS DEAD! HAHAHAHA!!*

Aug 4 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Oh Hanna, on your way down to the earth's liquid iron core you should call in to hell. I was reading evil monthly the other day and it had a really good article on some of the counselling services available in hell. They can do wonders for denial! Just ask the hundreds of thousands of tormented souls who have finally accepted their fate.

*crosses arms in classic "Jack McCoy" pose, and also rests his case*

Birthday sprite:What case?

Shutup you.

Comment From The Writer: 1

Aug 4 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Oh, in case you're wondering what he's doing here-
*jerks thumb towards above comment*
-he's been hanging around Charly Strawberry's page today, trying to bask in her birthday glory. Come say happy birthday to her!

http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/libr/c/h/charleo/?_=1091596773

I didn't link it because Hanna told me not to use HTML in comments *sulks*

Come now, and you can have some of the Pavlova cake I forced my gnomes into making her!

Comment From The Writer: *pats Tim on the shoulder* You can use html on my page if you like, because I'm generous and don't mind fixing it up for you. Besides, everyone else does... *coughs and points to Vida's comment below*. Oh, and I made it into a link anyway.

Mmmmmm, Pavlova!! I'll be there!

Aug 4 2004
toast
Flying over it all wachting like a movie or som thing

*yawns*

flys over to the ram and lands by tim

*talks in his head*

a ram that is so lame im mean come on that almost gay

can i eat her angler oh and i kinda like burnt toats but still thinken

 12 Comment From The Writer: *pokes toast* Hey, I've got a ram too, you know. But that's okay, I forgive you. *coughmine'sbetteranywaycough*

You can eat anything you like, as long as it's an enemy. Hmmm, you wouldn't mind getting rid of those draclet things down there, would you?

Aug 4 2004
toast
Ha

ha

i

spelt

my

name

wrong

toast

toast

not toats

thats just weird

oh angler thanx for letting me join

 1 Comment From The Writer: LOL! No worries!

Aug 4 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
Hmmm...even, eh? Can't play dirty, eh? Ah, well, you will see...you will see...

Comment From The Writer: *fingers another Exploding Caramello Koala...*

Aug 4 2004
LOL! Just found a PERFECT reference of what the Gack Hack Foo might look like if they were only cat-like!

http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/art/c/s/cshayden/cuddles.jpg.html

Go see! Go! Go! Go! Before you get eaten by the creepy draclets!

(you ask yourself... what are creepy draclets?)
(trust me, you don't wanna know)

*a draclet hopps in, and hopps around you*

Creepy Draclet #1: Mwher! Squelch! Mwher!

(think... a bean bag-sized magenta coloured fat scaly insect with six legs and three eyes)
(oh, and don't forget the tiny teeth which can eat a wagon of nuclear waste and be unharmed)
(oh yeah... and the long rat-like tail with a poisoned morningstar on the end)
(yeah. ahaha... creepy, innit?)

Creepy Draclet #2: Mwher! Squelch! Mwher!
Creepy Draclet #3: Mwher! Squelch! Mwher!
Creepy Draclet #4: Mwher! Squelch! Mwher!

Oh, I forgot. They multiply. Just like that. Plop, plop, plopadee plop-plopping all around the place. Like amoeba cloning, only faster and more efficient. Ha ha ha.
Creepy Draclet #5: Mwher! Squelch! Mwher!

 8 Comment From The Writer: *sigh* *uses the body of Big Kev as a shield*

Aug 5 2004
toast
Yummy

draclets

i

eat

 1 Comment From The Writer: YAY!! *starts up a chant: Eat! Eat! Eat! Eat!*

Aug 6 2004
creepy draclet
mwher!

squelch!

mwher!

{translation according to Concise Draclet Dictionary Of Phrases And Slang 2006:

"mmm

toast

wanna eat NOW!"

*draclet hopps around toast and nibbles at its crust*

 8 Comment From The Writer: *thwacks the draclet on the head with her spear*

Aug 9 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Thanks for the bday message Megan

*hands you a giant slice of Pavlova in the shape of Bethany's head*

Eat up!

 12 Comment From The Writer: No problem! Pavlova!! YUMMY!! And in the shape of my mortal enemy, too! *stabs a knife happily into its strawberry eye*

Aug 9 2004
toast
Im back megan stupid draclets im not really toats im a human see *poits to her nose the draclets stare *

get out of here*makeing them all run away*

ya im back oh ya no how thay have gack hack foo
thess guys
well i was thinking bush hack foo thay can kill

 1 Comment From The Writer: Yay! Toast is back!

No complaints from me. They can eat our Prime Minister too, while they're at it.

Aug 10 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Updated. 1 First chapter of a new story. Kinda short though....couldn't find another good place to end it. Ah well.

 12 Comment From The Writer: Be there I shall!

Aug 12 2004
OMG! This war you've got going on is totally hilarious!!! *raises fist in triumph* JOIN YOUR SIDE I SHALL!!! Er...heh...sorry, Simi...O__O

 1 Comment From The Writer: WHOOOHOOOO!! ALRIGHT!! *hands you honourary Darth Angler action figure, free t-shirt and glow in the dark plush hook* Welcome -KKKEERR-SSHHHH- to the Dark Side!

Yes! Our ranks are steadily growing... The KAGS will never overcome the power of the Dark Side! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Aug 13 2004
*pouts* This ain't fair. And Obi-Wan has gone on holiday as well. *floats off, muttering heatedly under her breath*

 13 Comment From The Writer: Fair?? If I remember correctly, not so long ago the odds were stacked considerably against ME. Not so fun when the shoe's on the other foot, is it, hmmm? *smirks*

Aug 13 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Pfft, whatya mean not fair? I didn't hear ya complainin' when you got Hanna and Simi! Typical goody goodies! You gonna dob on us now? :P

And yes our prime minister must be killed. No, Mr. Howard, those children were not thrown overboard!(crazy Aussie thing, you don't wanna get involved).


THE OLYMPICS ARE ALMOST HERE!!! I think I'd best talk to Lee-ann. With a bit of luck she'll be so caught up in the olympic fervour she'll join us. Then the odds are starting to build up against the KAGS, hehehe...

Comment From The Writer: Hear, hear, Tim. Gah, don't get me started on Mr. Howard. Pathetic, lying, infuriating little... GRRRR!! I despise politicians so much. 10

1I KNOW!!! WHOOHOOO!! You know, I never used to like sports that much... until the Sydney Olympics, when I found myself watching all sorts of obscure sports, and getting excited when we won things like water polo.... Ah, I hope Athens are going to be as awesome as the last Olympics. AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE! OI OI OI!!

Aug 14 2004
So...why have I joined the Dark Side, you ask? Three words:

I

like

bean dip O__o

Oh, wait -- that's four words. Yay plusie fishing hook! I shall call him Squishy. O__o

Sincerely, T.T. "Luke Skywalker Smells" Dorionne

My final words / thoughts of the day: Obi Wan wears a dress! Jar-Jar Binks is a Lesbian! R2-D2 burned my toast! Lousy toaster. *grumble* *grumble*

DACKERY: O__O Jar-Jar Binks is a male...AND R2-D2 IS NOT A TOASTER!

TT: ...O_O...o_O...O_o...OoO SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU KNOW! I LIKE NACHO HATS!

Comment From The Writer: *shrugs* *hands you a tub of bean dip that is so big you stumble and fall face forward into it* Enjoy. 12

Aug 14 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Megan, I think we should revive Forkwalker. Don't worry, I'm not being mind controlled by the KAGS! At least, I don't think...*spins around frantically to check the back of his head*
Oooh, dizzy... Anyways, it's just no fun if you can't maim and maul the leader of your sworn enemies, is it?

 22 Comment From The Writer: *stares at you for a long moment*

REVIVE her??

Are you SURE you're not being mind-controlled? *hastily makes a hat out of tin foil and places it on your head*

Well... I suppose... *taps her chin thoughtfully* You may have a point. Maybe we could revive her, and then lock her up in a cage or something, where we can torture her at will? Muahaha... 4

Aug 15 2004
All right you have good stuff here. I really liked your poems, Mystical Mythical is really good.

I must join the dark side *begs* your pitch was really good.*nods* Must have Darth Angler action figure.

 22 Comment From The Writer: I... I... I... don't believe it... *hands you a Darth Angler action figure with a somewhat dazed expression on her face*

Thank you! And... welcome to the Dark Side!

*is still shocked*

Aug 15 2004
He heee HEEE! I'm the one who recommended Abby join! Just so you know. Oh, and YYYYYyyyyyyyaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyy bean dip!!! 18

 1 Comment From The Writer: THANK YOU!!!

Aug 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
["Ted" staggers on, loops in a circle and staggers off again, grinning maniacally. After a while "Bill" wanders in, seemingly looking for "Ted". After grinning maniacally and silently at Angler's new friends for a bit he seems to remember something about a queue on the village computer in france and mimes a werewolf doing big kitten eyes to know if the request-via-punk-mimes has been taken up. In flo-mo. He then does a vertical bodywave in a moment of randomness, mimes a very fast guitar riff and wanders off in search of "Ted".]

 12 Comment From The Writer: Yes indeed, I will do the werewolf's request... she wanted me to draw one of her characters, right? I just haven't gotten around to reading her stories yet, but I will, I promise.

Aug 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Another one? Wow, we sure are growing, ain't we?

I know! Hows about instead of reviving her, we trash her library! And then we roll her up in a carpet and throw her off a bridge!

...Ok, so no carpet will hold a ghost. But why don't we attack the LIVING members of KAGS? Like Chewie Muffin, for instance. Then, when she least suspects it, we roll her up in a carpet and throw her off a bridge! AHAHAHAHAHA!

Go Thorpie! Good on ya Grant! Next time!

 16 Comment From The Writer: It looks as though Chewie Muffin is the only one we CAN attack... Kellidala is leaving for a few weeks... 10

Yay! Thorpie rules!!! Although, it would have been nice to see Grant win one for once, but oh well. And the 400m relay was a bit disappointing, considering how well they did last time, but oh well. We can't win 'em all, can we? 12

Aug 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Aye, that we can't, Megan.

Dark Side rally on Simi's page! We can discuss what to do to her there...

 4 Comment From The Writer: Yes! Good idea...

Aug 17 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
*grumble*Oh that Thorpedo...you know, he REALLY shouldn't have been allowed to swim that 200 free! If you're DQed, YOU'RE DQED! Not fair to all those from other countries, and to the guy who backed out for him, who qualified fairly, and had to race hard to make it. Hehe your 4X200 relay didn't win, though! I think that's pretty funny...

In response to your "Aussie aussi aussi, oy oy oy" cheer...
CANUCK CANUCK CANUCK! EH EH EH!!! Hehe... and I did NOT make that up!

Comment From The Writer: As disappointing as it would have been to see Thorpe DQed over a simple mistake, I agree with you. Rules are rules. Craig Stevens shouldn't have given up his place, but the media made such a huge deal out of it, he must have thought it was the right thing to do. Thorpie is still da man, though. He's awesome. 1

14 Well, at least Australia is beating the US in the medal tally. Um, well, we were the last time I checked...

Aug 19 2004
Um...I think I'm gonna have to resign from the dark side. It's got nothing to do with you, it's just that I've been getting some weird comments on my page lately...a lot of them...

 22 Comment From The Writer: What???? But, but... nooooooo!!! You can't do this to me!!! *sobs*

Weird comments?? B-but weird comments are fun! I mean, that's the whole point! What would Elfy be without weird comments? Sane, maybe, but who needs sanity?

Aug 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
You. Hurt. Simi.

I was going to leave everything alone since school started and I'm [insert swear word here] tired. But since you insisted on attacking her with a koala... I will call on a creature so vile, so deadly, so smelly and gross, that you will be forced to run away screaming.

It's a...

STEREOTYPICAL AMERICAN BUSH LOVING HICK OF THE TEXAN VARIETY!!!

Yes, that's right- they do exist. Complete with an old, tattered USA flag, armpit stains, yellow teeth, a beer belly, and a disgusting amount of McDonalds food wrappers in the trash can. Behold, the horror of the world: the creature that creates such stereotypes as, "Americans love Bush!" "Americans love McDonalds!" and "Americans are fat!"

While these rumors are not true, the fact that this creature exists makes it so that disproving them is impossible.

I don't want them over here, where they ruin the place... so you can take them. *shoves a pile of sleeping, smelly Stereopticus Americanus your way*

 22 Comment From The Writer: Oh dear gods...

Aug 19 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt 'Bunto the Hut' Bunton
I'm getting sick of those Yankees.
Oh...thats besides the point...I just stopped by to hand back my Darth Angler action Figure...I accidently ate it when I was eating some Children...Hmm..Well. I guess thats Dark enough. I'll be sure to stop by Solo's Page and Dish out some serious Evil.

Comment From The Writer: *takes the action figure reluctantly with two fingers, holding it at arms length as it drips with something unmentionable*

Urgh... Thanks, I'll just... put this... over here... *drops it into the midst of the still-sleeping Texan hicks*

1 I'm right behind you, Bunto!

Aug 20 2004
*SOB!* I'm sorry! I really am! Who knows...I might rejoin, some day. I guess I deserved Tim's little decapitation. I mainly resigned because I thought I Cant Speel It and Toast were the same person, so I thought Toast was writing all those insane things I Cant Speel It wrote. Poor Toasty. Oh, and I also was a bit miffed after the Simi attack. I brought her back to life, by the way...^__^

Comment From The Writer: *sniff* It's okay, you're forgiven. 2 *hugs you quickly, before the other Darksiders notice* We would love to have you back in the Dark Side, but you don't have to join if you don't want to. And all your talk about joining the KAGS freaked me out a little. 16

I didn't particularly WANT to attack Simi-- she seems like a nice girl, and she hasn't actually done anything. But she IS a KAG, and none of the others were around... *shrugs*

Aug 20 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
*grins* You think this is bad? They're only sleeping now.

*takes out a small TV and plugs it into the wall*

"Hey guys! Wake up, everyone, [insert random reality show here] is on!"

*there is a sudden mad rush towards the TV, trampling any Dark Side members in the filthy mess of Texan Hicks*

They come from El Paso, Kingsville, and any random little farming area you can think of.

( Random thought that has nothing to do with this:

My friend told me this story about how her boyfriend thought he was black. Long story short, he hung out with nothing but black people. When one of them commented about him being white, he denied it. Then he looked at his arm. And was surprised. He had forgotten that he was white. )

Random comment over! I'll be leaving now, so you can take care of them. *points in general hick direction*

Have fun. Once they find the phone, they'll order several large pizzas. And be several, I mean about 40. Those are some big bellies to fill...

Comment From The Writer: *picks herself up painfully from the floor and punches her hat back into shape*

*edges quietly over to the phone, unplugs it, and takes it out back to dump in a vat of acid (or possibly cat pee, I can never tell...)*

*while she watches with relief as the phone dissolves, a high-pitched, tinny rendition of 'La Cucharacha' fills the hut*

*the Angler's eyes widen with horror and recognition* Oh no...!!!

*lunges for her mobile phone and hurls it all the way to Forkwalker's page*

*the hicks charge after it eagerly*

Phew, that was close...

Aug 20 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt 'Bunto the Hut' Bunton
Evil Hanna...Deleted my Comment of Pure Evil. I implanted a Desert Octopus into her stomach and she deleted the comment! No fair. It is indeed an evil country..to see what a desert octopus is go to my gallery and look at the picture cleverly titled "The Desert Octopus".

 13 Comment From The Writer: Heheheh, yeah I know, I've seen it...

Aug 20 2004
I'm here to tell you I'm rejoining...if there is pie involved...

PIE! PIE! PIE! PIE! PIE! PIE! PIE!

Oh, and guess what? Before I resigned, Abby Ewok Eater wrote my 100th comment, and requested a story about my Clumsy Vampire -- which wound up with all us Dark Siders in it! It turned out pretty good, and we're all in it to kick some serious fangirl ass...um...long story. I was gonna take that part out, but since that left seriously long gaps in the story, and I'm rejoining the Dark Side anyways, I left it in. It's on FictionPress.com already. Here's the URL:

http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1697540

Oh, and keep in mind that, when I wrote this, I still thought I Cant Speel It and Toast were one and the same...I'm gonna have to change that...possibly before you have time to click the link above and read it...

 1 Comment From The Writer: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! *cheers* Pie for everyone!!! (Er, except those hicks. And the KAGS). *hands you a freshly baked pie).

Aug 20 2004
I'm baack.

Tanned in manner of South African sex-goddess, creative, healthy and corporal! Ahaha! Those spas surely work wonders! No wonder my muse decided to have one.

*dark green snake muse is resting on Cookie's shoulders*

Croatia will so kick Aussie butt on the Olympics! In ... everything!

wh00t!

I love this game!

*floats away on 7th heaven cloud, leaving a trace of confetti and crispy, fresh shortbread*

Mmm... shortbread! I've just looked it up in the dictionary... and realized that I love it too! 2

wh00t! Shortbread!

*zooms away*

 7 Comment From The Writer: SHORTBREAD!!!! *snatches up a piece eagerly-- then pauses, eyeing it suspiciously* Er... it's not poisoned, is it??

*shrugs* Oh well! *munches happily*

A dark green snake? Well, I made it a black one in the muse picture... a black Irish one. 14

Aug 20 2004
toast
Megan*im really crying not kiding*i cut my rist because that i cant spell it person and now i feel so alone oh and

*drum roll*
heres your dragon hes so cute is he not

Comment From The Writer: Awwww, Toast, don't cry!! Poor Toast. I Cant Speel It is a freaking jerk! 8

YAY! A cute widdle draggie of my very own! *hugs widdle draggie*

Aug 21 2004
hey, WOW your stories and poems are amazing!! lolz I also like the war going on between you and bethany:P haha, never would have thought of fish hooks and forks though, well thankx for all the great stories!!!

 1 Comment From The Writer: No probs! Thank you for reading them! Lol, the fork/fishhook thing is a LOOOOONG story... 12

Aug 21 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Ha. You think that will get rid of them?

*calls out to hicks, stopping them in their mad dash*

THE OLYMPICS ARE ON, AND WE'RE KICKING AUSSIE @$$!!!

*Americanus Stereotypicus rush back to couches, piling on them and turning the TV to the local NBC station*

I'll order the pizza for them... through the net! Ha!

 8 Comment From The Writer: Damn!

*there is a knock on the door*

*the Angler opens it to find a pizza delivery boy, with a truckload of pizzas, on her doorstep*

Pizza Boy: Er, is this the Angler's Fishing Hut?

*the Angler quickly hides her fishhooks with her cloak* Ha... hahaha... no, no, I'm afraid you have the wrong address...

Pizza Boy: But ma'am, there's a big fish net--

*the boy's mouth snaps shut at the Angler's fierce glare*

I'm SORRY, but you have the WRONG address. Darth Angler does NOT live here, she lives just over there--*points*. There's lots of forks and a big Pit, you can't miss it! *slams the door in the Pizza Boy's face*

*turns to the hicks* Hey guys!! PIZZA PARTY AT FORKWALKER'S PLACE!!!

*scrambles aside as the hicks stampede out the door*

Aug 22 2004
I am so sorry for the Aussies.. being beaten by the Yankees in such an embarrassing way... and I really did hope they'd win the gold in rowing.

Anyway... *shruggs* that time of the year has come again. *looks awfully hurt and painstricken and angry with self*

*is holding something behind her back*

Uurgh... I hate doing this... but... *sigh*

...

... *squints eyes in painful grimace, and hands you the thing she's been holding behind her back - it's a huge golden trophy with a book, a quill and a grinning Gack Hack Foo on top*

... *sigh*

... you are the winner of the Second Annual Writer of the Year Award.

... since... you know, er, my professional judges were assasinated in the last attack on my page, the entire list of other great writers was lost, and... well, this turned out so. You know?

And don't be surprised if the AWOTYA gets awarded more than once a year. I follow a weird calendar. One that hasn't been invented yet. Err.

Congratulations are due, I guess?

*hugs you and offers you a shortbread-cookie gift basket*

They're not poisonous.

AND DIDN'T YOU PEOPLE KNOW THAT THERE SHOULD BE NO WARS IN THE WORLD (real of net) DURING THE OLYMPIC GAMES???

*puffs* I hope you heard that.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Awwww!! *hugs you back, grinning widely* I am honoured, thank you!

Oh. Yes, you're right... I forgot about the war thing. 22 All right, I HENCEFORTH DECLARE A CEASE FIRE UNTIL THE OLYMPICS ARE OVER!!! Besides, I'm too gloriously happy right now to be evil. Why? Because of your award, AND:

I JUST GOT A BRAND NEW COMPUTER!!!!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
11111111111111111111

PENTIUM 4, 2.8GHZ, 80GB HARD DRIVE AND A SEXY 15" FLAT SCREEN MONITOR!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! NO MORE CRAPPY P100!!!

*is so happy that she calls the hicks and the pizza boy back and joins in the party*

Aug 22 2004
Hey, ya i know bout the fisah hook fork story, lol i'm a friend of bethanys, so i found out about it from her. Haha, now the question is who will win this great war???

 1 Comment From The Writer: Ooooh!! Oooooh!! *jumps up and down with her hand in the air* I know!! I know!!

MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! ME AND MY DARKSIDERS WILL CONQUER THE WORLD!!!!!!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Aug 23 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Because I'm feeling generous, I might as well ask you: how do you want to be portrayed in the sequel to "Let's Save the Land of Pastries?" Of course, I will probably disregard whatever you say. But if it's funny, and I can work with it, I may let you have some... shall we say, influence?

Comment From The Writer: How do I want to be portrayed? Ummm, er, uh, I dunno... Wait. I'm in a story? Another one??? YAAAAAAAAY!!!

Sorry. I'm a bit over-excited at the moment. 1 I will go and read Pastries and then let you know.

Aug 23 2004
toast
Thanx megan your so nice

*runs up to her huges her stops*
thats all i wonted to say

 12 Comment From The Writer: That's okay! But I'm going to have to do something evil now, to balance out all the hugging. *looks guilty* I'm supposed to be an Evil Empress, I have a reputation to uphold... Oh, but I called a cease fire, didn't I? Damn. *sighs*

*contents herself with putting plastic forks in the oven and watching them melt*

Aug 24 2004
I love your bio.

HA! I defy you all and join... THE ORANGE SIDE! What's this? You say it doesn't exist? Well it does now, I've just created it! We're the people with erratic and obscure thinking tendencies, an obscene love of chocolate, and an obsession with words that start with the letters "ob"! Obey the Side of the Orange! Or just ignore us, that's good too. We're pretty used to it. Completely omitted from the Star Wars movies and books, doncha know.

I was referred to your gallery by one dark TT Of the Many Nicknames. She tried to recruit me to the Dark Side of the Angler Wars... and it was then that Orange Side manifested. All hail the totally irrelevant Orangers!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Thanks, though I don't really deserve all the credit, because it was inspired by Forkwalker's bio. 12

Did she? Aww, isn't she lov--er I mean: Ex-cellent, my minions are doing well! *laughs evilly*

Mmmmmmm, chocolate...

Aug 24 2004
*looks around*

Hmm... this place needs a little re-decorating... Would you mind?

(of course she wouldn't)
(she likes us)
(she said so)

True. Ahaha. Well, then.

*spins around fast, faster, faster, faster, faster, and faster, until she is only a blonde-and-purple blur against the background*

*as Cookie spins, so does the entire Angler domain*

*everyone gets a little dizzy. Well, a LOT dizzy. There is vomiting involved. Don't worry, will be cleaned up.*

*Cookie clicks fingers, and everything comes to an abrupt halt*

*everyone who has been standing falls down, and it takes them a while to regain their sanity again, for what they see is not what they saw before...*

Eheheh... Well.

*everything's grey and black and dark red, and looks a lot like a scene from "The Nightmare Before Christmas"*

*the huge gothic window on one wall looks onto a populated graveyard, ghosts zoom across the vast space, strange and moving shadows creep at the edge of your vision, spiders scuttle from the light, grotesque statues and statuettes line the room's walls, and somewhere outside someone is screaming, and owl is hooting and there is an eerie song in the background*

(((In this town we call home,
Everyone hail to the pumpkin song!)))

Er... have I overdone it? I'm not really sorry, you know, but you need an improvement of your bio, +) I myself am going to improve mine in a similar fashion.

*there is a BWAHAHAHA from your desk atop which sits a human skull*

Oh. That's Herman. Don't mind him. I think Izzy and that sheep of yours will find him v. entertaining.

*someone knocks at your window*
*there is a howl in the background*
*the mimes "scream" and flee*
*Cookie stares wide-eyed at the window*

I sure hope that's Bethany. Or Jake. Or toast. Or s-s-someone we know.

*runs away*

 22 Comment From The Writer: *clutches her head and waits for the dizziness and nausea to stop*

*blinks around at the new decor for a while, in utter amazement* I... I have a... a gothic fishing hut... This. Is. So. Cooooooool!!! A big gothic window!!! *gasps* I've always wanted a big gothic window!!!

*grins* And yeah, I know I need a new bio, I've just been too lazy and unimaginative to write one. Guess I'll have to, now, won't I? 12

Oh, and don't mind the howling-- it's probably just Cecily, annoyed that I haven't done her request yet. Or commented on her stories.

Er...

*watches Cookie run away* Good idea. *runs*

Aug 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
That knock at the door is probably Noah. He's fully escaped from my clutches, I think. Damn. I'll have to capture him again... unfortunately, he's been caught so many times that he's learning how to avoid me.

He's now at Elfwood, though he hasn't submitted a ticket yet.

*another knock sounds from the door*

Heh heh... you wouldn't mind if I set up traps to catch him? No, of course not. He's neutral, and I've been more... pleasant... recently. Plus, I have yet to write the pastries sequel. We wouldn't want you portrayed unkindly, now, would we?

*waits in corner for Noah to come through the door*

Comment From The Writer: *gives you a suspicious look*

Aug 25 2004
I just realized I haven't commented on your page much. And vice versa.

*smiles innocently, the faint outline of a halo above his head before he screams; anime style, with his head suddenly larger than of proper proportion for his head*

WHERE IS FERRIAN'S WINTER??

*calms down and again smiles innocently*

I shall see you soon.

 22 Comment From The Writer: *nearly hits herself in the head with the fishhook-bola she was idly twirling*

*the big gothic window shatters with the fury of Lightfoot's scream*

*the tinkle of glass dies away, and the Angler stands motionless in the silence, watching Lightfoot depart. After five minutes have passed, she remembers to blink*

I think... perhaps... that I'd better finish chapter 24. Now. Yes.

Aug 25 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
I have another recruit for you, m'lady! *salutes smartly*
Her name is Emma Jane Smith, and she's an AUSSIE! From north of Brisbane, which is considerably warmer than what we're used to *jealous glares* But at least she's on our side!
She'll come here soon, but if you want to talk to her first then she commented on my main page, so there's a link there.

We're growing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh, and I propose a Dark Side boycott of the sequel to Let's save the land of pastries. I don't like the smug attitude our good 'friend' Hanna Solo is taking about it.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Another new recruit??!! WOW!!! Ooooooh, and an Aussie too!! Ex-cellent!!

Ahahaha!! A boycott! How amusing! I was going to disembowel her for that bubblegum comment *pauses to shoot Hanna a glare*, but this is a better idea. Heheheh.

Aug 26 2004
Elfwood writer:
Emma-Jane C. Smith
MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! *Emma lets out her inner evil*

I'm here to join the Dark Side.. and get my complimentary sign up gifts and ultra cool nickname!

As Tim said, I'm an Aussie too (which means I rule) tee hee hee....

I have a lot to offer the Dark Side besides my inner evil... just take a look at my cooking!

*Shows her a recently made Self Saucing Chocolate Sponge Cake*.... MMMMMmmmmmmm...chocolate *licks lips*

And if m'lady will accept me into the somewhat black painted halls of evilness of the dark side, I will give you a gift.

*Presents Darth Angler with a prettyful com-link...so we can keep in touch*...oh and watchout it zaps (a great party trick to play on enemies).

Well as I should be joining the dark side, I think I'd better practice my evil laugh...

MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! *cough*

How was that? I think it still needs some work.

 1 Comment From The Writer: *takes one look at the Self Saucing Chocolate Sponge Cake and tears the paper in her haste to sign you up*

Wonderful! And, as promised, here are your complimentary gifts: *hands you a glow in the dark plush hook, t-shirt, Darth Angler action figure, AND, new from Angler Inc: Anti-Fork Irremovable Stickers! They stick to ANY surface and never come off!*

You have now been inducted into the Dark Side! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oh, and not a bad job on the evil laugh there. Here, this might help: *hands you a book entitled 'Evil Laughter: The Complete Guide'. Be sure to practice at every opportunity! And when you get REALLY good, your laugh will always be accompanied by cheesy cliched thunder & lightning effects, like this:

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *thunder shakes the hut, and lightning flashes*

*there is a loud bang and a shower of sparks as a fuse blows, and the fishing hut is plunged into pitch blackness*

*Darth Angler mutters heatedly under her breath* Damn low-budget special effects...

Aug 26 2004
hey, well i've been checking up on the war, and it seems to me that your dark side isn't really winning, so i thought i'd help you out.
* moves away from giant box, with big red letters reading "WARNING OPEN AT YOUR OWN RISK!"*
hehe, it's my pet chimera, fluffy. well i must be off, bye
* carefully leaves the room, never taking eyes off box*...

Comment From The Writer: *stumbles around in the darkness, banging her shins and cursing under her breath, until she finds some matches*

*strikes one, and finds herself face-to-face with a fluffy chimera*

Awwww, isn't he cuuu-- *the chimera's deafening roar blows out the match*

Eeep.

Aug 26 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
OOOOoooo!! Love the decor. [howls] No, I'm so squee happy you said you'd do the request at all. And CHOOSE!! Squee! Have one of "Bill"'s happy muffins. And one for each head of that funny lion-goat-snakey thing. There you go. [Chemera devours muffins, goes cross-eted, giggles and begins to sway.] It's happy, see. Happy muffin.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Really?? I'm just pleased that you like my art enough to WANT me to do a request! I will get around to it as soon as I can, but if I don't get an FW update out soon, there's probably going to be a riot...

*takes Bill's muffin and munches on it*

*her vision starts to go quite weird, and she suddenly begins to giggle uncontrollably*

OOooooOOOooh loOK at the pRETty plAin CrEAm-cOlouRed walls!! ANd OOooooOOOH, I'm wEarING a jumPeR and JEaNS, and TheRE are no fUnnY aniMalS AnYWHere...!!! eeeeHHHeeEEEee... (Due to the fact that NO hallucination could be stranger than what is already in the Angler's hut, she instead hallucinates 'normal' things)

Aug 27 2004
*peers around the door, the suspiciously innocent smile and the outline of a halo hovering above his head conrasting with his eyes, which glint devilishly*

Hello.

*stands directly in front of Darth Angler and grins - in an angelic way - down at her.*

Comment From The Writer: *looks up at Lightfoot and smiles nervously* Hello, Jake. I see that you are back, eheheh. How are you?

Oh, and CONGRATS, you just won the 400th comment title!! 1 Unfortunately, I can't handle any more requests at the moment...

Aug 27 2004
*grins evily*

Who says the so called good guys

(*cough* and girls)

-- and girls, cannot do an evil laugh? Check this one out!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *thunder clap, a small earthquake shakes the hut, an abyss opens up in the middle of the floor, and creepy draclets start hopping out*

Creepy Draclet Chorus: Mwher! Squelch! Mwher!

Oh... don't think the Moderatly Burnt Side of Frookie has fallen asleep. We're just ... *searches for right word*

(..dormant?)

Yes. Dormant. And biding our time till the big finale. Right, Jakeo? Right, Beth? Er. She's not here. Hanna..? Cecily?

Where is everybody...?

Oh bloody hell. Hate them underlings. And as always, who gets the least credit? The overworked and underpaid - me.

And them. But they're also underworked. So I suffer. *pfft*

Sometimes I wish I was on the Dark Side. Things would be much more fun, and I'd get an action figure! And a fish hook.

*sigh* Life's so boring. Sometimes I wonder why I try...

Comment From The Writer: Impressive laugh. I see that you, too, have been practising... Heheheh.

1 YEEEEEESSSSSSSS!! Join the Dark Side, Obi Wan!!! *holds out an action figure, so tantalisingly close, and yet just out of your reach...*

It's probably just quiet because Beth's not around. Not quite the same without her, is it? The Angler with no Fork Master to fight... *sighs deeply*

Aug 28 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Heh, you know what would be the funniest thing? If while Beth was away, the KAGS crumbled! Of course Hanna will never change sides, but you should, Cookie! Jooooiiinn Ussssss...
It's not as if your side has a chance anyways. Cecily and Jake aren't even in the KAGS, Beth's on hols, Hanna is consumed by schoowork, and Simi doesn't like to hurt people. So come on...

Oh, and by the way, be careful what you do here. The olympics are almost over, and we don't need a good excuse to end this ceasefire abrubtly...

 12 Comment From The Writer: Eheheheh, imagine the look on Beth's face if she came back to find that Cookie was MY ally!! *pauses to picture the scene*

*immediately wishes she hadn't* Er, that would NOT be pretty... 16

Yes, the cease fire. *eyes narrow at the draclets hopping about* As soon as the Olympics are over, the war is officially back on. Although, um... possibly without the Angler...

Er. I'm thinking about taking a break from Elfwood for a while-- a week or so, probably. It's hard work being an Evil Empress full-time, you know. And I REALLY need to get some FW done. You might have to fight on without me for a bit. 12

Aug 28 2004
Just caught up with comments. ^_^ And found out that you got a new computer!

YAY!!! It's about time. -_-;;

Well, sorry I'm not here to wreak unholy vengeance upon you for killing me, terrorizing Simi, and plotting to bring Cookie over to the Dark Side. Or for taking a break. Because that's what I'm doing. *yawns*

Although unholy vengeance would prove interesting and maybe stimulating enough to make me go back to studying... Mandarin is a HARD language to learn!!!

When do the Olympics end, anyway? Cease fire is kinda boring.

 1 Comment From The Writer: BETH!!! I, I thought you'd gone away and left us all!!! I MEAN, ahem, I am in NO WAY pleased that you are back. No. You are my arch-enemy. I despise you! *coughs hurriedly to hide her grin*

And YEAH!!! A NEW COMPUTER!!! Ooooooh, it's so coooool!!! I was going to come and tell you on your page, but I didn't know you were still around. My parents paid for it; it cost them $3000. Eeek. 16 But it's well worth the money. Mmmmmm, 80Gb, mmmmm, flat screen, mouse that WORKS... AND a new printer, AND Paint Shop Pro v.8!! It completely rocks! 1

Er, the Olympics end... today, I think. Or is it tomorrow? Eh, whatever. The cease fire is off tomorrow. Hmmm, I was about to go away for a while, but if you're going to be around for me to annoy... *considers...*

Aug 30 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
YAY! The olympics are over!
And...
percentage signs! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Seriously, that's gotta be one of the lesser used characters on a keyboard, eh?
I know how ya feel! That I-just-got-a-new-computer-that-works-good-after-all-those-years-of-having-a-shithouse-one feeling! Happened to me, no more than five months back. And we got a new printer, that actually prints! Coooool!
Beth: It's good you're back!(say, did she get magically ressurected or what?)
Enjoy your break! I took one for a day. You know when you skip a day, and you come back expecting a huge comment overhaul? I had one. Pleagh!

Comment From The Writer: And this one:
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Unfortunately, that wasn't as fun as it could have been, because I am typing this comment on my P100. I still have to use the damn thing for the net, 'cause my new baby isn't connected yet. My dad has to extend the phone line under the floor to the study, and... eh, yeah, it's complicated. 9

Beth's still a ghost, I think. She's just, er, lurking around in the shadows, somewhere. *eyes narrow at the shadows*

Sep 1 2004
Updates, by the way. Ilyana's story 2, of 3.

*attempts an evil laugh. And succeeds wonderfully. Your page comes crashing down around you and lightning strikes you*

Oops.

Comment From The Frizzled Writer: ...

...

......

Oww.

Sep 1 2004
Yaay! Go Jake! That proves you're part of KAGS, even though you don't realize it yet! *applaudes, which causes more of the buildings to come down in a tremendeous FRRRR!*

And now... *grins evily*


*opens a handy dandy box, and out spring... a 1000 creepy draclets who start hopping around you page, devouring your fishhooks, nets, walls, windows, clothes, shopping utensils, Angler action figures, T-shirts, EVERYTHING, and er... leaving their poo on this they haven't already eaten. And you don't wanna go near creey draclet poo. Looks like George Bush, smells like Osama Bin Laden after 2 yrs hiding in the hills - you could lose all sense of smell by approaching it in the radius of 10 metres.*

*soon nothing is left on your page but you, and some shortbread*

*there is a loud BURP as a draclet swallows a handy tumbleweed (which tend to show up when things are empty - there are loads on my page)*

 22 Comment From The Writer: *gasps in horror*

NOT MY ACTION FIGURES!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Sep 2 2004
Yes, my ghostly presence still haunts your page. *sniffs disdainfully, and wanders around, avoiding draclet poo*

Not that the smell affects me. *grins and munches on ghostly shortbread as Megan passes out*

8 Comment From The Writer: *glares, even while unconscious. Which is no easy task*

Sep 2 2004
toast
Hay thats mean you mean old kags you suck

*turens into a dragon and starts to munch on cookie*

hmmmmm you taste good

Comment From The Writer: Yeah! You tell 'em, Toast! You mean old KAGS!

Sep 3 2004
AAAH!!! *is munched on*

*dies and turns into ghost*

*floats over toast, gazing at her with abhor*

Hah. Can't munch on air, can we now? If you'll excuse me, am going to meditate for a while.

I just have to fwee my mind...

*floats away*

 1 Comment From The Writer: Two of the KAGS are dead today, dead today, dead today

Two of the KAGS are dead today, on a cold and frosty morning!

Sep 3 2004
toast
Blows fire on the goast

Comment From The Writer: ... Let's go and kill the rest of them, rest of them, rest of them

Let's go and kill the rest of them, on a cold and frosty morning!

Sep 4 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Hey, it's not like I died or something! Just, um.. been reading the 2NC shell for the case I'm running. Neg is more fun 'cause there's less papers. But if we get turned, the shit is out the window. (ha ha...) Even I don't know what I mean. I can't wait until we're not running Sudan anymore...

Just a reminder: I will be back. And I will not give in. Yesh, Precious, we may have temporarily drawn back in order to feed It... but soon, It will be ready. And then they will burn... *strokes Precious lovingly*

 9 Comment From The Writer: ... er... What??

Sep 6 2004
OMG AAAAH!!!!! oooh sooo cute aaargh!

*kawaii heart arest*

OK, breate, breathe... AAAH!!!!! omg omg omg!!! *insides squirm with delight, butterfiles in stomach*

*collapses to floor, giggling madly to self, foam coming out of mouth*

*for second time, ghost comes out of body and continues breathing heavily and squirming all about the place, shrieking like a crazed fangirl*

Omg, am reading Order of the Phoenix for 3rd time, and am euphoric, as you see!! Fred and George and Bill and Lupin and Sirius and Snape, aaaaah!!!!! Kawaii, kawaii, kawaii, omg omg, omg!!

OK, breathe, breathe, breathe... *deep intake of breath*

I CAN'T CALM DOWN! HELP ME!!!

Oooh, the thing I came here to tell you: know what'd be gr8? If you or Hanna or Beth or anyone who can draw, obviously, did a pic of all us KAGS and Dark Siders as Jedis! 'S just a suggestion, but a good one, tho, innit?

Omg, omg, omg, gotta go see more Weasley pic! Gotta read Harry Potter! Snape! Snape! Snape! Snape! Fred! George! Lee! Lupin! Lupin! Lupin! Lupin! Aaah, gotta calm down, huge adrenalin rush whilst should be tucked in bed..

AAAH! HAVING CARDIAC AREST!

wait... can't have arest since am dead. oh well.

brr, it's cold here... *goes to tuck under covers, and hopes will dream of snogging Snape/Fred/George/Lee/Lupin/Sirius (replace "/" with "&" if necessary)*

Whee! happy start of school!

*whizzes away, screaming in delight*

 9 Comment From The Writer: *stares at comment for quite some time*

Who gave this woman red cordial??

1That Jedi idea is an awesome one, Vida! Sounds like fun. Maybe I'll give it a go...

Sep 7 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
["Ted" wanders on and mimes throwing up. Whether this is to do with the above comment or just Ted having attempted to smoke toilet freshner again is unclear]If you want something for a clean up, Lightfoot's page is crawling with mimes. Have you seen my Kitty?

Comment From The Writer: *borrows some mimes from Lightfoot's page to clean up the mess of various disgusting, unmentionable substances/creatures/KAGS and to rebuild her hut*

Kitty? Oh. Right. THAT Kitty. Er, no... *glances anxiously at the ceiling*

Sep 8 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt 'Bunto the Hut' Bunton
You dont visit my gallery much...ever in fact.

Comment From The Writer: I know! Sorry! I've been meaning to comment, I swear, I just keep getting sidetracked. I have been there, and looked at all of your pictures. Just couldn't think of anything to say at the time.

Sep 9 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Bunto you never read Megan's stories, do you?

Oh wait...let's pretend we didn't hear that hypocritical statement, shall we? *throws last of Alice's chloroform muffins into the ectoplasmer 2000, which scatters ghostly particles of muffin all over Cookie and Forkwalker, who promptly passes out*
*makes getaway before Megan returns to read this*

Comment From The Writer: AHEM... *folds her arms and gives Tim a very pointed look*

Good work with the muffins, though. 12

Sep 9 2004
There is no such thing as ghostly particles of dead mimes --

*a ghostly particle of dead mime hits Cookie squarely in the face*

--- EEUGH! *backs away, horrified*

Mimes... clowns... *shudders* ... am afraid... gotta go now... er... homework...

*quickly floats away through wall*

 13 Comment From The Writer: *is highly amused*

Sep 10 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
I found my Kitty! Yaay! Who knows what she's been eating, she's too full to wake up. Would you visit my page if I gave you a tin hat?

Comment From The Writer: Am I in demand or something...?? Oooh! Tin hat! *rushes over to Cecily's page*

Sep 10 2004
wassa red cordial?

I know. ;) I always have great ideas.

 1 Comment From The Writer: LOL! Oh, red/raspberry cordial is this kind of concentrated fruit juice stuff that you mix with water. At least, it's CALLED 'fruit juice', but it's mostly a lot of artificial colouring, preservatives and sugar. So when children are being really hyperactive, we say it's because they've been drinking red cordial...

Sep 11 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Hay yeah, no one knows what red cordial is? I thought it was international. I hate cordial, but my brothers are always hypo from it.

Comment From The Writer: So did I! I guess it must be an Aussie thing. *finds herself humming the Cottee's cordial jingle, and shakes her head to snap herself out of it*

Sep 11 2004
Mmm... red cordial... love it. I didn't realize what it was, but I drink it every day, ;)

*floats back through wall again, and approaches you with arms outstreched, as if wanting to hug you*

*but, being a ghost, Cookie just walks through you and you get the oddest feeling... like someone was pulling down your pants...*

*... a moment passes, you blink, and see Cookie hugging you... but how can this be?*

*you look down, and see YOUR OWN BODY sprawled on the floor, with the look of utter amazement frozen on its dead face*

*"No!" you think. "What happened? Am I...?"*

Oh, indeed. *evil grin*

*Cookie lets you go, and you try to grab for your double-ended light sabre... but your hand goes right through it*

Nifty, isn't it? I took your soul. So, now, you're a ghost. Hee. Welcome to the club.

How did I do it? It's a knack. I don't think you'll be able to do the same, tho. Tough luck.

 22 Comment From The Writer: *stands completely still, staring down at her body in utmost horror and disbelief*

WHAT????!!!!

But... b-but but but but you CAN'T! I'm IMMORTAL!! But! You! I'm! But...!!

*Darth Angler looks up at Cookie and a cross between a wail of utmost anguish and a terrifying shriek escapes her lips*

YOU RUINED MY IMMORTALITY!!!!

I had to cut my arm open with a golden quill and was nearly pecked to death by a swan to get that immortality!!!!

*her ghostly eyes ignite like blazing red coals, and she points a finger at Cookie, trembling with fury*

YOU, YOU WRETCHED UNDERCOOKED BISCUIT!!! YOU. WILL. PAY. FOR. THIS!!!!

Sep 11 2004
Elfwood writer:
R. Todd Podzemny
*looks at address dubiously*

Hello? I was told that there was a war or something going on around here. But there's nobody here. And it smells like somebody vaporized a load of dead mimes. Or something. Hard to say, really.

*avis wanders by, muttering to himself about mimes and vampires*

Anyway, it took me like four hours just to get over here. And my nose hurts from bashing against the inside of my jar. So if anybody is, you know, warring or anything, you could just say something, and that would be great.

*feels sudden cold prickling in the neck hairs, curses self for not stealing DeBella's GhostSensor 3000 last week*

Fine. I'll be waiting here, then. For the war and all.

*looks around, then uses tactile telekinesis and a lightsaber to carve annoying l337-speak on the wall*

7H3 D@RK 5!D3 5UX0R5 LOLROFLMAO^%$#^

Comment From The Writer: *shrieks at the graffiti and tries to grab the lightsabre, but her insubstantial hands pass straight through it*

CURSE YOU OBI WAN!!!!!

Oh, there's a war all right!!! *paces around her hut looking murderous*

*pauses*

... I remember you! You're that head in a jar! *laughs* I think I wandered past your page once... Wait. Are you a KAG?? *sigh* Let me guess: Cookie recruited you. Or was it Hanna? CURSE THOSE KAGS!!!

Sep 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Hmmm...

*pokepoke* I haven't been here in a while to come poke you and bother you. Thus, I shall have to go into poking overtime to make up for hours missed.

*poke**pokepoke**pokepokepoke*

*whew* I feel tired now. I'll have to sleep after all that poking.

Oh yeah- and I can't make this comment on your art page because of the stupid "missing the bitmap" thing, but DRAW MORE!!!

*poke* One more for growth.

Comment From The Writer: *blinks and looks around*

*watches in amusement as Hanna's poking goes right through her body*

Muahahaha, I escaped your poking attack!!!

*grumbles* Alright, alright, I'll draw more. But I have to update my library first, because I haven't in five months... 9

Sep 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
R. Todd Podzemny
*Jumps at ethereal voice, setting preserving fluid to sloshing*

*Looks around cautiously*

Er...I were led astray by wicked women, gentle spirit! They promised me cookies and comments and things! And now I'm stuck here with a... a ghost, apparently. Or something of that nature. Probably nothing to worry about. Nope. All according to plan, no doubt. Um.

*Starts to hop backwards, trying to make it look casual*

Oh, and for your information, Casper, we find "head in a jar" to be a belittling and insulting slur! The proper term is "ambulatorially disinclined."

Comment From The Writer: ... CASPER???

Sep 12 2004
Mwahaha. *pokes you, and since we're both ghosts, you feel it*

Mwahaha. *poke poke poke poke*

Toddpod is a KAG. He may be a bit confused, but he is effective. I hope. *scowls and floats through wall*

 8 Comment From The Writer: *glares*

And since we're both ghosts, you can also feel THIS-- *takes two fishhooks from her belt and flings them at Cookie's back*

*glares at the head in a jar... and suddenly bursts out laughing*

Hahahaha, I just thought of THE. FUNNIEST. THING! If Toddpod is a KAG, he needs a SW nickname, right?

Jar Jar!!!

Sep 13 2004
Elfwood writer:
R. Todd Podzemny
Okay, Angler, so here's how it is.
Before, I was just in this for the cookies and glow-in-the-dark paraphernalia. Nothing personal, no malice involved. But then you have to go and make the Jar-Jar comment. And now I'm afraid I must spend the rest of my life earnestly and constantly praying for your intense discomfort and eventual demise. It's sad, but I used to be a big Star Wars fan back before the Dark Days and Lucas' Madness, and so what you said was bad. Real bad. And now, just as soon as I find a pickle jar or something (curse you, tim,) and have a little cry, I am going to come back here and SAY UNKIND THINGS.
You have been warned.

Comment From The Writer: ... *stops laughing* Alright, alright, I'm sorry. It was just... so... funny! *sniggers uncontrollably*

Sep 13 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
Better than adding 'Bonks', mate. At least she believes in you. Right now there's a whole lot of people who think ToddPod entirely mythical.

Comment From The Writer: Toddpod is mythical? *brightens* Ohhhhh! Why didn't you say so? This means that all I have to do is stop believing in him, and he will no longer exist!!

*concentrates, repeating to herself that Toddpod is not real; it is impossible for a head to survive in a jar...*

Sep 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein's Ghost
Megan, we have a very important mission ahead of ourselves. We must get Cookie.
I don't know how, but we have to think of some way to make her pay. She is the relieving leader of KAGS, after all.

DIE COOKIE!!!

Comment From The Writer: Indeed, Tim. That Cookie needs SERIOUS crumbling. *eyes narrow with deadly venom at Obi Wan* I think we should muster all of the Dark Siders for a united attack, what do you think?

Sep 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Damn, been a while since I've been over here. First I hear there's a ceasefire, then I come back and the war's apparently on again.... Nothing ever happens at my page. Then again, I suppose that could be seen as a good thing...... *rolls the jar down the hall*

 12 Comment From The Writer: Yeah, *pokes* it has been a while. The cease fire was only because of the Olympics... it's well and truly back on now though. We're currently planning a massive Dark Sider attack on Cookie. 4

Sep 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
I am the leader of KAGS? ... *stares into space, bemused* Whatever happened to Bethany? Oh, yeah, she's in China ... butbutbutbut I don't wanna be leader of KAGS ... it's too big a responsibility...

And why didn't he shoot the deputy? The deputy'd go and tell everyone any way... and what the hell is no woman no cry anyway? No woman no man, saa bettee. Ooofs. Et anotha Specccie Kookie. Gorra step zap.

Comment From The Writer: Maybe he ran out of bullets? Or missed? Or forgot? Or was suddenly struck by overwhelming guilt? Or was sleepwalking? Or... was a cyborg sent from the future to kill the sheriff?

Sep 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
I feel like I am Darth Vader and Bethany's the Emperor or whatnot, that shrivelled old baggage with immense power.

Darth Cookie ... mmm ... sounds good ...

*slaps self* NO! NEVER! Stupid girl! That would be treason. And that's not nice. 'Specially not to Bethany, who is a very nice lady. 'Es.

Deputy. Naw.

Number One, sa better. Like Will T. Riker on the Enterprise. And Beth's Capt'n Jean-Luc Picard, then.

*spends several moments amusing self with mental images of bald Bethany with a strong British accent, sipping Earl Grey*

Hee. Second-in-command, till elected leader - NO! *slaps self again* selfish, selfish brat - or till leader comes back. 'Es.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Beth? NICE? HA! That statement is treason in itself!

I cannot help but notice that you removed the 'Obi Wan' from your name. *raises eyebrow* In-teresting... You know you want to be Darth Cookie. Yessss, Darth Cookie is much better. I have new action figures... If you were to join, I might even have... *voice lowers conspiratorily* Darth COOKIE action figures...

Sep 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! He's stalking me again! [hides behind Anglerghost]All around France, even in the boulangerie! All those bouncy tunes.

Comment From The Writer: Who's stalking you? What? Where? *looks around, ghostly fishhook in hand*

Sep 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein's Ghost
Hmm, a united attack on Cookie...
Howsabout we let her make her mind up about joining us first? Then if she decides not to, we can quickly strike her down, hehehe.
Unfortunately I've gone and forgiven her, so it wouldn't be very honorable for me to attack her right now, would it?
*grumbles*I bet she did it purposely cause she knew of the united attack.

Comment From The Writer: You FORGAVE her??? Tiiiiim... *sighs in exasperation* What did you do that for??

Sep 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
The ghost of bob marley!!! [whimper]

 22 Comment From The Writer: *blinks*

Sep 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
BOB MARLEY? Ooh, ooh, where? *spins around* Can't see him.

Pfft! And SOMEBODY said I was seein' ponies.

Of course I did that because I knew of your plot, Tim dearest. Do you think me a fool? *grins evily* I won't join the Dark Side ... never. But I'll get myself a Darth Cookie action figure, although it is poorly done, and you made me look fat.

*grabs a DC action figure, and melts it with her lightsabre*

*sits on floor melting action figures, entertaining self (and some mimes) for a while*

 8 Comment From The Writer: Right. That's it. Just you wait till I'm alive again...!!

Sep 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
[glances up]AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! AAA! [runs away in terror]

Comment From The Writer: *looks at the ghost of Bob Marley thoughtfully*

*reaches out and grabs him by the throat. Despite his struggles and screams, he slowly disintegrates, his soul leaching into the Angler's*

*a brief sound of reggae music echoes briefly throughout the hut; there is a flash of coloured lights like a crazy disco ball, and Bob Marley disappears*

*Darth Angler, however, remains standing-- alive and solid once more*

4*her eyes glow* Why thank you, Bob...

Sep 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Fork-Archon?' Lewis
*glides in with all her blue psionic brilliance*

Happy birthday to meeeee and Vida!!! *cheers softly, and grins* According to Elfy time anyway. Technically, in my timezone, it's not for 2 hours. But who cares.

*giggles, and condenses a bit of psionic energy into a sphere*

*flicks sphere at the middle of the page*

*Megan's page flashes a blinding blue light and explodes*

Happy birthday to meeeeee...!!! *sings merrily* It's my birthday present to myself. *smirks and glides away*

Comment From The Writer: *walks in to find a 20-foot smoking crater where her hut used to be*

Happy birthday, I'm sure. 8

Sep 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein's Ghost
Ok.

Step 1: We let Vida celebrate her birthday in peace

Step 2: I will murder her.

 1 Comment From The Writer: You will? YAAAY!! WHOOOO!! Go Tim!!

Sep 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Yes, these birthdays are rather irritating things....I'm gonna go attack someone else, cause I'm bored.

Comment From The Writer: Okay then. Have fun. 2

Sep 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
*whizzes in with warp happiness speed*

*stops dead, seeing the Angler solid once more*

*gulps*

Er. Whatever happened to Bob Marley?

*turns around at the swishing of a cloak and someone singing*

Did you hear that? [you didn't. No one did.]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! IT'S THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!!!!!!!! *goes pale* HE'S COME TO GET ME!!!!!!!!! Although I can't sing that well, mind.

*turns round, and runs out of the hut, closely pursued by something unseen*

 20 Comment From The Writer: I stole da soul of Bob Marley, mon.

Sep 18 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
*looking back over her shoulder, Cookie doesn't watch where she's running and bumps into Tim, who was holding his lightsaber directly out in front of him*

*Cookie stares down in horror at the smoking hole in her gut*

Just your luck, eh?

Comment From The Writer: *while Cookie is staring down at the hole in her gut, a tall black figure with half a skull glides up behind her, singing a haunting opera song. He grabs her, swishes his cloak around her, then fades back into the shadows, taking Cookie with him*

Sep 18 2004
The Phantom of the Opera
*magically revives Cookie by the power of his song, and heals her gut so he can haunt her once again!*

*glides after Cookie, who runs away, silently screaming, as he sings "Music of the Night"*

 4 Comment From The Writer: Heheheheh...

Sep 18 2004
Oh please, please, don't judge how I look like basing the photo in my bio. I look like a turtle there. Please don't think I look like a turtle. I'm a lot thinner and have more neck, actually. And my hair looks shinier and more honey-coloured. Hate that photo *scowls*

........................... Oh dear sniffers, do you hear that?? *listens* It sounds like ...

*an eerie song echoes through the darkened woods around your hut*

{Softly, deftly, music shall carress you ...
Hear it, feel it, secretly possess you ...
Open up your mind, let your fantasy unwind, in this darkness which you know you cannot fight -
the darkness of the music of the night ...}

AAAAAH!!! IT'S HIM AGAIN!!!!! *puts hands over ears* Make him stop, make him stop!!!

*runs away, clutching her lightsabre and slicing everyone who's in the way, including -- ooops -- Darian.*

*continues running, followed by the singing Phantom, who laugh evily*

{Phantom of the Opera: Christine, you shall be mine!!! Bwahahaha!!! *glides after Cookie*}

Comment From The Writer: You're a skinny, long-necked turtle, then? Heh heh... just kidding! 1 What's wrong with the photo? You look fine to me.

Do you think I should put up a bio photo? *thinks* I might ruin everyone's mental image of me, lol. (Whatever THAT might be...)

Now what did I do with that Sword of Healing? Ah. *picks it up from the centre of the crater and heals Darian*

Sep 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
Who knows what Talk Like A Pirate Day will do to the Angler's new Aussieo-Jamaican accent, arrr. Now where be Cookie's rum...?

 21 Comment From The Writer: *face contorts as the Angler attempts to do an Aussieo-Jamaican-Pirate accent* Arrr! You've got to be kiddin', mon!!

Sep 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Oh, the war sure is getting interesting. This is, ah, let's see, oh hell, now I forgot my terminology again...

Comment From The Writer: 'ow's et goin', mon? Interesting? Arrr, me matey! You mean et wuhsn't eenterestin' before?

Sep 19 2004
Well, I survived the slashing by Vida, but then I went and cut the Round Muffin into a rhombitruncatedicosidodecahedron, and I don't think Noah liked it very much. He showed up at my page with lotsa grenades and a gun (really original eh? >_<) and ghostified me, but I blew up his claymore on him, and then Peanut mauled him, so I think he might be dead too....not quite sure. In any event, this is the first time I've been a ghost since we started, and it's kinda fun...especially since I can still cast spells, being a shadowmage and all.

 8 Comment From The Writer: Noah killed you? *face darkens* I think it's time Darth Angler paid him a little visit...

Sep 21 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Not comrade Noah!

Ye shall not hurt one so noble of the Round Muffin!

Prepare thineself for the ultimate dooom! Yes, doom I sayeth, and dooom it shall be, as I hath declare!

(somone shut her up before she hurts herself)

Verily!

Comment From The Writer: Alas, mine dear enemy, ye be too late! Sir Noah hath already met his dooooooom! Muahahaha!!

Sep 21 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Megan, fix Hanna and her cheesecake for me. Fix her with a spanner of DEATH!!! Yargh!

Comment From The Writer: *produces Spanner Of Death with a flourish*

Can we fix her?

YES WE CAN!!

Sep 22 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Forsooth!

Now I know why you're the boss.

Comment From The Writer: *wipes cheesecake off her SPOD* Indeed.

Sep 23 2004
So, when are you two gonna, like, kill me? I mean, you said you would. And it's getting really boring on my page. Again. *idly swishes lightsabre around*

Oh. Me thinks you should make drawing of us jedis a wee bit larger than A5, and a wee bit smaller than A4. About pixels or somethingXsomething I have no idea. So that us egoists can put on our desktop as a wallpaper? +)

But if you draw me wrongly, if you cross me, Megan Leigh Proverbs of Tasmania, *raises a threatening finger* there will be hell to pay. And I am not kidding, mon.

Wanna Special K?

Comment From The Writer: Oh. Right. Murderous revenge. Er, sorry, forgot about it with the Noah thing and everything...

I haven't even drawn the Jedi picture yet, and already you want it as wallpaper?? Sheesh, you're optimistic! Okay, no worries, I will be sure to make it desktop size. As for how I'm going to portray you... *cackles* This picture could be more fun than I thought. 4

Sep 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Brooke S. Singleton
*Eyes glow red breifly* *Trembles in fear* *Whimpers* *Runs away*

 4 Comment From The Writer: YES! RUN, MORTAL! RUN IN FEAR FROM THE TERRIBLE AWESOME POWER OF THE DARK SIDE!! AHAHAHAHA!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

*echoes die away, leaving the page eerily silent*

Er, wait, this isn't a good thing... I don't want to scare innocent visitors away from my page! WAIT!! COME BACK!! I-I'm not that scary, really!! And you haven't read any of my stories!! And you haven't tried my shortbread!!COME BAAAAAACK!! Awwww...

Sep 24 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt 'Bunto the Hut' Bunton
Only have to wait another day...more or less. Then 15 years old finally arrives. Yes. This creampuff finally caught up...

How are you doin? School Hols have finally arrived. I can now again jump on the commenting bandwagon and go mad. Off to hanna/cookies page to give them a taste of their own medicine...Sarsaparilla is better. But for them, medicine.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Oh, it's your birthday? Happy B'day! I'm doing well, thank you! School hols, yay! Our school hols just finished... not that it affects me much, since I only go to TAFE once a week anyway.

Sep 25 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt 'Bunto the Hut' Bunton
Drop by Trish Saws Page. Me and Tim took some Commenting Pens and went crazy we surpassed her 1000th comment and made about 1040.

 2 Comment From The Writer: Sounds like you had fun.

Sep 25 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
It's now my holidays. I have a lot of free time on my hands. So I'm hosting the 1st annual Elfwood Awards on my page. Come and check it out, and get involved.

Good luck!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Ooooh, awards!!

Sep 26 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
O_O

Run, Brooke, run! The shortbread is poisoned!

But my cheesecake... the stuff is good for you. ^_^

 22 Comment From The Writer: NOOOOOOOOOOO!! NONONONONO!!! Don't listen to her, Brooke!! Ahaha, of course it's not poisoned!! It's PERFECTLY safe to eat, look-- *picks up a piece of her own shortbread and eats it*

...

.....

........

*COUGH* *HACK* *SPLUTTER*

*gasp* W-water...!!

Sep 26 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt 'Bunto the Hut' Bunton
Here you go
*Passes Megan a glass of water swimming with tadpoles and other such green material*
Well...just be thankful it's water and not Boiled Ratroot broth. Just be thankful.

Comment From The Writer: *grabs for the water and chokes on a tadpole*

Sep 26 2004
Elfwood writer:
Patricia *Bunny* Saw
You have exactly the same number of shiny stars as me. That makes you very special indeed.
*gifts thee with sugar*

Comment From The Writer: *grabs for the sugar and nearly drowns herself in it* *COUGHCOUGH* *wheeze* Th-thank you... you just... saved my life...!! *cough*

1 I'm special? Am I? YAAAY! I'm SPECIAL! *beams proudly*

Sep 27 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
Heh.

Heheh...


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Be afraid! Be VERY afraid. For now enters the *dun-dun-dun*...

...........


.....................................

SPAMMER OF DOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 22 Comment From The Writer: Oh no...

Sep 27 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
Give me an "S"!
(S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Give me a "P"!
(P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Give me an "A"!
(A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Give me an "M"!
(M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

...uhoh. This text is way too redundant. Better fix that...


Hast du etwas Zeit für mich
Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich
Von 99 Luftballons
Auf ihrem weg zum Horizont
Denkst du vielleicht g'rad an mich
Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich
Von 99 Luftballons
Und das sowas von sowas kommt

99 Luftballons
Auf ihrem weg zum Horizont
Hielt man für UFOs aus dem All
Darum schickte ein General
'ne Fliegerstaffel hinterher
Alarm zu geben, wenn's so wär
Dabei war'n da am Horizont
Nur 99 Luftballons

99 Düsenflieger
jeder war ein grosser Krieger
Hielten sich für Captain Kirk
Das gab ein grosses Feuerwerk
Die Nachbarn haben nichts gerafft
Und fühlten sich gleich angemacht
Dabei schoss man am Horizont
Auf 99 Luftballons

99 Kriegsminister
Streichholz und Benzinkanister
Hielten sich für schlaue Leute
Witterten schon fette Beute
Riefen: Krieg und wollten Macht
Mann, wer hätte das gedacht
Dass es einmal soweit kommt
Weg’n 99 Luftballons

99 Jahre Krieg
Ließen keinen platz für Sieger
Kriegsminister gibt's nicht mehr
Und auch keine Düsenflieger
Heute zieh’ ich meine Runden
Seh' die Welt in Trümmern liegen
Hab' 'nen Luftballon gefunden
Denk' an dich und lass' ihn fliegen

Comment From The Writer: Noooooo!! No fair spamming in languages I don't know!! *wails*

Sep 27 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
Also known as

You and I in a little toy shop
Buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got
Set them free at the break of dawn
Til one by one, they were gone
Back at base bugs in the software
Flash the message, something's out there
Floating in the summer sky
99 red balloons go by

99 red balloons
Floating in the summer sky
Panic bells it's red alert
There's something here from somewhere else
The war machine springs to life
Opens up one eager eye
Focusing it on the sky as 99 red balloons go by

99 Decision street
99 ministers meet
To worry, worry, super flurry
Call the troops out in a hurry
This is what we've waited for
This is it boys, this is war
The president is on the line
As 99 red balloons go by

99 knights of the air
Ride super high tech jet fighters
Everyone's a super hero Everyone's a Captain Kirk
With orders to identify
To clarify, and classify
Scramble in the summer sky
99 red balloons go by

99 dreams I have had In every one a red balloon
It's all over and I'm standing pretty
In this dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here
And here is a red balloon
I think of you, and let it go

 22 Comment From The Writer: What?? Where did all these balloons come from? GAH!! *bursts them with her fishhook*

Sep 27 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
Ah.... I love that song.

What's new in Meganland? Killed any Jedi's? Saved any Bad Guys? Drawn any new piccies?

 4 Comment From The Writer: Let's see... I killed Noah, Hanna and Simi with my SPOD (Spanner Of Death), and turned Vida into a monkey. What would you like me to do to you? Something involving FIRE, perhaps? Heheheh.

No new piccies yet... but I feel guilty about not doing Cecily's request, so I'm going to get to work on it this week.

Sep 27 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
Mmmmmmm! Shortbread! *grabs at yummy baking*

 4 Comment From The Writer: *laughs evilly* Yes. Yummy shortbread. VERY YUMMY. Eat, eat, eat away...

Sep 27 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
*cough*

*splutter*

*hack*

*choke*

*grabs at waterbottle in bag*

Ahhh...thats better. Whew! That was a close one! Luckily I always carry water with me. Tricky tricky Miss Proverbs. But you'll have to get up earlier than that to pull one on a KAG!

 4 Comment From The Writer: ... but alas, what Kellidala fails to realise is that water only nullifies the effects of the poison TEMPORARILY... she will drop dead in EXACTLY 6 hours, 6 minutes and 6 seconds, unless she can work out what the antidote is!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Sep 27 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
But it's on your page...[Cecily, holding up the random side of the Farce. Force. Votev!]

Comment From The Writer: Ohhhh, phoo. You ruined my fun.

Sep 27 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt 'Bunto the Hut' Bunton
YEEW That song is totally Kickass!
I love it.
Nena Hagen rocks.
Don't go for those bullshit english versions.
Although...this is the best war song ive ever heard.

Comment From The Writer: I've never even heard it before...

Sep 27 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt 'Bunto the Hut' Bunton
*hands Megan a flask*
In there is my Arsenic Ice cream topping
Use it wisely.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Oooooooh, nice! Yes, indeed, I will save it for a special occasion...

Sep 27 2004
Artie. Don't say you don't remember me.
Do I really have to tell your mom to get this war ended?

Comment From The Writer: No, sir/ma'am/etc! Please don't tell my mum, sir/ma'am/etc! I'll never ever poison people or stab them with my fishhooks again, sir/ma'am/etc, I promise! *big, wide, innocent eyes*

*waits till Artie's back is turned then uncrosses her fingers and sticks her tongue out*

Sep 27 2004
Lo! There be spamming!

*nasty smile spreads across face*

And I'm not included? You people can be nasty. While I spam other people, no-one but Timmman ever spammed ME. *sulks*

So here's a song no-one knows, just for my own entertainment:

*spreads legs and lets it rip, i.e. sings --- cower before it!*
Mama thinks I'm living in a convent,
A secluded little convent
In the southern part of France.
Mama doesn't even have an inkling
That I'm working in a Nightclub
In a pair of Lacy pants.

So please, sir,
If you run into my Mama,
Don't reveal my indiscretion,
Give a working girl a chance.

Hush up, don't tell mama,
Shush up, don't tell mama...
Don't tell mama, whatever you do.
If you had a secret, you bet I would keep it I would never tell on you

I'm breaking every promise that I gave her,
So won't you kindly do a girl a great big favor?
And please, my sweet patater,
Keep this from the mater,
Though my dance is not against the law

You can tell my Papa, that's all right, 'Cause he comes in here every night,
But don't tell mama what you saw!

Mama
Thinks I'm on a tour of Europe, with a couple of my school chums and a lady chaperone.
Mama
Doesn't even have an inkling
That I left them all in Antwerp
And I'm touring on my own.
So please, Sir, if you run into my mama Don't reveal my indiscretion.
Just leave well enough alone.

Hush up, don't tell mama.
Shush up, don't tell mama;
Don't tell mama whatever you do.
If you had a secret, you bet I would keep
it
I would never tell on you.
You wouldn't want to get me in a
pickle, and have her go and cut me off Without a nickle.

So let's trust one another, keep this from my mother, though I'm still as pure as mountain snow.
You can tell my Uncle here and now
'Cause he's my agent anyhow,
But don't tell Mama what you know.

You can tell my brother, that ain't grim 'Cause if her squeals on me I'll squeal on him,

But don't tell mama, bitte don't
tell mama, please, Sir, don't tell mama, what you know!!

*everything ends in a shower of confetti, half-naked, dancing cabaret girls, and sideline people grabbing their heads, dreading what Cookie became*

{Phantom of the Opera: *glides in* Christine! It is you! My love, we shall be together forevermore!}

*turns white* Oh no. No. Not him again.

{Phantom of the Opera: *races after Cookie, who runs away, threatening him with her light saber*}

You, you old pervert! Gerroff me! *whacks Phantom with light saber, but it doesn't hurt him, so he just BWAHAHA-s*

 22 Comment From The Writer: I think... I need some more sugar...

Sep 30 2004
toast
Oh megan its been so long sence i was here
thow
i was at tims just a sec ago
i have no idea
well how have you been doing
me well lets just say
good

dude i love to skatebord
i all most brock my arm
ouch
that hurt
so hows your dragon if you read
the comments iv done on tims paggie
you will get who lith is and he

well is a dragon and yeah you will have to go back
far
hey im bored i need sugur
hey i cant spell that
lol
lol some more
and more lol

lololololololololololololo
lolololololololololololololol
lolololololololololol
lolololololololololololololololol
lololol

Comment From The Writer: Oh, hello Toast! Nice to see you again! Erm, I think you've had quite enough sugar, young lady...

Hey, Toast, I'm going to draw a picture of all the KAGS and Dark Siders as Jedis. How do you want me to portray you?

Sep 30 2004
*from some far-off corner of your page, the song 'Let's Get Retarded' slowly grows louder to a deafening volume*
*Lightfoot appears, juking and doing some playgrounds with a basketball to the music before he passes it to you*
Hey, everyone. My browser's messed up so i can't be online properly for more than a few minutes perweek. Sorry..

((P.S for Megan - I do not BEHEAD those who threaten the La-Z Boy I gifted to Beth...*smiles innocently* I torture, kill, revive, torture and kill again.))

Comment From The Writer: *slowly, tentatively uncurls from her cringe as she realises that Jake did not mention Ferrian's Winter* Phew.

Sep 30 2004
*storms in*

*grunts* Hello.

*pulls out lightsaber, turns it on, and chops your head off with a swift movement*

*takes head by the hair and storms off to Chewiemuffin's, blasting mimes with her lightsaber, looking livid*

 22 Comment From The Writer's Ghost: *blinks down at her headless body in shock* Wha...??

Sep 30 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Hello, good evening. Are you enjoying yourself? Ah? Seems so.

Say, have you watched any good Hayao "Spirited Away" Miyazaki movies lately? I just re-watched Porco Rosso and it reminded me why it would be a good thing to canonize Mr. Miyazaki.

Comment From The Writer: I WAS enjoying myself, until Vida cut my head off... *sniff* Here I am, minding my own business, innocently sharpening fishhooks, quietly pondering fun and despicable ways of torturing the KAGS, and someone just walks in and decapitates me! The NERVE!

Meh, unfortunately, no. Actually I haven't watched any good movies of any sort in ages.

Oct 1 2004
Elfwood writer:
Brooke S. Singleton
Hehe.You have no head to eat me with. I AM BRAVE ONCE MORE.

*Does a little dance*
*Looks about the cavernous main page* Oh dear. IT'S HUGE!

Any booby traps? Should I have spelt booby; boobie?. No. That just sounds too lurid.

*Questions self*

Huh? In what way?

Well, he said that she said that he said that she said that I know what you thought that we thought that we think that we know what your thinking, in thinking of the perfect spelling and meaning of the thought of which occurred several minutes ago...

Ohhhh.

*Sews the head of a taxidermy puppy onto your neck* Aww.How can I be scared of that??

But I am…

Gotta run

*Flees*

 8 Comment From The Writer: *eyes narrow dangerously*

Oct 1 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
[stares after Cookie] O-er. What a mood. [blushes heavily]Might be my fault. I can resurrect you, but only on cliche, 'tis the only way I know. [Angler's HAND claws out of the fresh grave. She gropes around and rises Terminator-style and STORMS off in a QUEST for VENGEANCE]

Comment From The Writer: You're DAMNED RIGHT I do!!

*STORMS off in a QUEST for VENGEANCE*

*pauses*

*storms back*

*carefully removes the puppy head and replaces it with an exact replica of her old one-- albeit with the metal skeleton exposed on one side and a glowing red eye* (New heads are hard to come by)

*takes a pair of black shades out of her pocket and puts them on* (Might as well make the most of a cliche...) 7

*resumes her QUEST for VENGEANCE*

Oct 1 2004
toast
Can you draw me in my dragon form i cant really discribe my self
well i can(in dragon form):
gold with black around eyes
and read eyes black stripes on tale and yeah

 1 Comment From The Writer: Yeah, sure! No problemo!

Oct 2 2004
Elfwood writer:
Brooke S. Singleton
Wait..YOUR AN AUSSIE!

I CAN'T BELEIVE IT!

*Goes behind her New Zelandish shelter*

YOU CANNOT TOUCH ME!

Hehe. Nice puppy.

MUHAHAHA.

*Flees*

 13 Comment From The Writer: *scoffs at your New Zealandish shelter and shoos the herd of sheep out of her hut*

*reaches out and pokes Brooke as she runs away*

Oh dear, I touched you, now what will you do? *smirks*

Oct 2 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
Antidote, eh? Well, since it's been more than...well however long you said, I'm a ghost. Unless the antidote is dried apricotes, double chocolate chip cookies, low-fat brownies, or a pina colada smoothie from Orange Julius, or anything else I ate, then I'm not. So tell me, what IS the antidote?

 10 Comment From The Writer: Drat. The antidote was sugar...

Oct 2 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
[wanders in muttering about innocent things getting rejected and stops dead at the sight of the Angler] On a mission, huh? Cliche power not worn off yet? No matter, the BLT suits you. I'm telling everyone who read the original - the se/prequels to DSC are up, I still think I may take the leess popular down, so when you've time to spare d'you wanna come judge? Much story-mauling opportunity...

 7 Comment From The Writer: I am on a mission. A mission from... *cough* Eh, yes, it seems the cliche power is still quite strong...

BLT?

Okay, sure, I'll come and have a look.

Oct 3 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
Black Leather Trenchcoat. I owes ya - any reccomendations or is't all FW?

 1 Comment From The Writer: Ohhh, right. *brushes some dust off her trenchie*

Erm, well it's been quite a while since I had any comments on Mercury Eye...

Oct 3 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
You set the CoC on Cookie? That's harsh. Their jokes are really, really BAD. And that's before they start with the custard and the tambourine cases... [shudders]

 4 Comment From The Writer: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (To Hell with the Evil Overlord List!!)

Oct 4 2004
Elfwood writer:
John Ross Gunningham
Haha.. man haven't been around here lately. Do you guys ever have.. strange fun ;) Its great, I laughed, I cried, I mourned. Much better than anything hollywood has come up with lately. Good to see the good ppl here are still enjoying and dismembering themselves.

 1 Comment From The Writer: I know! We could sell the script for the Fork/Angler war to Hollywood! It'd make a great motion picture! We could have Quentin Tarantino for director-- it'd be like a ten-hour long version of Kill Bill, except that it would be Kill Angler instead...

Oct 5 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt 'Bunto the Hut' Bunton
Why do people Hate Aussie Accents?
Do we even have an accent. The bad thing is people seem to be going on Dribbledouche Steve Irwin as Australia in totals main accent. No way in hell could I have that accent. Ever, ever never. New Zealand Accents...now theyre the screwy ones!

Comment From The Writer: *nods* I agree totally. Steve Irwin is the reason people hate Aussie accents. No one on the face of the planet talks like Steve Irwin except Steve Irwin... New Zealand accents!! Arrgh, aren't they irritating?? (No offense to New Zealanders, of course. *cough*)

Oct 5 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt 'Bunto the Hut' Bunton
Ive come to Return My Darth angler Action figure...Seems they arent edible...and well...Stomach acid isnt good for toys.

 2 Comment From The Writer: Edible action figures! Now there's an idea...

Oct 8 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
RIIIIGGGHHHT! I'm supposed to send you a picture! Alright, will do so, but on these conditions:

1)That you do not reveal the picture to any others, including those on Elfwood. The picture is strictly art-related, and will not be used or replicated in any other way.

2)That you do not laugh. I do not photograph well. (ssuuuurre...) WHAT?! I DON'T!!! *glares*

Did that sound all professional and offcial? Minus the last part? But seriously, though, we all know how one feels about putting a picture of themselves out on the internet, possibly for anyone to see. Though these pages give alot more info than a picture would, it's still feels a tad strange.

Comment From The Writer: 1) *places her hand, clasping a fishhook, over her heart* I solemnly swear that not a soul will set eyes on the picture except for me.

2) I solemnly swear that I will not, in any way, laugh. (I don't photograph well either, so I know what you mean).

Oct 8 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
My opinion on Aussie accents:

I LOOOVE Australian accents! Especially on a hot guy...What makes you two think everyone thinks the accents are terrible? I know normal Aussies (i.e. not Steve Irwin-type), and I think their accents are so cool! I wish I had an interesting accents...all we do is say "Eh"...which we REALLY don't do that much (AND it's not freezing-where I am at least- and we don't have pet beavers! (audience-*gasp*)). What do Canadian accents seem like to you? Are we funny to listen to? Do we really say "aboot"- or, wait, is it the Americans that are supposed to say that? Share your thoughts, please!

Comment From The Writer: I dunno! I just thought it was the general consensus that Aussies are annoying and obnoxious... or is it only Vida who thinks that? *dark glare in Vida's direction* So normal Aussies do have accents then? YAY, I have a cool accent!! Muahaha. But it's no fun having a cool accent if you can't hear it yourself... :(

You bet Canadians are funny to listen to. 1 Ahahaha, 'aboot', hahaha! Do you say 'eemoo' like the Americans? Now THAT'S hilarious! Heeeeheheheh!

I personally love Irish accents. Especially on a hot guy. 12

Oct 8 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
And HAH! I DIDNT get poisoned! There was tons of sugar in the cookies and pina colada! Not much in the brownie, I'm thinking...(btw, NEVER eat one! Brownies are never the same again!). Not this time, Angler. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, but you didn't get me this time!

 8 Comment From The Writer: I thought as much... Never fear, I will get you some other way.

*brightens suddenly* Saaaaay...

... would you like some ice cream? 2

Oct 8 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Oyoyoyo! I loves that song! My Dad plays it on the guitar when my parents have their pissups and we all sing along, its really cool :) I like the way you take popular songs and re-lyricise them. Gives me an idea...

So who are you going to vote for tomorrow? Greens? Apparently that's the way the Tassie vote will swing. Your precious forest...haha, I liked when Will on the Glasshouse said Howard came up with a way to fix the tasmanian forest problem, and keep our seniors happy: Free old growth rocking chair for everyone over seventy five!

Egads! An antidote for what? I've been absent far too long, but it's about to lengthen I'm afraid. When my mum goes away to Bali (jealous scowl) Grandma is coming to stay and look after us, and she is firmly against "wasting time" on the computer. So I have to do it all at school :(

Anyways, I brought you a present to say sorry for not being around of late.
*presents small, bloodied piece of flesh* Tadaa! It's Cookie's ear! Enjoy!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Yes, I loves that song too. Heh, yeah, I needed a new bio and I was bored again. Or rather, procrastinating from doing any proper writing (glances miserably at STILL-unfinished chapter 24). And that song seemed so appropriate...

You're absolutely bloody right I'll be voting Greens. *chews fingernails anxiously* I honestly don't know how the vote will go in Tassie any more. Latham's really infuriated all the loggers, who were once firm Labor supporters but will now vote Liberal just to save their jobs. 'Tis extremely worrying.

"Free old growth rocking chair for everyone over seventy five." HAHAHAHA!

Oh, the antidote thing. *mutters* Never mind. It didn't work anyway... Nooooo, don't go, Timmwah! Can't you pretend to be using it for homework or something??

AWWWWWW!!! You brought me Cookie's ear!! That's so sweet!!

Oct 8 2004
Elfwood writer:
Erin M. Beanland
Tim said i should join the dark side and teach everyone to laugh. so here i am.
Muahahahaha!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Excellent! Take notes Dark Siders!

Oct 8 2004
Ta-daah! It's Tim's ear! *points to her ear* Stole it after he stole mine. That's the first piece of man I've ever had.

(aaaw, isn't that absolutely disgusting???)
(eeew...)
(shut up, shut up, shut up! *thwacks cookie with a physics book, which has got 300 pages*)

OW!

And Emma Jane was kind enough to get rid of the CoC for me. *grins and points to her page, from where an evil smell is spreading, but there are absolutely no more clowns* If you wanna go there, I suggest you wear a gas mask. *replaces her own and returns to her page*

 8 Comment From The Writer: Damn!! *drums her fingers on the arm of her Evil Overlady Throne in irritation*

Oct 9 2004
Elfwood writer:
Erin M. Beanland
eemoo? exactly which word in the english language is that suposed to be? I'm sitting here listening to myself say it over and over and i can't figure it out.

but then again i am american...

 1 Comment From The Writer: HAHAHAHA!! See comment below!!

Oct 9 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Eemoo is Emu. We say Eee-m-you. But Yer-mericans pronounce it Eeemoo.

*struggles with hands over mouth for a moment, than bursts out laughing*

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 1 Comment From The Writer: *laughs with you*

Oct 9 2004
Ee-m-you? I thought it was eemoo. What what?

Ah well. Kangaroo.

(that means i don't know, right?)
(left, my darling)
(what?)
(we say left, not right)
(why?)
(because we're communists)
(we are?)
(yes)
(oh)

 1 Comment From The Writer: HAAAA HAAAA, you say eemoo too!! Hilarious!!

Incidently, the 500th main page comment is coming up soon. Prize for the winner!!

Oct 10 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
*starts to grab at ice cream* Wow, thankyo-

...wait...*narrowed eyes* This seems a little suspicious...

Comment From The Writer: Suspicious?? Ahaha, nono not at all... *innocent smile*

Oct 10 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
Maybe it's just Vida. I love Aussie accents. Ooooh Irish are loverly as well- again, on a hot guy, even better! English are cool too. Then there's Icelandic...a little difficult to understand.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Yes indeed...

Oct 10 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
Oh, and spanish/mexican/other countries that speak spanish*

Comment From The Writer: Mmmm, yes, spanish is very nice too.

Oct 10 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
So we really DO supposedly say "aboot"? Hmmm...that's interesting. I'm pretty sure I say "about", in the proper way.

We, well, at least I, say eemyou. Eemoo sounds like a noise a really strange cow would make.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Haha, actually I have no idea if you say 'aboot'. But it's pretty funny if you do...

Heheh, you say emu the proper way then!

Oct 10 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
I'm guessing you Aussies just had an election. GO GREEN!!! We have a Green Party up here. But they're famous for trying so hard, and not having a ton of support. As well, people get them and the Marijuana Party confused. We had a student election, and all the guys that I talked to voted Green. I replied to one, "You DO know the Green Party is NOT the Marijuana Party, right?" He ended up punching his friend in the shoulder for telling him the wrong thing. 1 It was quite entertaining.

But when I'm old enough to vote, it's Green all the way! And I'll get all the support I can! I'll boost the university's Green Party club's number up over 5! Maybe over 10! GO GREEN!

Comment From The Writer: *gloomy sigh* Yeah, we just had an election... and now the biggest, oldest trees in Australia are doomed. (Amongst a myriad of other things, such as the public schools and health care system...)

The Marijuana Party??

Oct 10 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
I'm trying to decide if I want to keep commenting, and ensure that title! Incidently, there's one coming up for my page too- though of course not nearly as high up as yours!

Comment From The Writer: Err, well if you want it you'd better hurry...

Oct 10 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
You won't believe this Meg, but guess what prize you rlast comment just won?

666th!

Really, you are favoured by the devil, aren't you? C'mon, you can tell me!

 22 Comment From The Writer: .... what??

I did???

WHOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! 1111111111111

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! YES!! There can be no doubt now that I AM TRULY EEEEEEEVVVIIIIIIILLL!!!!! 4

Oct 10 2004
Elfwood artist:
Erin M. Beanland
Emu? What's an Emu?

O_O *is showing her ignorance*

 22 Comment From The Writer: You've never heard of an emu??? *looks amazed* Er, well, it's a big flightless bird, like an ostrich except greyish-brown...

Oct 10 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
*sigh* Yes, the Marijuana party. There's this big thing about legalizing it for medical use or...otherwise...and there's now a whole political party that's main goal is to do so.

Comment From The Writer: 1 CONGRATS!!!!!! YOU HAVE WON THE 500TH MAIN PAGE COMMENT TITLE!!!!!! 1

Oct 10 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
*giggles* Emus are funny things. So are llamas, alpacas, and penguins. Oh the joys of nature...

Comment From The Writer: Penguins are so cute...

Oct 10 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
nature, which, because of people voting for the people who won your election, who are planning to cut down all those amazing trees, will really not be around a whole lot longer. Too bad people like that are all over the world, and there's not enough opposition to them...*sigh*

Comment From The Writer: Yes, I know. *sniff*

Oct 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
As much as I agree with you Kelly, you have to look at the flipside. The people were merely looking out for their families and communities. They rely on the income provided by logging the trees. It's only a short time thing though, which they can't seem to see...

Well, that's it, I'm off. Will try and frequent on the school net. Look after my library for me while I'm gone, don't let them spray anti-angler messages or nuttin'.

Oh, and one last favour, could you please visit this gal for me?

http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/libr/e/r/eraphim2/eraphim2.html

She's brand spanking new, and she WANTS to be on the dark side! I say we rope her in and corrupt, er, fill her in, as quickly as possible. The great Bunto will most likely help you convince and drag her in. But get everyone involved. It'll be fun, and there hasn't been too much of that since Forkwalker left.

Cya Meg!

 4 Comment From The Writer: Excellent! A brand new mind to corrupt to the Dark Side, muahahaha!

BETHANY LEWIS, WHERE HAVE YOU GONE???? *GLARE* WE HAVE A WAR TO FIGHT HERE, YOU KNOW!!!

Grrrr. What's the use of being an Evil Dark Overlady if you don't have an arch-nemesis to torture?? *sulks*

See you later, Timmwah!

Oct 14 2004
So I'm not your evil arch-nemesis? Only Bethany is?

*pouts*

Very well. Very well. You're not my arch-nemesis netiher, mind. You're not evil and I certainly don't hate you. Very well.

*pouts and drumms fingers on the hilt of her lightsabre*

That Bethany should really consider coming back here. I can't fight this war alone, you know.

*leaves a "YOU'RE VERY NICE " card in your mailbox, to show how hurt and angry and murderous she feels*

 12 Comment From The Writer: Oh, you're still my evil nemesis, just not my evil ARCH-nemesis. The thing about arch-nemesiseseses is that you can only have one, you see. And Beth receives that title because she was the one who started this whole insane mess in the first place.

*takes the 'YOU'RE VERY NICE' card and draws herself up in anger* You will pay for this insolence!

Oct 15 2004
Ostriches are somewhat larger, neh? Got any more draggins or should I start FW in search if that long-haired 'bino guy by now?

Comment From The Writer: Nah, no more dragons I'm afraid-- well, until Mercury III in any case. (Except for Nightdance, but that's a poem).

You can start FW if you want, I certainly won't complain. 12 You mean my lovely dear Requar? He's not a true albino in that he has blue eyes, not red ones, but he has beautiful long white hair. And he's a very, er, 'good' character-- people seem to either love him or hate him because of this.

Oct 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Eller 'mwahahaha' Mcknight
Hello! Err, I mean tremble in fear, or something... I am the newest member of KAGS *produces members only card!* see? see?

I have been sent to flame you!! *Evil cackle!*
So watch out!

Right, now that that's sorted, Rodger (the heavenly canine) and I are going to go and look at your stuff.

Flip, isn't that the polietest flaming ever? I feel so ashamed. *Wanders off muttering*

 12 Comment From The Writer: You know, you would be more convincing if you sneered a bit and said it in a threatening tone of voice, ie: "I'm going to go and LOOK at your STUFF!"

Oct 16 2004
Most albinos have blue eyes; it's only severe tyrosine deficiency that makes the eyes have no colour at all[and look pink] rather than the 'default' blue babies are usually born with before real colour develops.

 22 Comment From The Writer: Really? I didn't know that.

Oct 16 2004
'default' blue THAT babies are born with. Not that babies are blue. Usually. The ones that are have something wrong with them.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Heh, yes, I got your meaning, but thanks for clarifying.

Oct 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
John Ross Gunningham
Haha... nice song there. The original wasn't bad either :) I got new stuff up as of about thursday, in case you were waiting :) Happy trails and watch out for those pesky lawmen, they have a tendency to shoot first and ask later ;) cya!

 1 Comment From The Writer: WOOOOT!! You bet I was waiting!

Oct 18 2004
[A speck appears in the distance, approaching at speed. About .34 seconds before impact this turns out to be a punk mime fired from a mini-trebuchet. The resulting projectile mime-hug carries the Angler 20 feet, fortunately landing on "Ted" who scrables to his feet and mimes 'rock on!']

Yes, the werewolf is in a happy mood.

 22 Comment From The Writer: *gets to her feet, somewhat dazed, and picks up her hat*

*suddenly notices your middle name and bursts out laughing* 1

Oct 20 2004
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
Feels like I haven't been in this area for ages! However just caught the muse pic - Why didn't you tell me?! *minorly miffed*
However yay *hugs* I have no end of admiration for you because you attempted Shaiel in full on star mode, was a bit mean of me to tell you that - a lot of the time he's a lot less glowy and star like ^_^ in fact most of the time he's also minus the wings - but you did it, thank you!

While I'm also here *poke* Ferrian's Winter?

And how are those Cloud pets? Have you destroyed them again yet... and do I need to make some more? *tickles Dandilion on shoulder before poking around a bit*

*sigh*

*wanders away*

Comment From The Writer: That's 'cause you HAVEN'T been here in ages! But then, that's probably my fault for not updating. *cringes guiltily* The Muse pic-- errrrr... sorry... *cringes even more guiltily* Um. I seem to have gotten a bit sidetracked and forgot...

*grins* Yes, you did give me quite a complicated character to draw. Especially the eyes. You don't know how much I worried over how the heck I was going to draw starry eyes... but I managed it eventually, although it didn't come out too well in the scan.

Sorry about the lack of updates! *offers you shortbread as an apology and then realises that's probably not a good idea, puts it away and settles for staring sheepishly at her feet instead* Chapter 24 is giving me a headache, it's not working the way I wanted it to, and on top of that I've been suffering from a severe lack of motivation. I need to be poked occasionally, so thank you.

1Nono, my cloud pets are still around somewhere, erm, they've just been quiet lately as there hasn't been anyone around to fight. *sigh*

Oct 20 2004
Oi! *pokes you and laughs evily - sod the Evil Overlord Rules!*

How's the Jedi pic coming on?

Comment From The Writer: Erm, haven't started it yet (still need to con/persuade/threaten pics or descriptions out of everyone 14). Plus, I have some other things that take greater priority at the moment, namely FW, and Hanna's request which I am trying to find decent pics of bighorn sheep for.

Oct 22 2004
Elfwood artist:
Matt 'Bunto the Hut' Bunton
I got yelled at by the ERB...Apparently: My bio is way too long and includes the entire lyrics to Fascination and if I didn't remove it my account would be suspended, indefinently. Bit of a bitch aint it? I'd have to argue that Patrica and Tims bio is just as bloody long. Even longer. Specially Tricias, damned ERB...what does it bloody matter anyway? They should be castrated by cracky.

 8 Comment From The Writer: That's unfair! I've seen far longer bios than yours! My old one had practically half a novel in it, and I've never heard a word from the ERB. The song lyrics thing is probably some pedantic copyright law. *sighs in disgust*

Oct 22 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
I've decided that, for the moment, I will start off with the MM picture being separate. Meaning each creature will have it's own picture. For now. See, I'm taking so long to decide what to do, and to actually DO it, because I want it to be perfect! Normally I rush through pictures and they come out crap. No more. I will spend at least a week on each picture. It's also taking so long cause I really don't have any time. But that'll be differnt a month from now. *longs for the time she can actually get enough sleep*

 12 Comment From The Writer: However you want to do it is fine with me! I think you should find a way to put them all together at the end though, because that'd look really cool.

I have the opposite problem-- I have TOO MUCH time! It's odd, I actually did more work when I had loads of homework, but now that I don't have anything to do, I don't do anything! o_O I seem to have fallen into a deadly procrastination cycle-- I have so much time that I don't need to draw this picture/write this story RIGHT NOW; but when later comes I think the same thing, and so on it goes... until someone pokes me, yells at me, or uses the Big Puppy Eyes...

Oct 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Emma-Jane C. Smith
We're having a party on Tim's page tomorow to welcome him back. I'm inviting everyone even the KAGS, Dark Siders are a given. There will also be a few playful battles for entertainment. Don't forget to bring some food, decorations have been seen to.

Oh and I almost forgot! Do bring any pets you have with you. But most of all... HAVE FUN!!!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Whoohooo!! Part-ay!!

Oct 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of RUM! *twiddles*

I've got a song in my bio, yes I do!

Comment From The Writer: Yes. Uh, yes... indeed you do. 22

Oct 25 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Harken! I must come back to this horrible fishing hut (it is still a fishing hut, right?) just to tell you that, uh...

wait... what was I gonna say?

One day they're gonna haul me in for that five-second memory problem.

Who are you again? You remind me of Captain Hook... or someone...

*waits*

 22 Comment From The Writer: Who am I? You mean... you mean, you've FORGOTTEN ME????

*gasps in horror*

Oh.

Well. In that case...

... care for some shortbread? It's freshly baked! *offers you a plate, smiling cheerfully*

Oct 25 2004
*to the tune of 'This Land is My Land':*

I have an art page
I have an art page
Hurry yer ass up
Check out my...um...art page!

o__O Yeah...Grammy contender, that.

On another note, yes indeed-y, I do have my very own spiffy new art page. Here's the link:

http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/loth/d/o/dorionoxi5

Oh, and I'm sending you an e-mail with two pictures of me, for that Dark Siders drawing. Hopefully, they aren't too pixillated. Hopefully... ,-O.O-, I wonder if this smiley will turn out looking like someone shrugging or not...

 1 Comment From The Writer: ART PAGE!! Whooot!!

Someone shrugging? Oh. I thought you were doing a Harry Potter impression... 12

Oct 26 2004
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Fork Master' Lewis
You have updated in my absence. o.O

And howcome people think Vida's leader of KAGS? Is it because I haven't been around for ages and ages and I haven't attacked you since you desperately fled from my page weeks past? (*SMIRK*) I'm confused. Maybe these psionic powers are affecting my brain. *examines archon self with faint distaste* You know, this blue glowy stuff is starting to get to me.

Actually, I was thinking of resigning from the war... it's not as much fun as it was, and I'm sure Vida can kick yer butt without me. ^.- (and since people are randomly recognizing her as leader.. is that a plot against me or what? o_O I think I should at least get recognition for forming KAGS in the first place.. -_-;;)

What happened to the good ol' days of just you and me?

 8 Comment From The Writer: Oh, so you finally decided to come visit your old arch-nemesis, did you? Managed to find time out of your busy Ragnarok schedule? *glares unhappily*

22 *suddenly drops the fishhook she was idly tossing up and down, her eyes widening in horror*

Resign?? RESIGN???!!!

*leaps to her feet and shakes Fork Master by her glowy blue shoulders*

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! NONONONONONONOOOO!!!!

*cries desperately*

YOU CAN'T RESIGN!!!!!! YOU'RE THE LEADER OF THE KAGS!!! The REASON it's been so quiet around here is because YOU HAVEN'T BEEN AROUND!!!

And Vida's only TEMPORARY leader, because SOMEONE had to be!!

*sniff* I know. It was fun when it was just you and me, wasn't it? Did you know that the first anniversary of the war is on the 30th of October? Why that matters I don't know, I just thought you'd like to know. *is so upset that she doesn't even care that there are too many 'knows' in that paragraph*

Oh, and I only updated two days ago, and that was because Becca came and prodded me. *looks sheepish*

Oct 26 2004
Oh gods. Please tell me she's joking. You know if ya wanna resign you have to be kicked to the moon, Beth?

Don't make any rash desicions though, wait until after your trip to China. Oh, and for god sakes girl, STOP SPENDING SO MUCH TIME ON RAGNAROK AND WRITE ME SOME MORE QUEST FOR THE ATRIUM!

Heylo Meg, I be back! Leastways, I think I be...*checks self*
Brief summary of all goings on in mine absence?

 8 Comment From The Writer: If Beth resigns, I will terrorize her page for all eternity! And if she doesn't resign... I will terrorize her page for all eternity! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!! She's not getting rid of me that easily... 4

YAAAAY!! Tim's back!!

Brief summary of all goings on in your absence: Errrr... that would be, um... precisely nothing...

Oct 27 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
*runs past Hanna, while shoving her out of the way, and upending the plate of shortbread* HANNA!!! NO! NEVER accept anything from the Angler! That is rule number one in your new memory. REMEMBER IT!

*tsk tsk* I am ashamed of you, Bethany Lewis! We KAGS never give up! Well, acutally, not much has happen since you left...nothing too exciting anyway... But still, this doesn't just sound like a resignation from the war, it sounds suspiciously like a resignation of Elfywood alltogether! Tell me that's not it! Please! Sure, there are all sorts of new people, and I guess to you and Megan and Vida and all, I'm one of them too, but that doesn't mean the fun stops! *stalks off in a huff*

 8 Comment From The Writer: *looks extremely disgruntled and starts picking her shortbread up off the floor*

That was PERFECTLY GOOD poisoned shortbread...!!

If Beth leaves Elfywood, dammit, I will fly to Canada and... and THROW BANANAS AT HER!!!

Oct 27 2004
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Fork Master' Lewis
What?? It's not a rash decision! *pouts* Actually, it's not even a decision at all. -.-;; And I said NOTHING about resigning from Elfwood!!! (ok, I DID think of it.. (<-- but you didn't see that..))

Wow... I can't believe we've been at war since Oct. 30th LAST YEAR!!! That's a... looong time... *evil grin* We should commemorate it with a mass killing spree!

...

Just kidding. >_>

 8 Comment From The Writer: << Fourth angry smiley of the day.

In fact: 8888888888888888

You'd think that one of us would get recognition for being the Most Lethal Elfwooder, but nooooooo, Cecily wins it!! CECILY!!! More lethal than us? I think not!!

1 Yep, an entire YEAR!! Mass killing spree?? Oh. You were kidding... *looks slightly disappointed*

Oct 28 2004
Elfwood writer:
Emma-Jane C. Smith
How are you my esteemed leader of pure evilness.... I come bearing news of a new recruit. Her name is Erin M. Beanland, she's great at helping people with their evil laughs.... she even gave me a few pointers!

Muwhahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! ....See?!

Well I hope you let her join she's a great asset and excellent commenter. I'll make her into a person of pure evil in no time... I think she's half way there already.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Hello EJ! Excellent, another recruit for our Unstoppable Army of Darkness! Thank you!

Oct 28 2004
Elfwood artist:
Erin M. Beanland
EJ officially pronounced me a darksider. but she said i should come here to be officially, officially pronounced a darksider. so i is here with my new moodsabre. i seek my pronouncment, Lady Angler...

Comment From The Writer: Ah, you have an evil laugh AND a weapon! I can see the Force is strong with this one...

*places a fishhook ceremonially on your shoulder* I Hereby accept Erin into the Esteemed ranks of the Dark Siders, and pronounce her Official Evil Laugh Instructor!!

Go forth, my child, and bring evil, maniacal laughter to the world!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oct 28 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Wow. You're thriving, it seems. Hey. Sorry for not being around and saying hello on a daily basis. I know I'm being terribly rude and inconsiderate. Terribly, awfully rude, impolite and insensitive. So, Panu R. henceforth at your service!

Comment From The Writer: Yeah, Panu! *poke* Why don't you come around and say hello to me on a daily basis, huh? Panu? Huh?? *pokepoke* Does this mean you will from now on? *grins* I fully expect a comment from you every day now. Muahahah-- sorry. Evil laughter is infectious...

Panu R? *gives you a quizzical look* You haven't turned into a pirate, have you?

Oct 28 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
I will make the same comment here as I did on Beth's page, as she probably won't see the other one:

"*glare* You're commenting, but not replying to your own comments? Come one, Beth, what's up?"

*glare*

I apologize if my bad mood makes anyone angry. I'm sick and tired and just want to know straight out what's going on!!!

 8 Comment From The Writer: You and me both, Kell...

Oct 29 2004
Elfwood artist:
Erin M. Beanland
Thank-you, M'Lady.
*bows and walks out, evil laughter is left in her wake*
Muahahahaha!

 4 Comment From The Writer: Deck the halls with evil laughter, muahahahaha ha ha ha ha...

Oct 29 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
NNNNOOO!!!

Beth CANT resign! If she does, I will hunt her down and give her a good glare, followed by some stuffed animal attacks and torture by cheesecake. Then I would be forced to join the Dark Side (horror!) and the Pastries sequel wouldn't be the same.

If she stays the leader, though, it's safe. Not for you, though. Because I do have to kill you sometime soon- it's the principle of the matter.

*sniff* And it wasn't any fun with just you two, because I wasn't there. So =P.

Comment From The Writer: It won't be fun for anyone if she doesn't come back...

Oct 29 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
I sincerely don't know what made Tim add an "R." to my name, but it happened and it's there and I though, why not make fun out of it, and then I started thinking, this must be Tim's scheme to make everyone pirate, and I though heck, I must stop it, and thought yeah, I can undermine this plan by infiltrating it and destroying it from the inside.

I am quite clever, amn't I?

Comment From The Writer: Ah, so you are really an undercover pirate and Tim accidently exposed your true identity, so now you must prevent the truth from leaking out by means of espionage?

Pure genius.

Oct 29 2004
Cookie
Something's rotten in the state of Fork Master. Now, how does that song go...?

*sports a rainbow coloured umbrella and twiddles it around*

Something's up with Beth
Something's up with Beth
Don't know if we're ever going to get her back
She's all alone up there
Locked away inside
Never says a word
Hope she hasn't died!
Something's up with Beth
Something's up with Beth

Comment From The Writer: Something's up with Beth, something's up with Beth...

Oct 30 2004
Awr, Happy anniversary Megan and Beth!

Comment From The Writer: Aww, how sweet...

Oct 31 2004
Booyah! I'm on a roll! *rings recruits bell twice*

I just convinced two more people to join the dark side! Am I like, the Elfwood equivalent of the evil emperor or what?

Comment From The Writer: *jerks awake after having dozed off with boredom* Say what...? Two new recruits? Oh, okay... *yawns* *settles back, replacing her hat over her face*

*jerks upright again* TWO NEW RECRUITS??? Good gods!!

Oct 31 2004
*attempts once more to bash Tim with her lightsaber*

Hallo, Angler! >> I am one of the one's he recruited.

Now, I shall go tak emy shower before I die...

Comment From The Writer: Uh, hi! Welcome to the Dark Side! Uh, I think I need to expand my action figure factory with this sudden rush of interest in the Dark Side...

Yes, very sensible idea. You wouldn't want to die dirty, that would be terribly embarrassing.

Oct 31 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
[looks up] She died. Time for her first resurrection? [She got something flammable within reach of the bunny. If you see it, look out - damn hallucination's run off with Em's whiskey delerium tremens - Gobshite the leprechaun. Be afraid...]

 22 Comment From The Writer: She's dead ALREADY?? *sigh* Ohhhh, very well, I'll be right there...

Nov 2 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
You soul-melded the Hare with the bunny?!! Well...suppose it will be one of those whose-personality-is-stronger things. That or the bunny gets the left hand...

Comment From The Writer: Well, uh... well, uh... *fidgets nervously* I needed a soul, and, and the bunny was the first thing to hand...

Oh dear. What have I done to her?

Nov 3 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
I am seriously considering ...

...

...

...

...

...

switching sides.

 22 Comment From The Writer: ... for a second there I thought you were going to say you wanted to resign...

YES! Come and join us! *pats the couch beside her* C'mon! You know we Dark Siders have more fun! It's not like you have any reason to stay with the KAGS... with their leader gone, they are DOOMED!!

Join us, and help us terrorize (and eventually rule) Elfwood!! Muahahahaha!!

Nov 5 2004
Elfwood artist:
Erin M. Beanland
OH! EJ! That was a lovely laugh! absolutely perfect! I knew you could do it!
*beams proudly*
Nov 5 2004
Elfwood artist:
Erin M. Beanland
*turns red*
sorry about that. I hit the wrong button. You can ignore the last comment. Although the laugh was lovely.
*feels horribly embarrased*

Comment From The Writer: Oh. Okay then.

Nov 7 2004
Elfwood artist:
Kelly Fretwell
*sigh* The KAGS seem to be slowly dying out. We're now an endangered species. *sigh* Oh well, it's not like I've done much in this war besides...well, get killed. Maybe I should go neutral again... that would be SO much simpler. No needing to be present for any battles, not feel obligated to be around (not that I'm around much anyway...), ect ect. Or maybe when I finally update (don't get your hopes up for anytime soon, though I believe I did promise Cecily it would be before Christmas- crap, better get at it then...) I'll have a new wave of enthusiasm, and get more involved. *shrugs* Meh, no point in deciding now...

 4 Comment From The Writer: *laughs evilly* Of course, it was inevitable that the Dark Side would win eventually.

And if you wish to go neutral, I understand. But...

*points her spear at Kelly* You must hand over all weapons, items of value, and anything that contains chocolate. (Except for that Evil Chocolate Death Cake I made for you. You can keep that. 2)

Nov 8 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
It's kinda odd, but it's been really hollow 'round places since Beth's not been around. Feels like nothing is happening anymore.

Comment From The Writer: I know! It's weird, it feels... wrong, somehow. Beth made Elfwood fun. I never thought I'd say this, but... I miss her.

Nov 8 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Hmm. See? I'm trying to make up for the fact I'm again lagging behind in hellos. Maybe practice a little small-talk. So, bought your Christmas presents already?

Comment From The Writer: Christmas presents? In November? Who buys presents in November?? We don't even get a tree until a few days before Christmas, and it's usually a half-dead one with two branches from the service station up the road. But it's the principle of the thing. You have to have a real tree at Christmas, the plastic ones aren't the same.

Nov 8 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Have I told you how much I enjoy translating? I think I haven't. I enjoy translating very much. There was an opportunity to become a professional video-game translator a while back; but I missed it. Think about it. In theory, that could have opened me a way to become a translator for Square. If I knew Japanese. I think I must learn Japanese.

Comment From The Writer: Wow, that would have been an awesome career! What sort of stuff do you translate? I'd love to be able to speak and read another language. *sigh* All I know is English. Or should I say, Australianish.

Oh, and thanks for filling up my page a bit and giving me some comments to reply to. 2 It's been somewhat deserted lately. *sniff*

Nov 8 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
We could all take to random-rallying - pick a name, arrange to meet on the third person of that name's page on a certain day, all read one story and disappear. It would certainly fox the victim, er, recipient.

Comment From The Writer: Cool! Sounds like fun!

Nov 9 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Hah! You can say that again! The only person visiting my site is my lovely Kay - which in itself isn't a bad thing, I get daily traffic, but it is very one-sided in a way. I don't mean that Kay is one-sided, but that... anyway.

Comment From B-Srod: ... you wish she'd shut up occas--

*grabs the cloud ram and shoves him angrily in the cupboard*

Nov 9 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
I don't wanna make you feel bad, but on the other hand I can't help boasting from time to time... I can actually speak and read (at least to some extent) three languages - Swedish being the one that's not obvious - but that's mainly because Finland is a bilingual country. I used to know a tiny little bit of French, but most of that has vanished a long time ago.

Wow. What a boast. I feel like a midget standing next to that one guy who was fluent in six or seven languages. I have deliberately forgotten his name.

Well, I'm having two translation courses right now, so I get all kinds of assignments. So far the funniest one has been an excerpt from a children's book. In the summer I translated a few texts for a fantasy zine (I think it was) which was pretty fun too. I'm not a professional yet, but maybe some day.

 1 Comment From The Writer: No, you don't make me feel bad, I think it's cool. It's not like I have any real reason to learn another language; Tasmania doesn't exactly get flooded with foreigners. Just mainlanders, which are foreigners with the same accent. 12 I learnt a bit of Japanese in Year 7, although I've forgotten all of it except how to count to ten. I tried translating my name into Japanese once. It was extremely difficult.

Nov 9 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Well, I do buy presents in November. Starting this year.

 12 Comment From The Writer: But if you buy your presents now, what will you do on Christmas Eve?

Nov 10 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
I like putting off buyinh presents. That way, you spend all this time stressing over it and so you think of about 50 different things you should get for that person before settling with the first thing that you see within your price range at Target. Or at least, that's my routine.

You guys get Christmas hours before us! Ahh! But when your Christmas is over, ours isn't, so I guess it's all good.

You know how I had thoughts about joining your side for a while over the summer? If Beth doesn't poke her head out from under the rock she's under and do something to show that she lives, I may just join you. Assuming I'm welcome.

But putting up with Tim and Bunto and general Aussie weirdness (from the boys, not you ~_^) may be too much to bear. O_O So I'm holding out until New Year's, and if nothing has happened by that I may mutiny.

Just so you know.

Comment From The Writer: And if all else fails: Chocolate, gift vouchers or money. *in a singsong voice:* We get Christmas fi-rst! We get Christmas fi-rst!

Of course you're welcome! I'd never pass up an opportunity to drag a KAG to the Dark Side! 12

Beth had BETTER be back by New Year's. In fact, she'd better be back by Christmas! What fun will it be if I can't give her gift-wrapped bombs and indestructible singing Santa Clauses?

Nov 10 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Cec says you had time to build a throne of skulls.

You have a throne of skulls?! *raises eyebrow* How cliched, dear me.

*wraps fingers around one skull and pulls at it, which makes the entire structure crumble and fall like a castle of cards, sending you toppling down and hitting your evil buttocks on every pointy end of the many, many skulls*

*Cookie arms what looks like an enormous plasma bazooka gun and points it at you*

*Cookie pushes the trigger, and the beam of plasma hits you, turning you into unrecognizable goo on the spot*

Hah! *raises skull in a dramatic gesture* Alas, poor Megan, I knew her well ...

THE WAR IS NOW OFFICIALLY REOPEN!!!! Beth or no Beth, we shall PREVAIL!!!

Comment From The Writer: I have a throne of skulls?? WOOOW!! *cough* I MEAN-- *draws herself up and assumes a posh, haughty voice* Foolish mortal!! Of COURSE I have a throne of skulls! I am a mighty, Dark Empress! Never underestimate the power of a cliche!!

*sits down gracefully on her throne of skulls*

*topples very ungracefully to the floor as Cookie pulls out one of the skulls*

OWWWWWWW!!! *glares, rubbing her backside* What did you do that f--?

ZZZZZAAAPPP!!!

...

Comment From The Unrecognisable Goo On The Floor: ... DAMN!!

Nov 10 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Eat. Sauna. Open presents. (Eat.) The common procedure around these parts. I've actually never gone as far as buy gifts at Christmas Eve...

You're not suggesting, are you?

 12 Comment From The Unrecognisable Goo On The Floor: Suggesting that you buy presents on Christmas Eve? *smirks mischeviously* Yeah, why not? Go on, just this once! I DARE YOU!!

Heheheheh...

Nov 11 2004
Elfwood writer:
Simi Landau *Muffin Queen*
*opens angst box*
*Avril Lavigne pops out*
*a thousand bad, angsty poems pop out*
Go, my angsty minions! Consume everything in your path with despair, darkness, and bad rhymes! Bwaha!
*Avril Lavigne and the bad angsty poetry consume The Angler's page*
I plan on making me an army of angsty zombies. *settles back to watch the angstification*

Comment From The Unrecognisable Goo On The Floor: *the fishing hut begins to shudder and fall apart, fishhooks fall off shelves and clatter to the floor*

*tries to clamp her hands over her ears, then remembers she has no hands*

ARRGH!!

Nov 11 2004
Elfwood artist:
Erin M. Beanland
Fearless leader, I'll save you!
*pours a bottle of cure all potion onto the unrecognizable puddle of goo*
She lives!!! Muahahahaha!

 1 Comment From The Writer: *picks herself up off the floor happily* WHOOT! Thanks!!

Nov 11 2004
Elfwood writer:
Kay (alphabet soup) Fox
You know, I can see your comments. I'm not blind. I told Panu, if he wants me to shut up, all he has to do is tell me.

Comment From The Writer: *guilty look* Oh. Sorry, I didn't realise you visited this page. Er, not that that makes it any better, er... o_O

I'm sorry! I honestly didn't mean anything by that comment, I was just trying to be funny. (I know my jokes are lame). Nobody wants you to shut up, especially not Panu. I know that I would be grateful to have someone visit my page every day. *shrugs*

Please, no hard feelings?

Nov 11 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
"Ted"? ["Ted" mimes 'that just ain't punky...pogo!] "Ted" pogos. Minions pogo. I pogo you pogo they pogo we pogo pogo pogo!
[entire population of page jumps maniacally up and down in a punky way]

 9 Comment From The Writer: *... is beginning to think she preferred being goo...*

Nov 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
Kay (alphabet soup) Fox
Oh, don't worry. No hard feelings. Or soft feelings. Or any other feelings. In fact, today is a pretty feeling-less day. Not that I mean that in a good or a bad way, just a feelingless way. (And a meaningless way.)

Sometimes I'm afraid that Panu thinks of me as the annoying American girl who won't leave him alone to study.

Comment From The Writer: *tactfully decides to say nothing in reply to that comment...*

Nov 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Sorry I came so late!

Ok, first of all,

*bolts Hanna to a chair and tapes her eyes shut, then turns on a huge television screen blaring Aussie weirdness*

Now you must watch it non-stop, Solo! Ahahaha, look at the horrible images!

*In a blur, thousands of things flashs by; steveirwincrocdundeeyahooseriouskangaroos koalasdingorabbitprooffencecorkhatakubra eyreotubackadelaidemelbournepeoplearestuckup snobbyhicksqueenslandersarearrogantbackward hicksburkesbackyardgotcancelledhaha!*

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg,

Christmas is fun! It brings war! 4
*The background music for the television images is the horrible wailings of Delta's second albumn. Or are they the horrible wailings of Phillipousis who couldn't get any? Or maybe it's Paris Hilton?*

And so this is christmas...

Oh, it's going to be so much fun.


SIX WHOLE WEEKS WITHOUT SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!

1 Comment From The Writer: You should have been here last Christmas, Timmwah, it was sooooo fun!!

Aaaaand so this is Christmas,
And what have you done?
You tortured dear Hanna
And gods it was fun! 4

(Errr, didn't you mean 'tapes her eyes open?')

Hahaha, Burke's Backyard got cancelled!! MUAHAHAHAHA!! (Is grateful you didn't say anything about two-headed Tasmanians in that sentence...)

Nov 12 2004
Hanna... I need help. >> Why is Cecily wanting people to... *notices above comment* No fair!!! *hates being homeschooled* hatehatehate...

*glares at Tim*

Comment From The Writer: ... ?

Nov 12 2004
Whoa... I meant Megan... I must be REALLY tireder... not even a word... thank I thought... holy... okay, I am feeling really weird now...

Comment From The Writer: Er, what is it exactly that you do mean?

Nov 12 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Solo! I will save you!

*unties Hanna, throws the chair in Megan's face and jamms the TV on Tim's head*

Comment From The Writer: *swift as lightning, grabs her lightsabre and swishes it in a red blur*

*the two halves of the chair clatter harmlessly to the floor*

*the air is filled with flashes of silver, and Cookie finds herself pinned to the wall with fishhooks*

Target practice, anyone?

Nov 14 2004
(Excuse the previous confusing posts. >>)

Delighted. *lightsaber hums to life, and the purple stick whirs as she twirls experimentally* I must say, though, fishhooks seem handy enough. Are you sure you need a lightsaber?

Comment From The Writer: Oh yes, fishhooks are quite handy. *twirls one* Fishhooks, in fact, rule. But I thought I'd give my newest recruits some torture practice.

Now, pay attention, students, this is how you kill a KAG!

*throws a fishhook, which thunks into Cookie's heart*

Alternatively, lightsabres are quite effective dismemberment tools:

*slices off an arm*

Feel free to practice on our victim here to your heart's content!

Nov 14 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
*muffled through the T.V* Er, well I'm glad you managed to avoid the catastrophe of the CHAIR hitting YOUR face, Megan!
*pointed glare*
Stef, you homeschooled? Is it as cool as Eric Cartman leads us to believe?

Oh, and I'm up for some target practice!
*picks up two surplus "Out Of The Blue" Cds from the pile of thousands*
They say Delta filed the edges extra sharp with her own fingernails after she heard about the poo's affair. *grin*

Comment From The Writer: *stifles a laugh* Oh, sorry about that, Tim. *removes the TV from your head and throws it away accidently in the direction of Hanna*

Heheheh, excellent! Oh! I have something to add to that collection:

*picks up a copy of Tammin Sursok's latest single and proceeds to snap it into tiny, deadly shards*

The world *snap* doesn't need *snap* another *snap* crappy *snap* girly *snap* wannabe *snap* SOAP SINGER!! *SNAP*

Nov 14 2004
Elfwood writer:
Kay (alphabet soup) Fox
Heh-ha. I like you. But that story list looks a little frightening.

Comment From The Writer: ... you like me? *blinks* Good gods, what's the world coming to when you insult people with electric floating sheep and they still like you? 12 Heheh, thanks!

Yes, my story list... *ominous music* I don't mind if you don't feel like reading Ferrian's Winter, it's pretty huge-- only a handful of devoted fans have actually read through the whole thing. Otherwise, my best stories are The Name on the Tower and Mercury Eye.

Nov 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
You are officially in the Pastries sequel. You are:

The Evil Empress. Fishhooks are her only weapon. Cheesy thunder/lightning effects whenever she laughs. Dies in an epic showdown with Beth, but no one really notices. Survives only to have the story meet the word count requirement and is cut off because of budget problems.

If you have any objections to this, please make a comment on my main page.

Thank you. ^_^

 1 Comment From The Writer: You really made me an Evil Empress?! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!! No, no objections at all, that's GREAT!!

THANK YOU!!1

Nov 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Eller 'mwahahaha' Mcknight
*Arrives on screen, stares about her and then rams her zapping hat on her head (at a funky jaunty angle of course), rolls up her sleeves and mutters some words that only she knows*
ZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!
*Little fish hooks fly sadly across the room, their owner is nowhere in sight*
Hahahahahahaa....
sorry
*Disappears in a cloud of blue smoke*

Comment From ... : *silence, save for the faint tinkling of fishhooks falling to the floor*

Nov 15 2004
Elfwood writer:
Eller 'mwahahaha' Mcknight
Grr! Me needs my recognition as a KAG! *Muttering*

Comment From ... : *the silence deepens*

Nov 16 2004
I really, really need you to come to my page and leave a random comment so that I have a link back here and can keep reading! (of course this could also be a plot to get you to read my stuff) AHHH! Gotta run!

 12 Comment From The Writer: I'll be right there.

Nov 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Hehe, eggs are really something. I have a rolling egg on my desk. Yes, a boiled egg. Raw eggs don't roll, really they don't.

Comment From The Writer: My, that must be fun.

Nov 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
In my opinion war depends a lot on communication. Without communication, nothing is ever going to go places. Who's in charge of the communications in your military juggernaut? If s/he needs an egg roller, I'm more than happy to get hr/m one.

Comment From The Writer: Communications? Hmmm, I hadn't thought of that. Let's see... we have an Evil Laugh Instructor and a Shadowmage, but no Official Egg Roller. Interested in taking on the position? I'm sure we could use your valuable skills.

Brilliant idea! We could send top secret messages inside eggs! The only problem is getting the chooks to swallow the paper...

Nov 16 2004
Yes, Tim, I am homeschooled, and its as boring as crap. *cough* I am looking forward to the day I go back to public school. Meaning next year. w00t!

Heh, Megan, I get to be a lizard. >> Who's always being stepped on. -.- No fun, I tell yah... Homeschool, that is. >> Of course, I have THREE days off instead of two, but hey. ^_^ You gotta have time to roleplay, neh? (I'm addicted to GURPS.)

Comment From The Writer: You WANT to go to public school?? Are you mad? Detentions at lunchtime just because someone was being an idiot in class? Standing in the cafeteria queue for half your lunch hour only to find there's no hot dogs left? Being pushed around by snotty kids who think they're better than you? Horrible green uniforms? Being forced to participate in 'fun' sports carnivals when you're no good at sports and thus inevitably coming last in EVERYTHING? (As you can probably tell, my experience with high school was not a good one. 10)

Never mind. We'll enact our revenge on Hanna one day.

Nov 16 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
-_- You weren't supposed to be happy. You were supposed to notice that you die a horrible death and get all pissy. But NOOOO, life just ain't fun for me...

Did I mention that Beth is the Good Empress? And she kills you? You did notice that, right?

 4 Comment From The Writer: Of course. But I am pretty much resigned to the fact that I'm going to die a horrible death in the story. What you gave me is as much as I could hope for. So sorry for spoiling your fun. 12

Nov 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Beth can win in this one, because in Cecily's request she certainly won't. 4

 1 Comment From The Writer: Oooooh, I likes the sound of that...

Nov 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Oh, and we're doing a let's take over the world: Aussie style/Norah Jones makeover on Kelly's page. Basically iconical Aussie but with Norah Jones somehow included to brainwash Kelly.

I don't care if I misunderstood her.

 4 Comment From The Writer: An excellent plan!

Nov 17 2004
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
What's been up with you lately, Meg? You seem to have taken a backseat in the action. I haven't seen you leave this page in a while...

Anyways, summer is almost here. And I'm thinking it should be celebrated in style. So it will be declared an official celebration day, and added to the Elfwood calender along with other such special events as talk like a pirate day and The Elfys. We'll call it SITSHOD-Summer In The Southern Hemishpere Only Day. And we'll invite everyone in the southern hemipshere(on elfwood!) over to my page, or yours or whoevers for a big party. Sound good?

Comment From The Writer: Oh, I'm all right, I'm just lazy. *yawns* And I was vaporised into a poof of air by Eller. I'm glad everyone noticed that, thank you. -_-

Summer!! YES!! About bloody time, too. Although we only get half-baked (hah!) summers in Tassie, it doesn't really get 'hot' until around January. And even then the temperature rarely gets above 30.

Whoohoo! Part-ay!! Sounds great! Er, just don't try typing (or saying) that acronym too fast...

Nov 17 2004
*pouts* I wanna come to the party! *pokes Tim* >> Ah, this should be fun... ny. >> *ahem* Man, i feel like I'm about to fall over. -.-

BTW, two new stories!

 12 Comment From The Writer: Southern Hemispherers only!

However. Seeing as you're a Dark Sider, we MIGHT make an exception. BUT... only if you wear an akubra with corks on it, eat an entire jar of Vegemite *shudder* and sing the first two verses of the Australian National Anthem. Backwards. While eating the Vegemite.

Nov 18 2004
*pokes* I'll eat the Vegemite, but no singing. >.>

I am looking forward to highschool. ^_^ AHEM: I play sports, I'm a pretty popular person, I have only had detention ONCE and that was for *ahem* going under the fence to get the soccer ball in 5th grade(boy was that fun), my school never had hot dogs, only baked potatoes, we don't have uniforms, and I LIKE carnivals(kinda). *sticks out toungue*

Comment From The Writer: Pfft. You're lucky. I was hopeless at sport. If we were playing something that involved a ball, you can guarantee that it would, at some point, end up hitting me in the face. And I was very shy and withdrawn and didn't have many friends, and throughout the entire time I copped a lot of hurtful verbal bullying which degraded my self-esteem down to nothing. And people tried to steal my lunch. So yeah, high school wasn't a very nice place for me. But if you're happy there, then the best of luck to you!

Nov 19 2004
Poor baby. *coughs* Eh, one time, I tried a trick I've a lot of people do. (My sport is soccer.) I tried kicking the ball over my head. And it smashed into my nose. Hurt like hell, but no broken nose, and only a cuople people laughed. >.> I was the only girl who played soccer during recess(this was in fifth grade), and I was a damn good player. That was when I had maybe two girlfriends, and the rest of my buds were guys. -.- That was embarassing.

 22 Comment From The Writer: Ouch. I can imagine.

Nov 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
No. I ate the egg.

Comment From The Writer: You...? *scolds* Panu! You're not going to make it far as a communications specialist if you go around eating the messages!

Nov 20 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Um... what's going on? I haven't been here for a week, so I'm very confunded. Is the war still on? If so, how come you're only the Angler now?

And where the ruddykins is Bethany?!

 4 Comment From The Writer: Oh yes, the war's still on. *points at Cookie's dismembered body lying in a large pool of blood on the floor, stuck with razor-sharp Delta Goodrem CD's and fishhooks, and bits of your limbs scattered all over the place*

My Dark Siders and I used you for a bit of target practice. I hope you don't mind. *grins*

I only changed my name because I didn't seem to be doing much Darthing. *shrugs*

Nov 21 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Oh? *raises eyebrow at own mulitated body* That's fine. I'm immortal.

*body parts whizz and stick together as if nothing happened*

*gets up, and breaks CDs with hands* If you'll excuse me, I'll go and sit till my ticket/s get processed.

Comment From The Writer: Oh good! Now we get to kill you all over again! *picks up the broken CD's and happily stabs the shards into your back*

Hey hey, you got the 900th comment! Only a hundred more to go before I can bask in 1000th comment glory...

Nov 22 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Whoo! 900th isn't that bad. Now I can poke you to start doing the jedi picture and maybe, if I hit 1000th, make you start writing my funny space opera.

*POKE*

Comment From The Writer: Oh, right, your funny space opera. *was half-hoping you'd forgotten about it* Er, I'll get onto it as soon as I can. Will try to have the Jedi pic by Christmas.

Nov 23 2004
Elfwood artist:
Hanna 'Solo' James
You know...

*pauses* *lapses*

Wait, you don't know.

It's better that way. ^_^

Comment From The Writer: You're probably right. Ignorance is bliss.

Nov 24 2004
Elfwood artist:
K. Fretwell
Here's a little saying from off the back of one of my rowing shirts. The ending is for rowing, but it's quite Canadian anyway:

'Everything you ever heard about Canadians is true.

I eat ice.
I sleep on rocks.
I hunt for my food.
I wrestle polar bears.
I have the eyes of a prairie hawk.
The heart of a Rockey Mountain grizzly.
And the grim determination of a beaver.

Yep, a beaver.

And after I beat your ass down the race course, I'll probably look down from the podium and say,

"Sorry about that".'

Ah, and the same applies here! I challenge you to do your worst! My beavers and meese and grizzlies will whoop yo' 'roo arse! Thas' righ'! BRING IT ON!

 7 Comment From The Writer: HA! Your meeses are no match for my boxing kangaroos!! *cue Rocky music* Na na naaaa, na na naaaa, na na naaaa... na n-na n-na n-na, na naaaaa!!

Nov 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Oooh, you're absent! That means: SEVERE SPAMMAGE!!!

*hits you on the head with the Spamming Mallet Of Doooom*

*you collaps, and Cookie drags you to an adamantine cage - unbreakable crystal - locks you in, and swallows the key*

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Here endeth the glory of the Dark Side!!!!! Until December 2nd, that is. But still! You can't get out, and no-one can save you, for they will have to get past me, and I am immortal. Hah hah.

Now that's - comedy.

 22 Comment From The Writer: NOOOOO!! *desperately rattles the bars of the cage* LEMME OOOOOUT!!! The Dark Side will never be defeated! NEVER!! My loyal minions shall save me!!

*looks around* I said: MY LOYAL MINIONS SHALL SAVE ME!!

*silence*

... anyone??

*sob*

Nov 25 2004
It is your own choice whether you are alive or not on Kelly's page...
I would be surprised if you were.

But you were the only target.

Comment From The Writer: *sigh*

Nov 28 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
If I'll be your comm-expert, will you be my marriage counselor? I have trouble with a certain K. A very special certain K.

 2 Comment From The Writer: Sure! Welcome to the Angler's marriage counselling service. Having trouble with your spouse? My advice is: Steal her toothbrush. In fact, steal ALL her toothbrushes. That should make her mad enough to leave you. And if that doesn't work: Kill her. And if she still won't leave you: Exorcise her.

Oh, wait... you mean you want to SAVE your marriage? Oh, I'm afraid I can't help you there, then.

Nov 28 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Kidding. I don't need a marriage counsellor. (I can't believe I just used the American spelling for 'counsellor'. I will have Muffin's hide for this.) (Muffin, I was just kidding.) (No, Muffin, I don't really hate you that much.)

Besides, I don't really think I'm cut out to be a comm-expert in any case, since have a tendency to eat all the eggs I can lay my hands on. Well, the boiled ones at least. I've yet to try out a raw one.

Comment From The Writer: You don't need a marriage counsellor? *pats you on the shoulder* That's what they all say...

Nov 28 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Besides, to further prove the point, I keep my cell-phone silent and out of sight most of the time. So I can't really be contacted that way either. And I'm horribly slow at responding to email. So you see that I don't really function as a comm-expert. Maybe more like a comm-hinderer. "Insert this man into the enemy system and watch their radio fall asleep", or something.

Comment From The Writer: Hmm. Well, that's unfortunate. And I had such high hopes for you. *sigh* Well, do you think you could just stand in the doorway and obstruct anyone who looks like a KAG?

Nov 28 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Are you interested in pie, by the way? I think there is pie.

Comment From The Writer: There is? Where?? *looks around eagerly*

Nov 28 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
No. There is no pie.

Comment From The Writer: Oh.

Nov 28 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
There is pancake instead.

What do you think, when Beth transformed from "Pancake" to "Fork Master", did she employ her fork at herself, eating her person and becoming Fork Master by absorbing her own power? And what is the X in her name signify? The Unknown?

 1 Comment From The Writer: Hahahahaha!

Nov 28 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Oh. Vida didn't ask me to this, by the way. I couldn't spam on her behalf, I simply couldn't... she has gotten Pikachu all wrong, you see. All, all wrong - complitealy wronged, even.

Comment From The Writer: *gives you a suspicious look* Right. Okay...

Nov 28 2004
All wrong? You are the one who says Pikachu is green! ...... But maybe he is! maybe there really is no spoon!

Um. I like soft boiled eggs, and I can eat maximum 3 pancakes in one go. I like putting powdered sugar mixed with nuts in pancakes. Or lemon juice and sugar.

*rattles bars of your adamantine cage* Bruahaha. Can't get out, no you can't. Heh heh heh.

And I am a badger. As in the animal. Yes, I am a badger. There is actually a Croatian song which goes: "La la la la la la I'm a badger! la la la la la You're a badger! la la la la la la la la my badgers!" it's a nice song. And that's why I'm a badger. They're cute animals.

Wanna pie. Cookie wanna pie.

 8 Comment From The Writer: There is no pie! And there are no spoons! And soon, soon, precious, there will be NO FORKS EITHER!!

*grabs Cookie through the bars of her cage and attempts to throttle her*

Nov 30 2004
Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger
MUSHROOM MUSHROOM
Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger
MUSHROOM MUSHROOM
Oh, look, a snake, SNAKE,
Oooh, it's a snake
It's a
Badger badger badger badger...

The badger song. Isn't it kewl???

Oh isn't it sad, though? By the time you're reading this, you'll have like, 149 comments added up that you have to answer ALL AT ONCE! Poor Angler. *gives you a left-over pumpkin pie as compensation* Don't mind the gnome that's hiding inside; he's avoiding the onslought of mimes. Oh, did I mention??? Me and Cecily are having a mime vs. koala war. Wanna place bets on who wins? I'm betting on Cecily. Oh, wait...

Comment From The Writer: Yeah, POOR ANGLER!! Well, at least I only have two more to go... 9 Oh wait, there are some unanswered comments on my stories! Freaking hell...

P-p-pumpkin pie?

*goes pale* UuuuuraaaAAAARRRGGGHH!!! *throws the pie in Cookie's face*

*the gnome crawls out and starts gnawing on Cookie's head*

*breathes heavily* I... don't like pumpkins...

Nov 30 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
guess who got mod's? COOKIE GOT MOD'S!!!!!!

Bwahahaha! In yo face! *rattles bars of your cage* Now you gotta go read itttt!!! Yo, mon. Bob Marley, poet and a prophet, mon. Ya.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Stone the flamin' crows, you got a Mod's!!

But how do you expect me to read it when I'm locked up in this godforsaken cage, eh?

*throws herself as hard as she can at the side of the cage, toppling it onto Cookie, crushing her*

Muhahaha. Yo, you did insist, mon. *slams once more into the side of the cage, rolling it over*

*picks herself up, bruised and panting* Uh. This could... take awhile...

Dec 2 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
Are you killing K for the Muffin's thing? Only, it would be a wonderfully cruel way to do it with a Jedi...you know that hand-waving mind control thing? Going: '[wave]you are depressed.[wave] Your life is not worth living.[wave] You will throw yourself off a cliff right now...' Only as to who would get the points for that I don't know. Maybe if you did it enough K would win the contest...

 7 Comment From The Writer: Heeeey, that's a great idea!

Dec 3 2004
Elfwood artist:
K. Fretwell
*hug*

...No...wait...this doesn't feel right...I shouldn't be hugging the Angler!

*is confused*

 22 Comment From The Writer: *blinks* Uh...? W-what's going on? What've I done? *looks bewildered*

Dec 4 2004
Elfwood artist:
K. Fretwell
Do you know what?! All Megans should spell their names the same. Otherwise it is extremely confusing, and embarassing to the one who gets confused and spells it the wrong way. Same with all Allisons, Kaitlyns, etc etc.

Why do I say this? I just realized I've been spelling your name wrong for some time. I know MANY Meghans, and one Meaghan, and I was aware I only knew one MEGAN, but I couldn't remember which. And for some reason I thought it wasn't you, so I called you Meghan. I apologise.

Comment From The Writer: *waves a hand dismissively* Oh, no worries, people spell it wrong all the time. I think 'Meaghan' was probably the original spelling because it's a welsh name, but I prefer Megan.

Dec 4 2004
Elfwood artist:
K. Fretwell
I spelt it right in my links, though, which is good. I was thinking clearly when I wrote that!

Comment From The Writer: Yes, that's good. Thank you. 2

Dec 4 2004
Kupo!

*pouts*

*blinks*

Hey, wait... she hugged me, too... GAH! *is very confuzzled*

Comment From The Writer: She did? *eyes narrow* Something suspicious is afoot here...

Dec 5 2004
Hmm...looks like I should have come around here earlier. Adamantine may be unbreakable, but it's no match for magic. And an immortal can't stop a ghost. ^^ Let's see...first off, we need some shadows. *blows a few windows shut with a strong wind* And now... *raises staff, channeling darkness into Megan's shadow, causing it to rise up and engulf her. The animated shadow flows through the bars of the cage, releasing Megan on the other side as the power flows back to the staff* Ah, being a shadowmage is so fun sometimes. *binds Cookie with shadows and rolls her off a cliff*

1 Comment From The Writer: WHOOOHOOO!! I'M FREE, I'M FREE!!

*hugs Darian, then remembers he's a ghost, and falls on her face*

Dec 5 2004
I'm glad you're free Meg, and I'm doubly glad that Cookie got hurt!

=D

 1 Comment From The Writer: *cackles*

Dec 5 2004
*climbs back to top of cliff*

CURSE YOU, WISPY CHARLATAN!!!

Tsk, tsk, we cant allow this, precious. Can't. *grabs you again and drags you back to cage. Puts ghost, shadow and sould and demon and devil protection on cage. Cackles.* There. That should keep you in for a longer time.

You know what there is no, apart from pie?

There is no key to your cage!

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Comment From The Writer: *cries in despair* NOOOOOOOOO...!!!!!

Dec 5 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
Woof. [Megan turns to find long-haired sandy-coloured wolf beside her in her cage] Woof. [the wolf says again, by way of explanation that all these magical wards are all very well, but why does the Angler wish to be in a cage, and this has intrigued the wolf to dig through the soft forest earth outside and up into the cage to investigate] Waf? [wolf tilts head to the side, not seeing what's so much fun about cage. It waits around to see if anything will happen]

Comment From The Writer: *starts in surprise at the sight of the wolf* Wha...? How did you...? *notices the hole*

*stares at the hole, stares at the wolf, then stares back at the hole again*

*grins*

*Cookie's maniacal laughter is interrupted by a tap on her shoulder*

*she turns to see the Angler standing behind her, grinning*

*before she can say 'oh crap', the Angler knocks her out with the blunt end of a fishhook and drags her over to a table*Now then. I wouldn't want you to miss out on the Christmas spirit with what I have in mind, so... *dons a surgical mask and gloves and implants a microchip that plays 'Jingle Bells' endlessly into Cookie's head*

*once finished, Angler drags her over to the adamantine cage, shoves her inside and seals the entire thing in a block of quick-drying cement*

*then seals the block of cement in an even bigger block of carbonite*

*dusts off her hands* Happy Christmas! 4

Dec 6 2004
*places shadowseals around the carbonite for good measure*

 4 Comment From The Writer: Heheheh!

Dec 6 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
A cage? Oh, that's not that bad, but---

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way -

AAARGH!!!!! I HATE CHRISTMAS SONGS!!!!!!!

Oh what fun it is to ride on a one-horse open sleigh -

Oh no.... *slams head repeatedly on floor and bars*

Dashing through the *WHAM* snow, in a one-*WHAM* horse open sleigh, through *WHAM* the fields we go*WHAM* laughing all the way *WHAM* hee hee hee hee!


AAARGH!!!!!!! MAKE IT STOP, PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!!! *starts whimpering* I'll do anything!!! Just no more ---

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ---

PLEASE!!!!!!!

 4 Comment From The Writer: *laughs hysterically*

*decorates the shadowsealed cage-concrete-carbonite block with tinsel and settles back, listening contentedly to the muffled screams*

Hmmm? What was it you said? I didn't quite catch that. *takes a remote control device from her pocket and turns a dial, increasing the volume of the music in Cookie's head*

... bells on bob-tails ring, making spirits bright, what fun it is to laugh and sing a sleighing song tonight! OH! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way...

Dec 7 2004
Of Stone and Shadow 2 is up, finally. ^^

 2 Comment From The Writer: Okay!

Dec 7 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
*settles down, accepting her fate*

Oh, wait, I've still got this. *turns on lightsaber and whzzums a hole in the cement and carbonite* Just so I don't go missing on oxygen. Y'know?

And that "Jingle Bells" chip is in my brain, right? Hmm... gotta figure out a way of removing that... where's the 1000th comment, by the way? Any closer?

 4 Comment From The Writer: Muahaha...

This is comment #933.

Dec 8 2004
In my ---- bells on bobtail ring, making spirits --- brain?

Well, that can be fixed. *grins evily over "What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight"*

*sticks finger in ear. Stick fist in ear. Sticks hand in ear. There is some crackling as she rummages through her skull and the "Jingle Bells" merry tune fluxcuates. Then, at the final "Jingle all the waaaaaaaaaay" the song stops, and Cookie takes out hand. Takes out fist. Takes out thumb and forefinger between which she holds - the Jingle Bells chip!*

Mwahahaha. *hic* Oh. *hic* Hiccoughs. I hope they'll pass as soon as my head heals. *bleeds from ears*

*hic*

 8 Comment From The Writer: Oh darn it...

Dec 8 2004
*shows chip to you* Obser *hic* ve.

*throws chip on floor and steps on it like extinguishing a fag butt. There is a cracking sound of breaking plastic*

Hah *hic* hah hah. No more *hic* chip.

*head heals with a purple glow* And no more hiccoughs. Now I'm almost a free woman. *sits on floor* Now if only I had a bed in here...

 8 Comment From The Writer: *crosses arms sulkily* Hmmph. Well, at least you're still my prisoner! *taps the side of your enclosure with her fishhook* And, as you so eloquently put it, there is NO KEY, AND NO WAY OUT! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

*a bolt of lightning sets fire to the couch*

*mutters* Dammit, I have to stop doing that...

Dec 10 2004
Were you waving the SoL around aimlessly again?

Comment From The Writer: No, it's the cheesy evil laugh, it seems to have gotten a bit too powerful... but that's not a bad idea. *grabs the SoL, sticks it through the air hole and zaps Vida* Heheheh.

Dec 11 2004
Well I'll be. With this handy little guide, I think I'm finally getting the gist of this "evil laughter".

 12 Comment From The Writer: Oh, good! Just be careful not to use it around electrical appliances or water.

Dec 11 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
*gets zapped by lightning, and develops a sticking up hairdo and burnt clothes*

Huh. Oh, fun fun fun. Let's zap Cookie because we can't harm her. Let's all have a big laugh about Cookie's immortality and invunerability, and in the meantime let's harm her in any way possible. Oh, FUN.

Where IS Bethany?!?

I swear, if it weren't for my pride, I'd join the Dark Side this instant. Beth's so SELFISH. And I have to do everything around here.

Could I have a chisel? I wanna write on the walls.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Fun, fun, fun!

A chisel? So you can secretly chip your way out? Pfft. I don't think so. You can have this: *pokes a quill pen through the hole* Unfortunately, I don't have any ink, haha, so you'll have to improvise. Use your own blood, or something.

Dec 11 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
*vomits out a cardboard with large letters saying PRIDE on it*

Um. Um. Um. I just know I am gonna regret this. I know it. Everyone's gonna be after my hide when I do this. *swoons*

But there's really no more point in postponing it! Aaargh, the huge, huge moral dilemma! *stares at her PRIDE*

Will wait ... won't wait. because it's about 5 in the morning in Oz now. *sigh*

OK, then. It's decided. There's no turning back, truly no turning back.

I wanna --- WAIT! Maybe Beth's returned. I'll be back in a jitty.

 22 Comment From The Writer: *hangs on edge of seat with anticipation*

Dec 11 2004
*feels like spamming Megan to claim the 1000th comment*

Naw. I think I'll just time it right.

 16 Comment From The Writer: Oh, er, that'll be something to look forward to...

Dec 16 2004
8 days till christmas!


I can't believe Cookie is going to switch sides! Then who would be in charge of the KAGS?

...*slow evil grin spreads across face* Hanna...excellent!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Yay, Christmas! Yay, 3 days till my birthday! Deck the halls with poison ivy!

Dec 18 2004
...What? No pie? *gets big puppy eyes and lip quivers* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! The pie! You...*word that means child born of unmarried parents*, how dare you eat it?!?! HOW DARE YOU!!

Did you notice? The ERB took over Bunto's page. Oh, and J.Burke is pissed at me for something I said about him an' Cecily...He's like, in a murderous rage, and I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM!!

My ability to piss off people I don't know is stunning.

Comment From The Writer: What?! I didn't eat the pie! It was gone when I got here, honest!!

The ERB took over Bunto's page? Alas, poor Bunto. But it was inevitable I suppose...

Dec 18 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
Um... *looks at PRIDE*

*vomits out 2 more cardboards saying HONOUR and SENSE OF RIGHTOUSNESS*

Um. Um. OK, Bethany's definitely not there. And ... yeah, but what if? It'd be destroying the KAGS totally, and sticking a knife in the good-versus-evil-epic-battle's back. *growls* But... is there really any choice? So Timmwah says I'm in charge of the KAGS? Well, I am, cuz Bethany's not there, and... I'm in charge. Wow. Didn't realize that. But the KAGS are really all scattered around without any purpose, and there's really no more fun in the war without Bethany.

*sigh* OK. OK. I wanna ---

Comment From The Writer: *hammers on your cage* AAARRGH!! SAY IIIIITTT!!!

Dec 18 2004
16 The suspense!!

Comment From The Writer: *drumroll...*

Dec 19 2004
Beth? Or Santa?
*clouds suddenly roil above in the sky, and thunder crashes*

Vida...never despair...

*pure bolt of electricity zaps the cage, instantly melting the seemingly invincible metal*

*Cookie is blasted ten foot in the air, her hair standing on end, but she is very much FREE!*

I'll be back soon...continue the fight and never give up...hohoho, Merry Christmas!

 8 Comment From The Writer: I'm guessing Beth.

Dec 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
*blinks*

*stares at mad electrified hair which makes self look like a jellyfish*

*blinks*

Wow. That was one mighty blast.

*blinks*

Oh yeah. *takes out lightsaber and fwumms the Angler's right hand off*

Sorry. *shurgs* Maybe next time.

*fwumms the Angler's left leg off*

Hah. Merry Christmas! Da Force is aliiiiveee! BWAHAHA!

*disappears in a puff of smoke*

 21 Comment From The Writer: AAAAIIIEEEEEEEE!!! MY LIMBS!! MY PRECIOUS LIMBS!!! *topples over, on account of having only one leg*

*sobs* Oh, this is a CHARMING birthday present, I'm SURE!

Dec 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
But there are Christmas buns!

Comment From The Writer: I'm bleeding all over the floor here!

Dec 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Are you, perchance, blaming me for the pie?

Comment From The Writer: YES!

Dec 19 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
And is it true what they say, your birthday is the day after tomorrow?

Comment From The Writer: YES!

Dec 19 2004
*the blasted shadowseals, finding a new purpose, quickly reattach Megan's limbs, then seal the lightsaber closed*

 1 Comment From The Writer: *wiggles her fingers and tests her leg* Phew. Hey, this reminds me of a great hook joke:

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" said the pirate. "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine, now."

"Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh, one day, we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird poop."

--

--

--

--

"It was my first day with the hook."

Dec 20 2004
Waaaaiiiit a minute....is it your birthday today?

 1 Comment From The Writer: Well, since you wrote that yesterday, the answer would be no. But since I'm replying today, the answer would be yes!

Dec 20 2004
Damn. Almost converted her. And personally, I don't really believe that was Beth.

 22 Comment From The Writer: Does this mean... you think it was Santa???

Oh dear lord.

EVERYONE BARRICADE YOUR CHIMNEYS!!! SANTA'S BECOME A KAG!!!

Dec 20 2004
*shrughs* Dunno. Don't care. 'S long as I'm free, tis fine with me. Maybeit WAS Santa. Maybe Santa's got access to the Internet.

HEY! You filthy little underling of the Angler! *breaks silly shadowseals (pfft!) and reclaims lightsaber*

 8 Comment From The Writer: GAH!! HAVE AT YOU!!!

*flicks on her own lightsabre and attacks*

Dec 21 2004
Just as the Angler and Obi Wan Cookie were at eachother's throats, TT leapt forward at lightening speed, going so fast that the scene froze and the Angler and Cookie stood suspended in motion. With a flash TT forward-flipped to the two fighters, doing a cart-wheel in mid-air and grabbing Cookie's reclaimed light-sabre so fast that the searing blue flame didn't have a chance to scald her hands. She tossed it, blurred, to the other hand, catching it by the hilt and holding it close. The scene unfroze, Cookie looking bewildered at the empty space where the light-sabre had been. The Angler grinned.

"Looks like the tables have turned, Obi Wan," the Angler cackled in a deep, evil voice, a voice morphed with the sound of many others. Just as TT and the Angler were about to attack, a there arose a sudden clatter. The Angler sprang to the window, to see what was the matter. When whom from the skies by St. Nick should appear, with some LEPrecon elves, and eight cyber-armour enforced reindeer? The jolly old elf landed atop the roof and slid down the chimney, his LEPrecon officers flying in on sparkling fairydust. Dancer and Prancer and the other six smashed through the window, flying at break-neck speeds...
Dec 21 2004
"No!" TT yelped.

"Bloody hell," the Angler sighed.

"So you're the one who's responsible for this blasphemy," Santa roared. The Angler and TT scrunched against the wall, agast.

Somewhere outside the warehouse, Bunto was walking. He saw the window was broken. He looked in. He saw TT and the Angler in life-threatening peril. He kept walking.

"YOU! OF ALL PEOPLE! YOU ARE OFFICIALLY ON THE NAUGHTY LIST!" Santa bellowed from atop his sleigh. "You, VIDA STARCEVIC, of all people!" TT and the ANgler looked stunned.

"...Vida?" Bunto asked, making his presence known now that he knew that there was no risk involved.

"Yes. Cookie. Or Beth. Or whoever it was that said I'm the one who freed Cookie. Anyhoo, ALL KAGS ARE NOW OFFICIALLY ON MY NAUGHTY LIST!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cookie sobbed. It was the longest No in recorded history.

"Oh, and I would like to add that I am joining your..."Darkside."" Bunto, the Angler, and TT looked stunned, then gasped. Santa, his LEPrecon elves, and the reindeer -- ON THEIR SIDE!!

With that they all got in Santa's sleigh, then went to pick up the other dark siders. They were headed to the North Pole, for some serious strategy discussions. And no, Cookie, Santa isn't tricking us. You can't turn this one out so that it's all a trick. And since I just said so, you can't. MUAHAHAHAHAHA. It needs work, but I think I could make this into a story. I'll call it A DarkSiderz Christmas.

1 Comment From The Writer: Best. Birthday. Present. EVER. 1

Dec 21 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Well, happy birthday then. Don't feel bad about the pie. It wasn't really my fault. Not REALLY.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Thank you! No problemo, I'll just have my elves make up another batch. *snaps her fingers, and five seconds later a huge pile of fruit pies appears in the middle of the room*

Pies for everyone!!

Dec 21 2004
*jaw drops to floor*

Nnnnnugh.... nnnnooooooo.... nnnoooo.... *tearful WAIL!* Why me??? Why ME!? *falls to floor, shaking* I never, never ever did anything bad... and just as I was about to give the Angler her birthday present (a full set of adamantine fishhooks), you do THIS! THIS!

CURSE YOU, SANTA!!!!! *thunder clap. The Angler's hair catches fire*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

And I hate you. I hate you all. I hate TT, I hate Santa, I hate Megan, I hate Beth, yes, I hate the world. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE ON THE NAUGHTY LIST??????!!!!

*whimpers* Nnnnoo....

Comment From The Writer: *calmly picks up some snow and extinguishes her hair*

*fashions a snowball and throws it-- hard. Carried by the power of the Force, it zings all the way back to Elfywood and hits Cookie in the face, knocking her over*

*a note falls out of the snowball. It reads: You'd better watch out. He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake...*

Dec 22 2004
Santa = Satan.

I just know there's some redneck Bible-beating southerner somewhere who believes that.


Oh, and today's your birthday? Happy Birthday!! I didn't know it was at the time, though -- um -- I mean -- sure I did! Yessir! Which makes me, officially, best Darksider of the Week.

Comment From The Writer: Nay, my birthday was yesterday (the 21st), but thank you! And yes, you're Best Darksider of the Week. *hands you a gold-plated pie* 1

Dec 22 2004
I wonder when that redneck's gunna finally find time to swing in and get involved in this war? Hanna's been awful busy lately.

Happy Birthday, indeed it was I hope. *hands you a brand new black akubra, with ornamental opal corks*
So, that would make you...24 now? Gods, Meg, but you are getting old. You'll be thirty before you know it.

Cya at christmas! *waves goodbye then does the standard, flick-boiling-hot-water-on-cookie leaving gesture*

Scald ya later, Vida!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Yes, I had a very nice birthday, and thanks for the akky! *puts on black akubra* Yeah, twentycoughfour. *cringes* And don't say the T-word, that's just scary.

Dec 22 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
*nodds* Sure, Timmwah, sure.

Does that make me the best KAG of the week? 2

*gives you the full set of adamantine and titanium fishhooks, just because she doesn't need them*

Comment From The Writer: Sure, why not? *hands you a gold-plated pie* In fact you're the only KAG of the week... oh, wait, there was Beth, but she was impersonating Santa so that doesn't count.

Adamantine fishhooks?? *picks one up and examines it in awe* Gee... thanks!!

Dec 23 2004
Meg!!!

You're on, and I'm on...crazyness!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Hey, cool!

Dec 23 2004
Sorry about missing your birthday yesterday, but I'm here to wish you a happy belated birthday anyway. *swipes a top-quality fishhook* Only for a moment. *traces a small rune circle into the floor with the shadowstaff, then places the fishhook in the center as the circle begins to glow with an ominous black unlight* *swiping the soul from a random bystander, channels a flow of silver and black energy into the fishhook, snapping the circle closed around the fishhook and sealing the energy inside* There you go. Soul-enchanted fishhook. It'll never miss its target, and you can summon it back from anywhere with a simple call. (it'll only answer to you of course) It's also indestructible, since as well as being extremely hard, it will become insubstantial in an instant if any harm is about to befall it, then return to its original form whenever the danger has passed. In conclusion....I love shadow magic. ^^ HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Comment From The Writer: *takes the soul-enchanted fishhook and examines it in awe* WOW, that's AWESOME! Thank you!!! 1 Ah, hell, everyone can have gold pies...

Dec 23 2004
Oh, and I forgot to mention - that wasn't Beth earlier. She has informed me she did not make that comment, and as it apparently wasn't Santa either, it must have been a random KAGS in disguise. Blech.

 22 Comment From The Writer: It wasn't Beth? Are you SURE? *frowns* This means that someone is impersonating Beth impersonating Santa!

*twirls her new soulhook and glares around the room* All right, who was it? Which one of you let Vida out of her cage?

*all of the doors and windows suddenly slam shut and lock themselves, plunging the room into darkness, save for the Angler's glowing red eyes* Nobody goes home until someone owns up!!

Dec 23 2004
Yaaarg, about that picture. The only photo I can find of myself for the head, is well. Not good. To say the least. But it will have to do...i'll send it off tonight.

Comment From The Writer: Doesn't have to be perfect. As long as it's clear enough for me to make out the general shape, colour, etc.

Dec 23 2004
Maybe I should let go of all my internet inhibitions, and send you the pic...
But I was gunna update soon with one anyways...

Comment From The Writer: Tim, gimme the pic. If you're going to post one anyway it can't hurt to send it to me a little earlier, can it? Tickets can take ages to go through. And the sooner I get pics of everyone, the sooner I can get to work.

Of course, this could all be a sneaky plot to see what everyone looks like... muahaha-- no seriously, I really do need reference pics.

Dec 23 2004
Yes Tim let it all go...

My house got egged! I know exactly who by too. But they're being mass bastard and not admitting it...If only, If ONLY murder could be legal for ONE day...

Comment From The Writer: If murder was legal for one day, would there be anyone left on the planet?

Dec 24 2004
22 I pissed off Tim. And now there's this GRR person leaving me flame comments, and I think he-she might be right! Not to mention having to put up with my relatives, that'd be the cherry on anybody's sundae of misery. I feel like Marvin the depressed robot from The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

*begins crying in a Lucille Ball like fashion*

 1 Comment From The Writer: I feel like that annoying chirpy computer... *pats TT on the shoulder* Don't cry, it's Christmas! Have some chocolate!

Dec 24 2004
*looks at above comment, which would have been pushed up by her own comment if she'd held off looking for another second* Cookie hates me, too? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

And I just tried to submit this comment with a WAA that took up like five lines, and it got rejected because I'm redundant! What is redundant? Did the comment system just call me stupid? EVEN THE COMMENT SYSTEM HATES ME!!

 12 Comment From The Writer: The comment system hates everyone. That's its job.

Dec 24 2004
What's this Jedi/SW pic you are doing?? I need to know before I send off my pic! :)

Comment From The Writer: I'm doing a picture of all the Dark Siders and KAGS as Jedis/Star Warsy type characters, and I need reference pics. If you don't mind, of course. You don't have to send one if you really don't want to, but it would be useful.

Dec 24 2004
PS I live the christmas carol ;)

Comment From The Writer: Eh? You live what Christmas carol? *pictures EJ riding around in a sleigh, singing merrily...*

Dec 24 2004
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
You have been Merryed Christmaswise.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Merry Christmas to you too!!

Dec 25 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
#Oh what fun it is to sing a slaying song tonight...#

 1 Comment From The Writer: Indeed!

Dec 25 2004
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Fork Master' Lewis
Merry Christmas, mine Evil Arch-Nemesis!!

*decorates page in rotting pumpkins and remote control needles*

Tis the season to be jolly.

('Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for the two teenagers in the basement playing Soul Calibur II.. >.>)

And what a grand Christmas it was! *hugs Megan and runs away*

Comment From The Writer: Ah, definitely Beth this time... *looks at the pumpkins and needles and grins despite herself* Now that's the spirit!

You're playing Soul Calibur now?? Oh, great. -_-

Dec 26 2004
Merries Christmases! And Crystal updated! I'm going around telling everyone by request. ^^

 22 Comment From The Writer: ... say WHAT??!! Crystal UPDATED?? Egads, I thought she'd left Elfwood or something!

Dec 26 2004
Opps! I mean that I LOVE the christmas carol, stupid typoes are attacking me from everwhere!

Oh and I'll send you a pic as soon as possible, I have to find one that I looked good enough in that I actually didn't break the camera.... I seem to go through cameras at an alarming rate...

And I can't wait to see which evil character you make me look like... ^.^

 12 Comment From The Writer: Ah, right. I thought that's what you meant, but it was too good a joke opportunity.

I'm sure you don't look half as bad as you think you do. 12 Hmm, it's going to be tricky, all of the main evil characters are taken. But I'll think of something.

Dec 26 2004
Maul sent me, can i join the darkside? I want an action figure, plus i want to get back at Obi Wan for manhandling me!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Sure you can join! *hands Jimbo complimentary action figure, free t-shirt, glowing hook, black toothbrush with remote tracking device in case Kay comes by, official black robes and a lightsabre in the colour of your choice*

Welcome to the Dark Side!

Dec 27 2004
Hmmm, id have a red lightsaber, since its my favourite colour, but thats already been taken, soooooo, BLUE! Blue it is.....

Comment From The Writer: Er, I think blue's been taken as well...

Dec 27 2004
That makes my converted count to 2, Meg! 3 if you ever get around to bugging that Tinus guy, cos he already said he'd join, but he's too lazy to visit your page. Here, once again, is his link: http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/loth/k/a/kardolus.

Merry Xmas!

Oh, and I'm not depressed anymore, mainly cos I got lots of presents and my bible-beating relatives are finally gone. How'd you fair in the present department?

Oh, and when will that DarkSider pic be done?

I'm working on part 2 to that DarkSider story. It's Christmas themed, semi-based off of that thing I started on here, but I'm taking my time so it's good so it won't be done til like, mid-January.

That tsunami/earthquake thing sucks. It was an 8.9 or possibly a 9.0, and 10,000 people have already died.

Comment From The Writer: Oh yeah! That Tinus guy... I forgot about him. I will go and bug him.

I'm glad you're not depressed any more. It's not good to be depressed. I got some lovely pressies. Along with a pile of chocolates, I got two beautiful necklaces, some other less interesting stuff like makeup, oh, and a 1000 piece black and white jigsaw puzzle. Because I like really hard jigsaws.

1Whoot! Dark Sider story!! Can't wait!

That earthquake was terrible. Apparantly it went all the way to Africa, and killed 100 people there! Africa! That's unreal...

Dec 27 2004
16,000 up to now..it was a 9.0...*pulls on collar in a simpsony fashion*

Arrr, the Pirates are worried, those ripples could overturn our boats..yarr.

 16 Comment From The Writer: The last I heard it was up to 24,000...

Dec 27 2004
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie' Starcevic
*eyes Jimbo maliciously* I've got a blue lightsaber, so bugger off.

And you! *jabs finger into your chest* If you thought that recruiting Jimbo into your foul sect was going to win me over, you were WRONG! I'm ever angrier than I was before. You shall never prevail, do you hear me, NEVER!!! Grrr!!!!

*storms away, blasting some support beams, which make the roof collaps on top of the Angler's head*

 9 Comment From The Writer: *picks herself up from the rubble, wobbles slightly, and rubs her head* Owww. S-someone forgot to eat their h-happy muffins...

Dec 27 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Merry Christmas!

I would've said it earlier, but I got books for Christmas and was reading them. ^_^

 2 Comment From The Writer: Thanks! That's okay. Glad you like your purple ram.

Dec 28 2004
Wow. Now I see why Cookie got wacked with a pine tree. And also why I assaulted her with my drunken muse . . .

 8 Comment From The Writer: *rubs sore head* Indeed.

Dec 28 2004
Elfwood writer:
James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
Nah i think a gun would be better, and a rocket pack *flys away into the woods*

 12 Comment From The Writer: No complaints from me.

Dec 28 2004
I still don't see why. Help me on this, would you?

*blinks* I think Jimbo may be out to kill me...

*roars with rage, and, using the Force, glides after Jimbo*

 8 Comment From The Writer: *points to mess of collapsed ceiling on floor*

*points to lump on head*

*glares*

Also: I'm your enemy and a Dark Sider. I don't need a reason. 12

Dec 30 2004
Huh. So I see Tinus finally got converted.

Cookie's being strange. I'm gonna go attack her with koalas. I kind of gave up attacking Cecily, so now I need to find a new victim.

Glad you liked yer pics.

Comment From The Writer: DID he get converted? It was hard to tell. Oh well. I tried.

Cookie's ALWAYS strange. *cough*

Dec 30 2004
Strange? How so? It may be PMS.

*whacks you over the head with a dead polecat*

You gotta keep the mood up. Keep the war going, you know.

No one's slayed me yet. Durr.

Comment From The Writer: *whacks Cookie over the head with... er...?*

*looks around for something to hit Cookie over the head with...*

Dec 31 2004
*levitates a dragonblade over to Megan to whack Cookie with* Stupid lack of physical existence... Anyway, that spiral of flame going around the blade can be used to burn people - just point and will it. Don't mind the wing-shaped crossguards, they're just ornamental.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Oooh, spiffy! *whacks Cookie with the dragonblade, setting her head on fire*

I seem to be acquiring quite a collection of funky weaponry... *looks for somewhere to put the dragonblade amongst the SoL, SoH, soulhook, lightsabres, numerous fishhooks, spears, harpoon guns, knives, paint bombs, exploding chocolates and attack bananas (to name a few)*

Dec 31 2004
::Mist creeps out of every corner, flowing across the ground to pool at ankle level, hushing and sighing on an unseen tide::

~ They are waiting ~

*wanders in*

~ Mist sighs in delight ~

*whistles in appreciation*

It's been a fair old while since I've been here, like the new look.

(have you ever been here?)

[Can't actually remember, but still...]

(Okay, carry on)

Anyway, you've sure got into the dark side spirit *looks at black tinsel* Where did you get this? *picks up an Darth Angler action figure* Nifty.

(Quit playing around)

[Sorry.] *ahem* Well seeing as she isn't about to write more AoD right at this moment, she figured she'd send me around - like I'm some sort of minion or something.

(That's exactly what you are)

[*raises eyebrow*] Anyway, I'm here to say - Hope You Have A Fabulous NEW YEAR!! Celebrate wildly and have a great time - here's to a brilliant 2005!!

*toasts*

Have fun! *bows*

~ mist pounces on him and sweep him away ~

 1 Comment From The Writer: *gasp* REAO! *attempts to suppress rarely-witnessed Angler-fangirl mode*

*fails*

AAAAAHHHHH!!! *hugs Reao* Oooh, OOOH! Can I have your autograph?! Wait right here!!

*rushes over to a desk and rumages for a piece of paper and pen, brushing hastily scribbled bits of FW, chocolate wrappers and plans to take over the world all over the floor*

So, you like the decorations? *beams* Yes, at least I made an effort, unlike that infuriating KAGS leader. *scowls* She didn't even have the decency to fall into my poisoned-christmas-tree trap and die! Huh!

*finds what she was looking for and turns just as the mist sweeps Reao away*

Awww! *sniff* *calls out:* Come back any time! And Happy New Year!!

Dec 31 2004
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
"Slain." We could criticise her grammar to death. And her brother and her mother for the aggravation she's caused.

Comment From The Writer: *staring with a slightly glazed look after the departed Reao* Hmmm? Slain? Who was slain?

Dec 31 2004
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
Happy 2005! ^_^ Whoot and all that.

But you'll still die in the end... mwahahaha ha *hack cough sputter*

*rubs sore throat* I'm out of practice using that evil laugh...

 12 Comment From The Writer: Tsk, tsk. You should join the Dark Side. We have special lozenges for that.

Jan 2 2005
[wanders in, bearing coal in silence untl over the threshold]

Last first-footing round, I think. Werewolf sent me round as the Stranger. Happy 2005, all that. [wanders off, leaving odd-smelling smoke]

Comment From The Writer: Er, okay. Happy New Year, Stranger!

1000th comment drawing VERY close...

Jan 2 2005
Smite, smote, smitten. Did you know? I didn't.

*grabs a bucket o' water and empites it over head, which extinguishes and starts smoking*

This is really a bore. *takes dragonblade and whacks Darth Angler with it*

*watches as the Angler's head catches wonderful, spiffy and nifty fire*

 8 Comment From The Writer: *takes off her burning hat, throws it on the floor and hurriedly stamps out the flames*

*temper begins to smoulder*

Jan 2 2005
Let me see if I can pull it off... *cough-cough*

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*a small bottomless abyss announces its existance by cracking up in the middle of the floor and swallowing Cecily up*

Oh. That was quite good. I don't have a brother. Slain, then. I wish I had one, an older one... *puts ghost tinsel around Emberice's neck*

8 Comment From The Writer: Oh, sure, give Emberice tinsel and set fire to me. And quit putting bottomless abysses in my floor! I just redecorated!

Jan 2 2005
It's not "Whoot", it's:

wh00t!

... well? Did I get it? Did I? Did I?

Comment From The Writer: You're going to pay for all that html...

No. You didn't get it. Sorry. 14

And if I want to whoot, then I'll whoot. So there.

Jan 3 2005
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
I might just take you up on that offer. ~_^ After all, you're actually HERE. -_-;;; Whereas Beth is dead or something.

Comment From The Writer: Ah, so you admit it! Beth is the one who TRULY dies in the end.

Of course. 4

Jan 3 2005
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
hmm... what is this? 1000th comment?

Well, two comments make it more likely, hey?

Comment From The Writer: ... they do, but unfortunately, not in your case...

Jan 3 2005
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
I love Ben Folds. *snuggles*

Now presenting, for your entertainment:

One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces by Ben Folds Five

September '75, I was fourty-seven inches high
My mom said by Christmas I would have
A bad ass motha GI Joe
For your little minds to blow
I still got beat up after class
(Yeah)

Chorus:
Now I'm big and important
One angry dwarf and
200 solemn faces are you
If you really wanna see me
Check the papers and the TV
Look who's tellin' who what to do!
Kiss my ass
Goodbye

Don't give me that bullshit
You know who I am
I'm your nightmare little man
Think you stole my lunch money
Made me cry
Say, remember second grade?
Said you couldn't stand my face
Rather than kiss me you said you'd rather die

(chorus)

You'll be sorry one day
Yes you will
Yes you will
You shouldn't push me around
'Cause I will
'Cause I will
You'll be sorry when I'm big
Yes you will
Yes you will

(chorus)

(Kiss my ass, kiss my ass, kiss my ass, kiss my ass, kiss my ass, goodbye now...)

Voice: I liked that one. *laughs*

He rocks it out on the piano. ^_^

(We could say I'm sorta dead to the KAGS world now, since Beth is gone. I won't attack anyone... but that goes for both sides. Unless, of course, someone tries to kill me again with poison in my cereal.)

Comment From The Writer: The KAGS are crumbling...

Jan 3 2005
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
[voice from above, coming closer] The thing about bottomless abysses....is that all bottomless pits are just holes joined into a loop by magic....and this is rather a short one...aaargh - oof. [sits on lip of abyss and gets her breath back from all that falling] I think I shall set out to slay Cookie, and when she has been slain I can boast that I slew her...

Comment From The Writer: Good luck to you...

Jan 3 2005
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
Slain. [plonks down duffel bag containing a largeish semi-round object that is unlikely to be a basketball and gives it a friendly kick] Yeah, well, imortality has its drawbacks. [bag swears]

1 Comment From The Writer: Hahaha!! Hahahahaha--!! *suddenly stops laughing as something occurs to her*

*checks comment tally* 22 Oh no...

*jaw drops in disbelief*

1000th comment!!!!!

Jan 3 2005
*snags the 1000th comment from the unsuspecting spammers*

Comment From The Writer: *sigh* No, I'm afraid you just missed it. :(

Jan 3 2005
*realizes that someone probably commented on the stories, and thus that attempt was futile*

 16 Comment From The Writer: Cecily is unstoppable. All attempts are futile...

Jan 4 2005
Elfwood writer:
Hanna 'Solo' James
I didn't get it? *whimpers*

Comment From The Writer: *sigh* No. Sorry. *shrugs*

Jan 4 2005
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
Bon sang! I come over to dump your enemy's head at your feet, come back and there's this crowd of vaguely disappointed people milling about. Look people HEAD IN A DUFFEL BAG! Talking of which my mercenary conscience says I must read s'more. The other half of the tower thing, to start...

 12 Comment From The Writer: Hmm, you're right... *kicks the duffel bag happily* Soccer, anyone?

Oh. The other half of the tower thing. Errrr, sure. Er. Just let me fetch my titanium armour. Oh, wait, I don't have any. *whimpers*

Jan 5 2005
*walks in, with her head on her shoulders*

*looks dubiously at the bag, kneels down and opens it, producing a ball made of rags*

Tough luck, people. *grins and walks away, whistling a tune*

Comment From The Writer: 10 Killjoy!

Jan 6 2005
Elfwood writer:
James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
Ah yes i must weeeead some of your stuff, that tower thingy looks and sounds cool. BTW is it ok if you can include me in the darkside/KAG's picture, I'll send you a photo (cos the one on my page looks awfull) ASAP.

 12 Comment From The Writer: Yeah, sure you can be in the picca.

Jan 7 2005
People read Ferrian's Winter it's really good. Just take supplies to last you a month and a tent. ;)

Meanwhile...

I came here to rant. You and Hanna get it because you are the least story-reading, so you won't blab the storyline. Unless the people who read this do. Meh, I can't figure out logistics.

I had an idea for another tragic story. This one is about a little girl whose father left and her mother has to work long hours to support them, leaving her home alone. She befriends a tree spirit in her garden that dwells in a large oak. As she gets older she tries to climb to the top of the tree but is unsuccessful. Her mother becomes abusive meanwhile, and one day a child protection person comes to collect the girl. The mother goes crazy, beats the girl then drags her to the bath, where she holds her down as icy water slowly starts to fill the tub.

This is where my rant starts. My first problem was that I didn't know how to end it. I wanted the tree to fall on the bathroom, killing the spirit but rescuing the girl. But I also wanted the girl to be freed at the last moment, then taken to an orphanage which she escapes from one day and goes back to her old house. she climbs the tree, and just as the people come to claim her she falls backwards out of the tree and dies. But where she falls another tree starts to grow, so she is forever immortalised as a tree spirit herself.

I couldn't decide which was the better ending so I left it.
Meanwhile my dad came in and used the computer. When he was done he shut it down, and the 3 precious pages I had written earlier were deleted. So now I'm pissed off and irritable. To top it off, the mods are back, and so now my new ticket will be short story-less. I also have to write a new bio, fully HTML-ised. Damn.

 16 Comment From The Writer: Ack, yeah, it sucks when that happens. Once I lost a couple of hours worth of Ferrian's Winter in a power outage. Now I always save anything I write after every half page as a precaution.

Third ending: Girl escapes from orphanage, returns to her house to find the tree gone and only a stump remaining; girl is so distraught she kills herself, falls onto the stump and grows into a tree where the old one was. Or is that too melodramatic?

Jan 8 2005
Oi. *pokes you with the Fireplace Poker Of Destruction* Have you got everyone's picture? And my reference pic e-mails? The last two, I mean? Yes?

THEN WHY AREN'T YOU DONE YET???

*cough* Excuse me. Won't happen again. And where is Beth? Is she dead, like Jake?? That would mean I am in charge... oh, well that's not so bad... *coughcough* Blasphemy. Must not go there.

16 Comment From The Writer: *cringes* I thought I sent you an email? Didn't you get it? *sigh* No, I haven't got everyone's pic. I need Beth's, Tim's... er, who else? Eller. Simi (is she still a KAG?) Bunto (although his isn't essential because he's only part-human anyway).

1 Yes, the reference pics were great, thanks a lot for that.

I think Beth is pretty much dead. What do you say we go and cremate her page? 4

Jan 9 2005
Yeah, well, I got the e-mail, but it takes me some time to go and read my mail...

Cremating? I'm all for it. I'll bring the highly flammable objects, you go get the matches.

This, of course, doesn't mean that I'm siding with the Dark Side. I just want Beth to be back. Or never to come back at all, whatever, I just want to be certain of something.

yeah, and the cloak solution is better. draw me like that, will you? if you manage to squish my lightsaber in, I'd be mighty grateful.

Comment From The Writer: You mean the obi_wan_vf pic, where his arms are folded? No problemo. I will try to squish your lightsabre in, though it might be a bit tricky in that pose. I'll do my best.

Matches! Excellent, I'll be right there. No, not joining the Dark Side, just burning down your leader's page in the biggest bonfire Elfwood has ever seen. Completely understandable. 4

Jan 9 2005
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Fork Master' Lewis
*sidles in*

You know today I was all so happy because I finally remembered to send you my pic, then what happens? It says your email does not exist!! o_O AHHHHHHH!!!

 22 Comment From The Writer: What?? What?? My email doesn't exist? Says who?! Oh... did you try to use my hotmail address? Er, yes, it seems to have been deactivated because I didn't use it in 30 days. Um, sorry about that. 17 It's working again now, but if you have any more trouble, try: mproverbs@tasmail.com.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a page to cremate. Yours, in fact. *jiggles a box of matches and strolls off*

Jan 12 2005
Elfwood writer:
Becca Lusher
Ah - you really shouldn't have said that - "Feel free to poke anytime" in relation to FW.
*poke* Can I have some more?
*poke poke* Now?
*pokepokepoke* When can I have more?
And so on and so forth...

Also - with Crysk, I may have an idea, but I'm not sharing it with you *huddles idea in close* Mostly it'll be wrong and you'll just laugh ;) so safer for me to keep it.

*poke*
Loves Green and Grey by the way, in case I didn't make that clear.

*pokepoke*

Either I'm going to get bored, or you'll have a dead arm (well sort of...)
*poke*

 22 Comment From The Writer: ... *whimpers* When I said 'anytime', I was kind of expecting 6 months in the future when you've forgotten the characters again, and I've forgotten the characters, and the plot...

Aww, tell me the Crysk idea! C'mon, I won't laugh! Of course, I won't tell you if you're right or not, that'd ruin the surprise, but in all likelihood you are. It's not too hard to figure out, if you've been paying attention to the story... 12

Jan 12 2005
I think I oughta read Mercury Eye. It sounds interesting. Poke me if I don't read it within the next week.

 12 Comment From The Writer: Sure! *sharpens her best poking-hook in preparation*

Jan 12 2005
*stops in front of his own grave*
*stares down*
Uh...
*thinks for a while then kneels down, hammering a plank to the grave. The plank says "Busy year this year. Restricted internet access. Apologies for any inconvenience. -Lightfoot"*

*thinks for a minute then adds a Post-It: Forthcoming chapters of Mischief Eyes coming in a while..once I have use of my computer. Which might be a while.*

 22 Comment From The Writer: *drops the sharpened hook on her foot in shock*

JAKE!!! You're... you... we all thought you were dead!! We had a funeral and everything!!!

*suddenly remembers something* Uh oh...

*hurriedly snatches up some throw-rugs and tries to hide the stolen La-Z-Boys out of sight...*

Jan 14 2005
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
HEY!!

The first part of the sequel to Pastries is up.

Go read it.

 1 Comment From The Writer: *drops everything and runs...*

Jan 15 2005
Sequel to Pastries was interesting i'll give her that.

I sent you a picture.

Did you nay get it? If you didn't i'll send it again, otherwise we'll have to do it via MSN or something and you'll never have to see me again...except for when you're drawing it but..nyeh..I hate the picture I send to everyone. I look all moody and sad. Whereas I just don't smile.

 16 Comment From The Writer: Er, nooo... I didn't get it. Try sending it to both of my email addys: mproverbs@tasmail.com and angler04@hotmail.com. It's bound to end up in one of them.

Probably everyone in the pic is going to end up looking dead serious, so I wouldn't worry too much.

Jan 15 2005
I hate obnoxious children. Who boast impossible abilities.

Like: I could cut down a gum tree with this knife! *holds up butterknife*

Worse are the kids who lie constantly. Or...try to be just like you. Oh how my cousin Emily represents all 3.

Tonight..she chucked in a lie about the movie, telling me how she could do all this garbage that even I am incapable of...and worse..agreed with almost everything I hated, even when I say oh its this ad, she will say, Yeah its funny! Me: Nah, I hate it. Her: Me too! GAH!!! Sorry..had to vent.

Coca Cola heal the pain..

Comment From The Writer: Sure, ah, vent away...

Jan 15 2005
Are we still recruiting people for this actionless war of sorts? Because I spot a new kags ive never heard of...I came here by accident by the way..just thought id leave a few comments. :)

Comment From The Writer: The Dark Side is always recruiting... A new KAG you've never heard of?? Where? 22

Jan 20 2005
Do not worry, mighty Megan. *affectionate pat* My page is also devoid of visitors.
Which is pretty illogical, since I am the good Jedi master. While you are a rotten, evil Sith. Or something similar. I never quite got what Sith are... thingies like Darth Maul or Darths in general? Ah well.

How's the Jedi pic doing? No opression you or anything, just curious.

Comment From The Writer: *sniff* It's been so quiet... Beth gets more comments than me and she's DEAD! How illogical is that?

I always thought the Sith were just evil Jedis. Speaking of which... *sigh* I'm working on it... slowly. I have a few sketches, but I don't like them very much, I'm going to do them again until I'm completely happy with them.

Jan 23 2005
Elfwood writer:
James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/loth/d/e/demonwinter/
Jess wants to join the dark side, she's a fantastic artist her stories are good too. I did good didn't i mighty leader?

 2 Comment From The Writer: Most admirable young Jimbo!

Jan 23 2005
*throws a dirty look at James*

Oh, how you deserve some serious butt-spanking, Jimbo. You evil little critter. Why won't anyone join the KAGS, eh? And why do you people hate me? What did I ever do to you?

Comment From The Writer: *pats Cookie on the shoulder sympathetically* There, there, no one hates you. We just want you to die, that's all. 4

Jan 25 2005
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
1 more sleep...


If you don't get that pic I'm going to strangle the curtain *waves fist threateningly*

Comment From The Curtain: *whimpers, and cringes against its curtain-hooks*

Jan 25 2005
Purely out of curiosity.... how do you strangle something with no neck?

...

(Hey, you never know, such knowledge could come in handy some day...)

 12 Comment From The Writer: ... with All-Purpose Magic Elfwood Solution! Simply pour onto your desired object, and ANYTHING becomes possible!

Jan 26 2005
Oh, and about the Sith...the Sith as a race are the Darth Maul thingies, but followers of their ideals are also called Sith. So, it's pretty much just all the evil buggers following the Sith lords. The lords used to all be true Sith, but most of them got wiped out, so the lords are now usually evil Jedi.
That's about all I know on the subject.

Comment From The Writer: *is impressed*

Jan 26 2005
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
My limited edition australia day bio is up. Not very colour coordinated (damn HTML!!!) but up nonetheless.
I couldn't find an appropriate song that hadn't already been pilfered by you, so I'm saving them for Anzac day.
Come over to read it if you like. Also I might nee doyu for support in case any americans become irate 0.o
Darian, you can come too. Canadians are like our brothers anyways.

Comment From The Writer: Okay, sure!

Jan 26 2005
Elfwood writer:
Eller 'upsidedown' Mcknight
Hello. Do you use fireworks to celebrate Australia day? I know I'm a day late, but here are some fireworks. I lit the fuses already. *Runs off very quickly*
You sit looking at the pretty sparkles from the fuses for a few seconds, until BOOM!

Nothing is left on the page, except a smoking pair of shoes, and a unscathed Aussie flag. HAHAHA!

Comment From The Writer: *wanders in and picks up the pair of smoking shoes* I wonder who these belong to? *shrugs*

Jan 26 2005
I'm deathly late...Happy Australia Day Meg!

I hope im not too deathly late as for you to slash me here, or here..or maybe across the belly, spilling my intestines.

 12 Comment From The Writer: Nah, I'll save that for one of the KAGS.

Jan 27 2005
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Meg, we seem to have caught each other online. Who knows what evil we can concoct now?!!!


Er, well actually I gotta go. But...evil on beth's page!!!

 4 Comment From The Writer: OOOoooer!! *runs off to see the fun*

Jan 27 2005
Whats and akubra?

Comment From The Writer: What's an akubra?? It's a national icon, mate! Aussie bush hat, like the sort outback people wear. Akubras rock! I've got an awesome black and pink one that I bought at a craft fair.

Jan 27 2005
what happened to me on Forkwalker's page? Please explain, cuz my comp's too weak to display all the comments... darn.

You died. I tore your soul out and gave it to Timmwah. And Darian cast a mortality spell thingy, so NO ONE'S allowed to be immortal anymore.

Very good bio pic, btw. I wish I could draw like that.

1 Thanks!

FFVIII rules! wh00t! [random fact of the ... month... naw, year, since I'm only on Disc 2]

Comment From The Writer: FFVIII? I finished that YEARS ago!! Well, no, actually I didn't QUITE finish it-- I got to the last area before the final battle and it was hard and the magic system was too annoying and I sort of lost interest. It's a good game, but I think the others in the series are better. FFVII is my favourite.

Jan 27 2005
I finally read Mercury Eye (see comments). GOOD JOB!!!!!!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Yay, thanks!!

Jan 28 2005
Elfwood writer:
Emma-Jane C. Smith
Just a short question, O Queen of Darkness... er... when do you think you'd be finished all those pics of all us dark siders?

Well Happy Australia Day for last Wednesday, I've been away to a place that internet connection ceases to exist! It was most scary!

Well must dash, so much evil to do and so little time....

btw good bio pic!!!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Thanksness! The Jedi pic won't be finished for a few weeks, at least. SO many people to draw... 16

Jan 29 2005
Then you've gotta let the mods put there perverse hands all over it..that will add another week...a month. Blawoo!

12 Yep, exactly.

I forgot to upload my Human Faces again..I updated recently..and had heaps of picures to put in..but only uploaded one (my pirate) oh well, this new ticket will be through in a week or so..and then some fun will be had..until then...

*sticks on NOFX CD and pulls out the drawing crap*

I want to fill mine gallery.

I want an all Black Akubra...it wouldn't suit me at all..but at least I could say I have one.

Comment From The Writer: Oh yeah, you've gotta get a black akubra!

Jan 29 2005
You're making a picture of us Darksiders? o.0 I had no clue. I'm very, very afraid...

 22 Comment From The Writer: You didn't know? Oh... Yes, I'm drawing a pic of all the Dark Siders and KAGS. You're not the only one who's afraid... *shrinks from the daunting task ahead*

Do you mind if I draw you as a cat?

Jan 30 2005
If it would make it easier for you. How about a large cat? I'm not exaclty a housepet...

*ahem*

Yes, I didn't know. How sad. And a cat would be fine. Heh, all you would need is colors.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Whoohoo!! You can be any sort of cat you like, any size, any colour.

Jan 30 2005
I found 2 slightly better pictures on my hard drive...one where I look slightly evil I think that one would do nicer than the one i sent where I look somewhat..."Depressed"

Blawoo.

Has it been more temperate this summer down south? It hasn't even gotten to panting point up here yet...odd.

Comment From The Writer: Heh, well I can probably make you look evil anyway, but I can use any help I can get at this point...

Summers are always temperate down here, so I dunno. *shrugs* About the only place you get 30+ degrees is Hobart, (and sometimes Launceston). I live right near Bass Strait, so we get the breeze off the sea, and it usually stays around 21-25 all summer.

Jan 30 2005
LOL Yeah... let mesee... *contemplates being orange* o.0 Ew.

 1 Comment From The Writer: You could be green... green and black, maybe?

Jan 31 2005
Or maybe I could be... red and gold? Or brown and gold? I think I look loverly with brown and gold coloring. *ponders* Panther-sized, hazel eyes, pointed(not rounded) ears, and a long tail that fluffs at the end. Long-haired.

I enjoy being a cat. Unfortunatley, JABsy dislikes cats. *frowns* But he volentarily talks to me. Can you explain that?

 12 Comment From The Writer: Sure, no problem.

Feb 1 2005
I want to see a flourescent cat.

Comment From The Writer: Don't go getting any ideas...

Feb 1 2005
*glares at Bunto* Touch me and you die.

*eyes a can of flourescent paint*

Hmm... I wonder what a flourescent Bunto would look like...

Comment From The Writer: This is all going to end in disaster, I know it.

Feb 1 2005
You're dead.

I killed you on Beth's page.

Comment From The Writer: *sigh*

Feb 2 2005
[<- the name has NOTHING to do with you]

For once...

AAARGH!!! I've just written a marvelous start to a FFVIII fanfic, and
was going to upload it on fanfiction.com, when my browser tells me that
it's too slow, and that I need - at least - Netscape 7 or Explorer
7!!!!!! And I have 3 (THREE!!)!!!!

22 Just how old IS your computer?? Sheesh, no WONDER you have so many problems!

Ooooh.... I am SO mad!!! And it's such a GOOD start... coming from me,
and I never praise my work... well, I do, but that's not real praise,
it's just me being proud of having finished something...

AAARGH!!! *runs at computer with a chain saw*
YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS, YOU OLD FART!!!!

I KNOW YOUR PAIN!!

[it was such a good chapter... *sniff* ... no no-one can read it until I
get to my school computer, which won't be in another 2 weeks... IF, that
is, I do get to it and manage to re-format the text, since I haven't got
a PC... oooh!!!... can you see the steam coming out of my ears?!]

 22 Comment From The Writer: Won't your mum or dad buy you a new computer? Or even a secondhand computer? Anything has to be better than the one you've got...

Feb 2 2005
*slices cookie-ghost's other arm off* 300th comment coming up on my page. XD

 1 Comment From The Writer: Whoooooo!! *chops Cookie-ghost's left leg off*

Feb 3 2005
*grabs can* Haahaha!

Now I own it...mmm...*eats can*

Uh oh...

 22 Comment From The Writer: Uh-oh...

Feb 3 2005
Elfwood writer:
C. 'Liari' Seidel
Mrrrrr? *looks around* So this is the Darth Angler's evil domain... I have heard so much about it, yet never visited, how strange. Well, I'm here now since I was teasing Tim and saw the link. So now I shall read. Oh, yes, and then perhaps comment. *pounces on a story*

 4 Comment From The Writer: Yes... *steeples fingers* My reputation is growing...

Feb 3 2005
Elfwood artist:
K. Fretwell
No longer active?! Pssht, hey who just sent you all the way to the moon, AGAIN?! I may not be around much, but I will show up once and a while for a good Angler-bashing party!

8 So it seems.

And, er Meg...if you want your picture (yes, the Mystical Mythical one from oh so long ago...) finished anytime in the next millenium, I'd suggest a bit of pushing, yelling, and screaming will be needed...I don't have the best attention span OR memory (And I admit the lack of progress is entirely my fault!). I need motivation!!! I believe my badger muse may have abandoned me!!!

Anyway, just a suggestion. Or a cry for help. Whichever you want!

 4 Comment From The Writer: Eheheheheh, ex-cellent! *gets out her sharpest poking-hook, which glints menacingly in the light*

Oh, and Sir Bedivere hasn't abandoned you... I'VE GOT HIM!! AHAHAHAHA!! I stole him a while back...

Feb 4 2005
You're on the MOON? Dear God, who sent you there?

8 Grrr. *points at commenter below* (See Fork Master's Grave).

And Kelly, as far as updates go, you are inactive. Have been for some time. Missing a muse? Borrow Tanner. Maybe he needs a different p.o.v to get his little muse-y powers working. He hasn't helped me draw much in about two weeks. (Yes, I do draw. I just don't have a scanner.)

So, you can borrow him! *presents muse on silver platter*
Feb 4 2005
Elfwood artist:
K. Fretwell
Thankyou! See, it's already working! I am, right now, fixing up my garden fairy! She looks a LOT less creepy now! Ugh, then I looked back at the old picture...*shudders*

Comment From The Writer: Good, good. Now do the MM picture. Or I'll throw another moon rock at you, and next time I won't miss.

Feb 4 2005
Elfwood artist:
K. Fretwell
Poor Sir Bedivere...*shakes head in sorrow*

 1 Comment From The Writer: Wahaha! He's MINE now... *pokes the purple badger through the bars of his cage*

Feb 5 2005
Poor Megan. Being used as a football by Kellidala.

Comment From The Writer: Yeah! Poor Megan!! *sulks in a crater*

Apr 8 2005
"The Dark One" Thomas 'The Sovergein' Lehmann
Well what do you know. I never thought that jamming that many swiss cake rolls into the disk drive would do so much damage, maybe the pizza thrown in there was a bit of overkill and forced the time warp. How was that for an example of my potential in the dark side.

 4 Comment From The Writer: *points accusingly* Ah HA! So YOU were the culprit!

*pokes about in her library* I seem to have come out of this completely unscathed, except for the loss of a couple of hundred comments (mostly main page). No stories or art lost! Even both of my bio's are intact! Booyah!!! 7

Apr 9 2005
-is grinning gleefully-

On one hand, I'm so *@$! that what happened happened (a LOAD of comments were erased). One the other hand...

-goes over to Megan and pats her unwinged back-

You didn't get commentor title, nor did you get your wings. Of course...

22 Wha...?? *twists to look over her shoulder, and starts in horror* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! MY WINGS!! MY PRECIOUS, GLORIOUS WINGS!!! *cries, falling to her knees* Why?! Why is fate so unkind??!!

-eyes the La-Z Boy of Skulls-

Your stealing my stuff has consequences. That-

-he points at the La-Z Boy-

Has to go.

 8 Comment From The Writer: *leaps to her feet and throws herself onto her La-Z Boy* YOU TOUCH MY LA-Z BOY, YOU DIE!!

Apr 9 2005
Elfwood writer:
Eller 'upsidedown' Mcknight
We're back! But almost all my comments have gone bye bye. Oh well, guess it's as good an opportunity as any to introduce you to my new pets. I crossed flying fish with some piranha- now I have flying piranhas. I'll leave a few on your page so that you can get acquainted.
Oh by the way, they're pretty hungry...

 4 Comment From The Writer: Hungry, eh? *looks around and grabs a jar of fish food*

*throws the food all over Lightfoot, and points* LOOK! LOOK! FOOD! EAT! YUMMY!!

Apr 10 2005
*waltzes in*

Oh. Hello. Lookit! A skull! *takes a skull from the La-Z Boy of Skulls, and the entire thing collapses, sending skulls rolling all over the floor*

*watches skulls rolling around*

Wicked.

*pockets her own skull and waltzes away*

 8 Comment From The Writer: *makes a strangled sort of sound that is half a wail of anguish and half a growl of fury*

*grabs one of the flying pirahnas as it zooms past and throws it like a dart at Vida's back*

Apr 11 2005
-is holding the La-Z Boy in one hand-

-turns to look at Megan, frosty iciness glazing his blue-green eyes over. The emerald green faded out of his eyes, giving way to blue; not the warm, navy blue that was the usual shade of blue in his eyes, but icy sky-blue-

What?

Comment From The Writer: *hides the fish food jar behind her back, eyes widening in the picture of innocence* Me? I didn't do anything at all, honest!!

Apr 11 2005
Unscathed? Well you're the lucky one. I lost three poems and two comment titles, but no fear, I'm still keeping the original winners (you and Alice). Oddly enough, the warp put me back to my 299th overall comment. XD And it also deleted my revival, so I'm ghosted again. Oh well, that army of Smurfs is still around on Alyssa's page, I can just swipe one of their souls again...

Anywho, enough bickering over the La-Z Boy already. Lightfoot, you take yours. Megan - *summons staff, and begins weaving shadow energies into the form of another. A throne-like shape appears, formed entirely of dark mists and flowing energy* There, it even reclines, although I'm not sure how... probably just relies on the will of the user, most of my random creations tend to. And don't worry, it won't suddenly disappear from underneath you. ^^

Comment From The Writer: *gapes in wonder at the shadowy La-Z Boy (henceforth to be known as the Sha-D Boy! Hahaha!)*

1 That's so flamin' AWESOME!! Mr. Emberice, I am most surely in your debt!! *bows deeply*

Hmmm, but what am I gonna bicker with Lightfoot about now, eh? 12

Apr 12 2005
-chuckles as Vida causes the La-Z Boy to collapse-

Good 'un

-smiles approvingly and glares at Megan, fish food floating off him and swirling in a tornado of fish food before smothering Megan-

I still have not gotten my revenge. You stole my stuff.

-fixes icy blue on Megan-

 14 Comment From The Writer: Yeah, I stole your stuff! What are you gonna do about it? *twirls hook*

Apr 12 2005
Ai Maegla... crazy people with fish food... Y'know, I just realized I really overuse ellipses. Hehe. But anyway... flying pirahnas sound fun. *plants staff in the ground, creating a swirling vortex of shadow around it. A small rivulet of dark energy flows outward towards the nearest pirahna, snatching it from the air and engulfing it in the vortex. Moments later, the vortex dissolves as several shadowy versions of the pirahna flow out and melt into the real ones, giving them a very evil glint in their eyes* Kinda like a shadowbind, cept I keep them mobile and just bind their souls to my will. Too bad it only works on little things. Still... *pirahnas fly out and swarm Vida* It's the little things that kill. *snickers as Vida's skeleton collapses*

 4 Comment From The Writer: Muaha! *gives the skeleton a hard kick, sending the bones rattling all over the floor*

Fun!!

Apr 13 2005
*Drops in - literally - landing on top of you.*
By orders, I smite ye.
*Throws a barrage of circular saw blades at you*

*whips out two fishhooks and fends them off, causing great showers of sparks and sending the blades ricochetting all over the room*

Ugh, I find no pleasure in this. *Finishes you off with a messy, bloody beating using a croquet malet.*

*tries to fend off the mallet, but the fishhook crumples* Uh-oh...

Way too much violence. * Gerbil explodes*

No, not the gerb--AAARRGH!!

Sorry.
Your stories have interesting titles, perhaps I will read some at some time.
*I become a dragon, I burn you, and fly off*

Comment From The Writer: *smoulders on the floor*

... ow.

Apr 13 2005
-grins after Melissa-

Good on her.

-resurrects Megan-

But she stole my fun.

Now...you were twirling a fishhook.

-fish hook appears in your hand. Meaning in.-

Oops.

-smirks, looking at your hook-impaled hand-

Comment From The Writer: *looks at her hand* AAAAARRRGGGHH!!!

Apr 13 2005
*the skeleton raises itself as the bones rearrange. Cookie wraps a dark cloak around her bones and says in an etheral voice*

I HATE when people do that. Let's get her, Jake.

Why don't you *points at Lightfoot* join the KAGS? You seem to dislike the Angler enough.

*cough*Jedi*cough*pic*cough??!?!?!?

Comment From The Writer: Have a bad case of procrastination. Sorry. I think that sign on Beth's page was contagious... 14

Apr 13 2005
No!!! Lightfoot, man, don't do it! It's all LIES! HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE LIES! DO NOT LIE TO ME VIDA, WITH YOUR LIES, AND THEN EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THE LIES THAT YOU LIE TO ME WITH!! YEAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA where am I? O_o

Comment From The Writer: *pulls the hook carefully out of her hand, wincing in pain*

Apr 14 2005
becuase he has a brain, and dislike's violence. :P *pokes cookie*

 8 Comment From The Writer: Oh, SURE! *holds up bloodied hand and glares at Lightfoot*

Apr 14 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
*opens a trapdoor and conveniently "lets" Vida fall in* Oops . . .

 1 Comment From The Writer: *walks over to the trapdoor and waves down the hole*

Apr 15 2005
Ah-HAH! Thought you could hide from me, did you? Hmm?! HM-*cough, hack, wheeze*

Hide? From YOU? *draws herself up, red eyes flaring* Ze great and all powerful Darth Angler hides from NO-ONE!!

*surreptitiously brushes the bits of camoflague branches off her cloak*


Sorry. Hairball. So, how are you then?

Comment From The Writer: Aside from the usual Elfy mayhem, eh... bored. Very bored. *sigh*

Apr 15 2005
I'm only fighting her 'cause she gives me reason to.

14 And vice versa.

-scowls-

And I have nothing against the other Dark Siders. They didn't do anything to me.

-stretches out his hand, makes a fist, clenches it and mimes pulling-

-the fish hook in Megan's hand moves, dragging her along as it moves to the Pit of Eternal Darkness-

 22 Comment From The Writer: No, NO!! OW-OWWW!! Not the Pit again!!! *tries to dig her heels into the floor, but is forced to go with the hook before it rips through her hand*

*whimpers* STOP! STOOOOOP!!!

Apr 15 2005
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie-Wan' Starcevic
*using the Force, levitates out of trapdoor and punches JK in the face, which can be really painful if a skeleton does it*

*her lightsaber springs to life in her hand* You wanna piece of me? ...*glances at Dennis* Us?

 8 Comment From The Writer: We ALL wanna piece o' you!!

Apr 15 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
*steps back and lets THE goat come forward - oh yes, that one! And Zok as well . . .* *Looks down and nods anxiously while smiling all the while*

 4 Comment From The Writer: Go Zok!! GET 'EM!!

Apr 15 2005
Gah, did you know that you and me are like the two oldest people in this online group? I just turned 18 on Nov. 28. I feel so ... old ... and stuff.

 12 Comment From The Writer: Yeah, but think of the freedom and independence...

Apr 17 2005
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
Lookit lookit lookit! [comes in waving 5ft albino feather, notices punchup, remembers she's not really around and sidles off quietly, but not without dousing Cookie in flaming white spirit, on principle]

4 Comment From The Writer: Yeah! Go Cec! GET 'ER!!

Where'd you get a 5ft albino feather??

Apr 17 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
18 old? Ugh, I'm going to be 20 this year *has a heart attack at the suddenness of it all* even if it isn't till the end of the year . . .

1 Heheh, welcome to the old folks club. Your birthday's at the end of the year too? You wouldn't happen to be a Sagittarius, by any chance?

*meanwhile Zok nips at any fingers that come too close while nimbly distracting people with his magnificent colors*

Comment From The Writer: Ooooh, pretty colours...

Apr 17 2005
-fishhook stops above the Pit, leaving Megan's hand outstretched-

*stares down into the extremely dark, extremely deep Pit below*

*gulps*


Hmm...

-Lightfoot considers something-

Nah.

*relaxes slightly* Phew...

-fishhook levitates higher, bringing Megan airborne before it works its way out of her hand, and she falls down, down, into the Pit, with the fishhook pursuing her and poking her with its sharp tip-

 17 Comment From The Writer: What?! What??!! *watches, horrified, as the hook slips out of her hand* NOOOO!!

Oh, crap...

Apr 17 2005
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
'S a keliar feather. Leigh's Lord of Darkness was moulting.

*stares at the feather enviously* I want one!!

Um. You want an Instant Trampoline over there? [chucks her a packet of Instant Trampoline For Unlikely Comebacks] Just add water. [continues stroking feather, hypnotised]

Comment From The Writer: *catches the packet of Instant Trampoline while the walls of the Pit rush rapidly past* Water? Where am I going to get water from?!

*looks back at the packet*

*shrugs* Oh well, I guess there's nothing for it...

*spits on the packet*

*rebounds off the trampoline that miraculously appears at the last second, catching the pursuing hook as she zooms upwards. The apex of her bounce brings the Angler on a level with Lightfoot*

*she smiles* Hello! *sticks the hook in his head*

Apr 17 2005
I should really raid your page and cause massive destruction in some form or another and preferrably kill you in a most flashy lightsaber duel but since I am so dead tired I'll just threaten you with it a bit, so:

*ignites it, threatens you, shuts it down and heads off to bed*

Comment From The Writer: *looks slightly disappointed* No flashy lightsabre duel? Aw, rats...

Apr 18 2005
-watches her fall down as he hovers high above the Pit-

Comment From The Writer: *lands lightly on safer ground, looking pleased with herself*

Apr 18 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
aye, I think i just might be at that . . .

*activates elevator* That wasn't REALLY a pit yanno . . .

 1 Comment From The Writer: Cool!

*looks into Pit* It wasn't?

Apr 18 2005
How goes the warring, oh fearful and powerful leader?

12 Oh, it's keeping me amused...

Today is just ... boring.

Comment From The Writer: Yep, that it is.

Apr 19 2005
-blinks-

Ouch.

-frowns, reaches up, and, with a yelp of pain, pulls the fish hook out of his head-

-The ugly gash stops bleeding right in front of your eyes, closes up neatly and now seems like it was never there-

-glares at Megan-

That hurt.

 4 Comment From The Writer: *cackles gleefully* That was the point. Ahaha, point!! HAHAHA!! HEEEEHEHEH!! *dissolves into fits of laughter*

Apr 20 2005
-tosses the fish hook away, wraps fingers around Megan's throat to cease her laughing and bodily throws her down into the Pit-

HAHA--UGGGLL *chokes*

*goes pale, and struggles to speak* No... wait...!!!

*once again, the dreaded and familiar walls of the Pit rush past*

*whimpers*


By the way...have you watched Coach Carter or Pacifier?

 9 Comment From The Writer: Um, no... never heard of either of those.

Apr 21 2005
*summons muse and sends him diving into the Pit* Just grab on and he'll pull you out. Surprisingly strong for a foot-long shadow dragon. XD

 1 Comment From The Writer: SAVED!!! WHOOHOO!!

Apr 21 2005
Elfwood writer:
Emma-Jane C. Smith
I just came over to invite you to join a group that I've set up for creative writers and want to know if you wanna join!

I have yet to get it underway but if you're interested give me a buzz!!

This is the web address if you wanna take a look but there isn't much there at the moment! http://groups.yahoo.com/group/The_Cumquat_Project

It will be a lot of fun but if you are too busy or it's not your style it doesn't matter! ...I can take rejection.... sometimes ;)

Comment From The Writer: Sounds interesting... What does it involve, exactly?

Apr 22 2005
Elfwood writer:
Emma-Jane C. Smith
Well, I, as the leader of this rag tag group will annouce a theme for a story and/or poem. Then everyone who has joined the group gets to write something that fits within the guidelines. It will be very interesting to see other people's variations of plot line etc. And as on elfwood participants can edit or comment on other people's works.

Unlike elfwood however, the rules on what will be accepted are wider. For instance, in some projects there may not have to be a fantasy/sci-fi/horror theme.

I hope you join!!!

 12 Comment From The Writer: *considers* Okay, sure, why not? It might help kick start my muse, which has been working quite poorly of late. Grrr. *kicks muse*

Apr 22 2005
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
*blink* The war goes on without me. Ah I remember the good ol' days of mass battles and Simi-ambushing/attackingthedickensoutof. Blar, when's Beth getting back? She owes me more Atrium chapters.

The war's always on. Evil never sleeps. 4

*sigh* Beth owes a lot of people a lot of stuff. I wouldn't hold your breath.


*tenatively puts a finger on FW* If I'm feeling brave, I may venture into the next chapter...though some say it is a foolhardy quest... :D

 12 Comment From The Writer: Oh? And who says that, pray tell?

What chapter did you get up to? (Just out of curiosity...)

Apr 22 2005
Erm, Beth's probably NOT coming back. Why do you think I renamed her link to 'The Fork Master's Grave'? XD

 10 Comment From The Writer: Stupid Beth!! *kicks Beth, or would, if she were here* Could you tell her to at least change her bio? It's driving me nuts...

Apr 23 2005
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
You've had it easy recently, what with Beth dying and all.

Don't get used to it. *smirks and walks away*

Comment From The Writer: The life of an Evil Empress is never easy. *shakes head*

Apr 24 2005
What would you do if you broke up with a boyfriend and then got an 'everything points to yes' type of answer when asking if you would be better off with him anyway? [is looking very depressed]

Comment From The Writer: Er... *wishes Dr. Phil were here* Well, I guess it depends why you broke up in the first place. I mean, if being with him is just going to cause problems, WOULD you be better off?

Comment From The Writer: Oh, and congrats, you just claimed the 1100th overall comment title! 1

Apr 24 2005
[she sighs] I broke up with him because I'm going to a new highschool starting fall, which means new guys, and as a Pisces, I am VERY susceptable to... wandering. -.- If you understand. And now I am really regretting it...

I did? Yay, me!

Comment From The Writer: I see... *blinks* I don't really know what to say, never having been in such a situation myself. Does he not trust you, or do you not trust yourself? Either way, maybe you could look at it as a good way to prove that trust. *shrugs*

(Or I could just be gabbling a load of nonsense. 14)

Apr 25 2005
Dammit, too late. XD Wasn't here yesterday when you left that comment...

 14 Comment From The Writer: Eh, sorry. Should've given you more advanced warning. You could always go for the Picket Fence Award (comment #1111).

Apr 25 2005
It's okay, that was a week ago, and we're on speaking terms again. ^_^

1 You are? That's great! I hope you guys work something out!

>.> So... do I get something??

 12 Comment From The Writer: If you want something, sure. What would you like?

Apr 25 2005
Darth Angler! I have come to do... some stuff. *grabs someone of an important nature to hold them hostage*

8 Unhand her immediately, or death be upon you!!

I need something to read. Any stories of yours in particular I should indulge in? *shoves hostage away and flies off*

Comment From The Writer: Mercury Eye and Name on the Tower are my best.

Apr 26 2005
[falls over from the shove, falling on her butt.] Oww! [gets up, dusting off her denim mini-skirt, and straightens her tank top and hooded cloak. she fingers her lightsaber.]

Comment From The Writer: *helps Steff up*

*eyes narrow in the direction of Melissa's departure*

*takes out a fishhook and tests its sharpness*

Apr 26 2005
[she squeels]Yay! Um... well... story... [ponders for a moment]

By the way, are you done with that picture yet?

Comment From The Writer: Um... *looks sheepish* No, not yet...

Apr 26 2005
[she sighs]Ah, well. [smiling again, she ponders a little longer.] I dunno, I guess just make it have furry peoples, or lightsabers. XD I'm out of ideas.

 12 Comment From The Writer: Furry peoples... okay, I can probably do that. It may be some time though, as I have the Jedi pic, Ferrian's Winter and EJ's Cumquat Project to do as well.

How do I get myself into these things? 9

Apr 26 2005
*snickers* You volunteer, dear Megan.

Yeah, must remind myself to stop doing that. 14

Wait... Cumquat? Where? And why wasn't I invited? And what IS this... Cumquat Project you speak of?

1 Comment From The Writer: It's a creative writing project that Emma-Jane Smith has set up. There was a link on my page, but it appears to have been posted off the board. Just ask EJ, I'm sure she'll let you join.

Comment From The Writer: Here's the link, just found it: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/The_Cumquat_Project

Apr 26 2005
Sorry I've been missing. Was away in camp for the past weekend.

 12 Comment From The Writer: Was wondering where you'd got to...

Apr 26 2005
-scoffs-

Yeah, well, I bet you were wondering if I'd fallen into a well and drowned.

-grins-

 14 Comment From The Writer: Something along those lines.

*looks at comment counter* 22 Oh no...

Apr 26 2005
22No way.

-grin grows wider-

Tell me it is.

-starts to chuckle-

 8 Comment From The Writer: DAMMIT! You had to come back at the worst possible moment...!

*grumbles unhappily* This comment is the 1111th comment, which I have hereby named the Picket Fence Award.

*kicks at imaginary pebble on the ground*

Apr 26 2005
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
Someone got a comment prize!

I say said person should be allowed to kill the Angler, dead and good this time.

After all, winners of comment prizes get anything they request.

 22 Comment From The Writer: No, no!! *clamps a hand over Hanna's mouth*

Apr 26 2005
-grins at Hanna-

Yes...that is a good prize, though...

-smirks-

 10 Comment From The Writer: No! It's a bad prize, a terrible prize! You don't want that at ALL!!

Apr 26 2005
I...don't?

-blinks-

-looks confused. Maybe he's tired from camp-

 22 Comment From The Writer: ... you don--? I mean, yes! YES! That's right!

4 *fixes her gaze intently on Lightfoot, glowing red eyes boring into his* You DON'T want to waste a comment prize on killing the Angler. In fact, you don't want a comment prize at all...

Apr 26 2005
Hah!

-starts laughing-

I can't believe you fell for that. Of course I want that as a comment prize!

-smirks-

 22 Comment From The Writer: ... wha--?? *steps back, startled*

B-but, but... *wails* NOOOOOO! The Jedi Mind Technique never fails!! This cannot be!!

Er, er... *rummages hurriedly around in various drawers and cupboards* Wouldn't you rather have, um, this nice, shiny medal? Or, or, this hook! Look, solid gold! Or... non-poisoned shortbread!! Never-ending packet of Tim-Tams!!! A drawing!! A story!! ANYTHING!!!

*panics*

Apr 26 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Look on the bright side - if you're dead then you can haunt everyone and even the force is useless against something with no corporeal body eh? ;)

 10 Comment From The Writer: *whines* I don't want to haunt everyone! I want to KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL! KILL! KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKI--*runs out of breath*

Apr 26 2005
Hanna! Play nice! Besides, I got 1100 first, so he CAN'T have that... *sticks her tongue out* Right, Jake? *pokes him*

Comment From The Writer: *looks morose* Yeah, but he got #1111. *sigh*

Apr 27 2005
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
But playing dirty is so much more fun than playing nice.

Don't worry, Megan, we'll bury you right next to Beth. ^_^

 16 Comment From The Writer: *puts face in hands* Oh, gods...

Apr 27 2005
No, you wont! *pokes hanna*

Comment From The Writer: I'm doomed...

Apr 27 2005
What? We doing the girl-quarrel thing to much?

 12 Comment From The Writer: Ha, no, I'm doomed 'cause Jakeo's never gonna pass up an opportunity like this...

Apr 27 2005
-is just standing there with a wide grin on his face-

Hehehe..

 8 Comment From The Writer: *glare*

Apr 27 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Oh! I've an idea . . . *starts throwing vegetables in the air excitedly and mutters unintelligible words in an unending stream* HAH! THERE . . . now you're cursed! Anyone who kills you suffers the same fate in all regards - and then you go nuclear. Pretty schnazzy, no?

 1 Comment From The Writer: *sniggers uncontrollably* Mate, I LIKE your style!

*sits back and grins like a maniac* Still want that prize, Lightfoot?

Apr 28 2005
Hmmm, i'll come back later. I just found this Microwave of ultimate death! And thought you might like it.

Comment From The Writer: Microwave of Ultimate Death?? GIMME!!

Apr 28 2005
;-; i'm sweeepy...

Comment From The Writer: *shakes Steff by the shoulder* Wake up!

Apr 29 2005
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
Pfft, some curse that is.

*says a few words and does a spin, hops on one foot and then stands on her head, followed by whistling for two seconds*

Now the curse is gone! Not only that, but you will never be raised from the dead.

Hardy har har.

Comment From The Writer: NOOO!! *pelts Hanna with apples* 8

Apr 29 2005
-fixes unwavering stare onto Megan as he murmers a few words under his breath-

22 Oh NO...

Intereo , Angli , sino in agon!

-smiles, satisfied-

No counter curses may be placed unto you, for harm may befall those who try;
Live you shall, in pain and suffering, as a way to atone for the sins you have done;
Live you shall, in death (contradicting, innit?) and pain, as I command it to be;
So mote it be.

-glows with a majestic silver aura as he speaks the words. The aura fades as he ends the spell-

Every time you attempt to hurt someone, What?! or have a thought to hurt someone, WHAT??!! or anytime I want it, you'll hurt all over. WHAT???!!!

To put it mildly.

-adds, grinning wickedly-

 8 Comment From The Writer: *yells at the top of her voice* YOU TRECHEROUS WING--AAAARRGH!!

*collapses to the floor as pain lances through her now ethereal body*

*gets up, shaking, her gaze like daggers* I'M GONNA--AAAAAARRRGGHH!!!

*twitches on the floor*

*pants* YOU--AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHH!!!

*sobs in anguish*

Apr 29 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
He didn't say we couldn't curse HIM though . .. *grinds a carrot in a blender at odd intervals that you can't quite seem to figure out and scribbles on a napkin with a piece of celery dipped in ranch dressing* HAH! Now if you try to harm/curse/spell/whatever YOU will experience the same thing. It also blows up like stick of dynamite attached to your head if it is removed. *beams*

 1 Comment From The Writer: HAH! Nice one!!

Apr 30 2005
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
Ha, I can fix that!

*blesses Jake (there was nothing against that) with cartoon-like abilities to withstand falling pianos and dynamite*

*skip, sings in French, digs a hole in the ground, buries a stand of hair in the hole, and blinks fifteen times*

Now the curse is removed.

*Jake blows up from the dynamite part of having the curse removed, but survives because of his cartoonish abilities*

I think I'll leave him as a cartoon.

Also, it should be known that I am curse-proof (as per the tag on the back of my neck, I am "Curse Resistant and Hex Proof," as well as other things, so don't try any spells unless you enjoy wasting time and effort.

Boo-yah, in yo' face.

Comment From The Writer: *looks at the tag* Seems you should've read the fine print on the back. Says here: "Curse Resistant and Hex Proof... on Sunday nights during the three-quarter moon between 10.16 - 10.17 pm, while standing on your knees."

Ah, what a shame. 1

*draws in the air with her hook a ghostly white sigil, which becomes extremely complicated and then a totally illegible mess. Blows the Ghost Curse onto Hanna's back, where it sinks into her skin*

*chants in a menacing voice:* Wombat Stew, Wombat Stew, Ooey Gooey, Oh So Chewy, Wombat Stew!

*... and Hanna turns into a dead wombat*

MUAHAHAHAHA!! *pauses* Oh, crap, I forgot the-- URRGH... *is struck down with pain again*

Apr 30 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Ah, well im out of ideas, looks like you're doomed after all Megan *shrugs helplessly*

Comment From The Writer: *pats John sadly on the shoulder, her ghostly hand going right through* Never mind, mate. You tried your best. We'll get 'em back one day...

Apr 30 2005
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
*the dead ghost wambot gets up, looking faintly annoyed, and sacrifices five beetles to the God of the Wambots (who is very powerful,) who turns her back into life and restores her to her natural (if slightly furry looking) state*

*pulls tag out* I should really get a return on that stupid thing...

(By the way, the God of the Wambots is very mad at you, so if they're any plagues upon your fish hut you have only yourself to blame.)

Comment From The Writer: ... Wambot?

*shrugs* Oh well, there are all sorts of plagues on my fish hut, one of the consequences of being evil I suppose. What's one more?

Apr 30 2005
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
...that was wombats.

Your brain sorta gets fried when you're turned into a furry animal, you see.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Heheheh, right. I knew what you meant, I just found it amusing.

Apr 30 2005
*looks like Christmas, Easter, and her birthday have come early and in a row*

Oooh... JAKE, I LOVE YOU!!! *hug hug hug hug @ Jakeo* A simple curse, but oh so, so, so functional. We likes it, preciousss.

*sticks her tongue at Megan, and pulls her bra-strap, releasing it with a sickening SPLACH*

*grins evily; and then remembers her dignity as a Jedi knight, so sets her face in a most serious expression*

I know that was low. But, heck, I couldn't help it. There's a little bit of Dark Side in all of us.

Comment From The Writer: *takes a deep breath and closes her eyes* Must... not... think... bad... thoughts... Must not think about gouging Cookie-Wan's eyes out with a spoon, and pulling out all Lightfoot's feathers and making him eat them... must... aaaarrggh...!!

*pain*

May 1 2005
Elfwood writer:
Hanna James
A story about "wambots" would make a good comedic fantasy story.

But don't expect me to tell it. I draw my line at Pastries.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Hey, I know, you could put them in Pastries! Great idea!

May 1 2005
[the almost-black wolf is looking very angrily at Hanna.] Turning into a furry animal does NOT fry ones brain, thankyouVERYmuch. [she snorts, and stalks off, muttering.]

Comment From The Writer: No, I'm sure it doesn't, no. *hums to herself*

May 2 2005
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
What's the curse? Pain at being nasty to people? [tilts head] Why not follow them around and be very very nice? Take up clowning with a big happy smile and spread the jolliness by turning up at people's windows with red nose and wig, smiling away...or making jam...or serving them home-fried breakfast in bed in the clown getup...[wanders off, trailed by "Bill" and a pair of shorter, baggy-trousered legs fading into invisibility just above the waist]

Comment From The Writer: Be nice to people? *drums fingers together, looking thoughtful* An intriguing concept...

May 2 2005
[blanches] Clowns scare me...

 4 Comment From The Writer: They do? Ex-cellent... *evil laugh*

May 3 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Clowns scare you huh? Thats good to know *ominous music* muahah!

 4 Comment From The Writer: Indeed!

*calls in a host of clowns and sets them to work making lots of fairy cakes with extra shiny sprinkles...*

May 4 2005
You know what disturbs me? Me and these two guys in my class are looking up this M and M's club, and all the people are super sumo fat. It's really funny, we're all ... mocking them.

 12 Comment From The Writer: False advertising if you ask me. Think of all the people who think they can get fat by eating nothing but M&M's...

May 4 2005
[hides] Must you be so mean to me? And I'm even on your side, Megan!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Lol! Awww, sorry, Steff, I wasn't trying to be mean. Just preparing my clown minions for use against enemies. *ushers all the clowns into the kitchen, out of sight*

You can come out now!

May 5 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
What about my side!? *pushes clown in her direction*

 12 Comment From The Writer: Yes, I'm sure we're all on the same side here...

*the clown makes a great show of tripping over its own huge boots, falling over the sofa, then gets up, flails around wildly and crashes into a side table, knocking a lamp to the floor*

Then again, these clowns might be more trouble than they're worth...

May 5 2005
[is watching clown balefully. She closes her eyes very tightly.] cantsleepclownslleatmecantsleepclownslleatmecantsleepclownslleatmecantsleepclownslleatme...

[is muttering this to herself.]

Comment From The Writer: *the clown pulls an endless coloured scarf out of its sleeve, and practices tying it into a noose*

*the Angler glares at the clown and hisses* Quit that, will you? You're scaring her! Go and do that in the corner!

*the clown pouts, slumps its shoulders theatrically, and goes over to the corner, dragging its feet*

*it trips over again*

May 5 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
side? Right or left? What if I stand diagonally?

 1 Comment From The Writer: Whichever side you think looks best.

May 5 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
I want every Angle . . . O Angler ;)

 1 Comment From The Writer: Lol!

And you are also the winner of the 800th main page comment! *cue applause*

May 5 2005
[she whimpers. She is biting her lip, trying not to scream.]

Comment From The Writer: *tries to coax Steff out* They're just silly people with fake grins and white skull-like makeup, what's so menacing about...

*realises a clown is standing right beside her shoulder, grinning*

*the Angler gives a start, despite herself*

May 5 2005
*floats in, draws dragonblade, and incinerates clown* Waste of space, those things. *sheathes sword and floats off to wait for the queue to open*

Comment From The Writer: *looks down at the burning remains of the clown* I take it you don't like clowns either?

Lo! The queue is OPEN! Hurrah!! 1

May 5 2005
-strolls in happily enough, hands tucked in pockets and whistling cheerfully as he looks around-

Sorry been gone. Miss me?

Comment From The Writer: 8

May 6 2005
Arr! Listen up, me hearties! I have an overabundance of me bounty to give away. All ye need to do is to open the chest I've placed in the middle of the Arena.

Arr! Avast ye, landlubbers! The battle is on!

Also, *pushes you off a cliff* TAG! You're it!

 22 Comment From The Writer: What? Arena? Treasure? Where?? *looks around*

May 6 2005
[blinks at Dennis, and then says to Megan] I updated, with links and a new story and poem.

 12 Comment From The Writer: Okay! Will come and check 'em out.

May 7 2005
Cookie got 200th Commenter! Hahahahaa!!

-can't resist laughing triumphantly-

 8 Comment From The Writer: *sighs and turns away from Lightfoot's laughter, utterly depressed* Great. Perfect.

May 7 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Ohhh 800th eh? *throws some skull shaped confetti in the air.

Comment From The Writer: *still looking depressed* Yeah, I suppose you want a prize now... *sits gloomily on the floor as the confetti falls through her*

May 7 2005
*Drops a boulder on you*

Regards from the KAGS... and Vida. And me. And... no, that's all.

*pokes you* You alright then? No broken ribs?

Comment From The Writer: *blinks, looks up at Dennis* What? *looks down at the boulder* Oh. *shrugs* I'm dead and cursed, probably forever. I almost wish I did have broken ribs.

May 7 2005
[drops boulder on Dennis] From me. [/sweetness]

 4 Comment From The Writer: *sniggers*

May 7 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
*decides to join in on the fun and rolls the boulder back and forth over Dennis' prone body* Uh, the boulder is from the earth - it doesn't like you - the earth I mean . . . :D

Comment From The Earth: Attack, my minions!

*nearby daisies gather up all their pollen and throw it at Dennis. Roses and geraniums spray him with sweet-smelling perfume*

May 9 2005
Skittles are just not worth it.

Comment From The Writer: Why not? Skittles are yummy!

May 9 2005
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie-Wan' Starcevic
LD!!!!

*uses the Force to move the boulder off Dennis*

Darn, I send him on one mission, and he gets squashed. Damn you, Megan!

*grumbles* Why do I always get blamed for everything?

*spills a bottle of Skele-Gro all over LD, and he heals*

Right. *points at LD* But don't expect me to do that again, Master Ectron. I trust my Jedis to be able to survive on their own.

 1 Comment From The Writer: QUICK! SOMEONE DROP ANOTHER BOULDER!! QUICK!!!

May 10 2005
Elfwood writer:
Kay (alphabet soup) Fox
Oh. There seems to be a war going on here... maybe I should come back later?

 12 Comment From The Writer: Well, you COULD come back later, but... *points to comment below*

May 11 2005
Wait as long as you want, the war won't go away. You might as well ignore it. Or join the Dark Side, that's always a good thing.

Comment From The Writer: Indeed!

May 11 2005
Yes, we Dark Siders are much nicer than the KAGS, strange as that sounds! KAGS are trying to kill Megan dearest - we're just protecting her! ;)

 1 Comment From The Writer: Yeah!

May 12 2005
lobish one
Lob was here.

 12 Comment From The Writer: Here Lob was. Was Lob here? 'Course Lob was!

May 12 2005
Elfwood writer:
Kay (alphabet soup) Fox
Couldn't I just remain an innocent bystander, not taking any sides?

 16 Comment From The Writer: Um. Well, actually, there may not BE sides any more...

May 12 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Where would be the fun in that, Kay?

*drops a few more boulders on Dennis just to be safe* I love the sound of broken bones in the afternoon . . .

 4 Comment From The Writer: *smirks* A little to the right, there, you missed an arm...

May 13 2005
lob is getting more and more pissed at the extranet, and I dont want to know why.

anyhoo,
*bakes you a cake which overflows and gets all over the oven*

...apparently, thats why I make cookies...
*turns whats left of the cake out of the pan*

neh, its still good. *gives you highly misshapen cake*

btw, you seem kinda familiar...

1 Comment From The Writer: Cake is good. Even misshapen ones. *scoffs cake greedily*

I seem familiar? Probably 'cause I'm a Sith Empress. Was a Sith Empress. No. Still AM a Sith Empress. Despite recent events. *cough* In any case, my reputation seems to have gotten around a bit. Which is good, because when I own the world, I'll be familiar to everybody. 4

 22 *forgets that she is supposed to be dead, and the cake falls through her to the floor*

May 13 2005
Megaan.... [holds out box wrapped in red and black paper.]For you!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Wha...? What's this for?

Um, you'll have to open it for me. I'm dead, remember?

May 13 2005
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie-Wan' Starcevic
[You guys - I sent this to Megan via e-mail, but I think it should be also made public]

*cough* Deeply ashamed, I am. Talking like Yoda, I am.

Never mind that. Right.

I've asked Darian, predictably, WHERE THE HELL his sister (aka Bethany, the grey emminence or how ever you spell that, behind the KAGS) was, and he told me...

*deep breath* He told me that Bethany was spending most of her online time playing Ragnarok, and that she...

*deep breath* IS NOT COMING BACK.

Now, do you feel betrayed as much as I do? Do you feel like Han Solo did in Cloud City when he saw Darth Vader sitting at the dinner table?

I feel worse.

So, I was thinking... right... *deep breath* ... this was all started because of you and Bethany, before I even came to Elfwood, and since she's gone now... I suggest we end this.

*sigh* I mean, it doesn't make any sense anymore, does it? It's fun, sure, "killing" each other over the comments, but, hey, seriously, what purpose does it serve?

P.S. This, in no way, means that I am surrendering and/or admitting defeat. I'm simply being the smarter one.

So, shall we sign peace?

Comment From The Writer: [posts reply here as well so others may see]

Well, that was... unexpected. To say the least.

I don't know what to say. The war has been so much a part of my time at Elfwood that I think I'd feel kind of lost without it. What would I do with myself? *blinks* Um. But if you don't want to 'fight' anymore, that's perfectly understandable. Heck, I've thought about resigning myself a few times, especially after Beth 'died'. Couldn't bring myself to do it, though-- being evil is so much fun, and I've met so many cool people that I probably never would have known if it weren't for the war...

And hey, we don't NEED Bethany in the war. Sure, she was the one who started it, but there was NEVER any point to it, even when she was around. It just... happened. :)

*sigh* Well, if my arch-nemesis is offering peace, I can't very well refuse it, can I? If you're sure this is what you really want, then I accept... HOWEVER, I can't guarantee that I will stop being evil. I likes being evil. I won't purposely hunt down people to destroy them *regretful look* (except for Jake, but that's a personal grudge *narrows eyes at Jake*) but if opportunities arise to create mischief, I'm probably gonna take them. Old habits die hard. ;)

Peace, then.

Here ends the Great War of Elfwood.

May 13 2005
Elfwood writer:
James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
Awwww, why aint Beth coming back?

 16 Comment From The Writer: I dunno, maybe she hates us. :( *sad sniff* What's Ragnarok got that we ain't got, that's what I'd like to know...

May 13 2005
Artie
For some reason, Artie, formerly Grief-Stricken, appears to be positively beaming today...

 12 Comment From The Writer: I guess you finally got your wish, huh?

May 14 2005
[has shifted wolf and raises her head in a spine chilling howl. her hackles raise and she snaps at Vida and Megan, growling.] End the War?!?! END THE WAR?! You can't just end it like that. I am most certainly not going to stop fighting, because I, for one, LIKE the War. Didn't we agree a while ago that the reason we hadn't stopped yet is that it was to much FUN?! Where have you peoples brains gone?!

*shrinks away from Steff* *says in a small voice:* I think I left mine in a shoebox...

[the package is sitting at her front paws, and she rips it open. sitting inside is what looks like a regular lightsaber. taking the handle in her mouth, she trots off, hackles still up and still growling.] Guess you won't be needing this then.

Comment From The Writer: Awww, no, don't go!! Steff!! Don't be angry, I didn't know what else to do! Some people want the war to end, some people don't want the war to end... I can't please everybody! And it wasn't my idea, Vida came to ME. I like the war too, I'm not happy about ending it. But I don't blame Vida for getting tired of it; we've been fighting for a LONG time...

This war may have ended, but that doesn't mean there won't be another one. The Dark Side shall live on, no matter what. We will simply find a new enemy!

May 14 2005
*sob*

HOW COULD YOU?!

 22 Comment From The Writer: I'm sorry! *offers Kim/Lob a Darth Angler action figure as an apology*

May 14 2005
Yeah..uh..I talked to Beth that day. She said she was *ahem* "busy" nowadays.

8 "Busy". Riiight.

-glares at imaginary Beth-

She still owes me Blood Red Blades II.

Anyway...are we gonna make a whole huge ceremony outta this temporary - I mean, permanent Peace?

Comment From The Writer: Yes, a ceremony is in order, I think.

*raises a ghostly hook in both hands*

I, Darth Angler, leader of the most evil and exulted Dark Side, hereby decree that on Friday the 13th of May, 2005, the war between the KAGS and the Dark Side, henceforth known as the Great War of Elfwood, has ended.

May we never forget the innocent bananas, pumpkins, forks, fishhooks, Gack Hack Foo, rotten vegetables, eggs, paint, bakery products, miscellaneous creatures and objects that sacrificed their lives for this noble, yet pointless cause.

May we also remember all the Dark Siders and KAGS that lost their lives-- sometimes numerous times-- and may we honour them. And when the ex-KAGS members' backs are turned, may we snigger at them for being the first to admit defeat. And if you happen to be a KAG, you did not hear that last bit.

May 14 2005
Elfwood writer:
James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
Tis the end of an era!

Comment From The Writer: Indeed it is.

Um. What else do you need for an end of war ceremony? Long and boring speech: Check. Should there be bells ringing, or something? Does anyone have any bells? Or something that rings?

May 15 2005
maybe I should wage war on you in the time left before I get kicked off elfwood.

4 *rises up from her Sha-D Boy, eyes flashing in challenge* Maybe you should...

yesssss.... *gets out plastic spork of doom* this is my last relic of the leader of the dark side that I knew, the person that you so reminded me of...

*looks horrified* A SPORK?!

and I have indeed always wanted to use it...

honestly, ignoring that....
do you reallize that a little threatening can go a long way?
after all, thats how I got Nikki to join elfwood... using a crowbar...

*gives Darth Angler action figure to Nikki to molest*

another thing. you are right. there is one Dark Side. but then there is also a dark side. note capitalization.

 12 Comment From The Writer: Ah... capitalisation duly noted.

*a number of large fishhooks fly out from various places around the hut and come to a halt poised around Kim. They glint threateningly in the light*

You wanna fight me? Huh? HU-- *the hooks suddenly drop to the floor and the Angler doubles over in pain*

*gasps* Bloody... curse!!!

May 20 2005
Wait for it...

-Silence-

Wait for it....

-loud horn blaring in distance, sounding like the one in LoTR-

Loud, annoying horn, check.

It is quite amusing that the war ended on Friday 13th.

Comment From The Writer: It's not amusing! Ironic. Poignant, perhaps...

May 21 2005
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie-Wan' Starcevic
What we COULD do is sign a peace treaty, like, what will happen if the war were to break out again.

How, if it so happens that the war starts again, you, as the leader of the Dark Side, and I, as viceroy and acting leader (in further text: leader) of the KAGS, are not to recruit new members, and neither are we allowed to permit our acting members to recruit new members. If someone, for instance, doesn't want to continue the war, or wishes to leave the Dark Side or the KAGS, we are not to bribe them in staying with weapons of any kind, beverages, food, minions, stories, art, comments, pictures, links, eternal friendship, action figures, clothes, shoes, cups, mugs, pens, pencil, stationary, houses, cars, mobile phones, pets, boyfriends/girlfriends or something equally tempting.

Also, if someone within the KAGS or the Dark Side wishes to continue the war, they are not allowed to do so without each and every single member of their side (the Dark Side or the KAGS) agreeing that the war should be reopened. If, indeed, all the members agree that the war should start again, the leader of the Dark Side or the KAGS has the last word and only she can decide on the reopening of the war.

Hmmm... I'm all out of ideas. Help me on this.

P.S. The Jedi pic will still be done, right? :)

Comment From The Writer: But placing restrictions like that would take all the fun out of it... *shakes head* No, I don't think that would work, but thanks for trying to come up with a solution.

Yes, the Jedi pic is definitely still happening, don't worry about that. 12

May 22 2005
Oh, shut up Cookie. :<

Or, the ones of us who still want the war could ditch Megan (WHO I AM NOT TALKING TO) and go and continue to throw waterballoons at unsuspecting KAGS. Or, now that I've said it, suspecting. But, as I am not talking to Megan, she can talk all she wants because I'm not listening. [looks in the very other direction]

Comment From The Writer: *shakes head helplessly* You know what, do whatever you like. I'm tired of trying to explain myself to people who refuse to understand. I stand by my decision. If you can think of some way to keep the war going without Cookie or Beth, I'm completely open for suggestions.

May 22 2005
And was it just me, or did Megan sound unnervingly like Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

 1 Comment From The Writer: What? I did? Really?! Woooow! When? Where? What did I say??

I've never even watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

May 22 2005
Elfwood writer:
Beth 'Fork Master' Lewis
Wow. Everyone's still around! o.o *shock*

*shoots a wary look at Megan-and-others' dirty glares, and grimaces*

*hides*

 22 Comment From The Writer: *jaw drops* BETH!!! My dear Bethany, you're ALIIIIVE!!!

1 *pulls Beth out of hiding, and hugs her* Nono, what are you doing? You're the Fork Master! THE Fork Master! You don't need to hide from anyone! AAAHHH, I'm so happy to see you!! 1

Yes, everyone's still here. YOU were the one who left, remember? 12

May 22 2005
OHMYGODTHEFORKMASTER!!

I thought she was dead!! O_O

We must fix this anomaly. And she is a KAG, after all. *Kills Beth*

 1 Comment From The Writer: WOOT!! Fork Master commented on my page!! MINE!! *skipses, dances*

May 22 2005
4

I saw Stephanie's page.

Comment From The Writer: *sigh* I can feel a headache coming on...

May 22 2005
4

I think you know what I mean.

If you want to quit your own war, then I shall become the leader of the Darkside!!

 8 Comment From The Writer: *stands up and walks slowly towards TT*

*all the lights fade out until the fishing hut is wreathed in darkness and the temperature drops until everyone can see clouds of breath in front of their faces*

*the Angler's eyes blaze like embers, yet her voice is quiet* Those are treasonous words, Ms African Country. The Dark Side belongs to ME. I created it. Beth and I were fighting this war LONG before you, and most of the people on here, had even heard of it. You are a Dark Sider because I allowed you to be.

I never said ANYTHING about quitting the Dark Side. The war with Vida, yes. The Dark Side, NO. Do you think I would just throw away this empire that I have worked so hard to create?

*the walls of the hut tremble with the force of her words*

May 22 2005
HATE you, HATE the dark side(I don't think it deserves to be capatalized), taking the crazy people who still like having a war. See my page for details.

(AND I'M STILL NOT TALKING TO YOU.)

 12 Comment From The Writer: You're leaving a lot of comments for someone who supposedly isn't talking to me.

May 22 2005
See my reply to Tunisia's comment for details. I correct mineself.

And go away Beth, we all hate you. Stupid KAGS.

 8 Comment From The Writer: Steffy, mate, I loves you, but SHUT UP.

Beth, don't listen to her, she's just being difficult.

May 23 2005
Er, hate to point it out, Steff, but I don't quite think that constitutes as not talking to her...*annoying grin*

Comment From The Writer: *smiles*

May 23 2005
And what is Ragnarok?

Comment From The Writer: Some kind of online game, apparantly. *shrugs* No, I don't understand why she chose that over us, either.

May 23 2005
[pouts] Oh, fine, I'll just go sit in this corner... [goes and sits in a corner FAR FAR AWAY, with a raincloud over her head.]

(You know, I feel proud. First time I've ever held a grudge. ^.~ Not one I'm likely to get over.)

Comment From The Writer: Okay. Well I hope your grudge brings you much comfort.

May 23 2005
(It's actually just giving my tired brain something to do. If I wasn't so tired I'd be more enthusiastic and hug you and forgive you, but currently, I am to dang tired. Maybe in the morning.)

[is mumbling] And there shall be rubber chickens with teeth, precious, and much whapping of muffins on their buttery heads, yesss.... [raincloud crackles and a tiny bolt of lightening flashes.]

 12 Comment From The Writer: *clears throat, stifling a smile* Very well.

Hmmm, you know, it IS the morning right now where I live...

May 23 2005
It's almost ten at night, and I have had a very busy day. Just ignore my ramblings, they are lack-of-sleep induced. ;)

 12 Comment From The Writer: Ah, okay. Well, don't let me keep you up or anything. Here, it's exactly five minutes to midday.

May 23 2005
Ah, no worries, I'll go to sleep as soon as I get the picture. (I promised my boyfriend that. ^_^; He was worried cause today I didn't eat anything for breakfast and then at potluck after church I didn't eat anything but a couple carrots. I ate peanutbutter, though, lots of it, and sandwhiches at the graduation party. Okay, now I'm rambling. >.<)

Comment From The Writer: *stern look* You didn't eat breakfast? Tsk, tsk. That's not good. You should eat breakfast. I'm not a big fan of breakfast either, but I make myself have something, because if I don't, I won't feel good for the rest of the day. And I don't want to lose weight, considering I'm only 42kgs. (Not sure what that is in pounds, or whatever system it is you Americans use).

May 23 2005
OMFG!!!!!!

Megan, I love it! It's wonderful! [squeels, and glomps Megan repeatedly] It more than makes up for the War! I loves it! It makes me look gorgeous. XD

[is running around in happy circles]

 1 Comment From The Writer: Lol! Really? *beams happily* I was thinking about shading the robes in black, but I'm not sure. It looks kind of nice how it is. I still think the left arm kind of sucks, though...

May 23 2005
Yes, I LOVE it! ^___^ I look so cute as a cat, and this way, I don't have to put up a real picture of me... >.>

 1 Comment From The Writer: Thanks! I'm very happy that you like it.

May 23 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
ohhhh look at the spam! Glorious spam! Gotta love it :P

there was no point to this comment . . . and hardly a point to most others I leave

Yeah, you can stop looking for the point now . . .

if there's no point WHY are you reading the rest of this?

That was the end of the comment ^^^

Really, it was!

Comment From The Writer: Heh, well it's a lot better than the comments I was getting yesterday, which seems to have been Be Angry At Angler Day...

May 23 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Should I be angry then? *glares* I'm not good at it though . . . I'd rather make sarcastic remarks.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Lol. You're not angry with me for ending the war then?

May 23 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
I can cause trouble without it being a war - the word "war" is just for show :P . . . *kicks a bowling ball in your direction* And if I'm not causing trouble a bit of randomness may be in hand . . . Then again, I've not decided to pull out too many random nouns in this neck o the woods ;)

Comment From The Writer: *watches the bowling ball roll right through her, interested to see where it ends up*

May 23 2005
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie-Wan' Starcevic
Oh... but the question I want to ask is... WHEN?!

 12 Comment From The Writer: Ah, that is the Ultimate Question! Of which the answer is...

*loud fanfare, with trumpets etc*

42!!

What does that mean? I don't know...

May 23 2005
:P Oh don't get your knickers in a twist, Megan. I'm too lazy to take over the Darkside.

Here, have a juicebox. *Gives you a juicebox.*

Comment From The Writer: *lighting and temperature return to normal* Just as well for you.

*juicebox falls to the floor*

*drops an anvil on it*

*picks up the ghost of the killed juicebox and sips on it*

May 24 2005
Yes, rant coming down hopefully within the next few days, submitted new bio and new story stuffses. lets hope we don't have to wait forever.

Comment From The Writer: I've been waiting forever for my ticket to go through... since March, actually. I submitted, Elfwood crashed. I submitted again, Elfwood crashed again. 8 I'm hoping it will be processed before the universe implodes...

May 24 2005
We need to find a new enemy, in that case. What about Isaac Gallegos? We could just launch a massive Darksider attack on his page, for no reason.

=)-~ stoner smiley

Comment From The Writer: Yes, we need a new enemy. I need a new arch-nemesis... but how will I ever find someone to replace Beth and Vida? *sad sigh*

May 24 2005
Also, whatever happened with my jedi pic? I'm not trying to rush you, take your time. Or just make me a jawa, that'd be easier to draw. Just glowing eyes in a cloak.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Really? I can make you a jawa? You don't mind? Cool!

May 24 2005
I may have already asked you this, but I don't remember what you said. Any highly recommended stories of yours worth a read? Yes, I think I asked that. What did you say?

Well, the crowd favourites seem to be Mercury Eye (sci-fi action with big metallic dragons), Name on the Tower (fairytale) and Green and Grey (somewhat emotional story about forests).

I would cause some major mayhem and destruction, but I don't feel too good right now. Allergies and all. Soooooo naseuas... But, allergies or not, I will see Star Wars Episode 3 tomorrow. I refuse to be hindered! *wraps head in warm towel and drags sickly self off.*

 4 Comment From The Writer: We could launch a massive Dark Sider attack on Melissa's page while she's too sick to respond! Muhahaha!!

Sometimes my evilness astonishes even me...

May 24 2005
Elfwood writer:
James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
Thankies for that picture by the way, I look a little like Akira.

 1 Comment From The Writer: No worries! I'm glad you like it. And now that you mention it, yeah, you DO look like Akira. Lol.

May 24 2005
Oo, you got your picture, too, Jimbo? Yayies. ^___^ Sorry, Megan, I adore that picture you drew.

 14 Comment From The Writer: Yeah, the trouble is, it's better than mine, now. *grumbles*

May 25 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
oh, yeah, still dead aren't you? In that case, and all in good fun . . . *Throws everything in sight at your ghostly self* Mucho fun ;)

 14 Comment From The Writer: Hey, stop that! No throwing things at the dead Angler!

May 25 2005
Wouldn't they just pass right through you? You are a ghost, after all . . .

Comment From The Writer: Yes, but... *looks indignant* It's the principle of the thing...

May 25 2005
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Right...jedi pic...forgot entirely about that. XD How's it coming along?

Comment From The Writer: Fairly well, I suppose. Well, three people are happy with their pics, so that's good. 1 I've actually drawn nearly everyone else as well, but most of those sketches I need to redraw because I'm not entirely happy with them, including yours, otherwise I would have sent it to you by now. Steff's and Jimbo's just happened to turn out really well first go. 12

May 25 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
What are you planning on doing to stop me? Fly through me? Or perhaps you'll make faces at me :P

 13 Comment From The Writer: *a bowl of apples levitates, flies through the air and hits John on the back of the head*

*folds arms, smirking* You forgot I can still use the Force.

May 26 2005
Just so you know, illness does not weaken me... it angers me. I dare you to try something. I need to vent.

Saw Episode three at last! Darn you sith lords!

 4 Comment From The Writer: MUAHAHA, THE DARK SIDE RULES!!! TAKE THAT YOU JEDIS!!!

Obi-Wan killed General Grevious, though. *sulks*

Oh, don't worry, I can't attack you anyway, 'cause of this godforsaken curse.

Oh, damn, I just attacked John-- *pain*

May 26 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
*laughs* perhaps I'm starting to like that curse after all :P *continues throwing things for the hell of it*

 14 Comment From The Writer: Gee, what a nice fellow you are.

May 26 2005
[holds up a hand and the thrown things stop short of Megan, bouncing off an invisible barrier and falling to the floor.]

Fools.

[rolls her eyes, and goes over to Megan. gazes at her thoughtfully.]

I think I liked it better when you could lob fishhooks at Vida's head. [sighs]

Comment From The Writer: So do I. *looks at fishhooks regretfully*

May 27 2005
That's right, Obi-wan kicked Grievous' butt ten times over and then some. The supposedly fragil flesh and blood human fried that clunky metal scrap heap... okay that's enough gloating. That was an awesome fight. I think I'll go see episode three again.

1 Heheh, that was a good fight, wasn't it?

So, what are the details of this curse you are under? Does it involve headaches, naseau, dizziness, the inability to operate heavy machinery, a sudden craving for something gooy...? Oh, wait, those are the side affects of this allergy medicine I just took.

Comment From The Writer: *scowls* Lightfoot did this to me. Whenever I try to hurt anyone, or think of hurting anyone, or whenever HE wants it *glares at Jake* I suffer pain. I'm also permanently dead and can't be revived, and counter-curses won't work.

May 27 2005
[suddenly has an idea. disappears, and reappears with a body exactly like the old Megan's. she grins.] C'mere, Megan. I'll do a little spell and then you can have a body back. Being dead doesn't mean you can't have a body.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Do I dare ask where you got a body exactly like mine?

*looks at body curiously* Am I gonna be undead?

May 27 2005
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Hello Megan, miss me?

1 You bet!

I suppose I shall have to bring you back, if only for the purpose of strangling you.

*cringes* You heard about the war?

*takes off cloak to reveal Abhorsen's bell bandolier*

Thank god for Garth Nix.

*takes out Saraneth the binder and rings it loud. Megan's ghost cringes painfully under the invisible shackles*

And now...
*rings Kibeth the walker, to move you into your old body, and then infuses Mosrael the waker with Saraneth to bind you to the new body, alive and well. A miniature Saraneth is affixed to a silver chain about your neck*

There, you're now alive again, more or less, although I have to say that took some effort. As long as that binding chain is kept on (you can't take it off yourself, sorry) you'll remain in the realm of the living. But this is only a temporary solution.

*rummages through the Angler's disused tackle box for something he knows should be there*

Aha! You're in luck, I found one!
*drops the golden feather down into Megan's outstretched hands*

I presume you were saving Becca's gift for a special occassion? Seems pretty special to me, you may as well go ahead and use it. *grins*
And then, we are going to talk.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Timmwah... you're a GENIUS!!! *holds feather up* I'd COMPLETELY forgotten about this!! HAHAHAHA!! NO MORE CURSE!!!

Now, how do I use this again? Oh yeah! *stabs self in arm*

*cringes in pain as she writes the wish, blood dripping on the floor: I WISH ALL CURSES UPON ME DID NOT EXIST*

Urk. Now I remember why I stopped using these damned things...

May 28 2005
I have a question- where did Crystal go?

Comment From The Writer: You mean she's disappeared again? *frowns* She was around before the crashes, she was drawing me a pic of Ferrian...

May 28 2005
entity of darkness
the Force...
its only a shadow of the power of the stars; the power one may gain from the stars themselves is only limited by physics, and physics may be messed with.

the Force is only what has been stolen from those very stars by the "sentient" life such as the things that reside upon planets...
and so its diluted, and changed, to impurities... the Dark Side of the Force has its limitatations much the same as the other side... and yet nothing is gained by either.

you are mortals, and you cannot hope to contend with the those who exist as long as time... an infinity.

Comment From The Writer: Wow, that was profound. But I don't want to exist as long as time. It's the Sunday afternoons, you see, I couldn't cope with those...

May 28 2005
[stares in utter disbelief at the feather.] I missed something.

 1 Comment From The Writer: A long time ago, a marvelous and wonderful lady by the name of Becca Lusher gave me a swan, with golden feathers that can grant wishes if you write them on your arm. I'm amazed that Tim even knew about them, he must've read my old comments or something...

May 28 2005
Wow, cool! O.O

 1 Comment From The Writer: Indeed!

May 28 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
You wouldn't have to have a couple extra feathers and a swan-sized pot would you? :D

Comment From The Writer: *slaps John over the head*

May 28 2005
I also have a statement to make: in a bottomless pit, you couldn't fall into it, because if it's bottomless, there is nothing at the bottom, and so, nothing to pull you down. Instead, you would be pulled to the sides, so you could walk to the other end of the pit and see what it is that makes it bottomless. :)

Just some random information.

Comment From The Writer: In-teresting theory...

May 28 2005
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Ah, I thought you might be pleased. :)

See when I fist joined the Darkside, I took the liberty of catching up on ALL the previous history of the war. It was quite interesting, and I got to see who actually started it. And no, I'm not telling anyone who doesn't know, which is probably everyone save Meg Beth and Becca.

Lol! Crazy stuff, isn't it? 1

Eh, I've become somewhat of a necromancer, m'dear, after rereading Garth Nix' Abhorsen trilogy. So that explains the bells.
Now, what's your explanation? You owe me at least that much. Seeing as how I heard through SECOND HAND NEWS!!!

Comment From The Writer: *hangs head* I'm sorry, I should have told you personally, but I had a big, long reply to Vida's email on my page and didn't feel like repeating it. I would have put it in my bio, but I have a ticket in the queue and can't change it. *sigh* My explanation is simple: Vida wanted out, so I accepted. *shrugs* What else was I supposed to do? Say no? I can't force her to fight if she doesn't want to.

May 28 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
But that assumes that there is nothing propelling you downward constantly in the pit (a giant wind-tunnel perhaps?) that would, in a way, simulate the effects of the gravity that doesn't exist in this pit (allowing you to walk on the sides) . . . and pull you downward :D

But then again there's also the question of the mass of the pit . . . if it's just a never-ending cylinder of paper or some other lightweight material I doubt it would be able to produce enough gravity to really act on a person in it. Therefore, you might just float in one place unless you were already moving towards the pit - in which case you would continue to "fall" forever more unless acted upon by some other force (maybe THE force).

Am I over-analyzing? I think so . . . but I have to wait for a download to finish sooo . . . it works to occupy me :D

Comment From The Writer: What I want to know is, WHERE would you have a bottomless pit? If it was a cylinder suspended in space you might be able to walk on the walls, but what if you dug a pit right through a planet? (Yes, I know it's impractical and probably technically impossible, but supposing for a moment you could). The gravity of the planet would pull you down, but once you reached the halfway point, where the core would be, you'd stop and remain floating there, unable to keep falling because you'd be falling 'up' whichever way you went...

May 29 2005
Megan, my brother just called you Darth Cookie. >.<

And he spammed Cookie. Which was fun. And we TRIED to spam Dennis, but his page is gone!! ;_; One less page to spam... and I just narrowly avoided having my own page spammed by him by directing him to Vida's page. :) Twas muchly fun. You should try it sometime.

 12 Comment From The Writer: Eh, I'm no good at spamming. Unless it involves throwing it at someone's head...

And yeah, what happened to Dennis?? Now who's gonna read my Merc Eye sequels?! *sobs*

*pauses* Does this mean I don't have to do his jedi pic any more? *brightens slightly*

May 29 2005
Elfwood writer:
Kay (alphabet soup) Fox
I finally linked you. It only took me about a year...cuz every time I tried elfwood died. Hopefully it will stay there this time.

 1 Comment From The Writer: You linked me? Aww, thank you!!

May 29 2005
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie-Wan' Starcevic
Well, bugger all this for a lark. Now everyone hates me because I ended the war. I mean, now really EVERYONE hates me. It just used to be the Dark Side, but now it's EVERYONE. *hangs head*

I feel so... wrong. And I thought that peace was something GOOD. Bugger. Bugger bugger bugger.

It's your fault too, though. You could've just said "NO!" and attacked me or something and then there would be no peace and I wouldn't be hated by the entire Elfwood.

Oh shite. That means that the mods hate me too. And that means...

... I will never get a mod's choice again!

*sniffs. Sobs. Turns round with the swish of a cloak and disappears*

Comment From The Writer: I don't hate you.

May 29 2005
*comes in from the general direction of Cookie's page, looking absolutely disgusted*

I hate it when she goes slobbery and puffy-eyed. *narrows eyes*

You have a problem.

If - I say, IF, because I don't really belive you'll ever finish it because you're so slow - you submit the Jedi pic to Elfwood, you'll need to open a FanQuarter account because the picture contains obvious Star Wars innuendo. Did that cross your mind?

16 Oh, BUGGER!! Damn!! I didn't think of that!!

Arrgh! I guess I'll have to put it on my own website...


I'll stay here until she calms down. You won't have a problem with that.

*climbs on a tree and perches herself in the topmost branches, staring at everyone passing by*

Comment From The Writer: *points at Tynan, scowling* I WILL finish the Jedi pic!! I WILL, YOU'LL SEE!!

May 30 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
I've more to add about that endless pit thing I do . . .

Consider this. You have a hole in a planet like you said but when you jump in one side let us assume that it is a vacuum ok? So, when you fall towards the center of the planet you have picked up tremendous speeds and momentum. Therefore, you should be able to beat the force of gravity and continue through the other side UNTIL you reach the surface on the other side. At that point (assuming that gravity would finally have slowed you down enough) you would begin to fall back towards the center from the other side now . . . this SHOULD continue forever technically. In this theory, you fall continuously and unendingly and this proves that a bottomless pit can exist, right?

Right? RIGHT!

(I think :P)

 1 Comment From The Writer: Niiice. I like it! I'm not sure you'd be able to keep up the momentum indefinitely, but cool theory all the same.

May 30 2005
Elfwood writer:
Kay (alphabet soup) Fox
There sure is a lot of assuming in that statement...

12 'Course there is. That's the great thing about improbable theories...

All of this bottomless pit talk reminds me of the time I saw a sign that said "Bottomless Pit, 1,693 feet." That kinda proves that it's not really a bottomless pit though, huh?

 1 Comment From The Writer: I think that was the point...

May 31 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Unless that means that the bottomless pit is that far away from where you currently were ;) Kind of like how they say "Road work - 5 miles" before you get to it.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Lmao!! Too bad if you weren't paying attention and missed the sign then, eh?

May 31 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Aye, they always plant a bush in front of the damn sign I swear!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Exactly!

May 31 2005
Elfwood writer:
James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
Ok....no KAGS I propose we SLAY EACH OTHER!!!!

Comment From The Writer: *smiles* Well, if you insist...

*takes two fishhooks from her belt, twirls them and flings them at Jimbo*

Jun 1 2005
JIMBO! No!

Hey, wait a sec? We're the bad guys, aren't we? And the bad guys never follow the rules, riiiight? So who says we have to follow the rules of the treaty?

Comment From The Writer: What are you proposing, exactly?

Jun 1 2005
[grins maniacally] We kill the KAGS anyway, despite the treaty! After all, no more curse, so you can kill Cookie now!

Comment From The Writer: Kill Cookie? Despite the treaty?

*taps foot, thinking*

...

...

She'd be terribly angry with me...

Jun 1 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Rules ARE made to be broken . . . as are gumballs *nods sagely*

Comment From The Writer: Rules are only there to make you think before you break them...

Jun 1 2005
[she snorts] WE'RE THE BAD GUYS, FOR CHRISTS SAKE?!?!?!

[gets up on a podium with a megaphone.] ARE WE GOING TO LET THOSE GOODIE GOODIE KAGS TELL WAS WHAT TO DO?? NO SIR!

[gets down when she is given a wierd look.] Well??? We're bad guys, and bad guys never follow the rules.

Comment From The Writer: *winces as the megaphone squeals, waits for Steff to get down, then confiscates it*

*scowls* There's no need to overreact! I happen to AGREE with you!

Jun 1 2005
[she grins] So what are we waiting for?

 4 Comment From The Writer: I'll fetch the duct tape...

Jun 1 2005
Onward M- [stops, suddenly entranced with the Perilous Quest of the Round Muffin.] O.O

8 Comment From The Writer: *grabs Steff by the arm* Oh no, you're not backing out of this now!

Jun 1 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
There is only one problem . . . You need a Keanu Reeves to lead the army with a golden PSP (southpark reference aside . . . nah, lets keep it right up front :P) So what is this thinking thing you mention? *stares dumbly*

 12 Comment From The Writer: It's a disease afflicting those with too much time on their hands.

Jun 1 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Who would commit such a blasphemous act! *stares at you accusingly*

Comment From The Writer: *sits down in her Sha-D Boy, puts up her feet and sets Vida's head on the table beside her*

4 Me.

Jun 1 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Can't argue with such wonderful ornaments! But since you have so much time on your hands *nods towards library* think you'd be interested in some reading? *hopeful smile* "The Return" is dreadfully low on comments . . . That said, I think I'll do some more reading here.

Comment From The Writer: Sure! I was getting around to reading that (I WAS, I promise!!)

Jun 1 2005
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Alive...

 22 Comment From The Writer: What's alive? Where?? Not Cookie, I hope?

*looks anxiously at the head*

*throws it down the bottomless hole through the planet we were discussing earlier, just to be sure*

Jun 2 2005
[shakes herself] Sorry, sorry, Vida had a story I was going to be in and I was wondering which it was and if it was done yet. Apparently not. X<

[goes off to bash Vida with a brick.]

 12 Comment From The Writer: S'okay, I got distracted by Elfscalibur. That might have been the one she meant...

Jun 2 2005
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
Gah! I am alive, you cruel woman! I am!

Comment From The Writer: You are?

*gives Panu a long look*

Well you don't seem very enthusiastic about it...

*cough* 1 Ah, I'm sorry, just teasin'! Welcome back to DS HQ, my dear sir, and much thanks and gratitude for the prolific commenting!

Jun 2 2005
Well, I wasn't in that one, either. So nyur.

Comment From The Writer: Oh.

Jun 5 2005
Elfwood writer:
Kay (alphabet soup) Fox
Somedays there's not much of a difference between being alive and being dead.

Comment From The Writer: *nods* Story of my life...

Jun 6 2005
and then... I ended up here?

they're all intertwined...

 4 Comment From The Writer: All paths lead to the Dark Side.

Jun 6 2005
Elfwood writer:
James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
These fish hooks are giving me a splitting head ache!

Comment From The Writer: Huh? *looks around and spots the momentarily forgotten Jimbo*

Oh. *grins* Let me help you with those...

*pulls on the hooks*

*pulls harder*

Uh... they seem to be... slightly stuck...

Jun 6 2005
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DARK SIDE!!!!!

gah...
realize that when I went back to where I started and started over I ended up at Annika Nilsen's page, so really, its just being ironic and taking me to pages I tend to haunt...

Comment From The Writer: *smiles* As I said, it's the Dark Side. You are being drawn here by the power of Evil, sucked into a temporal time spatial anomaly vortex thingo, no matter where you wander, you shall always end up back at this page. MUAHAHAHA!!

Jun 6 2005
WTF?!
you are so wrong... its not the evil, if it was the evil, I would be staring at my cat... shes the esense of evil.

*leans back, arching her fingers* But how do you know...

that your CAT...

isn't staring...

at YOU.

*cue X-Files theme music*


and besides, this page is but one of many that I keep ending up at... Thomas Abrahamsson's for example... and above mentioned person.. and about twenty miscellanious others

Comment From The Writer: *waves a hand with a haughty air* Those are merely pages that have been sucked accidently into the temporal-spatial-whateverIsaid thing.

*pauses*

And I DON'T CARE that I'm not making any sense. It's my theory, and I'm sticking to it.

Jun 6 2005
hmph... what about my oun page, which yasaka seemes to spamming, while being logged in, even though shes not published yet?!

Your page is the uncapitalised dark side, which is nevertheless A dark side, though one of much less renown, of course. You see, all pages of lesser evil naturally gravitate towards those of more powerful evil. And there can be no more powerful evil than DS HQ. It is not mere chance that you have come upon this place... (Wow, this theory's getting better all the time, eh?)

grr, I'm just being mad, cause two of my friends both joined elfwood, and even submitted their tickets at practically the same time... and then Yasaka gets one of her pictures rejected and then doesnt have enough to be published, and Nikki isn't published even though her extranet thing sais she is...

there, happy rant put down in pixles.

and about you theory... perhaps its all true... but before it can be proiven, I'll just have to disprove it.

 13 Comment From The Writer: I welcome you to try.

Jun 6 2005
how long has your dark side been around? what are the requirements for joining? do you, the leader of the Dark Side, have the power to ban people from air, life, ect and can you take away people's pen privelidges?

1) That's Dark Side (capital), and it has existed for AS LONG AS TIME . Which is about a year, I think... give or take a few months. Unless you count the actual Fork/Angler war, which is even longer still...
2) The requirements for joining are the ability to forge the requirements for joining.
3) As leader of the Dark Side, I have the power to do anything I like.


because I keep losing my pen privelidges because of the leader of the dark side. I keep threatening people with them.

4 Excellent! There is much potential in this one...

our dark side is randomer than your darkside.

14 Comment From The Writer: Oh yeah?? Well... well we're CAPITALISED, so THERE!!

Jun 6 2005
oops, failure to properly capitolize and and very bad grammar abnd failure to spell thingas right I think I knoew what the problem t4wap

oh dear, I just made a very odd noise.

 12 Comment From The Writer: It happens to the best of us.

Jun 6 2005
gah, I'm sooo sorry, maybe whyen I have insomnia I should quit staying up late reading Insomnia anfd I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY TO BE BOTHERING YOU YOU DONT DESERVE IT...................

I don't deserve to be bothered? *sniffs* Well, fiiiine...

bleack, why do i suddenly want to barf?

Um... you watched Big Brother by accident?

oh dear, I should probably go see what yasaka has done to my poor page...

but I'm too scared.

so I'll keep adding on to this.

and I'm truly sorry about that last comment (did I already say so?) that... um ignore all but the first five words of it... and kindly excuse spelling errors... funny, I'm not usually that bad.

 12 Comment From The Writer: All commentses are good commentses. Even the strange ones.

Jun 6 2005
Argh!

-picks up fishhook lying around and hurls it point blank-

This is annoying.

-ignores Megan's squeal as the fishhook penetrates her arm-

-kicks a few fishhooks on the ground-

This is not fair.

-frowns-

I must find another way.

Comment From The Writer: *squeals as the fishook penetrates her arm*

*pulls it out angrily, wincing*

*takes a remote control device out of a pocket and stabs a button*

*a net of sizzling energy falls onto Lightfoot, pinning him to the floor*

*sweeps over and glares down at him* Find another way to kill me? HAH!! I don't think so!!

*lifts her harpoon-gun arm and points it at him threateningly* You're a nuisance, you are, a glitch in my grand schemes. You need to be disposed of...

Jun 6 2005
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

That was senseless, that was. O_o

I think somebody is reading over my shoulder. If you can read this, stop looking!! STOPIT!!

 12 Comment From The Writer: Senseless, but fun.

Jun 6 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
*looks at kim oddly before pulling out a piece of paper* Pictionary! *all images seem to show different ways to dispose of her and it's all topped off with a big "?"*

Comment From The Writer: OOOH, I love this game!! *looks at paper* Lemme guess, um... oooh, I know this one! It's... it's a question mark, right??

Jun 7 2005
No! No killing the Jake-chan! [realises she just gave him an affectionate title and blushes. but she still steps in and takes the weapon away, pointing it elsewhere to be fire - likely at Kim.]

Comment From The Writer: *whines* But, but he needs to diiiieee...

Jun 7 2005
*sniff* why must you all be so hateful? after all, its a world of humans and all of their stupid ideals, is it not?

ah, well. I suppose thats just how you're going to be, is it?

*gets out plastic spork of doom and starts randomly stabbing people, especially john and stephanie*
YEEEEEEEHEEEEHEEEEHEEEEHEEEEHEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*stops suddenly, as a burt smell wafts through the air*

GHAAAAH!!!!! my cookies! *vanishes*

 8 Comment From The Writer: Hey! Stop that!! *wrestles the spork off Kim*

Jun 8 2005
within recet history, have you, the leader of the Dark Side, ever stabbed anyone with a spork, and if so, did it leave a scar?

Comment From The Writer: I have never stabbed anyone with a spork, EVER. *folds arms indignantly* Sporks are evil genetic mutations of forks... *shiver*

Jun 8 2005
[unfortunately for Kim, the spork never touches her. she seems to stay still, and the spork just glances off a barrier around she and Jake.] No, Megan. [crosses her arms over her chest.] Do you want me to leave again?

Comment From The Writer: *looks tortured*

*hangs head and lowers gun-arm dejectedly, scuffing at the floor like a chided little girl*

*mutters* No...

Jun 8 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
*sighs, drills a hole through the earth, and pushes kim in* No better way to test my theory :D *caps off either end of the hole*

 1 Comment From The Writer: Lol!

Jun 8 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
You could have someone else kill him :)

 12 Comment From The Writer: Oooh, are you offering?

Jun 8 2005
[she glares] I'm serious. Leave him alone. [she taps the barrier around them.]

Comment From The Writer: *eyes widen in innocence, hands lifting defensively* I'm not doing anything!

But if someone ELSE happened to come along and kill him, weeell, that's hardly MY fault, is it?

Jun 8 2005
*is suddenly standing on top of the cap, holding a frying pan full of cookie shaped embers*
*considers for a moment, before hurling the embers at megan and retrieving the spork*

you dare steal the symbol of the dark side, fluffy one?!

Comment From The Writer: *holds out an arm and the embers stop in midair, hovering*

*eyes narrow* Who are you calling 'fluffy'?

*sends the embers flying back at Kim*

Jun 8 2005
*raises an eyebrow and embers stop again*

I need a microwave, is what. those *getsures at embers, which promptly lose their energy and turn to ash* were supposed to be cookies.

which further proves that my oven has issues.

Comment From The Writer: Your oven seems fine to me, if it can produce cookies of death like that... *nods at the ash*

Jun 8 2005
I think the cieling is afriad of you.

Comment From The Writer: And so it should be.

Jun 8 2005
*grins unnervingly at Megan*

I don't need a remote control.

*A huge bald eagle (and I mean really huge, as big as a bungalow) swoops down and grabs Megan in its talons, squeezing non-too reassuringly*

*stands up and stretches as the eagle dips the talon holding Megan in the ocean for a bit, then lifts it up, then dips it in, and lifts it up, and dips it in...*

Comment From The Writer: *while submerged, grabs a passing pirahna*

*as the bird rises up again, she clamps the piranha on its talon, causing it to shriek and loosen its grip*

*the Angler manages to grab hold of its leg before plunging into the sea, and climbs onto its back*

*she points the harpoon gun at the back of its neck, hissing furiously:* Now listen to ME, you overgrown chicken! You do what I say now, right?

*the eagle gives a strangled skwawk*

*shoves the point of the harpoon deeper* Was that a yes?

*SKWAWK!!*

Good!

Jun 8 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Offering? Just suggesting that it may have already been done is all. Or at least attempted :)

 4 Comment From The Writer: Excellent!

Jun 8 2005
*whistle* I aint seen a bird so big since 1923.
*goes back into hiding on his own page*

Comment From The Writer: *opens her mouth to ask, then thinks better of it*

Jun 8 2005
Elfwood writer:
James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
Tell you what. Why don't you join DeivaintART and blast cookie...restart the war over on new ground!

Comment From The Writer: As much as I'd like to spread the war all over the net... I don't know...

Jun 9 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
You'd have the element of surprise!

Comment From The Writer: True...

Jun 9 2005
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Yeh, but I can't draw. You can't just abandon your second-in-command...

 1 Comment From The Writer: Awww... *hugs Darian* I wouldn't abandon you for the WORLD!!

Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. If Cookie wants to leave Elfwood, that's her loss...

Jun 9 2005
*looks around*
wheres the violence? besides a few oddities, this could be just about anyone's page, at least, judging by the comments.

*is veerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyy bored*

come on... wheres the random attacking people, the senseless violence, the endless battles?

war on someone else, if all else fails... just not the cieling.

Well, it would help if I had someone TO attack. *frowns*

TWEEEEEEEEEET! oh, and these are for you.
*hands you a plate of brownies*

wait... *eyes suddenly light up* do brownies count as cookies?

 1 Comment From The Writer: Close enough! *munches on brownies*

Jun 9 2005
Elfwood writer:
Cecily 'SLWS' Webster
He's right you know, that's the biggest seagull I've ever seen.

Comment From The Writer: Quite so.

Jun 9 2005
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Hmm....giant seagulls call for giant ballistas. *drags one in*

 1 Comment From The Writer: Oooooh... this is gonna be fun!

Jun 9 2005
Elfwood writer:
James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
Once again...thanks for the jedi picture.

 12 Comment From The Writer: You're most welcome.

Jun 9 2005
Are you right-handed?

Comment From The Writer: Ye-- wait, why do you want to know?

Jun 10 2005
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Megan, get off the bird, I wanna shoot it.

Comment From The Writer: *jabs the bird with the harpoon* Bird, fly me over land...

Jun 10 2005
Ooo! This ought to be good... (basic thought process: Ballista=fun!)

 1 Comment From The Writer: Heheheh, my thoughts exactly.

Jun 10 2005
*In a swift movement, the eagle reaches around Megan and clamps its beak on her before she can do anything. Hard. With a quick jerk, it drops Megan into the piranha infested water before screeching, glaring at the waters, then flying away*

Comment From The Writer: *shrieks*

*splash*

Jun 10 2005
Oo, fish! *gets out fishing poll and starts catching piranhas*

Comment From The Writer: *swipes viciously at the nearest piranha, impaling it on a hook*

Jun 10 2005
*summons large elemental gryphon, which fishes megan out of the water, and then sits down to eat the piranhas caught by the miscellanious person off to the side*

=O.o= BAD GRYPHON!!!

*unsummons gryphon*

honestly, these things are pathetic.

Comment From The Writer: Yeah, those were perfectly good piranhas we could've thrown at someone!

*pulls the still-wriggling piranha off her hook*

*sets it in a slingshot and fires it at Jake*

Jun 11 2005
*ducks as the piranha flies past and hits the wall with a sickening smack*

You know..I wonder what happened to our truce.

Comment From The Writer: *scowls at Jake* It had a fatal accident... Where'd Darian go with that ballista?

Jun 12 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
*stares intently into the piranha's eyes* Fish don't have eyelids, do they? I don't think I shall win the staring contest then *shrugs and continues until his eyes bleed*

 1 Comment From The Writer: *laughs* Oh, I dunno, I think you're doing quite well...

Jun 12 2005
How would you like to die?

Comment From The Writer: *folds arms and stares into space with a look of serious contemplation on her face*

Thanks, but I think I'll pass on that...

Jun 12 2005
Girls, girls...don't fight.

Comment From The Writer: *glares at Bunto*

Jun 12 2005
*walks in with katana impaled in back and gestures at the katana* Could you do me a favor and pull this out?

Comment From The Writer: Sure. *walks over to Kim, grabs the katana and shoves it in further*

Jun 12 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
You're telling them to STOP fighting? What's the matter with you!? Ignore him.

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT . . .

Comment From The Writer: *is in a very dark mood and liable to attack anything that draws attention to itself*

*picks up an apple pie and throws it in John's face*

Jun 12 2005
:( I quit. [tosses Megan her lightsaber and leaves.]

 8 Comment From The Writer: *catches the lightsabre* You know what, I don't really give a damn!

*switches on the lightsabre and swipes off one of Kim's arms* (Sorry, Kim, you walked in at a bad moment)

I DON'T, REALLY!!

Jun 13 2005
((See Jakes page for explination.))
Jun 13 2005
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Well, the bird's apparently not at Jake's page... *sets down ballista* Screw seeking spells. *raises staff, a stream of greenish energy flowing down into the bolt* Let's try guidance instead. *fires*

Comment From The Writer: *the sight of a ballista cheers her up immeasurably*

Jun 13 2005
Well looks whos feeling bitchy today...

darth angler-sama... you are an official asshole... join the idiot brigade!

yeeheeheeheehee!

*turns into a perfectly ordinary cat with none of affore mentioned afflictions and leaves*

 14 Comment From The Writer: Yeah, well, I'm only human, aren't I? *coughs* Apologies for the angst, everyone.

Jun 14 2005
*leaves a completely pointless comment*

Comment From The Writer: *leaves a completely pointless reply*

Jun 14 2005
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*wanders in again, levitating a large eagle corpse with a bolt sticking out of it* Last week of school, I'm happy even without the damn eagle. ^^ Anyway, if you can think of any uses for this thing....I'd zombify it, but necromancy's not really my forte.

Comment From The Writer: Hmmm... *prods the dead eagle thoughtfully with her foot*

*an image forms in her mind of a really big trebuchet pointed at Jake's page...*

Jun 14 2005
Yeesh, you're supposed to have surrendered your mood swings when you turned twenty one :D

1 I did, mostly, but they come back to haunt me sometimes, lol.

I think it's the fall of the darkside, m'dear. But remember, everything in life goes in cycles...the sith shall remain in hiding, until the appropriate time when we once again re-emerge!
Or something like that. Have soup.

Comment From The Writer: *sniffs the soup* It's not tomato or pumpkin, is it?

Jun 14 2005
Shutup Andrew Shutup
*clap clap*
Shutup Andrew Shutup
*clap clap*
Shutup Andrew Shutup
*clap clap*
Shutup Andrew Shutup
*clap clap*
Shutup Andrew Shutup
*gets hit by truck*

Ladies and Gentlemen, that was Danny McDonald, live from the...oh wait...Ne'er mind.

Comment From The Writer: Catchy! Shutup Andrew Shutup *clap clap*

*hopes her brother never reads this (his name is Andrew...)*

Jun 15 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
I swear I have a 1 day case of ADD . . . all kinds of motivation but I can't sit still . . . *wanders off aimlessly*

 1 Comment From The Writer: You have motivation? Where can I get some?

Jun 15 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
EBay, most likely :D

 12 Comment From The Writer: Of course!

Jun 15 2005
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
What does a trebuchet have to do with a dead giant eagle? Unless you're planning on sending it over there...but anyway, I don't have a trebuchet, just the ballista.

Comment From The Writer: You don't think that flinging a bungalow-sized dead eagle over to Jake's page with a humungous trebuchet would be uber-cool?

Oh. Must be just me, then...

Jun 15 2005
MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *Gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough cough coug* Mwhaha...*cough* MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

Ahem. What? What are you looking at me like that for? What? WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE EVIL HERE PEOPLE!!!

Comment From The Writer: Darn right we are! No-one needs an excuse to laugh maniacally!

Jun 16 2005
Oh helo so wat r u teh main evil persn or somtin?

o an teh link wont werk yet im not yetpubliched. wah.

 4 Comment From The Writer: *draws herself up imperiously, wrapping her black cloak around her* I am Darth Angler, leader of the Dark Side. BOW BEFORE ME, MORTAL!!

Jun 16 2005
Huh i fergot.

*wacks u wth a hunk of driftwod*

Comment From The Writer: I SAID B-- *is hit with driftwood*

Owwww!! *whimpers*

Jun 16 2005
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
Oh, it would be, we just need the trebuchet...

Comment From The Writer: No worries! *ushers everyone out of the hut, to a safe distance*

*takes out a remote control (I have a remote control for EVERYTHING) and pushes a button*

*the wooden planks of the fishing hut rearrange themselves into a gigantic trebuchet, looming against the rising sun*

Problemo solved! 1

Jun 16 2005
Elfwood writer:
James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
What in teh name of Bobb is going on here!? Driftwood....mood swings.....*Looks confused*

Comment From The Writer: And now a giant medieval siege weapon! Fun, eh?

Jun 16 2005
That is not right. Nobody has the right to molest a song that good. Not "Imagine!" "Come Together"...well, that's fair game.

But Imagine is sacrad! Do you have any idea how many hippies have gotten stoned to that song?!

 12 Comment From The Writer: Do you have a problem with my crappy parody song, Mr. Burke?

Jun 16 2005
Where'd Jake go?

Comment From The Writer: Dunno. Hiding, probably. *cackles to herself as she attaches the eagle to the sling* Run and hide, wing boy, run and hide...

Jun 17 2005
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
*imbues eagle's corpse with explosive shadow energy* *ceremoniously releases catch*

 1 Comment From The Writer: *shades eyes with hand to watch*

Jun 17 2005
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie-Wan' Starcevic
You angry with me?

Comment From The Writer: *shakes head* Nah. I was, but I'm over it. Life's too short for grudges.

Jun 19 2005
*walks in holding large cardboard box*

Comment From The Writer: HALT!!

*points her lightsabre at Kim* Put the box down slowly and put your hands in the air! NOW!

Jun 20 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Oh just stab through the box - bound to solve all your problems :D

Comment From The Writer: *prods box suspiciously*

Jun 20 2005
gulp.

Comment From The Writer: *eyes Kim suspiciously*

Jun 20 2005
But... what if they... escape?

Comment From The Writer: Hmmm, and what are 'they' exactly?

Jun 21 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Well then there is more quality stabbing time to be had. Always a blast.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Indeed!

Jun 22 2005
*gets bored and chucks box at megan*

*box elplodes and 8000 miller moths fly out, regroup, and fly off to the right and cover something cowering behind a box of fishing supplies*

so thats where yasaka went...

*shoots the cowering lump with a bfg*

Comment From The Writer: Hey, watch it!! *ducks as fishing equipment is blown across the room*

Jun 26 2005
DAMMIT, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A BLOODY GOOD ARTIST?!

Noooo!! I was trying so hard to be a crappy artist!! All my dreams are shattered!!

and why am I leaving this comment on your stories page?

Comment From The Writer: Um...? Because it's so deserted in here that you mistook it for my art page?

*sad sniff*

*watches a tumbleweed roll by*

Jun 27 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Deserted? Well that's just not right! I shall leave a couple comments straightaway!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Awwww, you guys rock! Thank you!!

Jun 27 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Here's one.

Comment From The Writer: Yay!!

Jun 27 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
And here's another!

Comment From The Writer: Another?? Oh, you shouldn't have! No really, you're too kind...

Jun 27 2005
*leavs a comletely pointless comment basically having to do with Ferrian's Winter and how I got sidetracked while reading it*

 12 Comment From The Writer: Yeah, that happens to a lot of people. That or they starve to death...

Jun 27 2005
*leaves another comment expressing amazement that she actually remembered to capitalize the title*

Comment From The Writer: Oh look, so you did! Have some shortbread!

Jun 27 2005
why is your page deserted? that should not be the case!

I dunno, I guess since the war ended no-one really has any reason to be here. What is an evil empress without any enemies? Just a silly old lady with rusting hooks... *looks depressed*

and would the extranet allow me to not have a password? I mean, what would happen if I just left the password bit blank?

Comment From The Writer: It would keep asking for your password again and again and again and again and so on for all eternity.

Jun 27 2005
oh, and before I forget, elfwood is broken, in the sense that it logged me in there, even though I didn't fill in my password.

You logged in without a password?? It always asks for mine TWICE, even though I'm careful to type it in correctly, as though it refuses to believe me the first time. *suspicious look at the extranet*

because at this point, I do have a password.

and another thing... how did you get so good at writing?

Er... well, that's a good question. I just love to write, I suppose. And when you love doing something, you want to get better at it, so I always look for ways to improve. And I get inspiration from other writers. Yeah, that sounds good... *makes note of comment in case she becomes famous one day and has to be interviewed*

and also, what title or odd name would be fitting for you?

 1 Comment From The Writer: Lol! What, Darth Angler isn't odd enough??

Jun 28 2005
I shanged my password. left the thing blank. It worked. of course, then I decided a password is good... for security reasons.

also, you could always start another war....

In fact, if thats what you want to do, I'll help you in any ways possible. wars are fun.

Comment From The Writer: Yeah, wars are fun...

Jun 29 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
If you're not fighting a war you should be plotting then, no? Preferably with an evil laugh now and then.

Comment From The Writer: Plotting? *blinks* Oh. Plotting! Yes. Plans. Evil. Right! *gets up quickly and starts pacing around, hunched over, rubbing her hands together in typical evil mastermind style*

*lets out an evil laugh, and listens to the distant scream as some random bystander is hit with a lightning bolt*

Thanks for the advice, that was quite therapeutic. 1

Jun 29 2005
Elfwood writer:
T. 'Blade Marilyn' Dorionne
Yeah Megs, do SOMETHING! FIND an enemy if you have to! Get some newbie Elfwood person and start abusing him!

Yes, but... *looks slightly indignant* I can't just start a war with ANY old person! I'm an Evil Overlordess, not a mere thug! I need an enemy who is willing to partake in the fine art of comment warring! *sigh* Beth and Vida will be quite difficult to replace...

OR, you could ally the Darkside with the Anti-Mods into a Super Darksider Anti-Mods, and then we could just go pick on mods and see how long it takes them to kick us out. After which, we could each one by one get a page at Deviant, which allows you to post poetry and stories and has no wait for uploads.

Uh, but I don't WANT to be kicked out! I have nothing against the mods (well alright, *cough* they ARE a bit pedantic), but I do have four gold stars next to my stories. And it felt really good to get those gold stars.

And I LIKE Elfwood, yes, despite the crashes and the upload waits and whatnot. I like the people here. I like the fact that everything is fantasy/sci-fi/horror based. *shakes head, frowning* Sorry, but I have no plans on moving to Deviant. At least not any time soon.


I lost my art page on here, by the way. I asked the Mods to remove my writing page because I was tired of my sucky writing and getting screwed over by "publishing agents". And so of course, they remove my art page instead. Ah well.

 16 Comment From The Writer: Eh, that's not good news. Your art was really good.

Jun 29 2005
How you respond to this could affect the future stability of existence. You have been warned.

It could?? Wooow, I'm more powerful than I thought!!

Whats this for? And for that matter, what is it?

 12 Comment From The Writer: What's it for? It's not FOR anything, it just IS.

Jun 29 2005
Elfwood writer:
Darian 'Emberice' Lewis
SAS3 is up, finally. ^^;;

 1 Comment From The Writer: Yay!

Jun 29 2005
Elfwood writer:
John E. Kelley
Ah yes while the getting kicked out part of TT's plan would be bad . . . you must agree that DA is terribly LURING *HEH! PUN . . . luring . . . haha . . .*

Hahaha *dry laugh* Yes, very good.

Yes, tis a fun place though elfwood is still too dear to pass up entirely.

Comment From The Writer: Oh, FINE. *stomps over to Deviant to see what all the fuss is about*

Jul 1 2005
Deviant's a good 'un.

*grins from his corner in the shadows*

Hello, Megan.

Comment From The Writer: ... yeah, okay, so maybe Deviant is kinda cool...

*the shadows around Lightfoot form into two huge hands, grab him and hold him in place*

Since you like that corner so much, why don't you make yourself comfortable? 4

Jul 2 2005
leave elfwood, and you shall discover just how wierd it feels to be a blasted pile on the ground.

Actually, I know that feeling quite well...

also, if you do not find yourself an enemy, you shall not live long enough to come up with an excuse. *hefts bfg*

22 Okay, okay!!

*uses the Force to gently turn Kim around so the bfg is pointing at Lightfoot in the corner*

He'll do, for now...


hell, I'd be your enemy, if someone would bother to back me up... but why would they? you're such a wonderful person.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Uh, er... *blushes slightly* Thank you! *cough* Well, you're welcome to try and re-form the KAGS if you want...

Jul 3 2005
*raises eyebrow at Megan* if you say so.

*shoots Jake with the bfg*

the dark side shall always prevail, capitalized or not, so hah. *shoots megan with the bfg as well just for the hell of it*

 8 Comment From The Writer: *the smoke clears to reveal a very disgruntled Angler ghost*

*eyes narrow at Kim* You shall not live long enough to regret that...

*Kim's weapon jumps out of her hands and whacks her over the head with a loud clang*

*the Angler holds out an arm and sends her flying across the room to another corner, where she is consumed by a large shadow*

Jul 3 2005
*absorbs shadow into self*
mmm, darkness.

*bfg turns into fancy-looking sorceror staff-thing and flies into kim's hand*

regret it? If that ever happens... *grins*

 8 Comment From The Writer: *fumes*

FOOLISH MORTAL!! You dare to mess with the great and powerful Angler?!

*pulls a small card from beneath her cloak* It just so happens that I have a Frequent Death Card, and have now accumulated enough points for several free reincarnations. And also a toaster.

*flicks the card into the air, where it disappears with a flash of dark blue light, and the Angler becomes solid once more*

Jul 3 2005
*disappears with the smoke that results from the blast*

*reappears in the middle of the page, shaking his head and dusting off his sleeves*

What was that for?

*glares at Kim*

I didn't do anything to you.

Comment From The Writer: *turns as Jake reappears unharmed*

Dammit!!!

Jul 3 2005
*bows slightly*

My appologies, Jake.
Luckily, you seem to be unharmed...

Blame Megan, though. Its her fault.

*suddenly realizes that this is a very bad place to be and hastily returns to reading really good book-story-thingy-whatever it is*

Comment From The Writer: You got that right...

*pulls a hook from her belt, attached to a length of fishing line*

*twirls the hook and flings it, the fishing line catching around Kim's legs and tripping her*

*pulls on the line, dragging Kim towards her* Now, what shall I do with you, hmmm?

Oh, I know!

*the fishing hut transforms once again into a giant trebuchet*

*drags Kim towards it, whistling cheerfully*

Jul 4 2005
*fishing line vanishes*

*hops on emera and rides off to infiltrate the enemy base, whistling*

Comment From The Writer: *unbeknownst to Kim, the fishing line is still attached to her, merely invisible...*

*attaches line to the trebuchet and releases the catch*

*watches as Kim is yanked high into the air, and waves*

Sayonara!

Jul 4 2005
*turns into a ghost, wafts over, and waves back*

Actually, I was already dead. Well, okay, undead would be the more proper term...

'cept now I have no physical form, what a bummer.

*ponders*

*army of fanged peas bounces in, chattering to itself in high picthed voices and crawls over megan*

=O.o=

*giggles for the sheer pointlessness, randomness, and stupidity of such an event*

 4 Comment From The Writer: *arms herself with...

THE POTATO MASHER OF DOOM!!*

...

Man, I've had some straaaange battles on this page, but this is up there with the weirdest...

Jul 5 2005
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Um, I don't think you should piss off Jake.

1 Heheheh, I've been pissing off Jake for the better part of a year and a half. What makes you think I'm gonna stop now? 12

Now, I guess I'd better get your back, Meg.

*throws...Microsoft Word Spellcheck 2005 at Kim*

Haha, take that, enemy of grammar!

*Spellchecker promptly declares Kim a virus to the english language and quarrantines her for later destroying*

Oh, and also, *thrust of lightsaber to stomach*

~Maul~

 1 Comment From The Writer: Thanks, Timmwah!

Jul 5 2005
actually, I think you misinterperetted its actions. It'd be more likely to declare me as a virus to windows.

besides, I'm not an enemy to grammar... I think grammar is good. I just don't always use it.

*grins evilly, then spellchecker is promptly destroyed by anti-windows software on computer*

YAY!!!! MORE FERRIAN'S WINTER!!! *dances*

Comment From The Writer: Anti-windows software, damn. Can't argue with that... 9

Jul 6 2005
Elfwood writer:
Christabel Nolan
hello. I am here, but not for long. I shall return *dissapears in a slightly pathetic puff of candy-pink smoke*
disembodied voice: you didn't see aaaaanything

 2 Comment From The Writer: Oh, hi! Er, *gestures at the battle-torn page* please, don't mind all this madness, it's the usual state of affairs around here. Feel free to read anything you like!

Jul 6 2005
The cat is wearing a skull.

Adorable, no?

Comment From The Writer: Awwww, adorable!! *takes the skull and smashes it over Kim's head*

Jul 6 2005
I'm still a ghost, remember?
*skull goes right through Kim and smashes on the ground*

*is ressurected by the cat*

*throws teapot at cat* Yay! now I can easily hurt people again!

*cat turns into Emera and lunges at Megan's throat*
=O.o= Well that explains it.

Comment From The Writer: Ack!! *staggers backwards, swiping a hook to fend off...* Er, what exactly IS Emera??

Jul 6 2005
I understand, now, the cat's pants. *nods*

I mean, hi!

*shoots Emera with a bfg*

*whistles*

*army of used car salesmen waltzes in playing bagpipes*

 22 Comment From The Writer: ...??

*backs away slowly into the corner*

Help. Someone...

Jul 6 2005
what am I? what do you mean?

what I am normally?
I'm a dragon.

what I am currently?
I'm a dresthina (overlarge panther-shaped cat).

Comment From The Writer: Uh, okay...

I think my brain is frying... too much insanity for one day...

Jul 6 2005
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Ello Meg!

We're on at the same time.

And also...

I got that comment. Mwahahaha!

Hey didn't I send you a photo of me ages ago? Shockingly bad. I'll send you a good one if you want.

 14 Comment From The Writer: Aww, nooo! *puts face in hands, wincing*

Yeah, you did send me a photo. *grins* Well, if you want, sure!

Jul 6 2005
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
*releases angry scottish Bairns to trample over all Kim's goons in the room*

And now for the cleanup:

*Pacman chachas in, eating all in sight, and he LOVES panther looking things. Yeah.*

Comment From The Writer: Thanks!! *is relieved*

22 Oh, uh... *hopes Steff isn't around in panther form...*

Jul 6 2005
*barfs on pacman thing, disolving it*

you think its insane now? perhaps we should show you true insanity and drag in Kyouko and her boyfriend, Kyo-kyo, as well as Kyouko's friend Kyoko.

Comment From The Writer: ... oh, gods...

Jul 6 2005
*drags in a drugged drat of dubious liniage as well as two drugged therithryan drats*

See, this one here *lifts red and orange drat* is Kyo-kyo. He's an anti-shrink, one of the best.

This here *lifts purple and black drat* is Kyouko, his girlfriend. No matter how I try to kill her, I fail, which is really annoying, but I don't think you would succeed either.

And then of course theres Kyoko *lifts remaining drat, a purple and blue one*, a friend of Kyouko's ever since they met at that poem writing contest where the subject was emus. I don't really know her very well, as she's entirely independent...
Kyouko is my pet, thats how I know her, and Kyo-kyo is Nikki's.

Just wait until they wake up. *evil grin*

8 Comment From The Writer: *growls* Maybe I won't give 'em a chance.

*kicks the... things... whatever they are, into the Pit of Extreme Darkness*

 22 Erk! *suddenly notices her comment counter*

1000th main page comment!!!

Jul 6 2005
4 REVELUCCION!

 22 Comment From The Writer: *blinks*

8 *takes up a defensive stance* You'll never take my fishing hut alive!!

Jul 6 2005
Elfwood writer:
President TT Dorionne
I mean, um, I'm here with some nice men in white coats to take Kim away. *Takes Kim away.* And no chewing through the leather straps, or you won't get any icecream later!

Comment From The Writer: Nice men in white coats... icecream... Can I go too?

Jul 6 2005
*watches TT carry off clone* maybe I should go away and putter around fanart central for a while.

 10 Comment From The Writer: Hmmph. Clones...

Jul 6 2005
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
I still can't believe the war ended. I haven't seen Vida in yonks. It loses luster when you're not trying to kill them. What would we do without Kim?

Yeah, Vida's gone to Deviant. *sigh*

*does warm up lightsaber exercises on a Kim who is definetely NOT a clone (cuz Im psychic or something, figure)*

Can you even have brackets in action stars?

 12 Comment From The Writer: You can have anything in action stars.

Jul 6 2005
*fends off Timmy-poo with a black bastard sword*

I'm bored.

 4 Comment From The Writer: Let me put you out of your misery...

*nailguns Kim's feet to the floor*

That should keep you entertained for a while.

Jul 7 2005
Elfwood writer:
Christabel Nolan
oh, you know, I just adore the Dr Who quote at the top of the page. I wish my memory wasn't completely scrambled so I could remember it.....er, what?

 1 Comment From The Writer: It's great, isn't it? Oh, I've got a million of 'em:

"I see, you're one of those boring maniacs who's going to gloat. Are you going to tell me your plan for running the universe?"

"She tipped the ambassador in the pit and threw astrologers at him!"

"What do you call it?" "We call it the Creature" "Oh, that's original..."

"Sometimes, my brilliance astonishes even me."

"Shall we try using our intelligence?" "Well, if you think that's a good idea."

"All guards, alert: someone is using a counterjamming frequency projector. Find it and destroy it immediately." "I don't suppose any of the guards know what a counterjamming frequency projector looks like?" "Destroy everything!"

Heheheh, I LOVE and ADORE Dr Who! I've been watching the whole series on ABC instead of the news. (Which explains why I know more about Dr Who than current world affairs. *cough*)

Jul 7 2005
*pulls nails out of feet* I'm still bored.

 4 Comment From The Dalek: EXTERMINATE!!

*an inverted x-ray type flash and Kim falls to the floor, dead*

Jul 8 2005
*ghost rises out of body*

regardless, I'm still bored.

Comment From The Writer: Oh well, suit yourself... *shrugs*

*takes out a giant fan and blows Kim's ghost off the page*

Jul 8 2005
Elfwood writer:
Vida 'Cookie-Wan' Starcevic
*the Cookie comes in, wielding a whip, followed by some 1000 Gack Hack Foo skipping along, followed by Tynan brandishing a whirring chainsaw*

You know what you could do? Open a deviantART account and put the Jedi pic there.

Is it done yet?

If not... how long?

Tynan: *tapps feet on floor. Chainsaw whirrs*

Cookie: Oh, don't mind her. She's a bit agressive recently.

 1 Comment From The Writer: Hey, Vida, nice to-- *spots the whirring chainsaw and Gack Hack Foo*

22 *goes pale*Uhhh, damn! I was hoping you'd for-- I mean, ah... it's, it's on its way. Um... how soon? *eyes the chainsaw again* I'll get onto it right away!!

Yeah, I do need somewhere convenient to post the Jedi pic. *slumps in defeat* Alright, alright, I'll open a DA account...

Jul 9 2005
Elfwood writer:
Tim 'Maul' Schein
Ah, Deviant Art's Ok I guess. I still like the woods better, just for the upgradedness. And the people of course :P


Oh yeah, the people who actually READ your stories! I've been getting a lot of comments on my stories lately o.O

I blame North Yermerican Summer.

1 Comment From The Writer: The people here are wonderful. *hugs everyone*

Now look what you've done! Made me get affectionateness all over my evil reputation! *huffs*

Jul 9 2005
Elfwood writer:
Panu Karjalainen
A site without a real name policy just can't compare to the Woods, if you ask me. Not that people ask me anything... that's understandable though, seeing how my knowledge of things is limited to Fire Emblem characters and the Hyperborean Age.

Comment From The Writer: *nods* Nothing can compare to the Woods...

Jul 9 2005
Forget? An elephant never forgets.

I like Woody better too, for all the things those two *points upwards* said. Only updating is easier on deviant. They've got fun emoticons and you can have any avatar you like, but that's about it. Elfwood has much more quality than deviant.

So give usss a link when you join, preciousss...

 12 Comment From The Writer: Sure!

Jul 10 2005
other problems with deviantART that I know of:

-it takes a while to load, longer than elfwood
-the maximum amount of comments on a page is 20, and then the old ones are deleted as new ones are submitted. elfwood keeps the old ones.
Jul 10 2005
how could I forget this reason?!

-its ugly

Comment From The Writer: Well, it's grey, but then so is Elfwood. I still wish they'd kept the leafy green background. *mourns*

Jul 10 2005
Two more:

-you can't have '!' in the titles of things
-there are ads
-if you have a web browser like mine, those ads often times fall out of their original positions and sit on top of what you want to look at
-if you have a web browser like mine, DA crashes it
Jul 10 2005
erm, note that last comment... should say 'four more'

oops.

anyhoo, here are some more problems with it:

-you cannot select what you have previously written in a comment
-in elfwood, there are the 'prev' and 'next' buttons. in DA, you have to use the 'back' thing of the web browser and then click on a different link.
-the search engine is broken. but then, thats also true for elfwood, sooooooo..... that one is sort of irrelavent.

Comment From The Writer: Er, yes, I think we're all in agreement that Elfwood is better. I am by no means leaving, I just need somewhere else to put stuff.

Jul 10 2005
Elfwood writer:
John Kelley
The only thing DA really has that I like is the fact that I can post whatever I like. No editing for the younger audience. Nothing gets rejected because it just barely misses the parameters that they put around the terms sci-fi and fantasy (I don't think elfwood really represents horror even though it's supposed to) and everything is added to your page almost immediately.

Other than that, Elfwood is easier to navigate, looks better, and has a much better community spirit to it. *shrugs* Once an elfwooder always an elfwooder I guess =P

Comment From The Writer: Yes, freedom of creativity is a good thing.

Well, I've been a member of Elfwood for four years, it's like my cyber-home now, so I can't help being sentimental. 12

Jul 10 2005
Elfwood writer:
John Kelley
Aye, that's about how long I've been here too, although only about 2 years for my library account.

Comment From The Writer: The disturbing thing is, I can hardly remember what I did around here in the two years or so before the war started. I think I used to be sensible... I wonder what that was like...?

Jul 10 2005
NOOOO! it ate my comment!!!!!!

okay, so I accidentally killed the page... but why did it eat my poor comment when I had the web browser ressurect the page?

wait. can most web browsers even do that?? I LOVE OPERA!!!!!!!!

and elfwood. elfwood was the fisrt website I ever became addicted to, and I'm still addicted to it. WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!

so anywaaaayyyy.... because you are a really good writer, and you actually tend to answer your comments, I have a question for you.

how do I tell when I've gone overboard with the wierdness?

 12 Comment From The Writer: ... all the fish look like fanged bananas? Sorry. *coughcough*

Probably if the story is so incomprehensible that it no longer resembles a story...

Jul 10 2005
*appears, armed with deadly glare and even deadlier...*

*hefts plasma gun*

Tim is right. You shouldn't piss Jake off.

 14 Comment From The Writer: Oops, I forgot about that comment... eheh...

*picks up one of the furry little Floofs and stuffs it in the barrel of Jake's gun*

Jul 11 2005
*whacks Jake with her writing muse, which was found in the trash can*

Megan Proverbs, you are a wonderful person. face it. *gives Megan a fanged purple yam*

Comment From The Writer: You're my enemy, you're not supposed to...!! *sigh* Okay, sure, if you say so... *feeds the yam to a large flying angler fish which has been hanging around her hut lately*

What was your writing muse doing in the trash can?? *glares* YOU DON'T THROW WRITING MUSES AWAY!! Or any kind of muse, for that matter!

Jul 11 2005
*shrugs* I just found it there. I must say though, I am curious as to how my muse ended up in the trash can in the first place...

You see, thats why I was asking about going overboard with the wierdness with writing.

I found my muse. Its insane.

*prods muse with a stick*

Whatever it is... =>.<=

Comment From The Writer: *the angler fish floats over to the muse thing, stares at it for a while, then eats it*

Jul 11 2005
GHAHHH! whay must I have the attention span of a gnat?!

Comment From The Writer: Umm...? No, that's too deep for me...

Jul 12 2005
Elfwood writer:
John Kelley
sens . . . sensi-sensible? What is that? *perplexed* =P

Comment From K9: Sensible: Possessed of good practical judgement; exhibiting sound sense and understanding. Presence in Elfwoodians: Dubious

Jul 14 2005
*pokes Megan with a crowbar*

why must everyone be so evil and stupid?!

neh. I'm just glad you're not.

Er, not what? Evil, or stupid? *eyes narrow slightly* Your life may depend on the answer to this...

and a question. is it a bad thing if when I am reading my own writing and I have to use a dictionary to understand most of the words?

Um... yeeees, I think that could be seen as bad thing, yes. Either that, or you have a split personality and one of them's a genius...

*gets out another crowbar and stabs Megan with it*

yams.

Comment From The Writer: Quit it! *grabs the crowbar and hits Kim on the head*

Jul 14 2005
ow! *grabs crowbar back and throws it at emera*

both. you're not evil or stupid.

well, okay... the evil bit is a matter of perspective. from the perspective of most people not a part of the council of those who bounce off the cieling or the dark side, you would most certainly qualify as evil.

but being as that I am a part of both the dark side and the council of those who bounce off the cieling, and in fact am the leader of that council...
from my point of view... you are benevolent. a perfect example of what one should be like.

22 I am??

GHAH!!!!!!!

NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!

I was actually doing something productive for a change. and then I got sidetracked. damn you!

*temple of the order of the Mhor'eons appears out of nowhere and starts firing its plasma cannons at megan's hut*

oh, crap. *flees*

Comment From The Writer: *stands amidst flying debris and plasma energy as the cannons fire on her hut*

*shakes her head* Never a moment's peace...

*lifts her harpoon gun arm, takes careful aim through a hole in the wall, and shoots one of the Mhor'eons*

*the harpoon pulls itself out of the Mhor'eon's chest, transforming into a spider-like, hook-like thing, and starts crawling over the rest of the attackers*

Jul 14 2005
I am going to write you into my story. Bob shall be reading Ferrian's Winter in it as well.

If you would rather I didn't have those happen, say. I hope you will let me though...

*drops to knees*

please!

 1 Comment From The Writer: Sure you can, I'd be honoured!

Jul 14 2005
Elfwood writer:
John Kelley
That sensible thing sounds like a disease . . . or a drug ;)

 12 Comment From The Writer: Well if it's a drug, it's not a very addictive one...

Jul 14 2005
Elfwood writer:
President TT Dorionne
Ever notice how whenever someone has absolutely nothing to say they just randomly write "spam"? What's up with that? Can't you think of anything better to write than "spam"? Why not talk about something not spam-related?? Or spam with song lyrics?

Or, like me, spamming you about spam.

Comment From The Writer's Angler Fish Muse Now Known As Algernon For No Particular Reason: *eats the spam*

Jul 14 2005
Elfwood writer:
Max Hebditch
wow how much stuff have you wrote, and if people are going round throwing thier muses away can i have one because mine has gone AWOL

Comment From The Writer: *rummages around in her fishing equipment and pulls out a rusty cage*

You can have Beth's old one...

*tips up the cage and a pile of bones rattle to the floor*

Er... or maybe not...

Jul 14 2005
Elfwood writer:
James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
Mine only seems to make me write fantasy. :(

Comment From The Writer: What's wrong with writing fantasy?

Jul 14 2005
Surprise! Guess what! I have an actual, real-live ticket in the queue! Well...not live... but real, with a completely re-done, all fixed up, replacement picture, and 2 others in the trash! I AM NOT DEAD!

1 Happy!

Comment From The Writer: *deep breath*

*deeper*

*deeper...*

WELL IT'S ABOUT FLAMING TIME!!!!!!

*a few bits of the wall not damaged by the recent plasma cannon attack fall inwards. The tinkle of broken glass dies away*

Ahem. Yes. Very good. *grins*

Jul 15 2005
I didn't throw my muse away. It lives in the trashcan.

Comment From Algernon: *eats the trash can*

Jul 15 2005
Elfwood writer:
John Kelley
The reason it isn't addictive is because you can never find it in large enough quantities to become addicted in the first place ;)

 1 Comment From The Writer: Ah, quite true...

Jul 15 2005
hmm, somehow I must find a way to stay away from all you practically normal people long enough to peruse my previous writings and creat some new so that the Bri-Bri poo doesn't murder me.

Comment From The Writer: ...

Jul 15 2005
nooo! I lost it!

about... grr.

Comment From The Writer: I think you lost it long ago, quite frankly...

Jul 15 2005
openoffice.org 1.1.1 is dead again... but the .odt version is even worse and may even crash the whole bloody computer.

I have no hope. I suppose if I'm lucky I'll graduate high school. but what hope is there of that happening?

Comment From The Writer: ...

Jul 15 2005
Soooooo, which do you prefer? The blutt, or the ministar?

Comment From The Writer: I prefer fishhooks. Big ones. In someone's head, even better.

Jul 15 2005
Elfwood writer:
'Disco' Vic Alfieri
Hey, just dropped in and left some comments on some of your poems, if you're interested i've set up a group for aussie members of elfwood at yahoo, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/aussielfs/ that's the address there....

 1 Comment From The Writer: Thanks for the comments, much appreciated! Okey doke, I'll check out your group, but I warn you, I'm a terrible procrastinator...

Jul 15 2005
Though I must admit it's a somewhat wimpy update...a replacement and two deletions...but the ball's rolling! Things are happening!

 12 Comment From The Writer: Well, at least it's a start...

Jul 15 2005
I haven't even shot it yet.

*shifts switch up to full power, braces and squeezes trigger*

*Silence*

BOOOOOMM!!!

*Floof explodes out, hits Megan smack in the face, followed by plasma-lava*

Ooohh..

Comment From The Writer: *the plasma slowly drips away to reveal...*

*the Angler, unharmed behind a protective magic shield, arms folded and eyes narrowed into dangerous slits*

Nice try, wing boy.

*throws a hook coated in petrification powder, which hits him in the chest, turning him instantly to stone*

*smiles* Well, I'd love to stay and use you as a hat-stand, haha, but I've gotta run!

*vaults out the window just as Kim arrives with her bombs...*

Jul 15 2005
Hmm, opera must have died again.

*gives jake a plate of cookies* of course, then the question pops up of did that work?

*blows up the hut with a bomb-thing that was once a crowbar and now looks like a paper crane*

that was just to be certain.

 14 Comment From The Writer: Boom Crash Opera.

*appears beside Kim and watches her hut blow up with Jake still inside*

Kindly desist from destroying my property.

*stabs Kim with a spear thing that looks very much like a spear, spins her around till she's dizzy, then gives her a shove to set her stumbling until she trips over and impales herself even further*

Jul 16 2005
Elfwood writer:
Dabao 'The Monkey' Jia
You watch doctor who? Fancy!
Oh, and by the way...I shall never join the dark side...never! *flies away* (imma dwagon!)
I am sry if I was stupid in any point during this most short conversation.

 12 Comment From The Writer: I watch Doctor Who religiously. Christopher Eccleston is pretty good in the new series, but Tom Baker's still the best Doctor EVER.

Oh, don't worry, sanity gave up on this place long ago...

Jul 17 2005
*spear vanishes and appears in hand* actually, its not you that deserves to die. its kyouko.

but I'm too lazy.

*something fluffy and purple flies into megan's face*

*stabs the drat with the spear, accidentally impaling megan's head in the process*

um... *shifty eyes*

*ressurects megan and flees*

*the drat flares into an extremely compact, bright star and gives chase*

 8 Comment From The Writer: *gets up, glowering* That's twice in two days something furry's flown into my face!!

*throws another hook (this time a paralysing one), which hits Kim, stopping her in her tracks and enabling the drat thing to catch up*

Jul 17 2005
*crashes to the ground and telpatically says to kyouko:

Why do you hate me so?!

KYOUKO: I don't hate you. I love you! *envelopes kim, frying her to a crisp*

KIM: oh, the humiliation... *ghost wafts over to megan*

I have some advice for you. If you ever come across a catshana of any sort that wants to be your pet, flee. then, keep moving. if the catshana still manages to find you, desparetly hope that that catshana wasn't a star to begin with.

DO NOT, under any circumstances, try to kill it. that will only cause it to double its efforts to find you and become your pet.

also, hope that it does not act like Kagura, Ritsu, Ritsu's mom, Kyo, Akito, any of the Yuki Sohma Fan Club, Chidori, Suosuke, Sora, or any of the other really annoying/violent/stupid/who knows what anime characters out there.

because I swear, if anything, Kyouko acts like Kagura.

 16 Comment From The Writer: Er... okay, I'll... keep that in mind...

Jul 17 2005
*Thankfully, Jake is still intact. A few cricks here and there and the 'stone' Jake starts moving*

Ouch..major cramps..

*he rolls his shoulders and stretches a bit, pieces of stone peeling from his face as he examines his still-stoned fists with interest*

*pulls arm back and slams it into Megan with crushing force, causing her to literally fly back, THROUGH the wall, far...FAR away*

Oo..

 22 Comment From The Writer: ... !!!

Jul 18 2005
*massive army of flying toasters flies in and starts ejecting toast all over the place*

*army of fanged tofu squares bounces after them and eats the toast*

*fanges slices of toast are excreted and join the army*

*the flying toasters fall to the ground, squashing the tofu, toast, and and several innocent bystanders*

*seval toasters bounce off Jake and start squeeling*

*Sploink runs in waving a neon purple light fixure and explodes*

um... *surveys the mess around*
I did not cause this. I swear.

Comment From The Writer: *sits up somewhat groggily to find that in an amazing stroke of luck she landed on an abandoned bed*

*looks back at the flying toasters and other madness rampaging around her page*

*makes a strangled sound in her throat*

RIGHT!!! THAT'S IT!!!

*storms back with a wild, crazed look in her eyes, picking up a flamethrower on the way, and torches the toasters, the toast, the tofu, Kim, Jake, the Floofs and everything else in sight*

DIE!!!!!

Jul 18 2005
*is laughing*

I'm already dead. I suppose I woulkd most certainly have died after that if I hadn't already been... if only because I was laughing so hard.

anyway.

leader of the dark side versus leader of the Dark Side.

I love the ideas I get. *nods* basically, kat will try to evict you from your hut. unfortunately, she'll get in a big argument with all of her dark side, and the council of those who bounce off the cieling, and eventualy be declared a lobster by the natives.

but what will you do? *is too lazy to come up with that herself*

Comment From The Writer: *cuts off the flamethrower, panting and coughing slightly in the smoke now billowing over the page*

What?! What??! ... oh. Yes, you do appear to be dead, don't you?

*pauses*

IT MATTERS NOT!! *continues torching Kim's ghost anyway, just for the hell of it, until the fuel runs out*

What will I do? WHAT WILL I DO?? I WILL BOIL EVERYONE IN CHOCOLATE UNTIL THEY ARE DEAD!!!

*lifts her arms theatrically, accompanied by dramatic music, and an immense cauldron of boiling chocolate rises high into the air above the page*

MUAHAHAHA!!!

Jul 18 2005
no. I think I shall make you an elf in this, and give you a harp.

because at very least, one of the characters has to survive to the end. then, any characters left alive will die!!!!! muahahahah!

Comment From The Writer: *loses concentration and the cauldron falls to the ground with an earth-shaking thump, bubbling chocolate sloshing over the side*

... an elf... with a HARP??!!

Jul 18 2005
I didn't just leave that comment.

hm... so, how do you people make indents with the html??

Comment From The Writer: *is still glaring at Kim*

What...? *shakes head suddenly* Oh, uh, well, there's probably an easier way, but I just use the clumsy method and put a lot of space codes in a row, like: ( ) without the brackets.

Comment From The Writer: Dammit! I knew that code wasn't going to show up! 10

Jul 18 2005
*as the fire subsides, you see that Jake is a pile of ash.....*

......

*a hand emerges from the pile of ashes, then two. Both hands press the ground as if belonging to someone who is trying to pull him/herself up out of a hole. Lo and Behold! Jake appears, a grin on his face, as he tugs at his shirt, brushing the ash off*

Now, that wasn't nice..

 10 Comment From The Writer: *kicks Jake and slumps on the ground, looking dejected*

Jul 19 2005
you need a name for your character in my story.

your title shall be 'the angler'... go figure. =>.<=

Hmmm... use my videogame name Kaimer for now, unless I can think of a better one...

and you need to choose one of the fallowing races:
1)cenva (strange, strange creatures that are very easily amused)
2)yandaasha (a dark, mysterious people who like manipulating the lives of others)
3)unesca (the demonic descendents of elves, at war with the avariel and the rest of two galaxies)

They all sound fun. 2 Okay, the demonic descendent of elves one, then. Do I get pointy ears?

and a color. you need to choose a color. It can't be black.

Comment From The Writer: *thinks*

Orange. Because it's a highly under-used colour.

Jul 20 2005
Elfwood writer:
John Kelley
You sure you don't want to pick pink . . . because it is so . . . evil. Yeah . . . Go figure ;)

 1 Comment From The Writer: Heh... it was a toss up, I have to admit. But y'know, orange is also quite an evil and dangerous colour, because it clashes with practically everything... ha, clashes, see??

Jul 20 2005
Elfwood writer:
John Kelley
Why no, I don't see . . . I'm too distracted by the pun. Ohhh, shiny . . .

 1 Comment From The Writer: *grabs the pun* My shiny! *puts on the mantelpiece in a glass box to admire, alongside the 'I should take up angling 'cause I hook people' one*

Jul 21 2005
The queue is really slow...eerrr...NOT that I'm complaining, or anything, the mods are wonderful wonderful people. Just stating a fact. Yes.

 9 Comment From The Writer: I know, it took them about a month just to post my bio photo.

Jul 21 2005
*comes in shooting everything with a bfg*

*runs out of amo, sets off previously planted bomb, summons a mass of meteors which crash down and ravage the page, whistles, and enormouse army of oregonian fruit flies that think they're fish and ended up in australia flies in and starts eating everything*

*gets out flamethrower and starts torching everything in all directions*

*runs out of fuel and casts spall causing massive tectonic disruption, and a massive earthquake, razing anything still standing*

*Sploink flies in with a massive death star type weapon thing and blowes up the entire planet for good measure*

I sure hope you're dead now.

Comment From The Writer: *looks up from her book to find that she is sitting in her Sha-D Boy on a tiny chunk of rock, surrounded by a protective shield, floating in space*

*glances around interestedly at the stars for awhile, then at Kim, and smiles amiably*

You missed.

*returns to her book*

Jul 22 2005
Elfwood writer:
James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
BWHAHAHAHAHAHA

p33hr m3 for teh poking stick of magic poking has been brought back from the dead!!!

*Pulls out a small unremarkable wooden stick bound together with sticky tape*

See! It pokes *p0kes Megan in the head with it* it prods! *pr0ds a zombie Gack Hack Foo with it*

IT EVEN WACKS! *w4ck$ Kim across the head with it!*

*w4ck*

Comment From The Writer: *without looking up, raises a hand casually and Jimbo involuntarily whacks himself over the head with his stick*

Jul 22 2005
the queue has been slowly been getting shorter. verrrry slowly.

I do believe, however, that being an elf with a harp would suit you. After all, that way, nobody would expect anything evil from you and simply disregard you, and so it would be all the funnier when you utilize those hooks of yours.

*eyes narrow* I will accept being an elf with a harp ONLY IF I am a terrible musician and make everyone's ears bleed with my horrible off-key music.

poowy.

*gets whacked by the jimmy-poo*

*picks up massive potted palm tree and swings it by the stems, whacking jimmy-poo on the head with the pot*

*looks at cracked pot with roots coming out the crack, bottom, and over the sides of the top*

dammit, what must I do to get this stupid pot off?! And nobody dare suggest that I should have repotted it two years ago when the roots began coming out the botton. *glares*

Comment From The Writer: *sniggers*

Jul 22 2005
*stares at his loooong list of unpublished stories*

Maybe I should put 'em in a ticket...Oh, hey....I'm thinking of a 'Tragedies of War' series..short stories..hmm..maybe not..maybe..

Comment From The Writer: *kicks Jake again* YES, you should put them in a ticket!!

An excellent idea! The first one can be titled: "The Unfortunate Death of Mr. Lightfoot"

Jul 22 2005
Elfwood writer:
Ruth Hannah Browne
Everybody seems to know you and you seem to know everybody, so I came to check out your stories. Joy!

Comment From The Writer: They do? I do? I mean, *coughs hurriedly* but of course! I am the great and evil empress of the Capitalised Dark Side! Here, have an action figure!

Jul 23 2005
*pokes megan* When will there be more of your stories to read?

Comment From The Writer: *is gaping at the name to the left*

... huh?

Jul 23 2005
Is there something people need to smoke in order to understand the wyverns moderators?

Because I'm out of other logical explanations.

 16 Comment From The Writer: ... probably...

Jul 23 2005
Oh... The name? Thats a rule of the anti-mods. We have to have a ridiculously long story in the name.

Comment From The Writer: Oh... right. *scowls*

Jul 23 2005
*grins good-naturedly at Megan*

Actually, the first one will be called "The gruesome, brutal death of The Angler who was tortured into insanity before being killed."

 8 Comment From The Writer: *glares*

NO, I think a MUCH BETTER title would be: "How the Angler mercilessly and horrifically murdered Lightfoot by boiling him in molten chocolate, sealing him in an adamantine coffin and throwing him into the bottomless pit through the planet, where he continued to fall for millions of years until the pit eventually collapsed in on itself due to an unstable gravity field, burying Lightfoot under billions of tons of molten rock."

Jul 24 2005
Elfwood writer:
Kim Schoonover (a dead snoring cat, but anyway, a pallid little idiot by the name of Tadthrea waltzed across the floor of his dance studio and plotted the destruction of existence, all the while singing about eggs, rotten ones, and did not realize that it would all be in vain and he would grow up to add to the massive horde of stoned elven politicians, because of the divine stupidness obtained by invoking the name of several fat, lazy dragons by the names Ted, Bob, and George, who actually are the three disgruntled trees that Tunisia Dorionne should be including in th 400th comment prize for the author of this stupidy's urge to leave stupid comments, while a pack of singing llamas flew by a maintenance tower one night on improvised wings, but although the top was heavily populated by an infestation of emus, nobody batted an eye, at least up until the point where a very stupid scientist by the name of Wayne Wyatt poked a string, as in those very, very, very tiny things that make up the things that make up the things that make up atoms, or something along those lines, and the string bounced off the ceiling, an amazing endeavor, if one considers how little ceiling there would be at that level of smallness, causing several emus to bounce as well, colliding with existence's first record of flying llamas, and bringing the whole thing crashing to the ground, quite literally, though three thousand kilometers, 20 meters, 11 decimeters, 4 centimeters, 25 millimeters, 72 micrometers, 59 nanometers, 2 picometers, which is where the text editor, OpenOffice.org 1.1.1, fails to recognize the measurement as being a word, even though it is, 42 femptometers, 0.17 attometers, 97 zeptometers, and 1 yoctometer away in a direction slightly off to the side of another direstion, often called west, though how that applies to three dimensional space is beyond this one, the very same one who cannot be bothered to reply to the rejection email from a moderator and is instead boredly writing this pathetic little blob of text that nobody will probably ever read, but whatever, nothing was felt, or even heard of, being as that exactly nothing existed there, unless one is referring to the yam, which spontaneously sprouted fangs and began gnawing on a plaid sofa, though that really had nothing to do with that, at least not for another three minutes, when the yam teleported to the point of the emus, llamas, and a certain extremely stupid scientist, previously mentioned, reproduced to form an army of billions, and attacked a castle that just happened to be there, but was really the plain and simple reason for the continuing stony existence of the semi-highish observation tower and all of its strange occupants, guests, and most importantly, uninvited guests that hadn't even planned on being there in the first place, nor really even wanted to be there, causing a major disturbance in the shwartz, a rather stupid, odd, weird and pathetic result of a parody of star wars, though it was quite funny to watch, though of course, an immortal emu on a purple, crystallized lunar body of an unnamed planet containing on its surface the land of Kanata, named Therithrya, and like most of the other names around there, Therithya was just a name and meant nothing, unlike 'Kanata', which means 'place of yams', and perhaps the fact that that actually meant something led to an elfwood moderators decision about it all being a 'foreign language' when, in reality, its not, did not know about any of this, and of course two guys in a Kanatan bar did know, but did not care, instead choosing to follow the proud Kanatan tradition of getting stoned, drunk, or both, while a large group of fluffy pink dragons conspired to create plans for a new way of eating the current fanged food, yams, because after all, they may be vampiric, and the last time they had eaten a fanged food, all of the food had simple ceased to exist while moving through their intestines, bloodstream, and other stuff when the supposed producers of that food was a colossal army of flying toasters, and their toast, which the dragons had eaten after it had sprouted fangs and multiplied excessively)
Heres for orderfrance:

yamhillvalleyofthedamnedhorseshoefittersmayalllivelikepooheadsandyournoseisgoingtoplotmoo

I think my name is long enough at this point. much longer, and it would force TT to make hers longer.

anyway....

Isn't Jake wonderful?

*hugs jake, asphyxiating him*

 8 Comment From The Writer: *taps a foot impatiently* Yes, very amusing. But if you do it again, I will kill your name.

*watches Kim asphixiate Jake*

*beams* Well, that was easy!

Jul 24 2005
*pokes megan with a large stick* I said, when will there be more stories here?!

Comment From The Writer: Ummm... I'm trying! I've done nearly half of FW chapter 29, and started a new, short, very tragic story after you told me you didn't like happy endings. I don't know if that one will turn out good enough to post, but we'll see...